Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Containment Methods for Tweens and Teens

Top 10 Ways to Contain Your Non-Toddler Children.

1. Trampolines. These are essentially giant playpens. Tweens and teens willing enter. They must be reminded to not flip or do somersaults. After a while they will ask to leave but can be convinced to remain inside of the netting by offering a balloon or ball.

2. Hockey Rinks. While not personally aquatinted with this method I have observed the following; because of cost, once in parents can make the children stay in; gear takes so long to put on it’s like winter clothing – I got you dressed to play outside you’re going to play outside; there are a limited number of places where one may exit the rink.

3. Baseball Diamonds. Containing your child on a baseball field has unique challenges however given the practice and game schedule they have time for little other than practice, showering, washing their uniform, sleeping and doing it all over again.


4. Softball diamonds. See #3 and apply to all things softball.


5. Swimming pools. Tweens and teens can be tricked into playing at or in a pool using the bait and switch technique. You bait them with the promise of lazying around the pool then switch it up to include actual swimming.


6. Summer school. Suckers. Need I say more? Just remember this will require your time too if you live where you children cannot ride bikes or walk to class.

7. Library time. Like small children, tweens and teens are allowed into the library. I often pretend I need to find another book and while doing so suggest going “to find yourself something.” In your section. Away from me. Within the library. Quietly. Or else the librarian will holler at you. For real. She may actually holler at you to be quiet.

8. Golf. I know nothing about golf. But one of my kids is taking golf lessons this summer. It takes hours. And it’s cheap. (I realize that golf and cheap do not normally go together but it’s only $65 for the summer!! 3 hour lesson once a week for 7 or 8 weeks.).

9. Playgrounds. With younger siblings. Even the coolest of 14 year olds will play on the swings….


10. Holding the snacks and money hostage at any of the previous 9 locations. If you are in charge of the cooler or the wallet, they will come.


If you’re having a hard time containing your Tweens and Teens try implementing an idea or two. Let me know how it goes.

EJ out – taking girls to watch older girls in state softball playoffs.


  1. Being the mom to a 15, 12 and 9 year old I heartily agree with all of these methods. Sine I live 6 blocks from my parents I also use the, go to grandmas method. And,as if I’m not lucky enough, we also live walking distance to my father-in-law, who lives in an assisted living community. Tom loves to visit, my father-in-law, because, a) he loves his grandfather, and b) he can walk over to 7/11 and get a Slurpie. This keeps him busy for about 2 hours!! Oh happy day!

    • 2 hours?!?!? I would kill for a 2 hour window!! Now that summer has ‘officially’ started and we have an entire week of no practices, games or classes…this week will be spent at the beach and outside with friends. And I will actually get to blog more than once a month.

      Thanks for commenting.

      PS totally jealous of the grandparent out – mine are in New Mexico and Iowa…. we live in WI….I think I would get arrested if I sent my on a walk to their grandparents’ home!!!

  2. This was great lol! I totally agree with the trampoline…it is the best invention ever for ignoring my kids….

    • I LOVE THAT!!! “Best invention ever for ignoring my kids…” I love my spawn but there are times I so very VERY thankful for the trampoline and the swingset and their friends. GO PLAY and let me have 5 minutes!!!!

      Thanks for commenting!!

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