Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Tag: rude behavior

Instruction Guide to Not Being an Asshat…..

I’m borrowing a word from my friend and favorite blogger Snarkfest….Asshat.

Today’s post was inspired by … cell phones … and the asshatery people pull while using their cell phones.

 

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Evil Joy’s Guide to Not Being an Asshat

  1. If you are being waited on at a store, talk to the cashier, not your cell phone.  Otherwise, you’re being an Asshat.
  2. If you are walking down a store isle that is full of people, look up from your device.  Otherwise when you crash into the lady with a newborn baby, you’re being an Asshat.
  3. If you are driving in a school parking lot during drop off or pick up time, GET OFF YOUR PHONE.  DO NOT CHECK YOUR EMAIL.  Drive.  Otherwise…you’re not being an Asshat….You Are An Asshat.
  4. If you are in a restaurant and you need to take a call, do it.  However if you need carry on a conversation at the top of your lungs for a long time, step outside.  Otherwise, you’re being an Asshat.
  5. If someone makes a mistake filling the order you’re placing while you’re talking on your cell phone remember those around you can hear all you’re saying.  You may not want to insult the person filling your order to the person you’re talking to on your phone.  If you do, you’re being an Asshat.  And there are lots of witnesses.
  6. If you are unable to talk to a person uninterrupted by your cell phone, you need to change.  Otherwise, you’re being an Asshat.
  7. If you talk with your hands when you’re excited, don’t get excited while talking on the phone and driving.  Otherwise, you’re being an Asshat…and you may die.
  8. If you’re at your kid’s concert/sporting event/school conference put away your device and listen (after the few million required pictures of course).  Otherwise, you’re being an Asshat.
  9. If your kid can’t function without a device to occupy them every second of every day, teach them to.  Make them.  Otherwise you’re raising someone who could become an Asshat.
  10. And finally……USE COMMON SENSE!  Otherwise, you’re being an Asshat.

This public service message to Avoid Becoming an Asshat was inspired by stupid people in Sam’s Club.

Now…onto to better things.  Today is Sunday.  I typically don’t post on Sunday because it seems many of you don’t read on Sunday.  SO….feel free to read it on Monday or any other day of the week.  And share.  Because sharing is caring.  Facebook isn’t showing many people my posts anymore so I’m trying to reach as many of you as I can here on my blog, on instagram (@eviljoyspeaks) and on twitter (@eviljoyspeaks).  Feel free to share my posts, statuses, and pictures!  I love seeing what you all have to say and will do my best to respond!!!!

Have a fabulous, fun-filled, Asshat-free day!

EJ out – to soak up the 40 degree temps and clean a garage and about a shite ton of dog…shite out of my yard!  Smell ya later!

 

Share the Hill…..a poem by Evil Joy

I’m not looking to start a debate.  I looking to set the record straight.

Skiers and Snowboarders need to play nice.

Both of us like the snow but despise the ice.

There is this big hill in front of us.

No need to charge down it like a runaway bus.

Make no assumptions about me and I’ll make none about you.

Be kind to your fellow snow lover and they’ll be kind too.

Just because I’m on a board doesn’t mean I’m rude or will cop an attitude.

Just because I’m a board doesn’t mean I’m in a mood.

Please know I can’t see all around.

I’m not trying to be out of bound.

But if you ski up behind me on my blind side.

I may end up bumping your ride.

Not because I want to.

Not because I dare.

But because I can’t see you around over there.

So let’s share the slopes without attitude or assumption.

Let’s ride this season while there’s still snow on the hill.

Let’s share this hill and have yet another thrill.

By Evil Joy

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That was fun wasn’t it?  My lovely poem was inspired by a few experiences this season.  I’ve had more than one ski instructor mention to me (while riding a lift together with a board strapped to my foot!) how they look for the boarder kids because they know the kids board because of or they may have…attitude.  I was appalled.

First – Did you not notice the board stuck to my foot here right night to your skis?

Second –  I didn’t assume anything because you ski.  Quite the opposite in fact.  I don’t know how to ski.  It looks cool but I’m afraid of two legs going in separate directions.  So more power to YOU!

Third – I’ve had more skiers run into me and knock me over or cut me off than boarders this season.

Preconceptions and generalizations be damned.

You’ve got to understand.  I’m overly aware of my surroundings.  I make sure I’m well out of the way and not in the path of skiers while putting on my board.  I get out of the way.  I make sure my spawnily of six is compact and not taking up the top of hill while we get ready to ride.  Since skiers are faster at the lift, we are courteous and let them ahead if arriving at the same time.  If I fall getting off the lift I scoot my arse out of the way so I don’t force a lift stop.  I look all around while STILL ABLE TO LOOK ALL AROUND (BECAUSE I’M NOT MOVING DOWN THE HILL WITH ONE FOOT IN FRONT OF THE OTHER) and make sure I’m not going to cut anyone off.  Down the hill from me is my responsibility.  Up the hill from me is not, but I’ll be damned if I’m not aware of all around me as much as I can.

And mostly, I don’t make assumptions about skiers.  Please don’t make assumptions about me or my spawn.

So play nice.  I play nice.  Like Miley Cyrus, “I didn’t want to start a war.”  Just want to share the hill.

EJ out – to write some more stellar poems for you my Lovies!

I’ve fallen off the standings for Top Mommy Blogs.  Help this snow loving girl work her way back up.  Just click on the juggling lady there on the right.  If you’re reading this on a mobile device scroll down.  Thanks!

 

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