Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Early Riser, Night Owl

Sunrise, Sunset

Sunrise Sunset….

I wish I slept like a normal person.  I will go days where I sleep no more than 2 hours a night.  Followed by days where I can’t stay awake past 8 pm and will sleep until 8 am…if the spawn shut the hell up and Dr. Evil doesn’t fluff the bedspread eight times…then follow it up with rearranging his pillows 84,000 times during his nighttime ‘get-comfortable’ ritual….which can occur anywhere from 9:30pm to 1am depending on what he’s got going on.

Then there’s the fun ones – the ones where I fall asleep too early – like 9pm – and am wide awake from 1am to 5am.  I get a lot of books read during this time.  I can’t do laundry during the night as the machines are over Eldest Spawn’s room and like me, he’s a light sleeper.  I can’t clean the kitchen because the dogs hear the water and come running like there’s a rabbit to chase….in turn waking up various spawn…who wake up other spawn…who still don’t get Dr. Evil to wake up…pissing me off even more (usually annoyed I can’t sleep but can’t get anything done to make the next day easier since I know I’m going to be tired)…making it harder yet to sleep.  Yeah…I get a lot of books read between 1am and 5am.  I try to stay off the computer because that’s a guaranteed no-more-sleep night….once I’m on….I’m sucked in.

I’ve given up caffeine.  I’ve tried melatonin.  I have a prescription to help – hate it.  I’ve tried Tylenol pm.  I’ve tried a beer.  I’ve tried wine.  I’ve tried abstaining from all of these things.  I’ve tried working out at night.  I’ve tried working out in the mornings.  I’ve tried complete darkness.  I’ve tried having a radio on.

Problem is – when I’m tired, I’ve overly emotional.  In the middle of the night…..when I don’t sleep I think about what could have happened.  I think about what did happen.  I find myself back in time – worrying about what was going to happen.  I occasionally fall asleep only to wake up in a cold sweat worried about the sounds the monitors are making in Dr. Evil’s hospital room.  Which one is it?  His heart monitor – dialysis machine?  The ventilator?  What is the sound?!?!  Oh yeah – it’s my watch alarm going off because it’s 5:45am.  I’m on the couch in my living room with a dog looking at me like I’m as crazy as I feel.

When this happens multiple nights in a row, I find a reason to NOT sleep.  I don’t want to dream about that.  

….Down comes a rested Dr. Evil followed by three spawn wandering down in random states of alertness.  Eldest Spawn meanders up from the basement.  And I seek my coffee.  STAT.  Or if my mood is really off – bring on the Diet Dew – or whatever brand of poison I have in the fridge.

Then…the migraines arrive.  Yay oh yah – happy day.  Because then….I have to go to bed.  I have to take some medicine.  I sleep usually about 12 hours after downing about a gallon of water.  And I just sleep.  Usually deep, deep sleep where I don’t remember my dreams upon waking.  Yeah – the migraine hangover headaches suck.  But at least I got some sleep and we can reset the clock again.

Theme Thursday’s theme : Early Birds, Night Owls…….  I went a little off the cliff with this one – I didn’t mean to – just sort of happened.


Go check out the other Theme Thursday awesomeness.  Jen at Something Clever 2.0  – along with The Next Step, The Insomniac’s Dream, and Mom With Her Running Shoes On host Theme Thursday every week.  They’re amazing and if you’re not following them – what’s WRONG WITH YOU!?!?!?  Just kidding – but going follow them!!


  1. Have you tried biphasic sleep? Many people who are insomniacs are that way because they are trying to conform to the monophasic sleep pattern, which is against their natural rhythm. I wrote an article about it that explains this phenomena: http://daughterofmaat.hubpages.com/hub/Biphasic-Sleep-Patterns – Not trying to promote myself, I just think it might help you because what your describing sounds like you might benefit from this type of sleeping pattern. I hope it helps!

  2. That really sucks. I wish I had some helpful info for you. But I don’t. Except have you tried eating oatmeal in the mornings with walnuts. I don’t really remember why, and it can’t be instant. My hubby tried it and he said it didn’t help him sleep any earlier, but it helped him wake less.

  3. I can so relate to what you said here Joy-all of it, except that Ambien works well for me for the most part. I have never been a very heavy sleeper-my husband is not a pillow fluffer but he IS a blanket arranger… Must be an evil thing. You’ve got to come over and at least see my impression of Evil Genius in the mornings on my post (think of a great scene from Scrubs!)

  4. That sounds horrible! I love sleep – to a fault. I do take melatonin every evening or I will lie in bed and never fall asleep but once I am down it would take a war to get me up. I couldn’t imagine – good luck – I hope you find a solution.

  5. JennSomethingClever

    August 25, 2013 at 12:29 am

    I truly believe that some people address born nocturnal, and I’m one of them. It sucks. This is probably obvious, but have you tried Benadryl?

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