Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Tag: kids (page 1 of 10)

Laundry Woes

 

It’s amazing how small things can push me over the edge. A few months ago with was the “not” loading of the dishwasher. This month dirty laundry falling next to the laundry bin is making me bat shit crazy.

Here’s the deal. I get that my kids are kids and therefore are inherently unconcerned with the tidiness of life. To make all things easier, I’ve added extra laundry bins throughout the areas of the house where they change clothes. There’s a bin in each of their bedrooms. There are three separate bins in the hall closet directly outside the bathroom (I know, I know…I’m dreaming thinking they’ll sort laundry). There are multiple targets, varying in size, throughout the house for which they may aim.  Yet time and time again they fail to hit that golden target.

You have to understand –  I’m the Laundry Queen. If you wear something Monday by Tuesday miday it’s washed, folded, and ready for you to put away. So if I see that same shirt back in the wash on Tuesday night, I know that 1- not only did you not do your chore of putting away your laundry , but 2 – you BLATANTLY threw clean clothing into the laundry. AND 3 – not even into the  bin but rather on the floor next to the damn bin.

I know I don’t have basketball players. My girls play softball. Softball requires accurate throwing and visualizing your target. Trajectory and force are involved (even if they don’t realize it yet, they’re building a great foundation for math and physics). My oldest girl is a catcher and fires the ball back to the pitcher or to second base – or any base for that matter – with such force and precision it amazes me. I KNOW she can hit a target.

SO WHY CAN’T SHE (OR HER SISTERS) GET THEIR LAUNDRY INTO THE LAUNDRY BIN???? wwwhhhhyyyyyyy?!?!?

Thank goodness they’re not boys aiming for the toilet. 

Unplugged…Sort Of….

Day 1 : I saw an unfamiliar face in the living room. Unsure of why I was seeing this face at this particular time of day I went into to high alert status. He flopped on the couch with his unfamiliar face and said, “Mom, the wifi isn’t working.”

Screen Shot 2015-09-02 at 1.54.36 PM

Day 2 : Again I saw this now slightly more familiar daytime face standing in the kitchen. For an extended period of time. Once again unsure of the situation I warily approached and asked, “How’s everything going today? You’re hanging around more and I like it.” To which he answered, “I restarted the router, unplugged and replugged everything, rebooted everything and still, the wifi won’t work.”

Day 2 – nightfall : All six of us gathered in one room to watch a family movie. In its entirety. The whole thing. All six of us stayed in one room and watched a movie from start to finish. The cable continued to function so why the wifi wasn’t working remained an unsolved mystery.

Day 3 : I saw workers on the side of the highway working on what I presume is the internet access box to our area. They’d been there for a few days but in my frantic mom taxi state I hadn’t paid them any attention. As they were still working I had an answer to the now familiar, “Mom, the wifi STILL isn’t working.” statement.

Day 4 : I got a text. “Mom will you please call Baldwin and find out when the wifi is going to work? I was gone all summer and now football. I just want to play my game a little!” I was rather occupied that day and the wifi was not a priority for me. “I’ll check on it today or tomorrow. Please mow the yard and take the dogs for a walk. Feel free to have your little sisters come with you on the walk.”

Day 5 : Okay now I am getting annoyed. I’m trying to post reviews, download books to review, and write a blog post for the first time in months. And I can’t. Well I can, but I can’t post them from home. I actually went to a coffee shop to work on quickbooks. Hey…this whole gig isn’t too bad. Cheap but fabulous coffee, comfy chairs, and headphones….I may have to keep the wifi unplugged after they fix it! Nah – I like to write my blog posts in the middle of the night and I doubt Caribou would appreciate me knocking on the door at 3am.

Day 6 : “Mom did you call yet?” to which I respond “Ask your Dad to deal with it – I’m running around like a chicken with my head cut off to get you all to where you need to be and then back home again so you can get changed to get to the next place!” I was met with, “Okay Mom, I was just asking!!!”

Day 7 : “Did you deal with Baldwin yesterday? I told Eldest to ask you.” Dr. Evil replied, “I told him to ask you to deal with it.” Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Day 8 : “Hi. This is Joy. Our wifi hasn’t been working in over a week since we saw people working on the box near our home. Our cable appears to be functioning, although poorly and for the price of the service this is also unacceptable. Our upload and download speeds have been well below the parameters for which we signed up. Please let me know your plan and how this will be addressed on our bill next month. We’ve been without the full service we pay for for more than a week.”I would greatly appreciate a call back.

Day 9 : Found a yellow “We were here while you were away” service card. I was informed our router was bad.  It’s not. I know it works. However we had been completely disconnected from the network and had to go through the log in process that is a “one time” thing when you initially sign up for service. Once Dr. Evil figured that out we were cooking with gas again.

Doh! Wonder how long we were really and truly without service. Our neighborhood has a Facebook page (shut up – it’s awesome!) and there were comments the first few days about lack of service but nothing after Day 3. Oh well, I’ll happily take the extra time I got to see Eldest’s face at unusual times of the day.

And even now that it’s working, he’s making more appearances, flopping on the couch and hanging out.

I totally dig being sort of unplugged.

EJ out – to return a video more than a week overdue! Hello library fines!

Chaos Fuels My Creativity

“How do you write best? What’s your ideal situation?”

Well…let’s see. Right now the Women’s US Soccer Team is playing on the big television in the living room with three children in front of it commenting loudly on each and every play. I’m standing in the kitchen with my back to the island. On the island the mixer is going to make home made pasta. Directly in front of me the Sound Freak is blasting “Pool Mashup : Just the Way You Are” by the Barden Bellas. Two more kids are helping Dr. Evil with the pasta. Three kids just asked if they could go the trampoline. Dogs are barking. My neighbor just popped over to claim a kid or two. I’m looking up a strawberry bread recipe because I promised Littlest we would make banana bread but Dr. Evil and Eldest ate all the bananas.

U.S. SCORED!

U.S. SCORED!

IMG_8058

Littlest helps Dr. Evil

IMG_8060

Neighbor kiddo helps Dr. Evil

And I sit – or rather stand – here and type a blog post.

Some days the disorder that is my life makes me want to rip all my hair out. Today…it’s fuel for my soul. It may be bedlam – but it’s chaos we’re blessed with and I’m going to embrace the hell out it.

“The Magic in Me” is playing now and I feel like these children, dogs, and all the noises around me are magic. After a crappy day where more things went wrong than went right I welcome this loud, loving, insanity inducing mess.

Right now in this moment, this is my ideal. Other days I’m fortunate enough to go sit at a local coffee shop, listen to some instrumental, jazz, or whatever music suits my fancy, and pound away on my laptop. Sometimes I sit in bed and type away while Dr. Evil watches something on the television, occasionally with the backs of his eyelids. Other times I’m in my car waiting to pick up or drop off a kid. On rare occasions I sit at my kitchen table and concentrate. I send my loving family outside (READ : anywhere but where I am) and accomplish great feats (in my mind).

I want to be a lot of things and blogger is at the top of my list. Today being a blogger means writing this in the middle of my life as it happens.

Yes, that is a retainer on the counter. Gross.

Yes, that is a retainer on the counter. Gross. And some sad sunflowers. And a house knick knack thing from Switzerland. And my diet coke with Heizenberg staring me down..

I’ll take it.

How do you do what you best?

EJ out – to jump with the Littles and chop some strawberries.

Fall Time, Fall Time, I'm Hitting the Wall Time….

Okay.  I recognize and accept full responsibility for having four spawn.  I get it.  I wanted them.  I got them.  I get to raise them.

But can I get a damn day off once in a while?  Is that too much to ask?

I recently went on a laundry strike.  More so because my dryer was awful and no one helped me with the task.  So I stopped doing certain people’s laundry unless it snuck in with another load mistakenly.  Passive aggressive much?  Me?  No, never……

I’m also on a cleaning the bathrooms strike.

See the thing is – I CLEAN OTHER PEOPLE’S HOUSES FOR A LIVING.  So that I may be home, stay home, go to events with these precious spawn I spawned.  I hold a Bachelors of Science in Applied Mathematics.  I used to train soldiers, sailors, and pilots how to use computer systems, about upgrades on their large weapons systems, and I ran the Train the Trainer sessions.  I had a job where I got dressed up, went to work, acted professional, worked late and drove home.  And traveled.   But in order to spend time home and not on the road we decided long ago I would stay home.  I LONGED to stay home with my babies.  I wanted to stay home.  I loved being with my kids.  I still do.  I adore the fact that I make my own schedule and at the drop of a hat…. I can have lunch with the Littles or help in a class room.  I am here for friends who need before school care.  I love having all the kids hang here – I LOVE IT.

But honestly, fall kicks my evil arse.  I.  Am.  Tired.

Photo on 9-18-14 at 8.15 AM #2

Football five nights a week.  Running for one spawn every night of the week – although from home – cross country wasn’t a good fit so she’s taking on herself and running here at the house.  Every night.  Girl Scouts, Fall Ball, Boy Scouts, Boosters, Benchwarmers.  School starting, homework, early bed times, weekend tournaments.

Life with four.  And I signed up for it.

And I LOVE IT.  Please don’t send me hate mail about how lucky I am to have my children.  I know and appreciate it.  We lost one early on so I really get how lucky I am.

That doesn’t mean I can’t be overwhelmed at times.

So I am decreeing Friday night – whole house CLEANING night.  We do whole house pickup every time I loose my shit – I mean – on a regular basis.  Picking up is easy.  Cleaning isn’t bad either.  Unless you’ve already cleaned three houses in one day and come home to toilets that are more disgusting than the public pots at the bus station.

Watch out spawn.  You are going to clean.  And you’re going to clean properly.

Because Saturday I want a day off.  Except for the softball tournament an hour away.  I’m a coach by force.  Dr. Evil is coach and by proxy so am I.  But then…THEN…we will come home to a tidy house.  A clean house.  Except for the messes the dogs will make because they’re left home yet again.

And next week, it’s a new week of chaos.  My lovely chaos.  And it makes me happy.   Tired at times….but Happy.

EJ out – to clean up before Dad of Evil Joy makes a somewhat surprise visit to watch Eldest play football!!  Go Raiders!!!

I could use a little love over at Top Mommy Blogs.  If you could take one click – just click on that juggling lady there up on the right (scroll down on mobile devices), you’ll cast a vote for me at Top Mommy Blogs.  You don’t have to do anything else at all!!!  Thanks friends!!!

Containment Methods for Tweens and Teens

Top 10 Ways to Contain Your Non-Toddler Children.

1. Trampolines. These are essentially giant playpens. Tweens and teens willing enter. They must be reminded to not flip or do somersaults. After a while they will ask to leave but can be convinced to remain inside of the netting by offering a balloon or ball.

20140719-112401-41041512.jpg
2. Hockey Rinks. While not personally aquatinted with this method I have observed the following; because of cost, once in parents can make the children stay in; gear takes so long to put on it’s like winter clothing – I got you dressed to play outside you’re going to play outside; there are a limited number of places where one may exit the rink.

3. Baseball Diamonds. Containing your child on a baseball field has unique challenges however given the practice and game schedule they have time for little other than practice, showering, washing their uniform, sleeping and doing it all over again.

20140719-111235-40355188.jpg

4. Softball diamonds. See #3 and apply to all things softball.

20140719-111825-40705693.jpg

5. Swimming pools. Tweens and teens can be tricked into playing at or in a pool using the bait and switch technique. You bait them with the promise of lazying around the pool then switch it up to include actual swimming.

20140719-112014-40814298.jpg

6. Summer school. Suckers. Need I say more? Just remember this will require your time too if you live where you children cannot ride bikes or walk to class.

7. Library time. Like small children, tweens and teens are allowed into the library. I often pretend I need to find another book and while doing so suggest going “to find yourself something.” In your section. Away from me. Within the library. Quietly. Or else the librarian will holler at you. For real. She may actually holler at you to be quiet.

8. Golf. I know nothing about golf. But one of my kids is taking golf lessons this summer. It takes hours. And it’s cheap. (I realize that golf and cheap do not normally go together but it’s only $65 for the summer!! 3 hour lesson once a week for 7 or 8 weeks.).

9. Playgrounds. With younger siblings. Even the coolest of 14 year olds will play on the swings….

20140719-112214-40934949.jpg

10. Holding the snacks and money hostage at any of the previous 9 locations. If you are in charge of the cooler or the wallet, they will come.

20140719-112248-40968058.jpg

If you’re having a hard time containing your Tweens and Teens try implementing an idea or two. Let me know how it goes.

EJ out – taking girls to watch older girls in state softball playoffs.

School's Out For Summer!

Summer has arrived.

“You know Mom summer doesn’t actually start until the equinox so it’s really still spring.”

Screen Shot 2014-04-17 at 7.54.10 AM

More accurately – as is evidently required, school has ended for the 2013-2014 school year in this lair.  Now…there are four spawn home.  All day.  Every day.  All summer long.

I.  Am.  Terrified.

Being the brilliant parents Dr. Evil and I are, we have the two oldest scheduled for loads of physical activity in the morning hours.  Raider Elite is an organized summer workout/gym class.  And again my brilliance shines through. It begins at 8:30 or 9 depending on grade level.  (And hell no, I am not making two trips – you’d best bring a book to read or something because you’re sitting on your arse at school while waiting for your class to start.)

And…Then…..For Eldest….He was selected from the lottery for summer gym for high school.  Oh…that pains me to write.  My oldest is in high school.  He can’t be that big.  I can’t be that old.  I’m not yet vintage.  Unless vintage is cool.  Then maybe, just maybe I can be the start of vintage.  Like the gray in my hair.  I have the start of gray.  It’s not yet to the point where I take my ink pen and try to hide the blue gray hairs.

Back to summer….

After 3 hours of physical activity they get to come home.

And do chores.

Then…it’s time for baseball, softball, or t-ball depending on their age.

My goal?  To make them sleep at night.  So they don’t hear the frogs out in the back acres.  So they don’t hear the alarm bell Dr. Evil has go off at 5:14 am EVERY FREAKING DAY.  And to keep them so active they are ready for whatever comes their way in the fall.  One is playing football.  One is thinking about cross country.  The other two, my Littles, are just little enough that riding bike, swimming, trampoline jumping, playing tag, running from their older siblings, and doing chores will make them tired.  And ready for the activities that come with grades 1 and 4.

I hope.

And….I hope we spend time at the beach.  Together.  All of us.  There is a man made ‘lake’ beach area in a nearby state park.  You can bring in coolers of food and drinks and we can spend the entire day (except for the hours of required hard physical labor for the two Bigs) playing in the water, on the play structure (which is EPIC – honestly – it’s amazing and I LOVE IT), or just hanging on the beach soaking up the sun that makes it past my broad spectrum 50 SPF water proof, bug proof, sweat proof, have to scrub off but keeps my Littlest from turning into a lobster and makes me worry about skin cancer … sunblock.   We’ll take some RV trips.  One in particular is to a ball tournament at Wisconsin Dells.  The others…well Dr. Evil is good at planning those and tends to just let me know when to have things ready to roll.

And I’m good with that.

Summer has arrived.  I’m a little less terrified.

And ready to live it up.

What are you plans for the summer?

EJ out – to get ready for this first day – I have a chore list to make!!  Woot Woot!

If you’re feeling the joy summer brings (see what I did there????), take a minute and click on that juggling lady there up on the right.  You’ll cast a vote for my blog at Top Mommy Blogs.  That’s all you have to do.  One click here on this blog page.  Thanks!!!  Now….

 

Today’s post is a writing challenge. This is how it works: participating bloggers picked 4 – 6 words or short phrases for someone else to craft into a post. All words must be used at least once and all the posts will be unique as each writer has received their own set of words. That’s the challenge, here’s a fun twist; no one who’s participating knows who got their words and in what direction the writer will take them. Until now.

Screen Shot 2014-01-16 at 8.23.16 PM

 

I used: frog ~ bell ~ vintage ~ blue ~ ink

They were submitted by:  Stacy Sews and Schools

Below are the links to the other amazing posts – you should check them out and see how they used their given words.  If I remember correctly, I was particularly Evil so you should really find whoever got stuck with mine!!!

http://bakinginatornado.com                                Baking In A Tornado

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/                          Spatulas on Parade

http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/                      Stacy Sews and Schools

http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com/                      The Bergham’s Life Chronicles

http://www.juiceboxconfession.com                      Juicebox Confession

http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/                    Confessions of a part-time working mom

http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com                     Someone Else’s Genius

http://batteredhope.blogspot.com                      Battered Hope

http://www.healingtomato.com                         Healing Tomato

http://www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com             Evil Joy Speaks
http://thesadderbutwisergirl.com                       The Sadder But Wiser Girl

 

Strange….And a Little Sick

Want a random fact that will stick in your head for a few days?

Do ya? Do ya?

Okay, but first you have to read a story.  A story with a sad ending for some rats.

As Christmas approached, Dr. Evil was asked if our family would like to own some rats.  His lab boss had a nice set up with four rats he was graciously giving away.  Dr. Evil and I pondered it and then realized….it’s FREE.  It’s Christmas time and it’s FREE.  It would be the ‘big’ gift and … it was FREE!  And really, how much does rat food and bedding cost?

And before you ask, as many have asked, the rats were not from a lab.  They were not lab rats.  They belonged to someone who worked in a lab.  But the rats were from a home.  Not tested on, not genetically altered, none of that.

Now…on with the story.

We tricked the spawn.  Dr. Evil brought the set up home and got our four little (gross) rats settled in.  I had the spawn out snowboarding.  Dr. Evil called me and texted Eldest Spawn.

“You need to come home.  There is a huge infestation.  It’s downstairs and I need your mom.” he texted to Eldest.

I played the part well when he called.  I got all concerned and worried about the basement and the fact that if you see one mouse, there are 20 more you don’t see.  Or so I read somewhere.

Eldest Spawn’s bedroom is downstairs along with our rec room.  It’s a finished basement so I was really cheesing it up.  Eldest became concerned about his room.  We flew home as fast as one can after loading 5 snowboards, 5 people, and all the gear that goes with into the truck.  And driving home on snowy roads.

It was priceless.  Their reaction was exactly as one would expect from my spawn.  Eldest Female Spawn immediately picked one up and started kissing it.  The name game began.  We ended up with four female rats named Butterscotch, Patrick, Rusty, and Tator.  Tator was Tator because the rat had a tumor larger than the rat itself.  But she still got around just fine and seemed happy.


Over the next few months the rats became Eldest Female Spawn’s rats.  She took care of their cage and feed them.  She became attached.  She even spent a good portion of her Christmas money on a rat ball – like a hamster ball – for the rats to roam around in.  The dogs were curious but carefully watched around the rats.  A peace treaty was reached between the six animals.  The dogs agreed to sniff the rats, the rats agreed to be sniffed and all was well.

Until….another rat developed a tumor.  And this one wasn’t so pretty.  It was raw and looked painful.  And it grew literally over night.  Within a week it was huge.

A decision was made.  Tator’s tumor was now so large she had a hard time getting around and even got stuck in the running wheel once.  Butterscotch’s tumor looked awful and the other rats were making it worse.

Now.  For the strange fact that will stick with you……

 

Did you know that it costs approximately $12.00 to buy a fancy rat?

Did you know that is costs approximately $12.50 to euthanize a fancy rat?

 

You can’t make this shit up.  Seriously.  You can’t.

 

Needless to say, we now own 2 rats.  Until next week at least.  I dealt with the death of the first two rats and the devastated spawn who held them as they died.  I am not doing this alone again.  Ever.  And I need to find another box to bring the next set of dead rats home to be buried.  I used my one nice box.

Eldest Female Spawn has decreed the remaining rats on death row deserve just as nice of a box.

I met a blogger on line and he inspired me to write this.  You should check out his blog – it is amazing and I’m now a die hard follower.  You should be too!  Daddy Anarchy can be found at www.daddyanarchy.com, on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/daddyanarchyblog, on twitter @DaddyAnarchy.  Do it.  Follow the Daddy Anarchy!

EJ out – to take a dog for a run.  Because I’m cool like that.

 

Help a rat killing gal out.  Click on the Top Mommy Blogs icon there on the upper right.  One click.  That’s it!  Thanks!!!

 

Evil Ninja Joy

I love my home.  We’ve been here nearly 10 years.  Parts of it are still sporting the builder’s paint as it was the spec home for the neighborhood.  Dr. Evil and I searched this town for houses for exactly one day.  One day.  We found this house and stopped looking.  And not because we couldn’t look any longer.  It was exactly what we wanted.  A touch of land, about three acres, not a split entry, and a master bathroom.  Dr. Evil loved the kitchen and that’s his deal so I was happy.

DSC01029

The four of us moved in and started making this building our home.  We grew to six.  And two dogs.  And four rats.

And now….the mud room.  Which incidentally is also the laundry room.  Which is a disaster area.  All the time.

As my Female Spawn have a thing for shoes (which by the way, my crazy feet are totally jealous of – I own about three pairs of shoes), Eldest Spawn is sporting a size 11 mens and Dr. Evil has about three pairs of work shoes in rotation, there is a plethora of shoes all over the place.  And winter.  So now add in 4 pairs of snow boots, 6 pairs of snow boarding boots, double sets of clothing for each spawn (like hell they are wearing their snowboarding gear to school, that shit is expensive!), multiple pairs of mitts for each and oh yeah…all of our laundry.

This room is a pit.

One Friday night I was frustrated with the lack of organization in our lair.  See this post to learn how nuts I really am.  I told Dr. Evil I was to be left alone and was going to redo the laundry room yet again.  I was taking the closet apart.  I was adding bins and hooks on the inside to make it more functional.  Thanks Pinterest for making me forgot I’m not handy and this closet is tiny and not room sized.  

Dr. Evil said, “Ya know, we keep talking about taking that closet out.  Let’s make a ‘no return’ move.”  And then…..

……………This happened.

IMG_1218

IMG_1217

And then this happened.

IMG_1220

 

 

And now….I’m have this…..

IMG_4129

 

I want to snap my fingers and make it all better.   And not spend any money (yeah right.)  Initially we planned on doing all the work ourselves.  And then we remembered we don’t know anything about construction or what the hell we’d be doing so we decided to call on our friend who in fact is a construction genius.  We are figuring out what we want to so we can ask him for a bid.

So for now I’m stuck with a mini-mess.  Hopefully soon we will know what we want and be able to start on the work.  I’m all for doing the stuff I’m good at – painting, making sandwiches for those doing more than painting, giving my opinion, cleaning up…..but I’m excited for all the stuff I can’t do to begin!

(Think we’re impulsive much?!)

EJ out – to sweep up more drywall dust.

Help a construction impaired Evil Joy out and click on the Top Mommy Blogs icon up there on the right.  Doing so casts a vote for me in the Humor Section of Top Mommy Blogs.  I’m clawing my way back up into the Top 25!

This post is part of a Secret Subject Swap. This week, 15 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

Secret Subject Swap

My topic is :  If you could just snap your fingers and change one thing about your current home, what would it be and why?

It was submitted by: Karen from Baking In A Tornado 

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts.  Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

http://www.BakingInATornado.com                          Baking In A Tornado

http://themomisodes.com                                       The Momisodes

http://stacysewsandschools.wordpress.com/               Stacy Sews and Schools

http://followmehome.shellybean.com                     Follow me home . . .

http://dinoheromommy.com/                                   Dinosaur Superhero Mommy

http://dates2diapers2.blogspot.com                       Dates 2 Diapers 2

http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/                       Confessions of a part-time working mom

http://www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com                   Evil Joy Speaks

http://spinstersnacks.com                                         Spinster Snacks

http://www.fbxadventures.blogspot.com                           FBX Adventures (In Parenting)

http://morethancheeseandbeer.blogspot.com        More Than Cheese and Beer

http://singlemumplusone.blogspot.com                     Searching for Sanity

http://smalltalkmama.com                                          Small Talk Mama

http://www.juiceboxconfession.com                         Juicebox Confession

http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com                     Spatulas on Parade

A Drop Off Reminder

There have been numerous posts about the drop off lane at schools in the past few years.  You can read one of my favorites Here.

However, I feel it is time for a reminder.

The EVIL JOY 7 Commandments for Dropping Your Spawn at School

Screen Shot 2014-02-04 at 8.09.58 AM

1.  Thou shall wait calmly in line and not shoot ahead.  Parallel parking while a line is moving prohibits said line from moving.

2.  Thou shall have spawn ready to exit car.  Seat belts shall remain in place until vehicle has come to a complete stop.  However, hats, mitts, coats, boots, shoes, and other auxiliary pieces shall be attached to spawn so they may exit the vehicle efficiently.

3. Thou shall say “Goodbye’s” and “Love You’s” from your seat while remaining seat-belted in.

4.  Thou shall pull over, put car in park, unlock doors, and instruct spawn to exit vehicle on SCHOOL SIDE OF VEHICLE.  Thou shalt not allow spawn to exit on traffic side of vehicle.

5.  Thou shall remain seat-belted in and see spawn safely away from vehicle.

6.  Thou shall move with traffic as thoust line leaves exiting area.

7.  Thou shalt not disobey the previous six Commandments.

If thou must break one of the Commandments thou must either:

a.  Pull far enough ahead so as to not inhibit forward motion of rule following drivers who are not breaking said Commandments.

b.  Park.  For the Love of Pete.  Park and walk your spawn into the building.  Get the hell out of the way and park.  Just do it.  If you have to get out of your car and help your six spawn get their backpacks, mittens, hats and cellos on, move.  Get out of the way.

As a parent who drives spawn to school at least once a week, I know I fall into the category of Commandment breaker so I pull super far ahead out of the way and let my spawn get her cello out of the back of my truck.

The stress created by drop off and pick up is the MAIN reason I make my spawn ride the bus most days.   Other reason include….they have a bus stop, why not use it…and I don’t want to drive you to school because I have other stuff to do….and I don’t want to.

If we all just love each other and follow the above Commandments our world would be so much more peaceful.

So….Give Peace a Chance.  And Follow Evil Joy’s Commandments.

Or Else.  I’ll go Evil on your Arse.

EJ out – to get ready to employ my own Commandments.

An addendum to the above Commandments:  Please vote for Evil Joy Speaks at Top Mommy Blogs.  You just click on the juggling lady up there on the right.  Thanks!

Tidy or ….

So I have an issue people.  I like my spawn to have tidy rooms.  Not perfect.

Well, okay.  I like it perfect.

When If they make their bed, I will make it ‘just so‘ after they’ve left for school.  I will put the toys out of their rooms and downstairs ‘where they belong‘ and ensure the dirty laundry is in the closet hamper.  Their hanging clothes are sorted by sleeve length and color (if I have time….the color thing sometimes goes by the way side.)  And the unused hangers are sorted by color.

IMG_1305

IMG_1306

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, I have issues.

But don’t you sleep better in a room that is tidy?

IMG_0303

IMG_0353

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Make all the mess you want during the day.  You may even leave it out if there’s a fort involved or it’s a weekend where you’ll have time to play with it tomorrow.  But if I can’t vacuum around it, if the dogs can eat part of it, if it causes spawn to repeatedly ask me where something in plain sight is located…..PICK IT UP!

Not to say my house is tidy.  But when it is tidy, it is SO tidy.

Now…let me tell you a tale.  A story from long ago.  From when I was a teenager.  My room was a holy pit.  A pit of despair.  The pit of despair.  My mom was always amazed at the mess.  She would simply close the door.  (What a saint!  I can’t imagine the will power it took to not lock me in there with the mess!)  But the kicker is…I would call home from school and ask her to bring me something (again – what a saint!).  I could tell her exactly what pile it was in and how far down and which direction to reach.  Every.  Single.  Time.  I want to believe she respected my memory but more likely was afraid the pit of despair would either a.) suck her in never to be found again or b.) spread to the hallway and down the hall and take over the house.

Now I live the opposite.  I like my tidy spaces.  I like my right angles.  I like my OCD tendencies.

Until this….

IMG_0411

IMG_0278

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And then…

GOD HELP ME!

What do you do?  Do you let your spawn’s toys rule the roost or are you a toy Nazi like me?  Organizational ruler or free player?

Older posts

© 2017 Evil Joy Speaks

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑