Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Little Lies…




Here’s a question for you.

Do you think it’s okay to lie to your children?  Ever?  Little white lies?  Big huge lies?

When my children ask me if Regions, our Elf on the Shelf, moves about by himself my answer always is, “What do you think?” Always the same question when it comes to Santa, The Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny.  I don’t say, “Yes” or “No” or “Maybe.”  I ask them and gauge their reaction.  I look to see if it’s time for a different discussion or if they’re happy where they are with their beliefs.

Tomorrow Eldest Female Spawn will be 12 years old.  She is receiving a cell phone as a present.  It was going to be a surprise.  I had it all worked up in my mind.


Setting : Living room.  Fire place blazing as snow falls softly outside picture window.  Family members sprawled about the living room on the couches and floor.  Dogs laying quietly by the birthday girl’s feet.  Mom holding camera and Dad reminding Mom to actually take pictures with the camera,   

Scene : Female Spawn has three presents from parents/siblings and a couple of cards from Grandparents.  She chooses the largest one on Mom’s urging.  And then….


The smallest box starts ringing.  Eldest Female Spawn screams in delight.  She is thrilled and happy and gives us copious hugs.

Scene Note : Eldest Spawn is silently brooding.  He had to wait until he was 13.5 for a phone.  We placate him by explaining at least he’ll be free to snowboard without her as they’ll both have phones.


Obviously the above scene is some figment of my imagination as everyone saw the phone in the kitchen.  It stood out as it’s not an Apple product.  But free people.  And nice.  (We have awesome friends.)  At first we said Dr. Evil was fixing it for our friend.  They knew better and saw through our lie.

Then I got this text the next day. “DID YOU GET HER A PHONE?!?!?  She said she found one in Dad’s night stand.” from Eldest Spawn.  I call home immediately and rip Eldest Female Spawn a new one.  ONE DOES NOT SNOOP IN PARENTS’ ROOM – or any room – for that matter and a discussion of boundaries takes place.  We talk about respect and limits.  Again I adhere to Dr. Evil fixing the phone for our friend.

But in the end, it came out.  She’s getting a phone.  And she knows it.

She upped the ante.  Dr. Evil last night went to put some apps on it and set it up for her.  She’d already done it.  We were both flabbergasted at her behavior.  We moved the phone and left a note, “DO NOT LOOK FOR IT!!! : )  EVERY DAY YOU MESS IWTH IT IS ONE DAY LATER YOU GET IT!”

Someone questioned me on what our penance would be for lying to her about it being a gift.  I answered, “We have to live with her while making her wait.”  And trust me.  It is penance.

But it got me to thinking.  It is okay to tell little lies?  Is it okay to allow the magic of childhood to continue?  Is answering a question with a question okay?

The answer in my world.  Absolutely.

The world isn’t black and white.

What about you?  Do you think it’s ever okay to be less than honest with your children?


EJ out – to get some kids out the door so they don’t miss the bus.  And I”m being truthful with them.  “MOVE YOUR BUTTS!  I AM NOT DRIVING YOU TO THE BUS STOP!”  Because if they miss the bus I’ll drive them to school, not the bus stop.  See, I can tell the truth.

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  1. My son can’t talk yet, so I haven’t really been faced with this yet, but I have found myself trying to gobble down chocolate before he sees what I’m eating. He’s caught me on occasion and rather than being a hypocrite (I can see the accusation in his little baby eyes!), I let him have a taste. 🙂

    • Kids are good at catching you doing those things you don’t want them to see! It sucks!

      I’m always curious how other parents deal with this stuff….thanks for commenting!!!! Have a fabulous day!

  2. Yes – it’s ok. We live in a world of constant lies. The misconception is that all lies are bad.

    Do we tell our kids to be honest when they receive the same gift from grandma that they already have 2 of? Nope we tell them to say thank you and keep quiet.

    Do we tell our kids to spit out food while visiting a friends house if they don’t like it. Nope – we tell them to chew and swallow it.

    When all hope looks lost for a friend – do we tell them that or give them a hug and say I’m sure it will all be ok?

    We lie/mislead our children, and frankly or loved ones regularly to give hope, peace, comfort and to demonstrate commitment and solidarity. We do it selflessly, not selfishly.

    I will accept those that choose not to filter. I have many friends who make that choice – and it’s what’s best for them and they teach that honesty (blunt unfiltered honesty) is always best to their children. There is no Santa. There is no tooth fairy. Life will be really hard. And you will die. It’s all true. My 6 year old however does not need to know that. Not yet.

    So mislead on the gift EJ. Deceive to celebrate an event. Convince your children in the magic of Christmas. Move Regions selflessly and watch them giggle. And buy DE a really expensive gift and tell him you won the $ in the lottery. He doesn’t need to know where it came from. He doesn’t care.

    Because – you did it all for them!

  3. Your oldest sounds exactly like my oldest: NOT FAIR!!! I had to wait til I was in 8th grade before I got a phone, how come she gets one in 7th??? Kill me now.

    I believe it’s perfectly acceptable to be less than honest with your children as long as no one is getting hurt and they realize later why you colored the truth just a bit.

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