Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Layers

It’s cold here in Wisconsin.  And this year it’s damn cold.

As the Evil Joy spawnily snowboards (and unless you’ve never read my blog or Facebook page you know this….or you live under a rock), we are prepared for this tundra like weather.

Here is a tale.  A Tale of Layers.

Layers Required to Prevent A Frozen Evil Joy

Layer One :

Grannie Panties of the Nth Degree.  Because if a wedgie occurs, there’s no getting that out of the business through all the layers.

Sports Bra from Hell.  Because I need it.  ‘Nuff said.

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Layer Two :

Outdoor Running Leggings.  They’re slightly fuzzy on the inside and spandex-y on the outside.

Base Layer Long Sleeved Shirt.  It’s too small.  But it tucks into Outdoor Running Leggings.

And God help anyone who sees this layer.  Dr. Evil isn’t even allowed anywhere near when this layer is stand alone.

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Layer Three :

Cool Weather Running Capris.  They’re thicker than the normal capris I wear when running.  And a bit longer

Long Sleeve Tech Shirt.  Usually one that says “Run Your Giblets Off” because..yeah…it says “Run Your Giblets Off.”

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Layer Four :

Sweat Shorts – Bermuda Length.  Otherwise my arse freezes to the lift chair and then all hell breaks loose.

Long Sleeve Tech Shirt.  Usually the other one that says “Run Your Giblets Off” because we have two of them.

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Layer Five :

Snowboarding socks.  Because I’m snowboarding.  And they’re long.  And only one pair in this lair is wool free and if anyone tries to wear them besides me I get pretty Evil.  There are 20 other pairs of socks around here – stay off mine.

Long Sleeve Tech Shirt.  Now we’re onto the “Grandma’s Marathon Training” one.

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Layer Six :

Bottom layer is done but for Snowpants.

Top Layer required a hoodie.

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Layer Seven :

Snowpants.

Snowboard Jacket.

(I got lazy taking pictures so there’s one to encompass the next three layers…..)

Layer Eight :

Wrist Guards.  Yes.  I wear them after breaking my wrist the first time I ever went snowboarding.

Layer Nine :

Hat.

Neck gator.

Face Mask.

Hot Packs for hands.  Hot Packs for feet.

Mitts.

Goggles.  Only if it’s bright enough because I don’t have goggles with lenses for low light.

Boots.

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Layer Ten :

HELMET!  YOU MUST WEAR A HELMET.  YOU’RE DUMB IF YOU DON’T.

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And Finally….

A board.

Now…I’m ready to board.  And even with all these layers I’m still able to bend and strap in!!  Let’s shred!

EJ out – to now undress from 87 layers of clothing in order to drive that cello to school AGAIN!  Gah – only 6 more years – then she’ll be able to drive her own cello to school!  (And her sisters!)

Help keep a now nearly naked Evil Joy warm by clicking on the Top Mommy Blogs icon on the upper right there in the corner.  Thanks!!!!!

4 Comments

  1. I’m sweating now thinking about all those clothes!

  2. JennSomethingClever

    February 25, 2014 at 10:18 am

    I’m picturing that scene from Friends… You know the one.

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