When you’re not ‘that’ mom. The thoughtful, caring, happy-go-lucky, laid back mom. I’m not that mom. I’m the – I expect more, expect you to expect more, do your chores, suck it up and figure it out mom.  I don’t love sitting and chatting constantly but I do love hearing what you have to say. However if you start whining with zero intent of finding a solution – – this mama ain’t got time for that.

Often I observe other moms super excited to be at every single practice, every school event, every playdate. Even planning events or activities for said play dates on a  regular basis. I am not that mom. I’m too blunt. I enjoy my children’s activities but have a hard time hiding when I’m done – over it – or annoyed. I feel that by being authentic, I’m showing my children that it’s okay to be human. Demonstrating that that while I’m in love with being their mom, at times my brain is seeking something other than what we’re doing at the moment.

Even shopping. God. I HATE to shop. Recently I took one of my girls bra and underwear shopping. Most moms would bond over this. We did the first time – I think. I know she wanted to  – and I tried but —- but —- PICK A COLOR ALREADY. I don’t want to spend 45 minutes in a store stinking of perfume while you decide between blush and baby blue. Because child – that bra will be under a shirt and if anyone can see any part of the baby blue or pink, you’re not wearing the shirt properly….or out of my house!

I get jealous of moms that take/get such immense joy from each and EVERY LITTLE FREAKING thing their children do. I exist. I get through. I survive. I endure.

I don’t always enjoy.

However I do find pleasure in a lot of things. Seeing my children succeed, smile, laugh, and yell with glee. These things make my heart SING.

But honestly, there are times I cannot take sitting through one more..practice…concert…play…whatever.

I wonder – what am I missing? What am I missing out on by not being ‘that’ mom? I worry I’m lacking something – that my children will grown up wishing they’d had someone else as their mama. Am I enough as I am?

Then I remember. I’m the best me I can be. I’m working on being the most I can be. I’m the mom I am and I love my kids deeply and with an unwavering intensity. I love them in my authentic way.

 

my way