Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Tomorrow…

If you’re newer here and this doesn’t make a lot of sense, see below today’s post. There’s a quick summary of why tomorrow is…tomorrow.

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Tomorrow is…tomorrow. I have refrained from writing anything about “tomorrow” for several reasons.

  1. I’m sick of myself.
  2. If I don’t talk about it, maybe I’ll “get over it.”
  3. I don’t want to be annoying.

And I don’t want to cry anymore.

Tomorrow is the anniversary of the day Dr. Evil got sick. He got better and got back to living. As did I. We both did. In our own unique ways, at varied paces.

But…there’s always a but…

I have moments where fear grips my heart and squeezes so hard I can’t breathe. Ambulances with sirens blaring and lights flashing take my breath away. Scenes, real or fictional, of people in a coma are hard and sometimes more than I can deal with at that moment. I’ve learned to let it be what it is, deal with the moment, and move on. Without judgment.

Most of the time.

When I do judge myself I am harsh. My lack of strength, my weakness of character. My inability to move on and let the past be in the past. Trust me, I get the job done. I judge the hell out of myself and beat myself up over reacting to triggers. I’m working on letting go of judgment. It’s a process.

But…here’s another but…

Tomorrow I’m making new memories. I’m making it the day I give to myself. A friend said on her day she grants herself grace.

Grace. I like that. Grace to let the day be what it is. Grace to feel what I feel when I feel it and not judge those feelings. Grace to be okay not thinking about it all. Grace to be overwhelmed. Grace to cry. Grace to laugh out loud and embrace the day.

Grace to be me.

So tomorrow will mark the anniversary of a life changing event. But also the start of a new trek. Tomorrow is day I’m going to make memories to last a life time. A day to wake up next to Dr. Evil.  To be with friends, to be alone, to work out, to spend an entire day as I wish and exist in my skin.

To be me.

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In late November of 2011 my husband didn’t feel well. We finally went to the ER when his pain became so severe he couldn’t tolerate it any longer. Less than 12 hours later he was in induced coma suffering  from a septic staph infection causing heart, kidney, and liver failure. He had staph pneumonia and rhabdomyolysis. He was on 24 hour a day continuous dialysis. For 10 days he was unconscious. He woke, got better, and learned to walk again. He was released 5 weeks later. He spent a few months at home continuing to get better. Dr. Evil experienced a full and complete recovery with no ill or lasting effects from his ordeal. No known source of the staph infection was ever identified.

#NaBloPoMo

 

2 Comments

  1. You are amazing. When you allow yourself grace, please also remember that you and your entire family are amazing. I’m only a phone call away. Love you <3

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