Let me tell you a story about two women.  More specifically about two friends who happen to be neighbors and mothers.

And a chicken coop.

But first let me set the stage and explain a few things.  MILFs. There is a group of us gals us who call our selves MILFs.  Yes, as in the movie “American Pie” MILFs.  Not that any one of us thinks of ourselves as MILFs, but in previous wine induced conversations (READ ABOUT THAT HERE!) we all shared our strong desire to obtain or maintain our MILF-worthy status.  Now not a day goes by I don’t giggle when I think of these friends. Especially since most of us are dealing with PTSD or worse.

Anyway …. I get a text from my friend.  She has a request for help with what she calls a “ridiculous” task.  I’m out and about but let her know I’ll be home to help in a few hours. I know she strongly dislikes frogs and mice so I assume it has to do with one of those two things.  Or worse case help her clean something in the garage or yard.  There was the one time there was a cute tree frog in her house.  She couldn’t enter her kitchen.  And the other time they trapped a ground squirrel in a downspout and needed someone (my son) to set it free (or kill it) and dump the body sweet thing in the acreage behind our houses.

Nope.

“”There’s a rain storm a comin’!!!’ my husband said,” she told me.  We both look up at the beautiful blue sky and see fluffy white clouds.  And then we look at each other and share that knowing MILF/friend smile.  We decide to humor the working husband and tackle the task he has set before us.  Due to rain.  That is “a comin’.”  While we watched a blue, sunny sky.

“He wants to prevent water from getting inside the chicken coop.”  We discuss house building and the element exposure that occurs during the building process. We consider rain and snow. We think about hail. We also consider these things while remembering humans live inside houses. And this is a coop. For chickens.  Chickens which will lay eggs I plan on buying and consuming.  And when they’re done laying eggs…we may have a meal or two…just sayin’.  And I’m praying my dogs, my lovely rescued dogs, remain on our side of the invisible fence and don’t have a meal or six out of the chickens yet to come.

We need to get this coop covered securely.  Okay….but it’s just a chicken coop.  But it’s not just any chicken coop.  It’s the Barbie Dream House of chicken coops.  It will have a full sized exterior door.  It has four double hung windows.  The ramp is in the works as is the collection window.  As the double hungs are the only things currently installed there are four openings we must cover.

Including the top.  There is no roof at this point.  It’s “a comin'” too.

“He said the tarp should cover it.”  We look at each other once again.  And then go in search of ladders.

She makes a call to the husband.  “Can we pound a couple of nails in to keep the tarp down.”  We live in the country and there is very little in the way of wind block.  We don’t want to do this hard work preparing for rain while getting sunburned.  In the now cloudless sky.  The wind hasn’t yet picked up and we giggle while spreading out the tarp that will save the Coop de Ville from the elements.

Nope.  No nails.  He doesn’t want to mar the appearance of the walls of the Barbie Palace of Chicken Coops.

We figure we’ll get the tarp situated and then deal with making it stay.

After starting high on ladders on the outside the Coop Egg Agency I say “Ya know, it may be easier to start in the inside and push the tarp out.” She said “I was thinking that but you were already up the ladder so I just went with it. Oh. And he wants us to put some 8 foot board up in the middle so the rain runs off.”

Again the MILF/friend (read : exasperated wife) look is shared. But being the awesome MILFS we are we … decide to add the tall board at the end.

We get the tarp over all four corners of the Chicken Taj Mahal. And quickly realize the tarp is considerably off center. Using our amazing MILF minds we fluff up one edge and allow the wind to catch and move the tarp.

Too far to the other side.

Once again we fluff the tarp as if we are making a bed for a giant who is going to live on top of the Chicken Coliseum.

We get the blue tarp from hell centered and see that it now is very straight and very evenly divided. But the openings are not. The openings are on the lower side of one wall. Where we had the tarp mis-situated the first time. Perfectly.

Do you think we can get the damn thing back where we wrongly had it the first time? After four tries we call it good enough.

Now. To get the tarp to stay put in the gale force winds ever present. Without pounding a single hole into the Eiffel Coop.

DUCT TAPE.

“It’s the cure all for life!” I tell my friend. “We can wrap up the 8th Wonder of the Coop like a Christmas package and duct tape the crap out of it!!”

And we did. We taped the shit out of that tarp. We first tried taping it to the Empire State Coop. The tape of all tapes wouldn’t stick. Woe was running amuck in the almost coop. Then we decided to utilize our awesome MILF brains and tape the tarp….to the tarp.

We get one side down. Then remember the board. Luckily my friend is a peanut of a thing and she pops inside and props the board up.  “Get out before it falls and hits you in the head!  You’ll be a permanent park of the Coop Everest!”

We did it. We covered the top. We finagle the door cut out into the door hole.  My friend hopped down and we did the happy dance of all chicken happy dances.  We celebrated our hard work and rejoiced in the ridiculousness of how happy we felt!  I mean really….we put a tarp on top of a rectangle.  All by our big girl selves.

After the dancing shenanigans were complete, we step back and observe our glorious work. Set in a sunny sky.  With not a cloud in sight.

Many laughs will be had when the silkies are puttering about their Coop de Triumph.

I will always love my MILF friends.

And I want some free eggs.

I must give credit where credit is due it did rain. Build and hop on the Arc kind of rain. Her husband was right. Just two days ahead of the rain. He can see the future. He is building the coop and they will come. And I want me some eggs.

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