Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

An Open Letter to Mother Nature

Lately I’ve seen a number of open letters out there…Here’s mine.

Dear Mother Nature,

I would like to ask you personally what we, those of us living in Wisconsin, have ever done to YOU?  

Spring and fall are savored here in the mid-west.  Summers are short, but hot and HUMID.  (We could do with a bit less humidity, m’kay?)  

Winter….winter is just long.  And cold.  And windy.  And snowy.  So when spring comes we prepare ourselves for mucky ground but long for the days when we can pick up the dog crap from under the snow.  Long for the days when the sand from the plows can be swept up and new mini-sand boxes are created in all neighborhoods.  Long for the days of muddy snow pants and nasty boot tracks in the house.

Last weekend, I know…I know…. I got cocky.  We cleaned the garage.  Put out the deck furniture.  Even put up the flower boxes on the porch.  I didn’t want to tempt you, Mother Nature, so I refrained from putting even fake plants in those empty, forlorn looking flower boxes.  Temperature were in the upper 40’s and we ditched our jackets and hats in anticipation of breaking 50 degrees.

Dr. Evil and I started parking outside the garage because the spawn are riding scooters and rollerblades down the still sandy driveway – we like our vehicles to remain scooter-dented-free and our spawn to remain not flies on the bumper of our truck.  We only do this once the weather has turned that corner.

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It wasn’t a challenge sista.

Mother Nature – you one are vengeful bitch.  

Wasn’t I one of the few thanking you for the extra snow late in the season so I could snowboard “just one more time?”  Did you miss the fact that I am one of your biggest fans in a land of people who savor their boats and fishing?  I long for fall and the cooler weather because it means the snow is coming.  IN THE FALL.  

NOT IN APRIL!!!  NOT when we have First Communion for a spawn this weekend with our family coming in from out of state. NOT when, tonight, I am suppose to drive to the other side of the Twin Cities to meet a blogger I adore and am so very excited to meet You’re My Favorite Today.  

Not when the shovels have been put in that part of the garage rafters that require me – getting out a ladder, going up it, not falling off the platform, digging around in unorganized shit, probably finding some mouse poop, hopefully no live mice, and probably cutting my hand on the aerator – just to find a shovel.

Well played Mother Nature.  Well played.

Consider yourself outside my circle of friends for a while.  

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Until you allow us to have a spring. The jump from winter to summer sans spring sucks the big one.  It happens every couple of years.  If it happens this year – I’m going to join the rest of the state in cursing you all winter long…and summer long…(I won’t in the fall – it’s my favorite – but if you mess with that….look here sister….we will have words…WORDS.)

So Mother Nature, suck it.  Deliver spring or I’ll have to go Evil Joy on your arse.

Oh wait – that’s right – you’re dumping up to 8 MORE INCHES of snow by tomorrow night.

UNCLE!  UNCLE!  you win.

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Do you hear the cries of the furniture? Do you? They were so looking forward to having people use them this weekend.

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You even got snow on my porch swing. Meanie.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sincerely swearing at you for making me get out the clean, packed away snowpants, 

Evil Joy

 

You are all in my favorite circle of friends.  I’ll even make it all pretty once you vote for me at Top Mommy Blogs.  Simply click on the juggling lady there on the upper right.  That’s the only thing you have to do!  Thanks!

 

16 Comments

  1. My son got up this morning and said “So what we have school today????” He was disappointed that we didn’t get the ice storm they were forecasting. Sorry kid, the weather sucks, but we still have to go out in it.

  2. I love the drawing of Mother Nature being outside the circle. It finally got warm here this week. Last week = boots and hats. This week = shorts. Stupid Mother Nature. Hope it warms up for you soon!

  3. Ugh. I loathe snow. I lived in two of the snowiest areas for the majority of my life – it snowed on my GRADUATION DAY. Um…wth? That’s why when my husband was offered a job in California I packed up two tiny people and moved 3000 miles away from everyone we know.

    • I remember my senior prom it snowed in Iowa. I was all for it – until I put my snowboard up and realized if I want to run a marathon I have to spend time training not snowboarding…and now it’s snowing…quit messing with my brain Mother Nature!

  4. I’m at lunch at work and read this and I was lol and people were looking at me like I’m psyco…. Like the idiot that killed his 3…. That’s in court…
    Well I LOVE winter too… But it could have come last night instead or tomorrow night…. I have to go from Hudson to maplehood for a short clinic and have the afternoon off then a company meeting in the evening… Timing is horid!!!! Ok… Then I love living here with 4 seasons…. But I’d rather they went like this and spring was the absolute shortest… I hate spring… Love fall, winter, summer… In that order… Opps did I just leave out spring… I say bring it on one more round… Then get to May as the only month of spring… Then summer can begin with out the 90 degree and humid weather and above 🙂
    Sorry hope don’t offend… 🙂

    • No offense!!!!! You’re totally fine!!!!! Yeah that trial is here in Hudson. I agree. Sloshy spring is the worst!!!!! Glad I was able to give you a giggle!!

  5. What do u want us to guest post about? Do you have a topic in mind? I know those sleepless blurry days and nights- you mean there’s a difference?

  6. Melissa@Home on Deranged

    April 10, 2013 at 6:19 pm

    She is a sexy minx, that Mother Nature. I always thought I wanted to live in the mountains of Montana to have all that snow, but I think the tales of winter this year have disavowed me of this notion. I’ll change my mind in August.
    Thanks for sharing on Hump Day Hook Up!

  7. I too have a few word to say to this inconsiderate bitch, so when you get hold of her, give me a call! Thanks for hooking up and the Hump Day Hook Up!

  8. Great to meet you tonight. I’m sorry if I was looking at you funny, but you totally look like somebody and I couldn’t figure out who. 🙂

    • No worries! Didn’t think that at all! But I do get that alot – you look like someone I know…..

      Glad to meet you last night too!!! Have a great day!!!

  9. 8 more inches…oh hell no. And yes I was about 85% of dog poop cleaned – required my son’s farm boots and 3 big black garbage bags but it was done. And then it snowed again. I love the graphic BTW:)

  10. Remind me never to get on your bad side 😉 Thanks for hooking up to the Hump Day Hook Up

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