I have a thing. This thing is important to me. And apparently, only me.
Do. Not. Fart. Around. Me.
And more importantly…
Do. Not. Fart. At. The. Dinner. Table.
I’d prefer you didn’t belch, burp, toot, or shart there either. Particularly the last one.
I was raised that farting, well, tooting, is done while you are sitting on the toilet. Not while walking around. Not on purpose. Not in the presence of another person unless you completely can’t help it (and then you move quickly and look disapprovingly towards the person nearest the smell you created).
One does not fart on purpose at the table. Any table. One does not fart while sitting on a couch, chair, or in the car. And if one, say an Evil Joy, has gut issues, you just don’t …. because a fart…could be so much more than just a fart. So no. Just no.
After a wonderful day free of farting and full of cooking by Dr. Evil and Eldest Female Spawn we gathered around the dinner table.
Home made pizza and then…the pièce de résistance…..homemade lemon sherbet and lemon blueberry cake with a cream frosting. (I married smart people…..a man who loves to cook…AND…is good at it.)
Dinner was over and we were sitting around the table. Finally, an evening at home together. No one needed to be rushed to a meeting, practice, game, tournament, or lesson. Just quiet…..and then…..
“BERLT!” A sound emitted from Eldest’s bum.
I said, “Really??? We almost made it through dinner without anyone farting! And you? You never fart at the table.”
Followed by .. “BBEERRRLT!”
“Seriously Dr. Evil….”
and “BerrLT!” from Eldest Female Spawn.
“When you all shite your pants, I’m not washing them!” Eldest quips in, “I do my own laundry anyways Mom!”
I stood up and said, “I’m done with you people.” And walked away.
And went to bed.
Today I did laundry. I didn’t look too closely at anything.
And I have no idea why I decided to represent a fart noise with “Berlt.” But it worked. You got the point right?
EJ out – to do yet another load of laundry.
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