Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

My Super Power

My super power is a big deal. I am DISHWASHER LOADING WOMAN. Hear me roar at my kids to “PUT YOUR DISHES IN THE DISHWASHER!” on a daily basis – feel the pppooowwwer. I had no idea as a child that there was such a power and that I would be gifted this responsibility as such a young age. (Shut up. I’m youngish.)

For a normal human – or person under the age of 17 living in my house – the distance from the counter to the sink must be expansive. And from the sink to the dishwasher – INSURMOUNTABLE. I simply cannot fathom any other reason for the repeated leaving of dishes next to the sink. Not even in the sink where they would be hidden from the mom-eye…but on the counter. In plain view. Cluttering up my kitchen (which equates with making me crazy!).

I alone possess the amazing ability to expertly cover not only the distance from the counter to the sink but – wait for it – the counter ALL THE WAY to the dishwasher.  I know, I know. Back the truck up. It is in fact possible for dishes to make their way from the table into a dishwasher while touching the hands of only one individual. Such skill must be a gift. A blessing from the dishwasher detergent people. Truly – a miracle – only only handed out to very few. This amazing talent has been granted to my husband as well – and goes well with his super power – Supper Power (this mama doesn’t cook).

But…I have found the answer – the key to transferring this power to my children. Using 12 short words, said in a staccato speech patter, I can make magic happen. I am able to control their movements with the words leaving my mouth. If you want to borrow these words, feel free. I don’t have them trademarked or licensed….and you’re welcome to send your children to my house when you use them.

“Put your dishes into the dishwasher or go pick up dog poop!”

2 Comments

  1. Your way is so much nicer than mine.

    “Put the dishes in the dishwasher and then go scoop dog poop.”

    Just one extra word, but a world of difference… maybe next time your kids are whining about how mean you are (you haven’t mentioned, but I’ve never heard of a kid that doesn’t) you can tell them about the horrible woman you read about online 😉

  2. OMG this is the part of motherhood that drives me crazy. I’ve written about several times http://redheadranting.com/thereason/, and http://redheadranting.com/rethinking-motherhood/

    Seriously, why is it so hard? And oh, don’t forget the dishes or the science experiments, in their rooms!!!!

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