Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Don’t Mess with Mama Monday

Can you feel the steam exploding from my ears?  If not, trust me, global warming has taken a hit in the last 12 hours.

Photo on 3-25-13 at 5.07 PM #2

Eldest Spawn.  You are in a world of trouble.  I’ve been more angry in the past, but wow.  You took it to a new level today – a new deception attempt level.  Note the attempt.  Remember – it was attempted and squashed.  Let this be a lesson.

You blew it.  Big time.  By playing on my biggest fear and consideration for my spawn.

Puke.

Telling me you threw up so you wouldn’t have to go to school.  And then putting shredded wheat on the toilet and telling me there was some “splash back” from when you threw up.  And spilling your cereal on the floor.

You should know my Mom Spidey Sense was atinglin’ – I can smell a lie like a fart in an elevator.  (I think that’s a movie quote….).  I sat there, on the couch adjacent to you, talking to you, listening to the answers, the Mom Spidey Sense tingle getting stronger and stronger.

Then I flat out said, “I don’t believe you.”

You threw yourself dramatically on the couch.  Then about 20 seconds later, fessed up.  You weren’t sick.  You were worried about a test you forgot about.

Oh wow.  Seriously.

Then you had the EVIL AUDACITY to attempt to put it back on me.  “You expect perfection.”

ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?!?!  

In no uncertain terms I simply said, “I expect your best effort.”

 

Followed by, “Get your butt on the bus.  You can study during lunch, on the bus, or in-between classes.”

…..

Then I sent him out the door with the knowledge punishment would be coming, hard, swift, and….

creatively.

So far he has lost XBox, iPod, iPad, and Beats privileges for one week.  Oh and computer access other than for school work.  (we’re not spoiled at all….) And next he has to write out 5 punishments and I get to choose 1-3 of them depending on what he comes up with.  And call Dr. Evil (on travel this week) and tell him what he did.  And … he specifically tried to throw out the “Don’t blog about this.”  So….of course I am!

He has just read this.  Tried unsuccessfully to edit or delete parts.  I felt the need to sit on him and show him who is boss.

As you see, this Evil Mama reigns supreme.

 

I am seriously angry.  This is not something acceptable in my lair.  In a while, we’ll laugh about it.  Right now…he’s doing chores and will be doing more chores in the upcoming days.  And will think twice about ever telling me he’s sick again because unless I see puke leaving his body or he has a raging temperature – he’s going to school.  Every freaking day.

Schmuck.

 

EJ out – to get that list and have fun picking out punishments.

Take a minute and give this Evil Mama some support.  Click on the juggling lady to cast a vote for me at Top Mommy Blogs.  Thanks!

 

And go visit Snarkfest and buy “I Just Want to Pee Alone.”

8 Comments

  1. Joy, this one made me laugh out loud! Love it!!

    • I’m glad!!! He also threw out there…you shouldn’t tell the people you clean for about me – blah blah blah was all I heard after the “you shouldn’t” part.

      His list sucks by the way. It’s all things he normally has to do. So … I’m getting creative…he said cleaning. Okay…toilets. All of them. With a toothbrush.

      I . Am. Evil. Bawahahahahahaha!

  2. When my son was in kindergarten and I worked across the hall as a one on one associate, he went to the nurse and feigned sick. Somehow the nurse believed him. She said he needed to go home. A sub was found and I took him home. Once home it became apparent pretty quickly that he was fine. Soon the story came out-he thought that if he faked sick he could come home and watch tv all day.

    He was driven back to school immediately. He had a little private meeting with the principal and then was sent back to his classroom. I couldn’t salvage those hours since the sub was already arranged, so I went and had some me time. He got some him time too, in his room as punishment.

    In hindsight maybe I should have thrown in some cleaning projects for the free slave labor, though he hasn’t pulled that since.

    Go Mom, go!

    • Good for you for taking him back to school!!! Glad you got some me time out of it but probably not the way you wanted to get it!

      I am soooo making him clean the bathrooms…all of them! Sucker…..

      Have a fabulous day!!!!

  3. I would say the punishment definitely fits the crime. Kids have to learn, moms just know everything 😉

    • I have eyes in the back of my head, sides of my head, eyes, and IN MY BRAIN!!!! Man…he knew he was caught! Thanks for commenting!! Makes my day!!!!

  4. Okay he gets like 2 points for creativity, but you get at least 15 for calling him out and coming up with some excellent punishments. 🙂

    • I think I need at least 150 points for calling him out and not losing it when I did it. I was soooo calm – you wouldn’t believe it if you’d be there!!!! I just sat and looked at him… I don’t believe you!

      Suckers – when are they going to learn!?!

      Love you!! Getting closer to wedding day!!! Spawn are sooooo excited!

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