Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

A Warning…..

See…I need sleep.  I crave sleep.  I desire sleep.  I yearn for sleep.  I am deeply in love with sleep.

 

 

I don’t get much sleep.

 

There are these things called spawn in my lair.  They see to it that I get interrupted every SINGLE EVIL LIVING night of my EVIL LIFE.  They tag team me.  They share the duty.  Rarely is more than one up at once.  Multiple spawn may awaken in one night – but in succession.  Never all at the same time.  Just one after the other, after the other.

On the off chance they all actually sleep through the night without getting up, opening their door, closing their door, closing the bathroom door, opening the bathroom door, opening their door, and finally closing their door….there are the furry spawn in our lair.

There are several deer, fox, other dogs, random cats, birds, and butterflies that MUST be BARKED at during the night.  Usually around 1:30 am.  Or 3:30 am.  Or 1:13 am.  Or any other time I am fortunate enough to be in a deep sleep.

I’m not even going to start on Dr. Evil’s snoring.  Just know Breathe RIght strips are on my shopping list.  (I’m pretty sure shin guards are on his shopping list as well.)

And insomnia – yeah – insomnia.  There are no nice words for not being able to sleep when afforded the opportunity.

 

As a public service announcement I am issuing a warning.  Actually several warnings.

Warnings from Evil Joy

  1. Do not ask me if I got enough sleep.  I will a.)tell you why I didn’t or b.)throttle you.
  2. Do not tell me you get a full night’s rest every night and can’t imagine what not sleeping is like.  I will just throttle you.
  3. Do not wake me up mid-nap.  I will a.)yell at you and not remember it or b.)throttle you.
  4. Do not give my spawn any sort of caffeine containing product.  Ever.  Never ever.  Never, never ever.  I will send them to your house at 3am and let them wake you up, keep you up, and annoy you.
  5. Do not cross Evil Joy today.  I am tired.  And grumpy.  And catching Littlest’s cold.

 

You have been warned.

Please advise my spawn, should you see them, to let me sleep.  I tell them all the time.  They tell me how wonderfully they’ve slept and I just smile, grind my ever sharpening teeth together, and give them a hug so they can’t see the look on my face.

 

EJ out – to await the opening of the clinic so I can take a sick Littlest in to see the doctor.  (And if they wake up me and they’re sick – I’m not EVIL!!!  I’m just mom.  Albeit a tired mom, but a loving, cuddly mom who takes care of those she calls spawn.)

 

Help a tired EJ out and vote for me at Top Mommy Blogs.  I’m moving up the Humor Blogs ranks but need your help to stay up there!  Click on the Top Mommy Blogs icon on the upper right.  If you’re accessing this on a mobile device, you may have to scroll to the end of the post to see the icon.  Thanks!!!

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6 Comments

  1. I hear ya about lack of sleep….Everyone warned us to take advantage of sleeping before the baby came – should.have.listened.
    Thinking of you today as I am running on 3.5hrs of sleep….ugh. Hope the sandman finds you!

    • Sleep when that baby sleeps my friend! Laundry dishes and housekeeping will be there when you wake up! That’s what friends are for – you hold baby and relax and let them tidy up!!! Congrats and hope you get some rest as well!!!!

  2. Great! I thought as the kids get older, sleep would come. Another parenting lie, I guess. I’ll keep stockpiling the coffee then.

    • Wellllll – my spawn are special like that…my mother says payback sucks and she’s right. I never slept much as a kid and now I’m harvesting the fruits of my mistakes….. We’re not quite to the stage of not sleeping as I wait for the Eldest to come home from events or….God forbid….dates.

      And…I’m a super light sleeper…..

      Trying to instill false hope for you….yeah…just stock pile the coffee!

  3. I wish you long sleeps and healthy spawn, my friend!!!

    • Thanks…..last night wasn’t too bad – with Littlest having pneumonia, I listened for the slightest indication she needed her nebs…but she made it through the night.

      Have a fabulous day my friend!

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