Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Tag: illness

Cupcakes, Crafts, and PTSD Oh My!

Cupcakes, crafts and mini bouts of PTSD, oh my!

For the first time in six years I’m doing a birthday party for one of my kids…at my house…with cupcakes, and crafts…in the month of November.  *Cue dramatic music*

We have so many birthdays the month of November. It’s a crazy time of year. Two of my own children, two nieces, two of my siblings, one of my sibling’s spouses, multiple cousins, and friends that have become family…..all have birthdays this month.

This is the month Brent Got Sick. A long time ago. I figured once the five year mark passed the month of November, kid birthday parties, ambulances, the exit for Regions Hospital, and the sight of intubated people on television shows would magically move to the “okay things in my life” column.  For the most part, things that truly trigger strong emotions in me regarding Brent’s illness have moved into the “okay” column. However this week I continue to find myself on edge. I was downtown with a friend going to an event. We got off at the Regions exit. An ambulance shrieked past us and I fought back tears. My daughter wanted to make special puppy cupcakes for her party and I started crying. (My dear friend made the most amazing cupcakes for the party six years ago – all various kinds of puppies…hence my tears.)

Life marches on. As do I. Tonight I’m taking Littlest to the store. We are buying the supplies to make fondant for decorating her cupcakes. At her party that is on Friday. A party taking place in our home.  My friend who made the cupcakes last time shared a recipe and is on standby to come help – for emotional support or technical support – I’ve never made fondant.  She may be needed on both fronts.

Another dear friend knows I’m struggling. I want to make sure my daughter has a special party. It’s not her fault I have demons to exercise. My friend offered for her daughter to come and run the party with my older daughter. She’s bringing the labor, I’m supplying the margaritas. And yet another friend…one far away…encouraged me to write this.

Lately I’ve become fearful of sharing what I’m feeling. I want to be funny and entertaining….I want to share that part of myself with you. Instead…the last year….I’ve been in a weird place. Not feeling great and trying to navigate my life with a chronic headache.  I’m trying to find my way to where I want to be. I am working really damn hard actually. I’m getting there. I’ll get there.

One cupcake at a time.

 

#nanoblopo

#PTSD

#birthdayparties

 

I'm Being Brave and Sharing ….

My love of Christmas decorations in the stores.

There.  I said it.

I Love Christmas Decorations in all the Stores.

I Love Christmas music on the radio 24/7.  I love the ads.  I love the lights.  I love the music on in the stores.  I love the bell ringers.  I love Regions the Elf.

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I do wish it would wait until after Halloween.  But my heart does a little happy dance when I see the big lit up trees in Target or Wal-Mart…Walgreens or County Market.  Knowing today the world as we experience it here in our town and the near by Twin Cities of St. Paul and Minneapolis will be about all things red, green, bright, and light.

Thanksgiving used to be my favorite.  It’s not so much anymore.  I actually would be happy to skip it all together.  But that’s for another blog post.

I was a staunch supporter of “No Christmas Decor until after Thanksgiving!” for many years.  Then, we had spawn and started traveling with said spawn.  Now, we usually do the decorations the weekend before Thanksgiving so Thanksgiving Day and the days following are all about having fun, relaxing, and enjoying each other.

Because in my house there are 20 totes of Christmas Decorations.  All in their happy little red and green bins.  (Halloween has three totes, Thanksgiving has one tote, Easter has three totes, St. Patrick’s Day and Valentine’s Day share one tote (I know – it’s a travesty!) and summer has its own tote.)  Christmas decorations are stored separately under the stairs so they don’t block all the other totes.  I adore my house but there is so little storage it’s sort of ridiculous!  Keeps me from being a hoarder though.  Of all things.  Except…Christmas Decorations.

I feel a renewed sense of excited about Christmas.  I’m actually Looking Forward to getting out my decorations.  I’m not fearful like I was last year.  (And my totes have increased from 12 to 20….organization and a Mom who loves to hand down her things – and she makes me look like a slacker when it comes to the love of all things Christmas!)

I’m not dreading the mess.  Dr. Evil won’t be earning another PhD. mid-decorating.  He will not get sick and be in a coma like two years ago.  He will not show many of the same symptoms and end up sick like last year.

Or I’ll have to beat him up with Christmas dancing animals (we have a large, LARGE collection) and tie him up with strings of half burnt out lights.  And then let the Halloween sugar crazed spawn attack.

So there world.  I have shared my secret.  My secret love of all the things that drive many crazy.  I LOVE CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS!

Until Christmas night (which is around 29 December at my house – we travel…what can I say?).  When that shit is down and put away before bed so December 30th dawns with a clean and tidy house!

Let the red, green, light, and bright puking of decor BEGIN!!!!!!!!!!

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EJ out – to stop the unfair trading practices occurring in my kitchen.  Halloween candy wars begin…..NOW!

 

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Marathon Weekend : The Evil Joy Edition

The Evil Onion

Grandma’s Marathon, Duluth, Minnesota

23 June 2013

by Evil Joy

The 37th Annual running of Grandma’s Marathon occurred yesterday in Duluth, Minnesota.  And it was even more special due to the presence of Evil Joy and her Dr. Evil.  They started together.  They ran together.  They finished together.  Evil Joy did not have to follow through with her very real Evil Threat of leaving Dr. Evil in Duluth if he left her on the marathon course.

“He stayed with me.  Through the whole thing.” said Evil Joy.

The weekend started with Evil Joy and Dr. Evil departing Hudson, Wisconsin.  First stop : Awesome A’s house – Eldest Spawn was staying there for the weekend.  Their second stop was Auntie W’s house – now known as “Spawn Drop Zone.”  The final stop before their Duluth Destination was Auntie J’s house – renamed “Fur Spawn Drop Zone” as the pups stayed there for the weekend.

Evil Joy shares her memories of the weekend.

“The traffic wasn’t too bad considering it was a weekend and we, like most of the area, were heading north.  That’s what people do here on the weekend – they “go up north.”  Temperatures were warm in the cities but continued to drop as we approached our destination.  As the temperatures dropped, the traffic picked up!”

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Evil Joy said the Expo was wonderful and she and Dr. Evil both made a few pre-race purchases.  Packet pickup was very smooth and nicely run.  All of the volunteers were amazing.  There is a spaghetti feed the night before the Marathon and Dr. Evil was very excited to partake.  Luckily for Evil Joy, they had a gluten-free option that was actually “pretty tasty.”

Evil Joy continues.

“We left the expo and made our way to the grocery store – our infamous ‘must haves’ for the morning of a long run.  I am addicted – mentally –  to my pre-run brown rice cakes with almond butter and 2 bananas.  We picked up a treat to have in the room as well – Greek yogurt with chocolate rice cakes to dip.  YUM!!!”

Evil Joy and Dr. Evil stayed at the University of Minnesota-Duluth dorms while in town.  They were very pleased with their accommodations.  While a hotel would have been amazing, it would have “broken the piggy bank.”

“It was time for bed.  I couldn’t sleep.  I was so very thankful for experienced friends sharing with us that no sleep is totally normal and not to worry about it.”

4:45am Saturday 22 June dawned….sort of.

“The fog was crazy!  Just when you thought you’d seen the worst of it – you’d lose more visibility.  Thankfully Dr. Evil and I were bused to the start of the race and didn’t have to drive in that mess.  We were up front – I get crazy car sick – and overheard the bus drivers desperately trying to get another lost bus driver – with a bus full of half marathon runners – to the start of the half.  The half started about an hour earlier than the full so those people were surely nervous!”

Evil Joy and Dr. Evil arrived at the drop site, found the sea of port-o-pots, and anxiously awaited the start.  “Well…I was anxious.  I don’t think Dr. Evil is ever nervous – he’s steady as all get out!” corrected Evil Joy.

The National Anthem was beautifully sung by a member of a local National Guard unit.  Then……it was time.

“There were people everywhere.  I am short and the group behind us – they must have all been over 6 feet tall!  They kept telling me when the line would move so I wouldn’t get run over!

We ran….and ran.  Started out with the 4:45 pace group.  At mile 4 I had to tell Dr. Evil I couldn’t maintain that pace for another 22 miles so we slowed slightly and ran with the 5 hour pace group.  Eventually they passed us too.  At that point – I just wanted to run and did NOT care about how long it took.  After 5 hours – who really cares if it’s 5 hours and 10 minutes or 5 hours and 30 minutes – that’s still a really long time to be moving!”

She continues, “The fog was so thick it literally looked like the sea of people were lemmings running off the edge of the world!”  The weather conditions deteriorated.  By Mile 3 the White Warning Flags were up.  From the race website, “WHITE FLAG (Risk of Hypothermia): The risk of hypothermia is very low, but still exists especially in slow runners or in wet and windy conditions.”  Evil Joy and Dr. Evil were quite comfortable with the temperatures while running.  “The wind was cold at times but we very much prefer that to being hot!” said Evil Joy.

“Finally…at mile 12 I gave in to the need I’d had since the start – and I mean the START of the race – I had to go to the bathroom.”

Evil Joy has a new name for Mother Nature – it’s one we can’t print here.  Let’s just say she was not thrilled with the timing of monthly events in her life at mile 12.

The race continued.  At Mile 20, sponsored by Verizon, Evil Joy and Dr. Evil saw two dear friends and seeing them gave the runners the energy to ‘just keep running…just keep running.’

“I thought Mile 25 was NEVER going to get here!” exclaimed Evil Joy.  Belly dancers were out in the now steady rain dancing under the overpass in Duluth’s historic downtown.

Finally…there.  The finish line.  Evil Joy said, “I was thinking…OH THANK GOD WE CAN STOP RUNNING SOON!  I just wanted my t-shirt and medal and to go on my blog page and put a line through one more thing on my Bucket List page!”

Evil Joy and Dr. Evil finished together at 5:36:45.  In the rain.  And oh so happy.  Dr. Evil is a man of few words but he posted this moving statement on Facebook :

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The Marathon is complete for another year.  When asked if she would do another one Evil Joy responded, “It’s like child birth – I need to forget a bit first before I think about doing it again.”

We had an amazing time together last weekend.  Thanks to everyone who helped us during training, running, traveling.  Dr. Evil’s statement on Facebook made me cry happy tears – during the race I kept thinking about how far we’d come.   I didn’t have any idea he was thinking the same thing.  He doesn’t talk much about all that happened.  I probably do that enough for both of us.  But his words healed a few places in me I didn’t realize needing healing.  So this was way more than a marathon.  Way more….

EJ out – to hobble to get some coffee.

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Evil Craziness….

Evil Joy here with a post on craziness….and how craziness makes me calm….

See…I’m good when I’m busy.  When I’m not busy – not good.  I can think and ponder.  And worry and plan.  And analyze.  So I’ve been working on not being busy….not very hard though….and I’m reverting to my busier than busy ways.

This.Must.Stop.

I have to deal with everything or everything is going to deal me out.

If I’m busy, I can’t think about Dr. Evil getting sick again.  I can’t think about kids getting sick.  I can’t think about how my life would be if Dr. Evil hadn’t made it.  Or how different life would be if he had not recovered as amazingly as he did.  I can’t worry about being thankful enough.  I can’t worry about if I’m not thankful enough will this happen again.  I can’t worry about people judging me.  I can’t worry about the judging I’ve done.  I can’t worry I’m messing up my kids by not being a good enough mom.

My body may get tired doing all the physical busy, but my mind can’t exhaust itself worrying about everything under the sun.  I know, I know…worrying about things takes away the joy of the day or something like that.  Trust me.  I don’t do this on purpose.  I would love to be carefree.  I’m working on it.  Just a day at a time.  Right now, I’m not even there…sort of like a chunk of the day at a time.  And I pray…a lot.

Anyway – today I’m not trying hard to not be busy….PT appointment, therapy appointment, tutor for Spawn appointment, ophthalmologist appointment, optician appointment, and best of all….Evil Co-Hort from Iowa Amy and her twins are arriving for the weekend!  Dr. Evil and I are doing a (longer than I’ve been doing) run tomorrow early – like 5:30 am early – only 6 miles or so – so Evil Co-Hort from Iowa Amy and her twins and me and the Spawn can party like it’s 1999 for the rest of the day.

Check out the glasses he wants to order……Rec Specs – F8….

 

So by Sunday, my body may be tired…and a little hung over…..but my mind will have it’s chance….watch out world.

EJ out – to go to get Eldest Spawn’s strabismus and amblyopia checked out – we’re hoping to reduce the bi-focal need this year……..hope for us!

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