Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Category: PTSD, PPD (page 3 of 4)

Loud and Clear

Sometimes when I go to church I can’t find the meaning in the message.  At least not right away.

Sunday…I heard it loud and clear.

Hope.

Even when things are going badly, hope.

Hope is the miracle.

Maybe the prayers and pleadings were and are answered but maintaining hope through all the hard stuff…that is the miracle.

That’s the message I heard.

During dark times, hope glimmers.  It may be dim at times, but the glimmer remains and can be rekindled into a strong flame.

I was bawling during Mass today.  Father talked about maintaining hope during the worst.  He talked about the worst being job loss, death, illness, or fear.  We all prayed for those suffering from depression.   Then the Knights got up and spoke about what they do and how the support the community.  One of the many things they listed was financial support to families going through tough times.  And yes, they supported us, as did our church.  In addition to a sea of support we received from those surrounding us.

I’m finally starting to see the lighter side of things.  While I fully understood and appreciated the depth of support surrounding our family while Dr. Evil was sick, I am seeing the miracle in it all.  I’m looking beyond the fear for the first time.  People were helping knowing we had a long road to recovery.  They weren’t helping simply to quiet the fear of his possible death.

I’m very good at hiding when I’m all but short of sobbing.  I held the tears at bay until the end of Mass.  Eldest caught on – but he’s sensitive to my moods.  And he was right next to me.  He also knew I wasn’t going to talk about it right there.   He smiled and, as he’s learned from me, teased me until I laughed.   We went on our way to the grocery to get what we needed for our day.

 

This isn’t about believing in God or not believing God.  This isn’t about being Catholic or Methodist or Wiccan or Agnostic.

This is about hope.

This is about seeing that glimmer of light.   And being ready to chase it.

I’m ready.

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What gives you hope in the worst of times?

The graphic used is courtesy of Gina Valley.  You can find her on Facebook at : www.facebook.com/Gina-Valley.  Twitter @GinaValley.  And on her blog : www.ginavalley.com

Today…at kissing the frog

I’m a contributor over at kissing the frog today.

It was a hard one for me.

If you’re so inclined, check it out.

Thanks.

 

Joy

 

p.s.  A very heartfelt and special thank you goes out to Kathy at kissing the frog.

Early Riser, Night Owl

Sunrise, Sunset

Sunrise Sunset….

I wish I slept like a normal person.  I will go days where I sleep no more than 2 hours a night.  Followed by days where I can’t stay awake past 8 pm and will sleep until 8 am…if the spawn shut the hell up and Dr. Evil doesn’t fluff the bedspread eight times…then follow it up with rearranging his pillows 84,000 times during his nighttime ‘get-comfortable’ ritual….which can occur anywhere from 9:30pm to 1am depending on what he’s got going on.

Then there’s the fun ones – the ones where I fall asleep too early – like 9pm – and am wide awake from 1am to 5am.  I get a lot of books read during this time.  I can’t do laundry during the night as the machines are over Eldest Spawn’s room and like me, he’s a light sleeper.  I can’t clean the kitchen because the dogs hear the water and come running like there’s a rabbit to chase….in turn waking up various spawn…who wake up other spawn…who still don’t get Dr. Evil to wake up…pissing me off even more (usually annoyed I can’t sleep but can’t get anything done to make the next day easier since I know I’m going to be tired)…making it harder yet to sleep.  Yeah…I get a lot of books read between 1am and 5am.  I try to stay off the computer because that’s a guaranteed no-more-sleep night….once I’m on….I’m sucked in.

I’ve given up caffeine.  I’ve tried melatonin.  I have a prescription to help – hate it.  I’ve tried Tylenol pm.  I’ve tried a beer.  I’ve tried wine.  I’ve tried abstaining from all of these things.  I’ve tried working out at night.  I’ve tried working out in the mornings.  I’ve tried complete darkness.  I’ve tried having a radio on.

Problem is – when I’m tired, I’ve overly emotional.  In the middle of the night…..when I don’t sleep I think about what could have happened.  I think about what did happen.  I find myself back in time – worrying about what was going to happen.  I occasionally fall asleep only to wake up in a cold sweat worried about the sounds the monitors are making in Dr. Evil’s hospital room.  Which one is it?  His heart monitor – dialysis machine?  The ventilator?  What is the sound?!?!  Oh yeah – it’s my watch alarm going off because it’s 5:45am.  I’m on the couch in my living room with a dog looking at me like I’m as crazy as I feel.

When this happens multiple nights in a row, I find a reason to NOT sleep.  I don’t want to dream about that.  

….Down comes a rested Dr. Evil followed by three spawn wandering down in random states of alertness.  Eldest Spawn meanders up from the basement.  And I seek my coffee.  STAT.  Or if my mood is really off – bring on the Diet Dew – or whatever brand of poison I have in the fridge.

Then…the migraines arrive.  Yay oh yah – happy day.  Because then….I have to go to bed.  I have to take some medicine.  I sleep usually about 12 hours after downing about a gallon of water.  And I just sleep.  Usually deep, deep sleep where I don’t remember my dreams upon waking.  Yeah – the migraine hangover headaches suck.  But at least I got some sleep and we can reset the clock again.

Theme Thursday’s theme : Early Birds, Night Owls…….  I went a little off the cliff with this one – I didn’t mean to – just sort of happened.

 

Go check out the other Theme Thursday awesomeness.  Jen at Something Clever 2.0  – along with The Next Step, The Insomniac’s Dream, and Mom With Her Running Shoes On host Theme Thursday every week.  They’re amazing and if you’re not following them – what’s WRONG WITH YOU!?!?!?  Just kidding – but going follow them!!

Marathon Weekend : The Evil Joy Edition

The Evil Onion

Grandma’s Marathon, Duluth, Minnesota

23 June 2013

by Evil Joy

The 37th Annual running of Grandma’s Marathon occurred yesterday in Duluth, Minnesota.  And it was even more special due to the presence of Evil Joy and her Dr. Evil.  They started together.  They ran together.  They finished together.  Evil Joy did not have to follow through with her very real Evil Threat of leaving Dr. Evil in Duluth if he left her on the marathon course.

“He stayed with me.  Through the whole thing.” said Evil Joy.

The weekend started with Evil Joy and Dr. Evil departing Hudson, Wisconsin.  First stop : Awesome A’s house – Eldest Spawn was staying there for the weekend.  Their second stop was Auntie W’s house – now known as “Spawn Drop Zone.”  The final stop before their Duluth Destination was Auntie J’s house – renamed “Fur Spawn Drop Zone” as the pups stayed there for the weekend.

Evil Joy shares her memories of the weekend.

“The traffic wasn’t too bad considering it was a weekend and we, like most of the area, were heading north.  That’s what people do here on the weekend – they “go up north.”  Temperatures were warm in the cities but continued to drop as we approached our destination.  As the temperatures dropped, the traffic picked up!”

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Evil Joy said the Expo was wonderful and she and Dr. Evil both made a few pre-race purchases.  Packet pickup was very smooth and nicely run.  All of the volunteers were amazing.  There is a spaghetti feed the night before the Marathon and Dr. Evil was very excited to partake.  Luckily for Evil Joy, they had a gluten-free option that was actually “pretty tasty.”

Evil Joy continues.

“We left the expo and made our way to the grocery store – our infamous ‘must haves’ for the morning of a long run.  I am addicted – mentally –  to my pre-run brown rice cakes with almond butter and 2 bananas.  We picked up a treat to have in the room as well – Greek yogurt with chocolate rice cakes to dip.  YUM!!!”

Evil Joy and Dr. Evil stayed at the University of Minnesota-Duluth dorms while in town.  They were very pleased with their accommodations.  While a hotel would have been amazing, it would have “broken the piggy bank.”

“It was time for bed.  I couldn’t sleep.  I was so very thankful for experienced friends sharing with us that no sleep is totally normal and not to worry about it.”

4:45am Saturday 22 June dawned….sort of.

“The fog was crazy!  Just when you thought you’d seen the worst of it – you’d lose more visibility.  Thankfully Dr. Evil and I were bused to the start of the race and didn’t have to drive in that mess.  We were up front – I get crazy car sick – and overheard the bus drivers desperately trying to get another lost bus driver – with a bus full of half marathon runners – to the start of the half.  The half started about an hour earlier than the full so those people were surely nervous!”

Evil Joy and Dr. Evil arrived at the drop site, found the sea of port-o-pots, and anxiously awaited the start.  “Well…I was anxious.  I don’t think Dr. Evil is ever nervous – he’s steady as all get out!” corrected Evil Joy.

The National Anthem was beautifully sung by a member of a local National Guard unit.  Then……it was time.

“There were people everywhere.  I am short and the group behind us – they must have all been over 6 feet tall!  They kept telling me when the line would move so I wouldn’t get run over!

We ran….and ran.  Started out with the 4:45 pace group.  At mile 4 I had to tell Dr. Evil I couldn’t maintain that pace for another 22 miles so we slowed slightly and ran with the 5 hour pace group.  Eventually they passed us too.  At that point – I just wanted to run and did NOT care about how long it took.  After 5 hours – who really cares if it’s 5 hours and 10 minutes or 5 hours and 30 minutes – that’s still a really long time to be moving!”

She continues, “The fog was so thick it literally looked like the sea of people were lemmings running off the edge of the world!”  The weather conditions deteriorated.  By Mile 3 the White Warning Flags were up.  From the race website, “WHITE FLAG (Risk of Hypothermia): The risk of hypothermia is very low, but still exists especially in slow runners or in wet and windy conditions.”  Evil Joy and Dr. Evil were quite comfortable with the temperatures while running.  “The wind was cold at times but we very much prefer that to being hot!” said Evil Joy.

“Finally…at mile 12 I gave in to the need I’d had since the start – and I mean the START of the race – I had to go to the bathroom.”

Evil Joy has a new name for Mother Nature – it’s one we can’t print here.  Let’s just say she was not thrilled with the timing of monthly events in her life at mile 12.

The race continued.  At Mile 20, sponsored by Verizon, Evil Joy and Dr. Evil saw two dear friends and seeing them gave the runners the energy to ‘just keep running…just keep running.’

“I thought Mile 25 was NEVER going to get here!” exclaimed Evil Joy.  Belly dancers were out in the now steady rain dancing under the overpass in Duluth’s historic downtown.

Finally…there.  The finish line.  Evil Joy said, “I was thinking…OH THANK GOD WE CAN STOP RUNNING SOON!  I just wanted my t-shirt and medal and to go on my blog page and put a line through one more thing on my Bucket List page!”

Evil Joy and Dr. Evil finished together at 5:36:45.  In the rain.  And oh so happy.  Dr. Evil is a man of few words but he posted this moving statement on Facebook :

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The Marathon is complete for another year.  When asked if she would do another one Evil Joy responded, “It’s like child birth – I need to forget a bit first before I think about doing it again.”

We had an amazing time together last weekend.  Thanks to everyone who helped us during training, running, traveling.  Dr. Evil’s statement on Facebook made me cry happy tears – during the race I kept thinking about how far we’d come.   I didn’t have any idea he was thinking the same thing.  He doesn’t talk much about all that happened.  I probably do that enough for both of us.  But his words healed a few places in me I didn’t realize needing healing.  So this was way more than a marathon.  Way more….

EJ out – to hobble to get some coffee.

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I Went Evil Joy on….

Evil Joy here with a post on gardening, frustration, and garden sheers.

I love putting in the garden.  No…seriously – it takes me to my happy place.  However we have this Evil Stuff called Evil Quackgrass :

Putting in a garden is fun.  Digging the holes – even with our Evil Limestone Outcroppings – is awesome.  I purposely don’t wear gloves – love the feel of the dirt.  Connecting the earth and all that crap (no hippie comments please…) …

Evil Quackgrass.  How I DON’T love thee : let me count the ways…

1.  You suck.

2.  You really suck.

3.  You really really suck.

4…..I think you get the idea.

I have – in my Evil Wisdom – determined there exists an industrial use for the root system of Evil Quackgrass – a use currently not yet discovered.  hmmmm…if any of you make money of it – I expect royalties!

After 4 – yes – 4 hours of planting – now known as Evil Ripping Out of Evil Quackgrass Before Putting Precious Little Plants In The Ground, I decided I needed to do something else.  Where, oh where, shall my focus fall?

Evil Dogwood Bushes.

Yes – I planted thee.  Yes, I sort of like thee.  Yes, I trim thee each and every bloody year.

Well….today, I took all my Evil Frustrations, Evil Worries, and Bad Evil Memories (six months ago Evil Hubby was still in a coma) out on said Evil Dogwood Bushes.  Now….bawhahahahahahahahaha – no longer bushes.

STUMPS!

I went Evil Joy on the bushes!!  BAWHAHAHAHAHAHA! And then I found …. more bushes!

I only went Ornery Joy on the lilac bush – see – it’s suppose to be a miniature – it still has it’s tag (yes, I’m that anal about things….) max size of 3 ft by 3 ft. Not so much…the stupid thing is Evil Tall and Evil Bushy – I’m talking 6 feet tall and at least that wide.  But it’s in the front of the house and I didn’t want to totally decimate it.  So Evil Joy relaxed a bit and trimmed…a lot….but not too much.

Listen here plants – Evil, Ornery, or Otherwise – Behave.  I. Have. Spoken.

Or I’ll go Evil Joy on your arse!  Bawhahahahahaha!

EJ out – to doctor my Evil Blistered Hands.

graphic sources :turf.uiuc.edu, shutterstock.com

Enough…

I can’t even begin like normal – it seems disrespectful.

Our 13.5 yr old miniature schnauzer Fizzgig died yesterday.  He was old, only had one eye, mostly blind in the other eye, going deaf, and starting to show signs of doggie dementia.  He drove me nuts.

But I loved him.

And I ran him over.

Awful.

I had half the damn neighborhood in the car – it was pouring so I drove the short distance to get kids off the bus.  Thankfully another adult was with me – coming to get two of the kiddos I had get in out of the rain.  6 kids, 2 adults in the car.  Dogs outside.  Pulling into the garage because of the rain.

No sooner had I said “It’s good – they always move out of the way….”

I have unbelievable neighbors.  Brent was on travel.  He called Amy – she drove right over.  Julie and Scott were here in an instant.  S and R’s babysitter took all the kids home and fed them while we dealt with Fizzy.  We…I didn’t do anything.  Amy and Scott took care of him and Julie took care of the kids.  Brent got on a plane and came right home.

Amy and Scott dug a nice hole for him and we laid him to rest out in the weeds where he chased deer, mice, birds, ground squirrels, and moles.  There’s a nice layout of limestone on top of his grave.  Sadie is going to paint it and make it pretty and we’re planting some flowers around him.

Bye Fizzy.  I’m sorry.  I know it was an accident and I griped about you a lot – you liked to bark and were very good at it – but I still miss you.

Evil Elevated Heart Rate Causing Sirens….

Evil Joy here with a post on panic.  Evil Panic.  And let me tell you just how sick of Evil Panic Evil Joy happens to be….Very Sick of it.

Tonight after softball on the way to baseball several – and I mean several – like 5 – emergency vehicles passed me on the way to Town Hall where my Eldest Spawn was having ball practice.

See – I have this thing….Everytime I see an emergency vehicle of any kind – especially one with its lights going – I say a prayer for the people in the vehicle, the people they are going to help, and the families of both.  I don’t know where or when I started this but it’s what I do….and I was doing it alot tonight.

Then we turned onto County Road A, Then U.  And all of the emergency vehicles were ahead.  Two more passed us and continued on the route we were driving.

Evil Panic set in.  Heart Rate increasing.  Trying really hard to be calm and rational.  Failing miserably.

What if…the list was long.  I tried to stop going there.  My main fear was Eldest Spawn or one of the other players or parents.   See…ever since Evil Hubby got sick and Evil Joy was spawned….I fear illness and injury in a new light.   Not ready to face that again.  I know…I know …. we can get hit by a bus just walking around.  Why worry?  Trust me, I try and sometimes actually succeed at keeping the Evil What Ifs at bay.  Other times, like tonight….not so much.  Doesn’t help Evil Hubby is on the Evil Travel ….. And his trip just got slightly extended…..Evil Grrrrrrr

I realized the ball players and families were fine.  The vehicles headed past our destination.  (Don’t get me wrong, I pray everything worked out wherever the emergency vehicles were headed….)

So listen here Evil Panic!   Stuff it.   Take a hike.   You have a time and place – and it’s not in my time or place.

EJ out – to find out what happened to cause the rush of vehicles.

Brain Dead Evil Driving…

Evil Joy here with a post about driving while tired, with fighting spawn in compact car, while Evil Hubby is away on travel, and …. police.

So.  Monday.  Monday was the normal Monday.  I am odd in the fact I don’t find Monday’s to be Evil in the slightest.  I like them.  Start of a new week, waiting to see what Evil exploits will unfold.

Got through Monday.  Remained un-Evil.

Time for softball for Eldest Female Spawn.  I talked Littlest Spawn (#4) in to staying with Eldest Spawn meaning I only had to take two Spawn to ball.  Then Spawn #4 found out practice was at a school with a playground.  So…off go the 4 of us – Evil Joy and all her Evil Female Spawn – Bawahahahahaha!

Driving.  Driving.  Driving.  Singing really loud with the radio – we make quite the Evil Quartet!

Then the Evil Arguing ensued.  Eldest Female Spawn touched Spawn #3 and then Spawn #4.  Did I mention they are shoved in the back of Evil Hubby’s compact car?  Shoulder to car seated Shoulder?  Two backed boosters and one unbacked booster (my spawn are short and will most likely be in boosters for their natural lives!)

Missed the turn to N.Hudson Elementary.  Opps.  Went down another street that runs perpendicular to the ball fields.

(Mind you – I’ve driven this so many Evil-Freaking-Times I normally make it there in my sleep.)

So I hang a right, pull into the parking lot adjacent to the fields.  I noticed a police officer sitting there when I parked.  Then he pulled in behind me.

Evil Words thought very loudly in my head.  Evil Heart Rate increase.  WTHeck!?!?  I had absolutely no idea why he was getting out to talk to me.  The Spawn of Evil Joy were concerned Evil Joy was headed to jail.

“Why did you go the wrong way down a one-way street?”

WHAT?@!?!  OMWord!?!?!?!?!?!?!  I CAN’T BELIEVE I DID THAT?!?!?!

                                      

I didn’t have a good answer other than I completely unaware of the 4 – yes – 4 signs telling you not to go that direction on that street.

Thank God for a clean driving record.  I got off with a “Don’t do that again, okay!?”  (I even told him – in my panic – I’m the world’s biggest Evil Rule Follower – to a fault normally!)

So…One Way signs – please jump up and down at me if I try to drive the wrong way.  Wrong Way signs – wave your arms or something.  I can’t get pulled over again – my Evil Heart can’t take the poundings induced by activities other than running!

Evil Joy out – to plan a new route not involving said One Way streets.

(sign images from – trafficsign.us, shutterstock.com)

Evil Charges…..

Evil Joy here with a post about mobile phones and the companies charging ridiculous rates to use them…while in a different country….to contact your psycho Evil Wife…..to keep her from being More Evil and More Psycho….

Evil Hubby is away on business.  I think I’ve mentioned the fact several times.  Not only away on business, but in Switzerland.  Not South Carolina, Hutchinson MN, Japan or China like normal.  Switzerland.

(BTW Evil Hubby – if you ever read this – because I honestly don’t know if you do – I really really really really really really really really really really really really really really want to come on an overseas trip with you!)

Evil Hubby – being the wonderful Evil Spouse of Evil Joy for +15 years (and yes, I know I got married young….) – knows Evil Joy is a very very very very very very big worry wart – calls me via Skype via phone to let me know he’s alive and no Evil blood clots took over on the flight.  (my current Evil Worry….)  Wonderful Evil Hubby he is – I love love love he called me!!!  (I’m feeling words are not expressing my sentiment exactly so I’m using them over and over…..just in case you were wondering if the keyboard was oozing in Evilness.)

Thankful for Evil Email arriving when an Evil Call did not – Damn Evil Jet Lag – too tired to stay awake and call home…..

So I got on with my day.  

TEXT MESSAGE NOTIFICATION!  TEXT MESSAGE NOTIFICATION!  (while I’m in the shower removing Evil Stinkiness from working out…)

Wonderfully Evil Message from Evil Hubby!  But only a couple of texts as they cost $0.50 for him to send?! To me?  On the same network?!  On the same type of phone?!

And only an economical (NOT!) $0.05 to receive a text from me?  But wait – is it costing me $0.50 to send him a text?!?!  And $0.05 to receive?!

Evil Joy’s Applied Mathematics Bachelors Degree was not meant for this type of use.

So…Evil Charges…go suck a tree.  Peace of Mind, even this Evil Joy’s mind, is worth a pretty penny (or several of them as the case may be….)

Evil Joy out – to charge my phone and track my bill!

Evil Tears….

Evil Joy here with a post on Evil Tears, Evil Snot, and Evil Red Face.

So yesterday….it was going well.  It ended well.  Got up.  Fed Spawn #1, #2, and #4.  Spawn #3 was at a sleepover.  Got to church.  On Time (which means a little early)!!!!  Woot Woot!  (Btw, I’ve trained Eldest Spawn in the art of “if you’re early you’re on time, if you’re on time you’re late, and if you’re late you’re screwed).  Left church.  Came home for lunch.  Kids played and had fun.  Rounded up Spawn #3.

Off to GirlScout drop off and time to head to the Y to run.  Have to keep Evil Joy at bay while Evil Hubby is in Switzerland.  WTHeck?!?!  Switzerland!!  Atleast he’s on a trip he’ll enjoy…right?!

Got in a good run – 5 miles of running to Indigo Girls – Evil Good Music!  And some Pearl Jam…and Rush….Eldest Spawn working on his Wicked Baseball skills in the gym.  Spawn Littles in KidStuff.

Then….BAM.

Literally.  A worker fell.  She was ill and needed an ambulance.  I helped while they went to get help.  I blocked the hallway so no kids could come out.  Then I blocked the other side of the hallway so no one crowded around her.

Same EMTs that helped Brent in November happened to be working out in the Y.  They helped until and while ambulance was there.

Same. EMTs.  I was Evilly calm.  I held my Evil Self together.  Until I got home and away from the Spawn.

Evil Freaking Tears.  Enough already.  Enough with the Evil Freaking Tears.

And of course – with Evil Tears comes Evil Snot.  (Remember….most everyone will wipe your tears but there aren’t too many lining up to wipe your snot (unless you’re 2….and cute….which I’m not!)).  And me being me – having the Evil Low Blood Pressure of Dead Person – when the Evil Tears come followed by Evil Snot….Evil Super Red Blotchy Face comes.

So…Evil Red Face – take that – a hot shower got rid of you!  Ha!  Evil Snot – well – you know what tissues are for.

Evil Tears – if you could stay at bay today – that would be awesome.  I promise to not be Evil Joy today if you stay away.  Otherwise….Bawhahahahahahaha!

Evil Joy out – to be Evil Joy in hopes of scaring away Evil Tears…I know…I lied….I will be Evil Joy today!  🙂

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