Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Evil Phrases I Actually Used…..

So…things that make you go MMMM…or WTHeck?  Did I really just say that?!?!

Baseball lends itself to the use of many phrases I never dreamed or nightmared of using.  Taking three Female Spawn to ball parks all summer long – twice a week and all weekend – created situations in which new ‘everyday’ phrases were employed.

Here is a list of the ones I can think off the top of my head….

1. We do not touch dog butts of dogs we don’t know.

2. Do not lick the baseball.

3. Do not pee in the grass – you are a girl.

4. Yes, you can have more candy – just leave me to watch the game.

5. We don’t put sunscreen there….

6. Here – play with my iPhone so I can watch the game – never mind it’s raining and there’s cement for it to fall on.

7. YES!!!  Only 5 more hours in the heat!

8. No, you can’t marry your new best friend.

9. No!  Do not kiss your new boyfriend (said to 6 and 4 year old).

10. Let your sister be the dog for once when you play kennel.

11. Stop trying to eat the sunflower shells out of the grass – there are no seeds in there.  (Never mind they’d been in someone else’s mouth!)

12. No – we don’t lick the door handle to the bathroom.  Gross dude!

13. Put your clothing back on!  (Shouted at 6 year old who happened to be sitting next to high school couple who immediately turned 50 shades of purple.)

14. Stop cheering for your brother like that – he doesn’t want you to sing his name and then try to kiss him!!!  And if you’re going to do it – spell his name right!

And my favorite –

15.  Of course we’ll do this tomorrow – it’s great!  It’s only suppose to be 95 degrees – it’ll be way cooler!


Any phrases you’ve said you never imagined utterly until you had Spawn?  Let me a comment – I’d love to hear them – maybe we can compare notes!


EJ out – to put Spawn to bed and read a book.  And do laundry.  And fold laundry.  And put away laundry.  I live and breathe laundry.  Bawahahahahaha.

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Also, check out “Ronan” on iTunes by Taylor Swift.  Amazing.  Simply.Perfect.


  1. Don’t shoot the dog in the face, only the butt. (It was only nerf foam pellets)

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