Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Three Things

How do you think of yourself? What are the first three things that come to mind?

…….

Now. Make yourself think of adjectives that describe you. Three of them. Go.

……

Recently three friends told me how they see me. I was floored because when I answer that first question I went straight to : Mom, Wife, Daughter. Then I thought about the second directive: Active, Anxious, Busy.

My friends shared their view of me. As in the way they see me present myself in the world. And other than “Active” not a single word I used when thinking of characteristics fit. Brave. Ambitious. Fearless.

Fearless. That last one really got me. Me? Were these women describing me? I didn’t seek them out and ask them the above questions. Independently three friends approached me. Fearless. Really??

Sometimes actions speak more loudly than words. I’ve gone after a few things I want in life lately. I think I have a path I want to pursue. Finally I have the beginnings of a road map to what I want professionally and I’ve starting to seek opportunities that align with that path. My dream.

I’ve taken risks lately that are far outside my comfort zone. I most certainly have bobbled along the way, hesitated and worried to the point of tears, but I still went after it.

Don’t misread this. I’m not tooting my own horn. Trust me. That’s now how I roll.

I see strong, ambitious, successful women out there in the world. I admire them and, if I’m being honest, I’m occasionally jealous of what I perceive as a complete and total lack of fear.  And yet I know they are human, they have bad days, good days, and all the parts that go with life. What if everyone was able to see themselves as others see them? Would you recognize yourself? Would your friends recognize themselves in how you view them?

I try despertly to find the happy in everything. I will find a silver lining, a shining star, a positive in the negative. It may take me a few minutes, but eventually I’ll find “the happy” as I call it. Maybe in doing that, I’m teaching myself to see the lighter side of life, the Joy in the hardship, and find peace in the calm. I can only hope I’m modeling good behaviors for my children. And maybe, just maybe, this is part of the person people see when they “see” me.

Fake it til you make it, right?

Here’s to making it – just a bit more – every.single.day.

 

 

3 Comments

  1. Totally fearless.

    You. Have. Four. Kids.

    And an amazing drive. And determination in spades.

    Yes, you are fearless.

  2. You know how that thing where can never really see your face because mirrors flip the image and cameras distort/don’t capture a true image? Reputation is a bit like that, I think: we go through life thinking of ourselves as awkward, loud, shy, anxious, sad, lonely, overwhelmed, outclassed, sweaty, and (on a good day) useful but others see the whole of us in motion and how we fit into the world around us.

    Now, they see only the outside, of course, which makes what they see no more “true” than what we see—but it’s not any less true either.

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