It’s been a while since I talked about Dr. Evil being sick. I view this as progress and consider it a success. A couple of things have happened that took me “back” but I haven’t stayed there. Not back. Not anymore. Here’s what progress is for me….
A few weekends ago, I felt all the old ick resurface. Now I have the skills to deal with the feelings that slam me….but the emotions still take my breath away for a time.
Saturday the girls found the cane Dr. Evil used while recuperating. It made my skin crawl to see that thing. I know most view items like this as just that….a thing. For me, in that moment, that cane took me to helping Dr. Evil around the house, watching him struggle to walk, seeing him exhausted after walking three steps. The girls were playing with the cane, transforming it into a crutch and making pretend casts. I smiled and watched them play from a distance. I didn’t want to engage and inspect the “broken leg.”
Then they gave it to Dr. Evil and he leaned on it. I looked at him and said, “No. Don’t do that.” I walked away. I was instantly grumpy – my defense mechanism. I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
And then…..it was okay.
Today the cane is still about in the house. I finally told the girls I would rather they play with it somewhere else. A year ago I would have thrown it away and cried. Today I asked them to move it and went on with my day.
Life is good. We’re all good. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t thank my lucky stars for my family. Days go by where I don’t think about what could have happened – but didn’t.
This is progress.