Evil Joy here with a post on gardening, frustration, and garden sheers.
I love putting in the garden. No…seriously – it takes me to my happy place. However we have this Evil Stuff called Evil Quackgrass :
Putting in a garden is fun. Digging the holes – even with our Evil Limestone Outcroppings – is awesome. I purposely don’t wear gloves – love the feel of the dirt. Connecting the earth and all that crap (no hippie comments please…) …
Evil Quackgrass. How I DON’T love thee : let me count the ways…
1. You suck.
2. You really suck.
3. You really really suck.
4…..I think you get the idea.
I have – in my Evil Wisdom – determined there exists an industrial use for the root system of Evil Quackgrass – a use currently not yet discovered. hmmmm…if any of you make money of it – I expect royalties!
After 4 – yes – 4 hours of planting – now known as Evil Ripping Out of Evil Quackgrass Before Putting Precious Little Plants In The Ground, I decided I needed to do something else. Where, oh where, shall my focus fall?
Evil Dogwood Bushes.
Yes – I planted thee. Yes, I sort of like thee. Yes, I trim thee each and every bloody year.
Well….today, I took all my Evil Frustrations, Evil Worries, and Bad Evil Memories (six months ago Evil Hubby was still in a coma) out on said Evil Dogwood Bushes. Now….bawhahahahahahahahaha – no longer bushes.
I went Evil Joy on the bushes!! BAWHAHAHAHAHAHA! And then I found …. more bushes!
I only went Ornery Joy on the lilac bush – see – it’s suppose to be a miniature – it still has it’s tag (yes, I’m that anal about things….) max size of 3 ft by 3 ft. Not so much…the stupid thing is Evil Tall and Evil Bushy – I’m talking 6 feet tall and at least that wide. But it’s in the front of the house and I didn’t want to totally decimate it. So Evil Joy relaxed a bit and trimmed…a lot….but not too much.
Listen here plants – Evil, Ornery, or Otherwise – Behave. I. Have. Spoken.
Or I’ll go Evil Joy on your arse! Bawhahahahahaha!
EJ out – to doctor my Evil Blistered Hands.
graphic sources :turf.uiuc.edu, shutterstock.com