Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Tag: health (page 1 of 4)

Elevate The Season with Bulletproof Coffee

Winter is upon us here in the midwest. Snow is coming and the colder temperatures along with it. While many dread winter, I love winter above all other seasons. For me winter means layering up in snuggly clothing, warming my feet and hands by the fireplace, seeing holiday lights twinkling through the snowfall….and of course, snowboarding.

My family plays together in the winter in ways we don’t the rest of the year. We ride in the snow and bond over tough mogul passes, laugh with each other during epic wipeouts, and help one another through difficult passes in the trees.

As ‘snowboard season,’ as we call it, approaches, it’s easy to forget about self care. I pick up an extra job, continue to work hard, and play harder than I do any other time of the year. This year I’m making a point of meeting my needs. I’m going to take time to ride and work on skills I want to work on…not just the ones I need to work on. I will rest when I need to, remembering to feed not only mind and soul, but also my body.  I’m going to #ElevateTheSeason.

I snowboard to fuel my soul. I drink coffee to fuel my body. Until three years ago, I didn’t really understand or ‘get’ the love of coffee. I started out by drinking ‘foo-foo’ coffee as my friends called it – drinks loaded with sugar and flavorings. I essentially had a small bit of coffee product with my creamer and additives. As the years have passed, my tastebuds have grown up.

As a type ll diabetic, I’ve made a commitment to being healthier. For me that means paying attention to what I eat and where the food I choose comes from, including the coffee I drink. I learned about adding butter and other things I wouldn’t normally add to coffee from a neighbor and had to seek more information. To be honest, I wasn’t sure I’d even like it. The thought of butter in my coffee seemed….wrong. But I tried it. I brewed whatever coffee I had in my cabinet, took a dollop of random, grocery store stick butter and a scoop of coconut oil and threw it in my blender.  It was okay. I ended up adding honey. It couldn’t be what I’d be hearing about. I decided I needed to know more.

Taking that need to know more, I started educating myself. I quickly determined “Bulletproof Coffee” was the thing I needed to understand. To begin my research, I looked up ‘ghee.’ I had no idea what it was although I’d seen it in stores and in the homes of multiple friends. It’s clarified butter and Bulletproof Ghee is this amazing, grass-fed, unsalted butter. Then I educated myself on Brain Octane Oil. What is this stuff? By definition Brain Octane Oil is a a purified form of medium-chain triglyceride (MCT) oil. There are these things called carbon tails on MCTs. Brain Octane Oil is a pure C-8 MCT. This means it is nearly odorless and tasteless, it can be quickly be converted to energy giving you a boost, and it helps burn fat. It’s one of the main ingredients to the perfect Bulletproof Coffee.

Next up, coffee beans. I didn’t know anything about how high quality beans different from lower quality beans. Low toxin, high performance coffee beans are key to healthy coffee.  Bulletproof Upgraded Coffee Beans are carefully grown, harvested, processed, and roasted to ensure the best possible quality. Lesser quality coffees may contain mycotoxins – damaging compounds created by molds which grow on coffee beans (and other things as well). I searched mycotoxins (you should too!) and now that I’m aware of the difference in coffee beans, I’ll be paying attention! Anxiously, I started checking the mail for my shipment of coffee.

My Bulletproof Coffee arrived. And grass-fed ghee (aka the clarified butter I mentioned above). And Brain Octane Oil. I made the coffee per the directions, added the appropriate amounts of Bulletproof Ghee and Brain Octane Oil and put it in my blender. No sugar, honey, or cream. Just those three ingredients. It frothed up and was gorgeous looking – all creamy and latte like.

img_6418

It tasted amazing. My husband wanted to try it. He took a drink and walked away with my coffee! I had to make more …. for each of us. I’ve taken to waking up each morning thinking about my coffee. Today I added a high quality cinnamon and it was just lovely. I faced a somewhat dark, gloomy morning with a smile on my face and happiness in my heart. The snow hasn’t arrived just yet, but it will come. This morning I was able to see the beauty in the clouds and rain, relax and simply enjoy my coffee while my family started their day.

I’m looking forward to taking my Bulletproof Coffee, ghee, and Brain Octane Oil with me to the mountains next month. I can’t wait to wake up, see the amazing sunrise, and sip my coffee while preparing to snowboard in an breath-taking place. I will do my utmost to Elevate My Season and Bulletproof Coffee will help me along the way.

img_6436

Below are links for you to use. Check them out. Read more about Bulletproof Coffee. Educate yourself and jump in. There’s a starter pack that is a great way to try it all out. It would make a great gift for someone special in your life! Or #elevatetheseason and buy it for yourself!

 

Find Bulletproof Coffee on the web, Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter!

#elevatetheseason

#bulletproof

#bulletproofcoffee

 

 

This is a sponsored post. I received Bulletproof Coffee, Ghee, and Brain Octane at no cost.

 

TToT!!!!

It’s time. Time for #TToT. Aka Ten Things of Thankful by the awesome Lizzie!!!

So here goes!!!

1. Thankful for Lizzie. ‘Nuf said.

2. Super happy I got to go see my grandma. She’s 94 and amazing.

20131201-181200.jpg

3. Very thankful she understood she’ll be staying with my aunt and uncle from now on.

4. Thankful I can be grumpy with Dr. Evil about going on travel.

5. I’m extra thankful for the time spent with my mom and dad this weekend!

6. And this little guy!

20131201-175914.jpg

7. Thankful for safe travels to and from Iowa!

8. And for Dr. Evil’s willing participation in such silliness as….

20131201-180147.jpg

9. For tree trimming and farting Santas.

20131201-180342.jpg

20131201-180445.jpg

 

 

 

 

10. Thankful I can write this….

Let me tell you a tale. Once upon a time there was a young woman named Evil Joy. She stood by her Dr. Evil day and night for 10 long days while he fought against a staph infection. One that caused him to experience kidney, liver, and heart failure. Staph pneumonia. Rhabdomyolysis. And because of all of that he was placed in a coma to let his body heal. That meant a ventilator. Continuous dialysis. Tubes and IV. Everywhere.

Until 2 years ago today. Two years ago today he woke up. This is where the story gets good.

You see, Dr. Evil is an engineer. A techno gadget geek. MY techno gadget geek. A very bright individual. So smart it’s actually a little scary and/or intimidating even after 20+ years together.

Now when one has been in a coma for 10 days one’s muscles forget how to work. Legs and arms don’t move as they should.

This didn’t stop Dr. Evil from seeing the info board from his hospital bed. From seeing the date. 01 December 2011.

The day he qualified for a new phone.

THE new 4S iPhone from Apple.

“Give me the iPad!” he exclaims.

“What do you need?!?” I questioned back alarmed. “Your arms are not .. ummm. Not working quite right yet.”

“Just give it to me!”

“Tell me what you want and I’ll take care of it!” I said getting annoyed and then feeling guilt as he’s been awake for about 2 seconds.

“I qualify for my new phone. I want to order it now!”

Oh!!! I can deal with that!!! And here we were worried about his brain.

It’s all good. My techno gadget geek is as geeky as ever!

Can you believe Apple didn’t pick this up for a commercial?!?!? In a coma one minute. Demanding to order newest Apple product the next?!?!?

Their loss man. Their loss.

But I’m open to selling it now…..hint hint #apple #iphone #storyforsale

EJ out – waiting to hear from Apple. Shameless pleading is awesome right?!?

New Form of Self Torture

Alright.  I’m just going to lay it on the line.

I’m hairy.

Yes, you read that right.  I have the male equivalent  of the 5 o’clock shade by 10 am on my legs and underarms.  And yeah…I have super dark hair.  Evidently the grays don’t start invading the areas of your body (other than your head) until later.

So…while out visiting a friend, I learned about Nads.  And how Nads actually rips hair from the its follicle and makes me ‘shout’ obscenities under my breath.

IMG_5899

Excitedly, I opened the package.  I looked in awe at the few supplies that were going to Change.My.Life.

I would no longer fear panty hose ripping.  (Well…like I ever did that before……)

I would no longer hide my face in shame at the park when Littlest said, “Mama – your legs are super prickly today.  Way worse than yesterday!”

I would embrace my man sized calves.  I would flaunt my smooth legs.  I would show off my tattoo of gibberish.

 

And…….

 

I tried it on my Second Eldest Spawn first.   On vacation.  Away from home.  (And from her brother who would have teased her without mercy.)

 

Yup.  I did that.  I’m not a coward.  She wanted to shave.  And I think she’s too young.  But she’s on a ball team with girls two years older than she and they all shave.

So she willing sat on a bathroom counter.  I put the warm goo on her legs.  Rubbed the strip on.

And ripped that shit off.

She did it.  She survived.  She didn’t cry.  She said, “By the time I’m 18, my hair should pretty much have gotten the idea to NOT EVER come back!”

We got home from vacay.  I decided it was time.  It was time and if I did that to my kid…..I could do it myself.  I mean, how bad could it really hurt?

IMG_5906

 

It could hurt like a fire filled hole of steaming lava coming up and eating your skin, laughing at you the whole time saying, “SUCKER!!!”.  How the HELL did Eldest Female Spawn not cry?!  Man…I had tears in my eyes.  They didn’t fall.  I held strong.  I remained stoic on the outside since Eldest Female Spawn was watching Scooby Doo and waiting to see what my reaction was.

Then….. after the 87th strip of hair I ripped off my man sized calves…it really didn’t hurt that much.  Or I was so numb to the pain that I was slap happy.  Not sure which, but I didn’t care because it didn’t hurt like the sting of fire ants on your bare feet but alllll over your legs.

And just think….people do this to other areas of their bodies.  Ummmm.   Not today sista.  It hurt my legs that much and my legs are exposed to the elements  – there’s no way I’m waxing parts that don’t see the light of day.  No way in bejebbers.

But…I didn’t have to shave much for 3 weeks.  (only those random areas I realized I missed…you know – the 1/8th inch strip up the inside of your knee…yeah…that part.)

And…it’s almost time.  To once again.  Willingly.

Rip. My. Hair. Out. Of. My. Skin.

 

EJ out – to put on pants to hid my 10am leg hair shadow.

 

So…I’m auditioning for Blogger Idol.  Please tell them you think I should be in the top 12.  Click here and just leave a comment saying you think I’m awesome like a rock star.

And…..Help a hairy girl out and vote for me at Top Mommy Blogs.  All you have to do is click on that juggling lady.

Catch For A Cure 2013

Awesome Amy never ceases to amaze me with her awesomeness.

Three years ago, she invited me to play in the Catch for a Cure slow pitch softball tournament in Baraboo, Wisconsin.  It’s a fundraiser for the support of breast cancer patients and survivors.  And awareness-raiser for everyone else.  And everyone else that isn’t included in the previous sentence.

So three years ago I sucked.  I’m not being self deprecating……I really sort of suck at ball.  I can throw a little, but that’s about it.

Two years ago I sucked slightly less, but not much.

This year – the 10th Anniversary of Catch for a Cure – I still sucked but I pitched a bit because it’s one of the things I was able to do somewhat proficiently.  Then I got tired and really sucked again.  Like bad.  Like 3 feet outside the strike zone and well below the arc limit.  Multiple times.  So…another wonderful woman pitched and she rocked it way more than I could ever dream of it.  But she got tired.  So I pitched a few more times and then took a ball to the gut (I have this cool round bruise that shows the laces.  Never been thankful for my flubber before, but man – I am so thankful for my flubber).  So she had to be un-tired.

There were some moments of ‘grrrrrr’ and some moments of ‘yeeesss!’ but mostly there were times of thinking about why we were there.  Fighting for the woman dealing with the fight FOR their LIVES.  Fighting so the next generations don’t have to fight.  Fighting so no more are lost to cancer….any kind of cancer.  The words I have to call cancer I can’t even type.  They are bad, bad words.  I hate cancer.   HATE IT!  (and I don’t hate much of anything….)

It’s humbling to play to support these women – their families.  It’s humbling to be included in a such an amazing event.

Awesome Amy, Fighting DD Deb, and I will be back.  In 359 days.

But who’s counting?

Additional information about Catch for a Cure (Baraboo, Wisconsin).

From their Facebook page….

“Catch for a Cure is a Womens over 30 softball tournament, hosted on Labor Day weekend, Annually, at Pierce Park, in Baraboo WI
Mission : To FIND A CURE! Empower women, comfort local and distant family’s affected by cancer, help those in need. All of our proceeds are returned right back into the Baraboo and surrounding communities. Our proceeds are dispersed through local support groups that not only fund for Breast Cancer Research but help the lives of those that have been effected by Breast Cancer.The Catch for a Cure was founded in memory of a local Baraboo mother who passed away on mother’s day due to complications of Breast Cancer. From that point on, we knew that there needed to be something done. We need to find a CURE!”

 

For more information on Catch for a Cure check out their info here.

Top 10…..

Thursday rolls around every week and I think, “How the hell did that happen?”

Friday is coming.  I should be excited and happy.  However…trying to think of things to do with the kids when the weather is mucky and yucky…..I can think of lots of things.  None of them will be met with the happy sounds of “Yipppeee!  Great idea Mama!”

Cleaning the garage.  Picking up doggy doo-doo from the last few months.  Taking down all the Christmas lights.  Clearing out the dead leaves on the plants that will be growing again.

And on Saturday (I hope)….12 miles.  12 miles of running.

I’ve run this far before…more than once.  More than twice.  But I’m nervous – last weekend’s run sucked.  I literally bawled about the hills.  Which is stupid.  But it didn’t matter at mile 4 with so many more miles to go and soooo many hills left yet to run UP!  The down part of the hill isn’t even happy when you see the next hill heading straight up at the bottom of the current one.

I’m hoping for Saturday instead of Sunday.  I just like getting it out of the way before Sunday.  No real reason…just like having one more day to recover and like getting it out of the way.

And since running is taking over my brain – here’s my top 10 suggestions for running in WI in the spring.

TOP 10 SUGGESTIONS for running in Wisconsin in Spring

1.  Wear leggings.  Except don’t.  Okay – do, but wear shorts underneath so you can strip if the weather changes 15 degrees in the 20 minutes since you started.

2.  Run in loops.  Lots of small loops.  Because if the weather went up 15 degrees in 20 minutes  – it will surely drop 25 degrees in the next 10 minutes.  You’ll need to put those leggings back on.  Until you need to take them off again.

3.  Plug your nose.  Cow poop stinks.  It smells.  Bad.  Really really bad.

4.  Plan on getting the splashed look.  It’s in.  It’s impossible to escape when you run along a highway in the spring in WI.  My favorite splashes are from cars who won’t give you an inch when there’s NO oncoming traffic and they’re shaking their fist or giving you the finger as they drive past.

5.  Dogs.  Lots of dogs.  Most have invisible fence.  Except Millie.  She’s the farm dog.  Who will herd you the entire way on a 6 mile run.  And an 8 mile run.  And a 10 mile run.  Good thing we start and stop at home and she lives across the street/highway.

6.  Keep one headphone in and one out.  This is to hear the watch beep of the 5-1 I run (run 5 minutes, walk 1 minute – the whole way).  This is also so you can yell at Dr. Evil for making you run hills.  And so he’ll notice if you drop dead at the top of the 245th hill we just ran up.

7. Be prepared for dead things on the shoulder of the road.  As the snow melts, the horror is revealed.  It’s like the Walking Dead of animals…except they’re really dead, not walking, and really freaking gross.

8.  Watch out for tractors.  Yes.  Really.  Especially the ones with tillers attached.  You may think you’re running fast.  Until a tiller catches up.  Then you run faster.  Until you get tilled.

9.  Sand.  Sand is wonderful on the beach.  Sand is wonderful in a sand box.  Sand on a road is slippery.  Yes.  Slippery.  Carry band aids.

And finally

10. Smile.  Dr. Evil will take random pictures.  And after last year, hopefully he learned he should take pictures of my front…not this……

IMG_1176

Here’s some random running pictures from the last year….just ’cause.

EJ out – to chase the kids to the bus stop.

Thanks for helping me make the Top 25 Humor Blogs at Top Mommy Blogs.  I’m shooting for the top 10!  Click on the flashing juggling lady up there on the left (on mobile – click view full site and she’s at the bottom).  That’s it.  You’ll be redirected to Top Mommy Blogs.  You can close that window and every other window.  You’re done!  I excuse you from the day!

Have a great one!

It’s cold…and some other stuff…

So today we went out for a run.  Last Sunday we did 6 miles in the wind and it was freaking cold.  And I thought hilly.  Well – it was hilly.  Hard to not be hilly where we live.  It was about 35 degrees and sunny – but the wind had a BITE.

Today…time to make the donuts – I mean run again.  8 miles on the plate.  Sounds good.  We started out going downhill with the wind at our backs rather than running back home UP highway N with church traffic.  Down highway N – to Gilbert Road.  I love the names of the roads around here….Wilcoxson, Kinney, Gilbert, Tower (because there’s a ginormous tower on Tower Road)….  Actually felt really great.  I was pleasantly surprised how good I felt.  And after snowboarding yesterday and cleaning someone’s home for 4 hours!!

Then the dreaded TOWER Road Hill.  The never-ending-continuous – you think you’re up the hill and then your round a corner and – BAM – more freaking hill.  I HATE that part of Tower Road.

We made it up the most EVIL part of Tower Road.  And BAM – wind!

Wow – it got cold fast.  I usually sweat constantly.  Even when I’m cold.  So … running and getting warm for about 6 miles and then hitting wind like that – holy crap – FROZEN arm pits.  And other pits….we’ll leave it at that.  My water even froze!!!!

I needed to drink this.....brrrrr and grrrrrr...

I needed to drink this…..brrrrr and grrrrrr…

I had to get over my Evil Self Defeating Talk coming up the Evil Freaking Hill From Hell.  I got over it.  The hill and the talk.  And get my arse moving faster again because it was so freaking windy.  We made it home.

Where I took a super long, super hot, super steamy shower.  I’ve got on 4 layers on top and I’m still shivering!  Maybe time to drink some hot water.  (And yes, I know that’s weird, but it works and I like it!)

But you know the coolest (haha) think about this run….

  •  The gorgeous trees.
  • The quiet parts of the old county highways where little traffic comes.
  • The opportunities to notice hills and homes you normally fly past at 60 mph.
  • The interesting cracks in the road and the way the frost covers the black top.
  • The way the water freezes in patterns and how the sand on the road affects the patterns.

It. Was. Breathtaking.

And even more…I got thinking about how things will change between now and the end of June when Dr. Evil and I run Grandma’s Marathon in Duluth.  The trees, flowers, and birds (there are several eagle nests around here) and the differences that will be apparent.

Last week on our run I took a picture.  I know at some point again we’ll be in this same spot.  I hope to capture the changing seasons.

March 17th, 2013

March 17th, 2013

 

Here’s to a wonderful week.  I’m going to keep busy.  Dr. Evil is traveling.  I still get very nervous when he travels…but the spawn, their activities, and our life in general will keep me busy.  Especially since Dr. Evil was fixing the noise the dryer made and broke it for several days.  Now…laundry threatens to bury us.  Send me clean and bubbly thoughts!

EJ out – to drink some unfrozen, hot water.

SO….help me get back in the Top 25 at Top Mommy Blogs.  Click on the juggling lady.  Please.  Once a day.  Every day.  You can do it!

 

Also – buy this book!  I Just Want to Pee Alone.  You can get it on Snarkfest’s page (and others too…)

 

 

Evil Something or Other…

IMG_3825

 

Burton Puppy had a little incident.  Actually…we don’t know what the heck happened.

Thursday he came in from outside because Shadow Dog can open the deck door by herself.  He jumped up on the couch next to Eldest Female Spawn doing her Girl Scout homework.  I was on my computer when she let out this horrid, blood-curdling scream.

Now…she’s known to have a bit of drama queen in her so I wasn’t the kindest.

Me...looking not so nice.

Me…looking not so nice.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“What in the world is wrong?  Why are you screaming like that?”

Then Littlest Spawn starts screaming and sobbing all at once.

I jumped up because two out of four crying like that means something may possibly…maybe….probably not…could be…up.

Holy Shit.  I don’t swear a lot (on here) but…wow.

There was a gaping hole in his side.  The fur was hanging next to flesh under this what looked like 4 inch wide tear/bite.  Honestly thought maybe something got ahold of him.

I yelled at Eldest Spawn : Catch Burton.  Hold him still.  Be careful.

Grabbed a beach towel and carefully threw it around him to hold him together.

Me to Eldest Spawn : Get in the truck.  Now.  Move it.

Me to Eldest Female Spawn who was sitting on the stairs rocking and crying : I know it’s scary honey.  You have to pull it together and watch your sisters.  I’ll call Daddy and he’ll be home as soon as he can.  I need your help.

We FLEW out of the driveway and down highway N.  I’m not proud of how fast I drove.  I sped.  A lot.  But I honest to God thought this dog was most likely going to die.  I called Dr. Evil.  He was just leaving work and more than 20 minutes away.

So who do I call?  Awesome Amy.  The conversation went something like this…..

Me : Hi.  I need your help.  Are you busy and what are you doing?

Her : Okay – what do you need.  I’m fine.

Me : Go get my girls.  Burton Puppy is hurt and they are freaking out.  Dr. Evil is about 20 minutes away and I don’t want them alone.

Her : Got it.  I’ll get them and bring them to my place.

Me : Thanks.  You’re the best.

 

Then I hung up.  I just hung up.   Called the clinic.  It went to voice mail at 4:59.  As I was barreling down the highway I decided I would go there anyways and surely someone would be there to answer the door.

We got in the parking lot at 5:01.  Lights off.  Dark.  Eldest Spawn ran around and banged on every surface we could to see if anyone was there.

No dice.  The message said to go to Woodbury…I thought he’d be dead if we went that far.  (He wasn’t exhibiting any signs of being in pain but was sort of quiet…do dogs go into shock?)

Eldest Spawn googled other vets in Hudson.  Luckily the first one we called was open and only about 3 minutes away.  Bring him right in, we’ll be waiting for you.

Flew in the drive.  Ran around and grabbed him from Eldest Spawn.  In we went.

They were so sweet there….I was a mess.  Remember the whole Fizzgig thing – well, the last time I was this frantic about a dog…I had run him over.  She looked at him and said “Oh, I see.”

The vet came in and looked at him more closely.  Said it was going to take some stitches to close him up but it wasn’t that deep.  He’d need surgery and they’d keep him overnight.  No worries, he’ll be fine.

And then he found his feisty self – she tried to take him from me and he was PISSED.

 

We left Burton Puppy there and I started to get shaky.  I praised Eldest Spawn.  He was so calm and responsible.  Held onto Burton Puppy all the way there and talked to him in this sweet, calm voice.  He was so…grown up about the whole thing.

Then I started crying.  Poor Eldest Spawn knew what I was thinking about.  He said, “Mom, Fizzy was old.  It was an accident.  And I really was only kidding when you thought I was mad about borrowing my snowboard.”

I had to laugh.  He was trying to cheer me up.  A kid.  A super kid.

 

We got to Awesome Amy’s and picked up the Female Spawn.  They were doing homework.  Man..that woman deserves a medal.  She is seriously amazing.  The girls got ready and we left for home so we could then leave for Girl Scouts.

 

Home to find evidence Eldest Female Spawn was making up bowls of cereal with glasses of milk for her little sisters.  She had set the table and was preparing to feed them when Amy arrived.  And she put on a movie the two littles liked a lot.  She so pulled it together.  Another amazing kid.  I’m so proud of her.

 

Burton Puppy will be fine.  He’s sporting the Cone of Shame and as Dr. Evil calls it his ‘wife beater’ t-shirt.  We’re hoping to prevent him from scratching at his 26 staples on the outside and internal stitches.  Poor dude.  There is a long cut.  The vet warned me over the phone the injury was larger than I thought because when I brought him in it was all bunched up.

IMG_4229

 

IMG_4257

 

 

 

 

 

 

The vet said it appeared he either was bit and pulled away or got caught up on something and pulled.  I really hope he got caught on something.  There is a dog that wanders our neighborhood a lot.  Animal Control is on a first name basis with him.  He can be sweet but he tried to nip at Eldest Female Spawn last summer.  Most likely he tried to go under our deck – he’s quite a bit larger than he used to be…was 6 lbs when we got him – now he’s a whopping 32…and got caught up on something.

As for Burton Puppy…this is what he thinks of his new ‘get-up.’

I will get you when you sleep.  Just wait.

I will get you when you sleep. Just wait.

 

 

Now to ensure I don’t send the Green Eyed Burton after you, you should click on the juggling lady on the upper left.  Doing so casts a vote for me at the Top Mommy Blogs where I’ve again fallen drastically!  Help a girl out!

And check out my Facebook page….Evil Joy Speaks.  There’s some fun coming soon!

Meeting of the Bloggers……

Evil Joy here with a post on changes, meanings, and meetings!

So when Dr. Evil was sick I was into bargaining.  Now I understand that bargaining with God is very wrong.  But at that point I didn’t care.  I would have walked across hot coals in order to make him better.  And knowing how much he likes long hair my thought process went something like, “God, if you don’t kill him off, I’ll grow my hair out.”

So…the last 15 months have been hair grow out time.  In these last 15 months…he’s gotten better, had a cold, turned back to normal.  And I’ve decided superstition and craziness can leave the Evil Joy Mind.  And that I HATE my long hair.  It irritates the snot out of me.  It takes too long to dry.  It gets in my mouth when I brush my teeth.  It gets in my eyes when I’m snowboarding down a new hill…causing me to wipe out.  Yeah – it was the hair – yeah yeah…that’s what it was.

Now … in the past when I’ve whacked my hair, it’s been impulsive.  It’s a 10 second decision followed by an immediate drive to the nearest place with an opening.

Pre-haircut

Pre-haircut

This time…I waited a week.  A week for me is like a year for most people.  I waited for my favorite hair lady Tracy to cut it.  She is the best!!!  Love love love her!  She knows what I want when I don’t even always know!  She’s great!

 

Tracy at Tangled

Tracy at Tangled

And….bye bye 8 inches of hair.  See ya later.  The hair has left the building.  It’s walked the plank.  It’s been kicked to the curb.  Bah-bye.

IMG_4024

8 inches of hair….see ya!

As I was leaving my favorite Tracy…..I saw my favorite blogger I know IRL!  Skinny Jeans & Yoga Pants!  There to see the very same Tracy!!!  Great minds people…..we not only think alike….we rock.  Skinny Jeans is a crazy amazing styling lady.  I want to have funds and time to hang with her and shop at Hot Mama.  Some day…  Nonetheless…just seeing her brightens my day!  Here’s a link to her new hair!

Evil Joy and Skinny Jeans!

Evil Joy and Skinny Jeans!

As I was leaving I kept getting emails from Dr. Evil telling me he’d sent me a sprint message with a photo.  The photo didn’t load.  The romantic in me was hoping it was a photo of some awesome Valentines gift.  The logical person in me was unsure what it was because we’d agreed no gifts or cards.

Dr. Evil was trying to send me the photo he saw on Photo Stream of my hair cut.  Damn Evil Photo Stream.  I was hoping to surprise him.  Earlier in the week I mentioned I was thinking of getting my hair cut.  His response….”Not sure I’d notice.”  Not sure he understood I wasn’t talking about a little trim…..I was hoping to see the look on his face at first sight!

 

The picture Dr. Evil was trying to send me...of me.

The picture Dr. Evil was trying to send me…of me.

 

EJ out – to style my new hair.  And get my spawn out the door for school.  And to find a better picture to show y’all of my new hair do!

 

 

 

A Snowboarding we will go, A Snowboarding we will go….

Today was the fourth Sunday of Women’s College at Afton.  Women’s College is instruction for women, by women.  Like abilities are grouped and away we go.

I thought I was going to walk in and rock it.  Beginner – to me – means never having had any chance to snowboard.  Not having gone through Women’s College before and returning….sort of like those kids blowing the curve in calculus by taking calc 1 at university when they completed the course in high school.

I was schooled immediately.  And let me tell you – I sucked.  However, being the struggling student has its advantages – namely I basically get a three-hour private lesson.  And Instructor J is amazing – she’s patient – kind – tolerant – not easily frustrated – and an excellent teacher.  She was teamed with Instructor P to help a couple of us along.  She too is wonderful.

For whatever reason, I am finally able to put small things together and make it down the hill without a million and a half stops and falls.  Evil Fear likes to mess with my brain and I’m learning to stomp the crap out of my Evil Fear and make it take a hike….of a cliff….into the ocean…with riptides.  I admitted one of my biggest fears today – smooshing a little one.  There are all these tiny people skiing on the hills we are snowboarding on.  I weigh 4 or 5 times as much as them and I’m terrified of landing on one.  Instructors J and P finally got it through my head they will move.  They will get out of my way – or fall down.  It’s all good.

We walked out to one area – the Meadows – and worked there.  It was all good.  Then I got so freaking nervous it was paralyzing.  My classmate smacked her head getting off the chair lift.  Next we saw someone immediately after they had a terrible fall off the jumps – broken bones and bloody snow.  And I saw an ambulance.  Remember what those still do to me?  Then we saw the Medic People on the snowmobile pulling the gurney behind on the snow.

WTHeck!?!  My word – Instructor J is so patient – I talk a lot normally – but when I’m nervous – Holy Hell – I can’t stop talking.  At all.  Ever.  Poor woman.  And let me tell you one more thing – I’ve been crazy nervous since the first class.  In other words – I haven’t shut my pie hole the entire time!  I digress…

Made it through my Evil Fear…..I kept on keeping on.  I may have been tired and scared and made a number of mistakes….but I made it to the end of the trek we took from the Meadows back to the Alps.  I do okay going down a hill.  If I get stuck it takes me a bit to get over my Evil Fear and tell it to shut the front door but eventually I get up and get moving.  I even started learning something totally new today that I will practice this week – 360 Flat Turns – I think that’s what they’re called.  I’ve got 180 degrees of it down and sometimes a little more before I fall on my face ….. but I’ll get it.

I feel like I’ve accomplished something in a month.  I learned to

  • get on a chairlift…and get off…without falling down…most of the time…
  • how to stand up on a hill…while strapped onto a snowboard…(which is slippery and requires balance to a degree)….
  • J turns and garlands….
  • S turns…mine sort of look like Z’s – still working on that….
  • stopping….my favor thing to know how to do…

and…

I can do this.  I will continue to learn and improve.  I can do this.  I AM doing this.

Eldest Female Spawn and I having some girl time.....

Eldest Female Spawn and I having some girl time…..

EJ out – to use my new-found confidence to solve the next problem I find.

 

Okay – I’m asking a lot. You can either click on this link – Circle of Mom’s Top 25 – or click on the Circle of Moms icon on the upper right, scroll down and find Evil Joy Speaks, and click on the thumb.  You can do this daily, however it must be 24 hours from the last time you voted.

And here’s the a lot…after that – if you’d come back to Evil Joy Speaks and click on the juggling lady – you’ll cast a vote just by doing that – nothing else required – for me at Top Mommy Blogs.

Thanks peeps!

 

A little outside the norm….

As a woman, I am strong and proud.  I am loud.  I am good at many things.  I am pretty.

At least this is what I hear from people who observe me.

As a woman, I feel weak, scared, unsure, and unattractive.

IMG_3867 IMG_3937

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When the shit hits the fan, I’m your girl.  I will do what has to be done.  I will accomplish feats not intended for humans, let alone a married mother of 4.  When the storm finally calms, I’m not anyone’s girl.  I don’t even want to be my own.  I fall apart.  I break down.  I doubt everything decision I made in the middle of the storm.  I over-think the things I did and said…and even thought.   My inability to find peace in past situations is extreme.  I rehash everything looking for fault so I can justify beating myself up mentally.  I twist and turn things to place blame on myself.

Perspective is a very strange beast.  Yes, beast.

When Dr. Evil was in a coma, I sat by his side.  I mean all the time.  I didn’t leave the hospital floor for 11 days.  When I finally did leave the floor I got a little more bold and went outside for a walk.  I started to find my current normal and was able to walk and get a glass of water and not fear he would be dead when I returned.  And if his counts changed while I was gone, I finally figured out it wasn’t my fault.  It wasn’t for lack of prayers.  It wasn’t for lack of support on my part.  It wasn’t …. anyone or anything’s fault.  It . Just . Was .

In all the time I was sitting I was afraid to read too much on-line.  Everything I read was devastating.  Everything I read was scary.  Everything I read….was awful.  So I stopped.  I started reading The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva religiously.  I even emailed her and she responded.   I started writing on Facebook to keep everyone informed – or so I told myself.  It was more because I didn’t want to talk to anyone.  I didn’t want to ‘retell’ the ‘story’ anymore.  This was my reality and people bothering me were screwing it up even more.

Then Evil Joy was hatched.  It was sort of ridiculous.  It was absolutely ridiculous – who makes fun of people when they’re in a come?  I’ll tell you who…

People who love them who are trying to survive.

I imagined him waking up and being extremely grateful to be alive and gushy with me.  Okay folks – when has Dr. Evil been gushy?  Ever?  I imagined him waking up and us having this amazing take on things – this second chance not to be wasted.  I imagined all sorts of things.  Except what happened.

He woke up.  He was confused.  He thought it was November 17th.  We didn’t even come to the hospital until November 20th.  And it was actually December 1st.

He couldn’t move his arms or legs.  I didn’t even think of these things.  I was just hoping his brain didn’t suffer from the infection the way his body was.  I was just glad he was awake.

He was fine. He learned to use his arms again, legs again, and returned to his almost normal self.  In amazing speed.  We initially were hoping to be home by Valentine’s Day.  Dr. Evil was released on Christmas Day.

Dr. Evil has never been a man of many words.  He said even fewer.  And he was grumpy.  And tired.  And working so hard.  He was affectionate with the spawn.  He was patient with other people.  He was polite sometimes.

I was trying to be happy and thankful and just glad he was alive.  He could be grumpy with me and not say thank you for anything and assume I knew these things.  Yeah…I’ve gotten over being a doormat through this experience.  Dr. Evil never thought of me as a doormat – I did.  He thought I understood he was appreciative.

Sorry dude.  I’m a girl who needs to hear things.  I need to hear that I look nice and I’m doing a good job with the spawn.  I need to hear I’m appreciated.  And not just in regards to being sick.  In life.  I need to hear these things on a regular basis.  Even after 16 years of marriage, 4 spawn, 2 houses, 4 dogs, and a partridge in a pear tree.

Some people are very sure of themselves and need no outside reassurance or praise.

I. Am. Not. One. Of. Those. People.

I’ve stopped wishing I was one of those people.  I’ve accepted I am who I am.  And it’s okay.  Except when it’s not.

…..

Evil Joy will return with the normal Evil Joy posts later today.  I felt like writing what I wanted to write and not trying to write something someone might want to read.   SO…. if this wasn’t your cup of tea – add some lemons and come back later.

Older posts

© 2018 Evil Joy Speaks

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑