Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

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Evil Joy here with a post on Evil Insomnia – and its Evil Counterpart – Evil Infomercials.

So I went to Eldest Spawn’s football game on Friday night.  (They won!!  First win of the season.)  It was chilly.  Nature called.  There was no one there to answer so I drove a mile down the road to the nearest gas station.  And decided I wanted a cup of coffee.  Now..I don’t drink coffee…I just wanted to hold on to it.  But lo and behold I decided to get the cappuccino stuff that masquerades as coffee.  And being the Evil Awesome Wife I am to Dr. Evil, I got him a cup of “real” coffee as he digs the nasty stuff.

Well, holding onto a cup of something to drink got to me.  I have this issue with liquids.  Have them near me, I will drink them.  Quickly. Multiple cups of whatever.  This is why I don’t often drink liquor because I tend to drink it like I drink everything else – too much and too fast.

So I downed that 20 oz cup-o-masquerading coffee.  And warmed up slightly.

Finally – time to head home.  Dr. Evil was leaving from the away game to catch a flight and a friend had all Female Spawn.  Eldest Spawn had to ride the bus back to school.  I was all alone and rocking on the way back to the middle school.  Feeling pretty energized given it was the end of the day, we’d run 10 miles that morning, Dr. Evil was leaving town, and it was Friday.

Didn’t think too much of it.  It was pretty nice out and I was happy to listen to what I wanted on the radio with the Evil Commentary of various spawn.

Home.  Shopping.  Home again.  Spawn to bed.  Cleaned the house.  Put away laundry.  Tried to go to bed.  Nope.  Nada.  Not gonna happen.

Okay…watched tv for a while.  Normally I go to sleep with the tv on for noise – especially when Dr. Evil is on travel.  So…tv on – boring show I’d seen before so I wouldn’t pay attention.  Finally…sleep arrived sometime after 11:30pm.




After attempting to read a book for a while, I started flipping channels.

Do you have any idea how many channels have infomercials on during the night.  And I saw ads for :

  • Insanity
  • P90X
  • The Food Ninja
  • Various Medical Devices
  • ProActive
  • Make Up
  • Body by Marnie (or something like that)
  • Time Life Carol Burnett Series
  • More cooking crap
  • Bo-Flex
  • Tred Walker (or something like that)
  • Perfect Brownie Pan
  • The Perfect Bra
  • The Slimmer
  • The Bullet

I’m sure I saw more.  I don’t watch them but was simply so amazed how many infomercials were on I went to the channel guide channel and started counting.  After 17 I gave up.  People must actually buy all this crap stuff.

Finally couldn’t take it anymore and flipped on NetFlix – Okay…movie.  “Sliding Doors.”  Seen it a million times.  Love it.  Should be able to zone out and go to sleep.

Nada.  Awake.

By now it’s after 5am.  I finally get some sleep sometime around 6:30 to 8.  Then the phone starts ringing.  Time to get moving.

And consider what product I can create to make an infomercial out of?  Whadda ya think?

  • Evil Joy’s Very Own Evil EyE Glasses (Just put them on to scare your spawn into submission)
  • Evil Joy’s Personal Guide to Style (How to pull off sweats any time and any where)
  • Evil Joy’s Never Empty Water Bottle (Simply open the top and put more water in it!  Amazing!)
  • Evil Joy’s Sweet Nectar of Life Instant Delivery and Refresh Service (aka Dr. Evil)

So note to self – no more fake coffee.  No more real coffee.  Not after 3pm – certainly not after 5pm.

EJ out – to make some yummy soup on this chilly day.  Better than coffee, right?

Warm me up with some Evil Love and click on the Top Mommy Blogs icon on the upper right.  Thanks!!!



  1. They didn’t have a bathroom at the away school??? That’s awful! Adding insult to injury, being up all night! Sorry honey.


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