Today I’m thankful for a patient spouse, good kids, and a great friend.
I was awful today. I was in a terrible mood and it took until about 6:30 tonight for me to break free. I knew I was being rotten but felt unable to stop. I managed to get out of that mood while hanging out with a good friend and just being. She knows my demons and we’re able to talk about all things and not wallow in anything. It’s a pretty cool relationship to have. I’m very fortunate.
Dr. Evil is pretty patient. I knew I needed to step away when he suggested I go for a run. That’s like someone yelling “CHILL OUT” at you. Since I’ve worked out the last six days in a row today was my day off and I simply couldn’t. I was just in a foul mood. I was grumpy with him, with our children, and even with the dogs. I was just done.
As much as I dislike admitting it part of my issue today is that November has arrived. I’m sick of being bothered about certain things. PTSD is a bitch and I’m socked in the gut at random times not of my chosing. I hate it. I hate not being in control. I hate feeling weak. I hate crying over a phrase or a memory. I hate it. All of it.
But today is a beautiful day for which to be thankful. Tomorrow is yet another day. Every day is a gift and I’m trying to remember that. I’m trying to live that. Tomorrow is not a given. I want that fact to bring excitement and not a nervous, soul sucking fear. I feel like today I wasted a portion of my time and if tomorrow I lost Dr. Evil I would live forever regretting my behavior and feelings. On the flip side i have to live life and not fear “what if?” and to be okay with having an off day.
Tomorrow is a new day. I’m ready.