Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time


This morning was insane.  Or rather this morning caused me to question my sanity.

I lost two of my children.  Lost them.  As in couldn’t find them.  At all.  Anywhere.

I was terrified.

As it happens there was a miscommunication and they were in fact exactly where they were suppose to be.  On the bus.  Safe.  Warm.  Happy.  Playing on the bus with friends while riding to school.

For 24 minutes I had no idea if they were in fact on the bus, if they’d been abducted, had fallen in a ditch, or somehow ended up somewhere they didn’t belong.

I was driving to work.  It had already been a cluster of a morning.  Dr. Evil thought he left his keys in my vehicle.  I returned home to figure out his keys were not in my vehicle.  Now I was late.  I HATE being late.  HATE IT.  So I was little grumpy.  And not very nice if I’m honest.  I got back in the car.  Then I got a call.  From a friend who also had someone getting on the bus at our stop.  She was wondering if her child had missed the bus.  Because she didn’t see anyone at the stop.  Where my children should have been.  I grumpily called Dr. Evil and chewed him out for not having the girls at the bus stop and said now he was going to be late because he’d have to take them to school.  He got very confused and told me the girls had left for the stop at the appropriate time and should be waiting for the bus.  I got scared.  Quickly.

I called the school to get the number to the bus company.  The secretary at the school knew I was driving.  I was trying to find a place to pull off.  She decided she would call the bus company and call me back.  She could hear the terror and tears in my voice.  I clutched my phone until I got to work.

Logically I knew they were fine.  We live in a “it takes a village” community.  We all look out for each other and do what we can to help.  We live in a safe area.  We live in an amazing area.

Emotionally I was a wreck.  A total wreck.

I got down the road to work.  Still clutching my phone.  I walked in  I was crying.  I finally decided I had to call the school again because I hadn’t heard anything.

They were safe.

The secretary had called.  She left me a message.  I was in a dead zone apparently and never got the message.  Until three hours later.

It took my dear friend G ten minutes to talk me off the ledged.  I was so panicked.  Yet I drove to work?  Why didn’t I turn the truck around and drive to school?

I think my brain took over and said, “You know they are safe, it’s a miscommunication.”  Even though my heart wasn’t listening to my brain.  All day I beat myself up.  What if I had driven to work and they were missing?  What kind of mother does that make me?  I finally stopped beating myself up.  I decided all was well in the world and it was time to move on.  All of the moms at work today completely understood.  They were amazing.  (I’m sure the dads would have been too – it was just all moms today.)

We shared stories about not being able to find our children.  I clearly remember the first time I lost Eldest.  It was at Macy’s downtown in Minneapolis.  He was three.  He got on a crowded elevator when he ran ahead.  The doors closed.  I had never been so frightened. Of course another mom grabbed him and held him at the door until we got to the floor of Christmas display.  He has never again boarded an elevator without making sure we are all together.  We lost Eldest Female Spawn in Disney World our very first day.  That was terrifying.  She was so little and Disney is so big.  A very sweet family saw her wondering about and took her to the Lost Child area.  They have an entire Lost Child area…nuff said about that.   This summer we inadvertently left Littlest at a ball park.  I though Dr. Evil had her, he thought I had her and we both left.  Opps.  Thank God for awesome coaches.  Coach called us and we both flew back to the field.

Their future will be therapists can thank us for the therapy they will require.  We’ll be keeping the next generation of mental health workers gainfully employed.

I know it sounds corny but every time I send a child off a little piece of my heart goes with them.

And tonight I’m holding those little pieces and we are going to have a family movie night.  Together. In one room.  We are going to rock out to the Muppets Movie and just be. Together.  Not lost.  Not not lost.  Just together.

Here’s to a wonderful weekend and to all being accounted for.

EJ out – to cuddle some pretty cool spawn.


  1. g.somerville@comcast.net

    January 24, 2015 at 8:52 am

    Love this, Joy! You are such a talented writer. Thanks for the nod for your friend “G.” It DOES take a village and I am so glad I am a part of yours! Have a great weekend, friend! xoxo


  2. Hope you were able to relax and enjoy your movie night and your babies. You’re doing a fantastic job, honey.

  3. I once lost my friend’s child at the mall… except I really didn’t. We had gone to the mall to watch this special magic show they had for kids. I used to take care of my friend’s son, age 7, and my roommate’s daughters, ages 7 and 3, every day. The 3-year-old had some sort of tantrum about I forget what, and I was trying to calm her, and when I looked up, Raphael was gone! I was dragging the two girls around while looking everywhere for him, and eventually went to a security guard and had the whole mall looking for him. Meanwhile, Raphael had gone and sat in the back row and was calmly watching the magic show. He later said he saw us talking to the security guard and looking upset, and he wondered what was wrong, but then got distracted by the magician! So I totally know the feeling of blind panic, where you imagine the worst possible outcome, and then realizing everything is fine and nobody was ever in danger, yet you still feel like you narrowly dodged a bullet!

  4. I’ve had similar issues. Mine have iPhones and I track them… One time it shows my son in the river downtown. Nowhere hear the high school. I freaked and tested both my high schoolers… My oldest answered stating the one in question did get on and off the buss at the school. So he had to be there. Then I thought he left his phone on the bus. So I used find my iPhone on him… I’m surprised his teacher didn’t kick him out of class. That tone is a loud ping. He had to answer or he knew I would lock his phone. He answered and I even talked to the teacher explaining the gps had his location in the river so of course I was a good mom and checking on his whereabouts… The teacher agreed it was ok. When I checked his location the gps now had him in school…. That was just the beginning of this school year. Those minutes of terror though are what gave me that mom horror moment!

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