Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Instruction Guide to Not Being an Asshat…..

I’m borrowing a word from my friend and favorite blogger Snarkfest….Asshat.

Today’s post was inspired by … cell phones … and the asshatery people pull while using their cell phones.


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Evil Joy’s Guide to Not Being an Asshat

  1. If you are being waited on at a store, talk to the cashier, not your cell phone.  Otherwise, you’re being an Asshat.
  2. If you are walking down a store isle that is full of people, look up from your device.  Otherwise when you crash into the lady with a newborn baby, you’re being an Asshat.
  3. If you are driving in a school parking lot during drop off or pick up time, GET OFF YOUR PHONE.  DO NOT CHECK YOUR EMAIL.  Drive.  Otherwise…you’re not being an Asshat….You Are An Asshat.
  4. If you are in a restaurant and you need to take a call, do it.  However if you need carry on a conversation at the top of your lungs for a long time, step outside.  Otherwise, you’re being an Asshat.
  5. If someone makes a mistake filling the order you’re placing while you’re talking on your cell phone remember those around you can hear all you’re saying.  You may not want to insult the person filling your order to the person you’re talking to on your phone.  If you do, you’re being an Asshat.  And there are lots of witnesses.
  6. If you are unable to talk to a person uninterrupted by your cell phone, you need to change.  Otherwise, you’re being an Asshat.
  7. If you talk with your hands when you’re excited, don’t get excited while talking on the phone and driving.  Otherwise, you’re being an Asshat…and you may die.
  8. If you’re at your kid’s concert/sporting event/school conference put away your device and listen (after the few million required pictures of course).  Otherwise, you’re being an Asshat.
  9. If your kid can’t function without a device to occupy them every second of every day, teach them to.  Make them.  Otherwise you’re raising someone who could become an Asshat.
  10. And finally……USE COMMON SENSE!  Otherwise, you’re being an Asshat.

This public service message to Avoid Becoming an Asshat was inspired by stupid people in Sam’s Club.

Now…onto to better things.  Today is Sunday.  I typically don’t post on Sunday because it seems many of you don’t read on Sunday.  SO….feel free to read it on Monday or any other day of the week.  And share.  Because sharing is caring.  Facebook isn’t showing many people my posts anymore so I’m trying to reach as many of you as I can here on my blog, on instagram (@eviljoyspeaks) and on twitter (@eviljoyspeaks).  Feel free to share my posts, statuses, and pictures!  I love seeing what you all have to say and will do my best to respond!!!!

Have a fabulous, fun-filled, Asshat-free day!

EJ out – to soak up the 40 degree temps and clean a garage and about a shite ton of dog…shite out of my yard!  Smell ya later!



  1. But if people stop being asshats, I’ll have less material for my You Might Be an Asshat series! LOL who
    Am I kidding … There will always be asshats! 🙂

  2. I hope we didn’t do #1. I hope I would at least say “just a second please”. Regarding le poop. Mon dieu, we got a lot too.

  3. Awesome! I love reading about Asshats!!

  4. I needed this today. Thank you! 🙂 I shared your link to this post on my Blog’s Facebook page, The Graying Chronicles. Had too! Too many Asshats out there. They need to know who they are or at least warn others about them. 🙂

  5. OMG! #2!! Same goes for parking lots, can’t tell you how many times I’ve almost been mowed over because they won’t look up & I refuse to get out of the way to make a point about what an ASSHAT they’re being!!

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