Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Hatchbacks Can Hide Things….

You all know I’m a little off, right?

Last Christmas Dr. Evil Santa bought all these little furbies into the house.  A Big one and THREE smalls ones.  They work together and with the iPad so of course it was going to be all fun and games.  Until they interrupt you at inopportune times (you can read about that here…..), go off in the middle of the night, react to the dog, or scare the snot out of you when you open a kitchen cabinet at 6am.

After weeks, hell, MONTHS of randomly finding a furby in my kitchen cabinets, I decided it was time.  Time for payback.

Payback for all the mornings of me getting up to make lunches for spawn while Dr. Evil got ready in peace.  Not that I wasn’t having a great time because I sort of do enjoy mornings with all four spawn home and puttering about the table trying to find breakfast and things for lunch and snack, for second lunch and third snack.  My spawn are actually hobbits.

The thing is I live in constant FEAR of where that little f(*)cker is going to be each morning.  It sometimes is in the lunchbox cabinet.  Sometimes in the girls bathroom towel cabinet.  Other times it’s stuck in the seasonings drawer.

But most times…it’s in the tupperware cabinet up high.  Where I can’t reach it without a step stool.  And it’s light sensitive so the little bastard goes off when I sleepily open the cabinet.  If any of you have met me in real life you know my reaction to being scared.  It’s enough to give those watching me a heart attack … or a good laugh.  I’m probably one of the jumpiest people alive.

Saturday morning after Dr. Evil kicked Evil Furby – the one that says “AAAhhhhhh ooooooolllll” and sounds like he’s swearing – laying in the upstairs hallway…. GENIUS struck.


I called Littlest into my room.  Dr. Evil was down in the kitchen baking up an amazingly tasty storm.  I was folding laundry and sorting socks.

It.  Was.  Time.

“HEY Little!”  come here I whispered.  She ran in.  She could sense something good was going down.

“Go set this in the front seat of Daddy’s car.”  She runs out.  “WAIT!!!” I holler.

“Put it in the back.”  She runs off giggling.


She skips back inside.  “Did you get it all the way in the back?  Like in the hatchback-back?”

“No.” HUGE grin breaking out on her face and she realizes my intent.

“Go put it all the way in the back!” I instruct my Evil Little Minion.

She happily trots off.

Saturday turns to Sunday.  Sunday turns to Monday.  I kind of forgot about our little AWESOME prank.  Dr. Evil did some errands on Sunday but he took the truck so his car remained motionless and quiet.

Then Monday dawns and Dr. Evil leaves for work.

I sit down to write something witty here and I can’t log in.  He’s updated the Mac and I don’t know what he’s done to my computer and I’m a little frustrated.  I call three times.

No answer.

I text.  Three times.


Then my mind starts up.  I’m a little nuts and very guilty by nature.  I create this scenario in my mind where the furby went off, he got in an accident due to distracted driving, causing a massive pile up on I-94 and it will be all my fault.

I text my friend and tell her my crazy thoughts.  She comforts me and says, “Get a grip.”

Finally he calls me.

“I’m almost to work and I stop and I hear this thing talking.  I look around and think what the hell?” he tells me.

I giggle.


And the true win???  He had to drive home with the Evil Furby going off in the back.

I got the following text….

“Furby is going out the window in 5-4-3-2-1.”


Maybe now Dr. Evil will quit putting furby places to startle me.   Most likely…he’ll keep doing it and I’ll need to hatch a new plan.  Any thoughts or ideas would be appreciated!

EJ out – to brush some tangles out of spawn hair.  God.  Help.  Me.






  1. Too funny. You’re an evil one, Evil Joy!!!

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