Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Tag: children (page 1 of 14)

When You’re Not ‘That’ Mom

When you’re not ‘that’ mom. The thoughtful, caring, happy-go-lucky, laid back mom. I’m not that mom. I’m the – I expect more, expect you to expect more, do your chores, suck it up and figure it out mom.  I don’t love sitting and chatting constantly but I do love hearing what you have to say. However if you start whining with zero intent of finding a solution – – this mama ain’t got time for that.

Often I observe other moms super excited to be at every single practice, every school event, every playdate. Even planning events or activities for said play dates on a  regular basis. I am not that mom. I’m too blunt. I enjoy my children’s activities but have a hard time hiding when I’m done – over it – or annoyed. I feel that by being authentic, I’m showing my children that it’s okay to be human. Demonstrating that that while I’m in love with being their mom, at times my brain is seeking something other than what we’re doing at the moment.

Even shopping. God. I HATE to shop. Recently I took one of my girls bra and underwear shopping. Most moms would bond over this. We did the first time – I think. I know she wanted to  – and I tried but —- but —- PICK A COLOR ALREADY. I don’t want to spend 45 minutes in a store stinking of perfume while you decide between blush and baby blue. Because child – that bra will be under a shirt and if anyone can see any part of the baby blue or pink, you’re not wearing the shirt properly….or out of my house!

I get jealous of moms that take/get such immense joy from each and EVERY LITTLE FREAKING thing their children do. I exist. I get through. I survive. I endure.

I don’t always enjoy.

However I do find pleasure in a lot of things. Seeing my children succeed, smile, laugh, and yell with glee. These things make my heart SING.

But honestly, there are times I cannot take sitting through one more..practice…concert…play…whatever.

I wonder – what am I missing? What am I missing out on by not being ‘that’ mom? I worry I’m lacking something – that my children will grown up wishing they’d had someone else as their mama. Am I enough as I am?

Then I remember. I’m the best me I can be. I’m working on being the most I can be. I’m the mom I am and I love my kids deeply and with an unwavering intensity. I love them in my authentic way.

 

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Lunchtime Woes

Can you believe the audacity of my kid? He asked for something different for lunch. Something other than the sandwich, apple, carrots, crunch something or the other, and yogurt I’ve lovingly packed for 11 years straight?

It’s only been 11 years. I mean come on! He’s a sophomore and thinks he wants something else now? Are you freaking kidding me?

I figure he’s gone to school roughly 180 days a year for the past 11 years. That comes to 1980 instances of sandwiches made of two pieces of bread, deli meat, mayo, cheese, lettuce and sometimes pickles. Never mind that during football season he gets four sandwiches a day – one he eats for “breakfast” between classes, two for lunch, and one for before practice. That means he’s had at least 3060 sandwiches. Surely the minimum before complaint is closer to 10,000.

Let’s talk apples. He eats at a minimum one apple a day. I’m going to round this up to 2500 apples. He doesn’t care to pack bananas – too messy. He doesn’t like oranges – even if I peel them ahead of time. Pineapple is great except it makes my face tingly so we don’t have it around much anymore. Grapes – they just don’t do it for him. So an apple a day it is.

Baby carrots. Or normal carrots, peeled and cut up. I prefer the normal ones but after going through more than 5lbs of carrots a week for years I’ve given into laziness and a need for non-orange hands. Baby carrots are a staple in this house. He eats more carrots than any one person should! When he was a baby he was actually a bit orange for a while – think Pinkalicious – but Orangeahue. I’d gather he’s consumed at least 800 pounds of carrots since kindergarten.

Yogurt. I deserve the gold medal of variety in this category. The kid likes green yogurt – key lime to be precise. He also likes yellow yogurt – lemon – NOT banana. (Okay, okay…this was true from the ages of 2 through 6. But to be fair, those two flavors are still his favorite.) There’s the tube yogurts, the Greek yogurts, the whipped variety, and even kinds with fruit on the bottom. This kid has had so much variety of yogurt in his diet I can’t believe he’s asking for more!

Crunchy stuff. This is a labor of love. I don’t like chips. I don’t care for pretzels. Now…if we’re talking kale chips – I’m the one fruit loop out there who truly enjoys kale chips! But not him. He thinks they’re gross. If Dr. Evil does the shopping there’s some sort of something crunchy in lunch. Cheese crackers, fish crackers, chips  – something. So again – VARIETY IS BEING PROVIDED!

Why does he think he should have something other than his standard lunch? Doesn’t he know I’ve been trained to pack this? After this many years I don’t know that I am capable of providing a different lunch for him!! His sisters will take left over pizza, noodles or soup in a thermos, or home made lunchable type deals. He has always refused those options.

So guess what buddy? Until you get up early enough to make your own “different” lunch – you’re stuck with my standard lunch box. I mean really…who gets sick of sandwiches after only 3000+ of them? (And I’m fairly certain we alone are supporting at least one apple and carrot producer with our current consumption. I wouldn’t want to put anyone out of a job.)

 

Dear Child. Please Aim.

Dear Child.

You are precious to me. I love you with all of my heart. With that in mind I need to share something with you. This is important information you will utilize for your entire life. It may make or break your friendships, relationships, and possibly affect your future as an employable adult.

I’m going to share one of my secret with you. I don’t share this secret with many. Or any if I’m honest. But the time has come for you to be included in my “Circle of Trust.”

Pay close attention to what I’m about to tell you. This information has been closely guarded for decades.

Steps to Keep Your Toilet Clean

1. Gentleman of all ages please take the time to lift both the seat and the lid. Your aim isn’t as precise as you perceive. If you fail to adhere to this step there will be urine droplets on the seat where the next person, potentially you, will be forced to sit.

Ladies of all ages please be make sure the seat is down and the lid open. You would think this is common sense however I’ve found the opposite to be true in individuals easily distracted, those in dire need of a toilet, and those under the age of six.

2. Pee into the toilet bowl. Not on it. Not near it. Not on the floor next to it and sure as hell not on the wall nearby. This step is imperative. While you occupy space in my house it is critical to life.

3. When you fail to meet the requirements of Step 2 you MUST COMPLETE STEP 3. Failure to do so will result in consequences of epic proportions. Please read this step in its entirely and follow the directions exactly. Use a wipe, spray and paper towel, a soapy wash cloth or other appropriate item to clean up the “miss” and the area around the “miss.” When complete dispose of the used cloth in the wash or garage as appropriate. Repeat. When complete with the repeat, wash your hands with soap and water. Dry your hands on a clean towel. Hang that clean towel on the hook. Throwing the towel on the floor will only lead to additional laundry being generated as the towel will surely be in range of the next “miss.”

If you adhere to these three easy steps your life will be limitless. The sky’s the limit. You’ll find the gold at the end of the rainbow. And it won’t be dried pee at the end of the day.

Love,

Mom

#NaBloPoMo

#peeinthetoilet

#pleaseaim

Sobbing Showers….

This morning SEFS (Second Eldest Female Spawn – age 9) had a massive meltdown.

Let me back up and set the scene. Monday night was ball. For all the girls. We didn’t get home and get them to bed until 9:30. (Keep in mind I’m Evil and they go to bed by 8pm at the latest most nights). Due to the late hour we skipped showers and told the Littles they could deal with washing up in the morning. They had a hard time settling. Finally around 9:45 they were quiet.

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This morning dawned early for Eldest Female Spawn as she and Eldest leave for the bus at 6:37. The Littles were still asleep. Then it was 7:10 am. SEFS got up and got dressed immediately. She is very task focused and sometimes hyper focuses when overwhelmed. Littlest was down eating in the kitchen and SEFS came stomping in, wrapped in a blanket with weird glow in the dark eyes. I welcomed her to the day and gently reminded her to shower soon.

And that, my friends, is where things went south. South Pole south.

She stomped off, threw herself dramatically on the stairs and started bawling. Deep, gut wrenching sobs.

Over a freaking shower.

Have I mentioned I don’t have a lot of patience or tolerance for behavior I deem inappropriate? No? Well I don’t.

I told her she had 2 minutes to pull herself together and get up to shower before the kids I babysit arrived. She dramatically made her way up to take a bath – most likely at this point simply because I told her to take a shower. (I figured that is what she would do ….hahahahaha – reverse psychology. What a victory….I outwitted 9 year old.)

She sobbed the entire time. But not really. It was this weird sob / hysterical laugh combination that had me watching her to see if her head would spin or if she would start spewing frogs or levitating. It was the laugh of horror movies and I wish I’d captured it on video.

This overtired kid pulled her shit together and got ready for school. She rocked her day. While I hate that her day had such a rocky start, I’m proud of her for conquering herself and getting on with a good day.

Proof a good – albeit strange – cry can help you get through. I know a few adults who could learn from her.

But I want to be there to witness the head spinning, frog spewing levitation that takes place!

EJ out – to order up some business cards!  If you order a book from me I’ll sign it and send you one of these snazzy cards I’m working on!  PM and we’ll get it set up!

Bumping Up and Down In My Little Red Wagon

When I was small I had a little red wagon. I loved that wagon. I rode and pulled my dolls miles in that little red wagon. That wagon was a source of fun and frolic. It took me more than around the block. With that wagon I had adventures to space and deep into the sea. I would load up my stuffed bear, whatever doll I picked to play with that day, some snacks and a thermos of water and I would begin the trek to the middle of the back yard….about 150 feet.

My mom has kept things she knows one day we will hold as precious. My wagon arrived a while back and my children have enjoyed it for more than 10 years. The wagon’s sides had become rickety. The brackets unhinged. Yet still I loved the wagon as though it was shiny and perfect. One day jumping in and out of the wagon brought it to pieces. Literal pieces.

I cried. Over a wagon. I wept because my wagon was in pieces. It provided trips through my imagination, hauled my treasures, carried Eldest on some of his first walks as a toddler.

Dr. Evil has been on a cleaning mission and I’m all in favor of removing clutter. I finally gave in a said, “Fine, burn it in the burn pile with the rest of the junk in the garage.” My heart was sad but I decided I needed to get over myself. It was simply a wagon after all and it had lived a good life.

I was gone all day yesterday. I got home and walked in. Dr. Evil and Littlest excitedly said, “Did you see it?!”

They did this. They may have had fun and thought it a sweet gesture.

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They have no idea how much it means to me. They put my wagon back together, painted it, and Littlest even took special care with white paint and traced the little letters out with her sweet hands.

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My wagon gets a new start. It may only hold up another summer or two but today it carried a blanket for a picnic, rocks to be painted, and shoes for dancing. Across a yard….onto a new adventure.

EJ out – to end my day full of gratitude.

What childhood memories live on for you? I”d love to hear!!! Leave me a comment! I’ll respond

Green Green Green

Today’s post is a writing challenge. This is how it works: participating bloggers picked 4 – 6 words or short phrases for someone else to craft into a post. All words must be used at least once and all the posts will be unique as each writer has received their own set of words. That’s the challenge, here’s a fun twist; no one who’s participating knows who got their words and in what direction the writer will take them. Until now.

At the end of this post you’ll find links to the other blogs featuring this challenge. Check them all out, see what words they got and how they used them.

I’m using: green ~ Irish ~ beer ~ sappy ~ juke box ~ closed the bar

They were submitted by:   Spatulas on Parade

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Well it’s that time of year again.  The time when even those with a little Irish in our heritage let our Green show to the world.  My father insists our Irish left us via diapers as babies and only our German heritage remains.  I beg to differ.

My Littlest had to dress as a green crayon for her most recent school concert.  (They have been doing more a show/theme than simply a concert – it’s actually pretty cool.)  I happily spent $10 buying her a little green skirt knowing full well she could utilize it on St. Patrick’s Day.  And if you know me at all buying something full price is NOT something I do lightly.  I know it’s a little sappy but she’s still little enough she’ll let me pick out her clothing for the day and I grab onto those moments when I possible.

Every year for the past four or five years I’ve run a race the weekend before (or of if it falls on) St. Patrick’s Day.  It’s called “Get Lucky” and it’s the largest 7K race around.  There’s also a 21K but with snowboarding I’m not trained up for that distance this early in the season.  It’s at 9am.  It’s insane.  There are serious runners.  There are serious runners like me that are turtles.  There are walkers.  There are people carrying beer as they run.  It’s huge…like 13,000 people huge so you get a little bit of everything!  There are a number of Irish bars along the route and particularly at the end.  And there’s this one that always has the door open and blares music out its old juke box to encourage us to run on…on to the end…on to the bar….where many will stay until they close the bar.

Personally I’ve never closed a bar.  I’ve stayed late at friends’ houses enjoying a beverage or several but never at a bar.  I wonder if it’s because I’m frugal…or more comfortable in a smaller group?  Or just never really had the opportunity?  Huh….

Actually the first time I ever had a beer after a race with my awesome blogging bestie Snarkfest when we ran the Marine Corp Half Marathon nearly two years ago.  I haven’t had a beer after a race since…I think I’m saving it for the special occasions I get to run with her…so NEXT MAY!?!?!?

Anyway – hope you have a spectacular weekend.  The weather is crazy weird here in western Wisconsin and we had a near record high yesterday…and that means nearly 70.  In March.  Our typical snowiest month.  I’ll take it.  (I’d rather be snowboarding – but at least this way when I run I won’t fall into any snow and ice covered ditches!)

AND!!!!  I am honor to be included in a soon to be released Anthology.  “Surviving Mental Illness Through Humor” or “SMITH.”  Check my Facebook page for release info : www.facebook.com/eviljoyspeaks.

Now…Go read some more awesomeness…..

EJ out – to get my roots to match the rest of my not gray hairs.

Links to the other “Use Your Words” posts:

http://www.BakingInATornado.com                                 Baking In A Tornado

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                          Spatulas on Parade

http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/                        Stacy Sews and Schools

http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com                      The Bergham’s Life Chronicles

http://batteredhope.blogspot.com                                   Battered Hope

http://eileensperpetuallybusy.blogspot.com/                    Eileen’s Perpetually Busy

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com                             Someone Else’s Genius

http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch                    Confessions of a part-time working mom

http://www.southernbellecharm.com                            Southern Belle Charm

http://singlemumplusone.blogspot.com                        Searching for Sanity

http://sparklyjenn.blogspot.com                                  Sparkly Poetic Weirdo

http://climaxedtheblog.blogspot.com                             Climaxed

Insanity

This morning was insane.  Or rather this morning caused me to question my sanity.

I lost two of my children.  Lost them.  As in couldn’t find them.  At all.  Anywhere.

I was terrified.

As it happens there was a miscommunication and they were in fact exactly where they were suppose to be.  On the bus.  Safe.  Warm.  Happy.  Playing on the bus with friends while riding to school.

For 24 minutes I had no idea if they were in fact on the bus, if they’d been abducted, had fallen in a ditch, or somehow ended up somewhere they didn’t belong.

I was driving to work.  It had already been a cluster of a morning.  Dr. Evil thought he left his keys in my vehicle.  I returned home to figure out his keys were not in my vehicle.  Now I was late.  I HATE being late.  HATE IT.  So I was little grumpy.  And not very nice if I’m honest.  I got back in the car.  Then I got a call.  From a friend who also had someone getting on the bus at our stop.  She was wondering if her child had missed the bus.  Because she didn’t see anyone at the stop.  Where my children should have been.  I grumpily called Dr. Evil and chewed him out for not having the girls at the bus stop and said now he was going to be late because he’d have to take them to school.  He got very confused and told me the girls had left for the stop at the appropriate time and should be waiting for the bus.  I got scared.  Quickly.

I called the school to get the number to the bus company.  The secretary at the school knew I was driving.  I was trying to find a place to pull off.  She decided she would call the bus company and call me back.  She could hear the terror and tears in my voice.  I clutched my phone until I got to work.

Logically I knew they were fine.  We live in a “it takes a village” community.  We all look out for each other and do what we can to help.  We live in a safe area.  We live in an amazing area.

Emotionally I was a wreck.  A total wreck.

I got down the road to work.  Still clutching my phone.  I walked in  I was crying.  I finally decided I had to call the school again because I hadn’t heard anything.

They were safe.

The secretary had called.  She left me a message.  I was in a dead zone apparently and never got the message.  Until three hours later.

It took my dear friend G ten minutes to talk me off the ledged.  I was so panicked.  Yet I drove to work?  Why didn’t I turn the truck around and drive to school?

I think my brain took over and said, “You know they are safe, it’s a miscommunication.”  Even though my heart wasn’t listening to my brain.  All day I beat myself up.  What if I had driven to work and they were missing?  What kind of mother does that make me?  I finally stopped beating myself up.  I decided all was well in the world and it was time to move on.  All of the moms at work today completely understood.  They were amazing.  (I’m sure the dads would have been too – it was just all moms today.)

We shared stories about not being able to find our children.  I clearly remember the first time I lost Eldest.  It was at Macy’s downtown in Minneapolis.  He was three.  He got on a crowded elevator when he ran ahead.  The doors closed.  I had never been so frightened. Of course another mom grabbed him and held him at the door until we got to the floor of Christmas display.  He has never again boarded an elevator without making sure we are all together.  We lost Eldest Female Spawn in Disney World our very first day.  That was terrifying.  She was so little and Disney is so big.  A very sweet family saw her wondering about and took her to the Lost Child area.  They have an entire Lost Child area…nuff said about that.   This summer we inadvertently left Littlest at a ball park.  I though Dr. Evil had her, he thought I had her and we both left.  Opps.  Thank God for awesome coaches.  Coach called us and we both flew back to the field.

Their future will be therapists can thank us for the therapy they will require.  We’ll be keeping the next generation of mental health workers gainfully employed.

I know it sounds corny but every time I send a child off a little piece of my heart goes with them.

And tonight I’m holding those little pieces and we are going to have a family movie night.  Together. In one room.  We are going to rock out to the Muppets Movie and just be. Together.  Not lost.  Not not lost.  Just together.

Here’s to a wonderful weekend and to all being accounted for.

EJ out – to cuddle some pretty cool spawn.

Mom, Can I Wear Makeup?

It’s Homecoming here in Raider Land.  Eldest Female Spawn (11, ALMOST 12!) asks, ” Mom, can I wear makeup to the game tonight?”

Ummm…no.  My first reason….your grammar.

Yes, I am a grammar freak.  Had you said, “Mom, may I wear makeup tonight?” I would have said……”Ummm NO.”

You’re in sixth grade my baby doll.  You’re not old enough.  I know you want to grow up, become more mature and more like the high school girls.

No.  Stop it.  I can’t take my baby doll growing into a young woman.  A pretty cool cat too.  You’re rocking the new glasses.  You’re nailing the grades.  Softball is going well.  You’re running on your own after school every day.

You. Are. Growing. Up.

i’m. not. ready.

It seems like last week when you couldn’t quit brush your own hair.  We would fight and then go get your hair cut off short to a cute pixie style.  Wasn’t it just yesterday when we went to Target and you shared popcorn with your bestie K while her mom and I shopped?  Didn’t you just learn to tie your shoes?  Didn’t we just take you to the first day of kindergarten?

Fast forward a few months.  Now you’re 12.  You have a phone.  You politely and respectfully present your case for being allowed to wear makeup.  Still, I resist.

But now you’ve grown and matured more and more.  Your only request for Christmas was makeup.

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I decided I had to let you grow up a little.  I want to be there to support you as you grow up, participate and enjoy your experiences, not prevent or dread them.

So we did it, you and I together.  We went to the Mall of America.  We had some one on one time.  You got your make up and lesson from a very talented makeup artist.  She taught you the beauty you possess is you…not the makeup you wear.  I could (and have told) tell you that until I was blue in the face.  But hearing it from another woman, one who deals with makeup and faces every day, it finally sunk in.  You.  Are.  Beautiful.

You.

Not the makeup on your face.

You.

I’m so proud of the young woman you’re becoming.

I love you.

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Working the Weekend….

The Black Keys.

Sushi.

A Half Marathon.

Yup.  That’s how we roll here in the lair.

Friday night Dr. Evil and I took Eldest to see The Black Keys live in concert.  It.Was. AWESOME.  We had stellar seats and the music was beyond words.  The opening act Jake Bugg rocked as well.  Now we have someone new to find on Spotify!  A while back I took Eldest Female Spawn to see Demi Lovato.   It was there I learned that when taking a child to a concert, a large part of the concert as a parent…is watching your kid rock out.

This was no different.  Other than his rocking out was considerably more understated than her jumping up and down.

Watching him love music moves me.  Like I didn’t know it would.

 

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He’s growing up so fast.  He’s already more than 4 inches taller than me and now I know when we wrestle if I win – it’s because he’s let me.  Eldest is a good kid.  He has a good heart and I hope – I HOPE – and pray that he stays his path.  I really enjoy hanging out with him and I know we’re not going to be friends until he’s in his 30’s because I’m his mom but I hope we can keep the relationship we have for a long time to come.

Before the concert we took Eldest to try sushi in Minneapolis.  He tried everything we put in front of him and even liked most of it.  And we went ‘real’ sushi on him – raw and everything.  Which made me nervous because….I was running a half marathon the next morning and one of my mantras is “nothing new the day before.”   Oh well.  It was amazingly good and I didn’t care.

The Half Marathon.  The Monster Dash.  Well…I finished.  In my second worst time ever for a half but I finished it.  The first 10 miles rocked.  I really loved the first 8 miles.  The next two were okay.  I was on pace for a PR.  Then mile 10 hit and you watch most everyone cross into the 10 mile finish lane except us crazy people who decided, “Well, I may as well sign up for the half – I mean it’s only a 5k further run than the 10 mile, right?”  It’s a great concept when signing up.  It’s a long 3 miles when you’re running it while watching others be done.  My half completely self destructed at mile 11 and I must have slowed down tremendously and I know I walked up most of the hills at the end.  And I walked on some of the flats.  I even walked a bit of the downhill I think.  I was just done.

I did entertain myself watching people…and…as always…talking to people.  I met this awesome lady at mile 3.5 from a near by town.  So crazy!!!  Running in St. Paul and there’s 18000 people and I meet someone from New Richmond.  And before the race even started I ran into someone I know from here!!!  How crazy is that.  At mile 8 I ran with another gal who was super friendly and chatty.  I learned more about her in a mile than I would have any other time.  At mile 11 I tried to chat with a gal but my brain was fried and I think I may have scared her a little.  I was trying to encourage her to keep going as she was running her first half and her feet were hurting.  I finally figured out she was waiting for me to get away from her!  Ooops.  Oh well.

I finished.  And then…you can’t make this shit up.

My phone died at mile 11.  No more music.  That’s okay.  The route was along the river and with the fall colors it was gorgeous. But…I took a picture of where I parked.  I paid attention too.  But the morning was screwy with some last minute changes and I came into downtown from Minneapolis and found parking.  I always come in from the East – except for that morning….so to ensure I didn’t lose my car I took a picture of the area and the signs.

When I finished the race I realized my phone was dead.  I remembered seeing the Xcel center across the street from where I parked so I started walking around the huge convention center.  I was laughing.  Then almost crying.  Then shaking mad.  I finally walked up to a lady who I could tell had run and asked, “May I please call my husband?  I can’t find my car and I’m hoping my pictures when to photostream and he can tell me it is!!!”  She graciously let me use her phone.  Dr. Evil didn’t recognize the number SO HE DIDN’T ANSWER.

Her ride picked her up and they EVEN OFFERED TO DRIVE ME AROUND!!!  That’s why I love the midwest.  I didn’t get in because honestly, I smelled terribly and didn’t want to waste their time.  I figured I’d find it eventually.

2 miles later – AFTER RUNNING A 13.1 MILES – I found the car.  I know it was probably good to walk a bit after running before driving home 45 minutes…but TWO FREAKING MILES?!?!?!?!?  And it was about a mile to the start of the race from where I parked so I would say I got my miles in for the day.

I got home and crashed for a bit and then enjoyed my family.

The moral of the weekend?

ENJOY IT!  LOVE IT!  EMBRACE IT!

What did you do this weekend?  Are you looking forward to Halloween?  Love to hear from you all!!!!!

Fartapocalypse

I have a thing.  This thing is important to me.  And apparently, only me.

Do. Not. Fart. Around. Me.

And more importantly…

Do. Not. Fart. At. The. Dinner. Table.

I’d prefer you didn’t belch, burp, toot, or shart there either.  Particularly the last one.

I was raised that farting, well, tooting, is done while you are sitting on the toilet.  Not while walking around.  Not on purpose.  Not in the presence of another person unless you completely can’t help it (and then you move quickly and look disapprovingly towards the person nearest the smell you created).

One does not fart on purpose at the table.  Any table.  One does not fart while sitting on a couch, chair, or in the car.  And if one, say an Evil Joy, has gut issues, you just don’t …. because a fart…could be so much more than just a fart.  So no.  Just no.

After a wonderful day free of farting and full of cooking by Dr. Evil and Eldest Female Spawn we gathered around the dinner table.

Home made pizza and then…the pièce de résistance…..homemade lemon sherbet and lemon blueberry cake with a cream frosting.  (I married smart people…..a man who loves to cook…AND…is good at it.)

Dinner was over and we were sitting around the table.  Finally, an evening at home together.  No one needed to be rushed to a meeting, practice, game, tournament, or lesson.  Just quiet…..and then…..

“BERLT!”  A sound emitted from Eldest’s bum.

I said, “Really???  We almost made it through dinner without anyone farting!  And you?  You never fart at the table.”

Followed by .. “BBEERRRLT!”

“Seriously Dr. Evil….”

and “BerrLT!” from Eldest Female Spawn.

“When you all shite your pants, I’m not washing them!”  Eldest quips in, “I do my own laundry anyways Mom!”

I stood up and said, “I’m done with you people.” And walked away.

And went to bed.

Today I did laundry.  I didn’t look too closely at anything.

Screen Shot 2014-09-29 at 8.40.13 PM

And I have no idea why I decided to represent a fart noise with “Berlt.”  But it worked.  You got the point right?

EJ out – to do yet another load of laundry.

Do me a solid and non-stinky – would you click on the juggling lady up there on the right to cast a vote for me at Top Mommy Blogs?  One click is all it takes.  If you’re on a mobile device, simply scroll down aways and you’ll see that same juggling lady.  Thanks!!!!!

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