Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Advice…from a new mom

So I’m linking up at Theme Thursday.  I seem to mess this up every time I do this and forget to do what I’m suppose to.  (I’m sorry!!!)  Here’s the link to Theme Thursday.  Go check out what others are saying about this week’s theme : Advice  Thanks to Something Clever 2.0 for doing this!!!

I love when I go out with my Littlest Spawn.  She’s a doll face .. except when she’s not. Then she’s the devil incarnate.  She can scream and carry on with the best of them.  In the last year, this has subsided considerably but on occasion it still happens.

My favorite situation is when she is having a hard time with a new environment and I’m past dealing with it.  I’m more of the tough love kinda mama – not the cuddling type.  At all.  Ever.  (Sorry Spawn – suck it up – that’s the way it goes – not everyone wins – you’re fine – get over it)

In walks chic mom in her heels, skinny jeans, with her six month old baby dressed in the latest Gap line head to toe.  Who proceeds to give me advice.  For a child who is 4.5 years older than her first baby.  Advice she read in a book.  And her friend told her about.  And she saw on Oprah or Dr. Phil.

Yeah.  Bite me.

Depending on my mood, one of three things happens:

Mood 1 : Happy and Well Rested


Thanks.  I’m sure it’ll get better.  Have a great day.






Mood 2 : Normal Evil Joy – Tired, Slightly Frazzled, Running 17 Different Directions


Yeah, I know…my older THREE went through this stage too.  Later.







Mood 3 : Exhausted, Dr. Evil on Travel, Other Spawn Acting Up at Home, Last Thin Thread of Sanity Broken by This Woman


Look.  I appreciate you trying to give advice for a child you have no idea about.  Obviously the books you’ve read have made you think you’re prepared.  You’re not.  Just wait.  Wait until she can talk and walk and run away from you and pull over a display in the store.  Wait until she doesn’t like you.  I have THREE OLDER CHILDREN.  I’ve done this shit before.  Yeah – I swore – your baby can’t talk yet and I could say shit over and over again and it will not affect her because she’ll never ever see me again.  And yes, close your open jaw, I swore in front of my five-year old who knows better than to repeat it at all.  I was just like you lady – thought I had it all in the bag.  I don’t.  At least I’m smart and experienced enough to KNOW I WILL ALWAYS HAVE A LOT TO LEARN.  Good Day.

Yeah – Mood 3 – not one of my finer moments.  Thankfully I was in a different town and will most likely never see this woman again.  God, I hope not.

So I try hard to not give advice unless asked.  Even then I tread cautiously.  Are they really asking for advice or do they want reassurance everyone is as confused and clueless as the next parent.  None of our spawn came with manuals.  None of our spawn are alike.  Some advice is great …. but sometimes …. for the love of Pete …. bite your tongue.

Except – okay – the one and only time I don’t hold back is if I notice your spawn’s eyes aren’t properly aligned.  Eldest Spawn has strabismus and amblyopia caught at age 2.  He’s been patched, had and still has bifocals, and wears glasses to correct his alignment and vision.  If not caught early enough the damage caused can be more severe.  So…that’s the one time I know I’ve crossed the line….but if it helps just one kid……

EJ out – to drive in the Mother Loving Snow to see a visiting friend!!!!!

Take a minute and help a Mama out – click on the juggling lady located on the upper right.  Doing so casts a vote for me at Top Mommy Blogs.  Thanks!!!

(graphic sources : pinterest.com, casaazuldelaribera.es)


  1. JennSomethingClever

    April 11, 2013 at 2:26 pm

    I was actually asked for parenting advice from a stranger in the store once. I was with my son, who was 2, at Target, in the baby food aisle. A woman with a 1yo asked me about the Gerber Graduates, and I was happy to oblige. Now, every time I see someone with a new baby puzzling over food, I open my mouth… and then close it. I know better! But I do loiter for a moment just in case they want to ask. 🙂

    • I love when I’m asked. I feel wise and sort of like the cool kid. I’ve lingered too to see if someone will ask when confused….. Thanks for doing the Theme Thursday – sorry I forgot to follow the rules – I’m working on it!

  2. HA HA! I love it when people that think they know everything try to give out advice. I’m too nice to say anything… sometimes I wish I wasn’t so nice! I usually just mutter “um thanks” and run away…

    We’re struggling with the whole amblyopia and now strabismus with my son… They caught his amblyopia early but now the strabismus has shown up suddenly this past couple of months-he has an eye appt in a couple of weeks. If the lazy eye is caught early it’s possible that they can eventually not need vision correction-good at calling people out on that! I’ll be interested to see what they can do about the strabismus (can you tell I’m a little nervous too?).

  3. I had a patch when I was little. Those few months/year of “torture”… I will thank my mom forever!!!

  4. haha, Stage two is pretty normal for me. 🙂

    Have you seen the blog http://littlefoureyes.com/? It was started by a good friend of mine from Minneapolis who has a daughter who has gone through patching and surgery and wears glasses, and has been really great for her to build this community of other parents going through the same thing. If I ever talk to a mom who mentions her kid might be going through any of that I always point them there.

  5. I’m never brave enough for number 3. Why nearly every stranger feels the need to give me unsolicited advice and criticism is BEYOND me. Loved it!

    • I admit #3 isn’t something I’m proud of….but you know it’s sort of like when someone says, “how ya doin'” just the right way on just the wrong day and you break out in tears…yeah … I broke out in nastiness! Opps. Oh well. Can’t take it back. And maybe…just maybe she’ll try to read some more books before she starts swearing.

  6. I wish I could be #3. Especially when I was walking with my newborn into the hospital to be admitted for jaundice (the sunlight helps), and some idiot lady told me I should cover the baby up to protect her from the sun (for the 100 yard walk into the hospital). I wanted to smack her! So I try to keep my mouth shout when it comes to unsolicited advice.

    • I use my mental jedi powers to smack people when I can’t do it for real! It’s such a hard thing – especially if someone is having a hard time – not to offer. But in your case – smack smack, jedi smack – to her.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

© 2020 Evil Joy Speaks

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑