Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

My Super Power

My super power is a big deal. I am DISHWASHER LOADING WOMAN. Hear me roar at my kids to “PUT YOUR DISHES IN THE DISHWASHER!” on a daily basis – feel the pppooowwwer. I had no idea as a child that there was such a power and that I would be gifted this responsibility as such a young age. (Shut up. I’m youngish.)

For a normal human – or person under the age of 17 living in my house – the distance from the counter to the sink must be expansive. And from the sink to the dishwasher – INSURMOUNTABLE. I simply cannot fathom any other reason for the repeated leaving of dishes next to the sink. Not even in the sink where they would be hidden from the mom-eye…but on the counter. In plain view. Cluttering up my kitchen (which equates with making me crazy!).

I alone possess the amazing ability to expertly cover not only the distance from the counter to the sink but – wait for it – the counter ALL THE WAY to the dishwasher.  I know, I know. Back the truck up. It is in fact possible for dishes to make their way from the table into a dishwasher while touching the hands of only one individual. Such skill must be a gift. A blessing from the dishwasher detergent people. Truly – a miracle – only only handed out to very few. This amazing talent has been granted to my husband as well – and goes well with his super power – Supper Power (this mama doesn’t cook).

But…I have found the answer – the key to transferring this power to my children. Using 12 short words, said in a staccato speech patter, I can make magic happen. I am able to control their movements with the words leaving my mouth. If you want to borrow these words, feel free. I don’t have them trademarked or licensed….and you’re welcome to send your children to my house when you use them.

“Put your dishes into the dishwasher or go pick up dog poop!”


  1. Your way is so much nicer than mine.

    “Put the dishes in the dishwasher and then go scoop dog poop.”

    Just one extra word, but a world of difference… maybe next time your kids are whining about how mean you are (you haven’t mentioned, but I’ve never heard of a kid that doesn’t) you can tell them about the horrible woman you read about online 😉

  2. OMG this is the part of motherhood that drives me crazy. I’ve written about several times http://redheadranting.com/thereason/, and http://redheadranting.com/rethinking-motherhood/

    Seriously, why is it so hard? And oh, don’t forget the dishes or the science experiments, in their rooms!!!!

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