Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Loom Bands….What Are They Good For?

There is a problem plaguing the United States. It is a serious issue with long lasting consequences.

Yes, I’m talking about loom bands. Or to the non-parent – little, colorful rubber bands. Millions…no BILLIONS of them. Everywhere. All over the floor of the house, car, garage, front steps, and in children’s bedrooms. This band contamination knows no boundaries. Nothing seems to curb the spread. Birthday parties and holidays only aid in their proliferation. Children are the main subscriber to the loom craze, yet parental figures with the cash are the ones enabling the purchase of these evil little round pieces of rubber.

Loom bands. What ARE they good for?

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Loom bands promote creativity. Children and adults alike are able to create works of art in the form of rubber band “jewelry” to give and share among all, and I mean ALL, of their loved ones. They are NOT intended for use in human hair, Barbie or other doll hair or for closing small bags. To use bands in such a manner creates a visceral response in those under 18 akin to a nuclear explosion.

As parents everywhere lament over wearing their child’s latest “bandwork” to the elegant affair they must attend, I am looking deeper. What happens to those band bracelets and necklaces? Where are they going? The bands rarely make an appearance in formal photographs and the jewelry cases I’ve personally observed contain only trivial items such as family heirlooms over 100 years old. Please note heirlooms are not to be confused with loom band works of art.

Is there a lost island of loom work residing somewhere hidden deep in the woods?

There’s absolutely no way any parent ever throws away or “un-looms” the brilliant pieces created by their beloved child. None of these bands will every show up in a land fill. I even checked my own garbage bin and can verify not a single rubber band is inside. (That’s because I put them in the recycle bin.)

I personally believe they are seeking their mothership. The Largest Ball of Rubber Bands. It currently resides in Florida and was created by Guinness Record holder Joel Waul♦. It weights just shy of 10,000 pounds. I believe all bands seek their leader and all freed bands are migrating towards Florida.

If you are holding any loom bands hostage, utilize them. Give them a purpose.  That way they will know they ARE good for something. If not….well…set them free. Allow them to seek their mothership in Florida. Maybe the new recruits can get that big ball of rubber over 10,000 pounds.

EJ out – to clean the brushes of my vacuum which are littered with loom band pieces…..

♦Source : http://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/world-records/largest-rubber-band-ball/

3 Comments

  1. I get down on my knees and thank the dear sweet baby Jesus that my kids are too old for loom bands.

    • Send me some prayers – I hate those freaking bands….and then they work so hard on something so cute for a 9 year old to wear…I’m such a texture person I can’t stand to wear them…but I do….AAUUGGGHHHHH

  2. They kind of remind me of the loom band bracelets we had in the 90’s! They didn’t come with a loom, though… you made them by hooking them on your fingers. I think eventually I did use the bands as holders for my Barbies’ hair, and even for my own!

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