Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Rants by Evil Joy

Today’s Theme Thursday hosted by Something Clever 2.0The Next StepThe Insomniac’s Dream, and Mom With Her Running Shoes On.  The topic rants – actually – it’s “What drives you crazy?” but I’m going with Rant.  And I – being the Evil Awesome Overachiever I am – have TWO!

RANT #1 :

Let me paint you a picture.  Beloved Dr. Evil turns 39 TODAY and I want his birthday to be perfect.  In every way.  In the “I’m willing to be June Cleaver wife” today perfect.  (Minus the dress and pearls…not a fan of pearls…and I’m too busy for a dress.)

Saturday I took him on an adventure.  To a local (to the cities) business.  We were assisted by this amazing lady.  She knew her stuff, helped us make a decision, and gave us an estimate for The Big Green Egg.  After some long and hard thinking, Dr. Evil decided to take the leap and make the investment I wanted him to as a birthday/Father’s Day gift.

Tuesday I called.  They would call me back – couldn’t find the estimate.  Wednesday morning I called – they couldn’t find the estimate.  Wednesday night I called and was very succinct and told them I needed to place an order to be delivered today (Thursday are the delivery day for our area).

“Well, I work only at night and there are no notes here about anything.  Delivery tomorrow is impossible.”

I went a little Evil on her Arse.  “I have called your business multiple trying to make a rather large sale and now you can’t meet my requirements.  You have dropped the ball and I will be doing my business elsewhere.”  Proverbial slam of the first finger to the “End” button on my phone.  And by the way – it’s not the same as slamming a phone into the holder attached to the wall.  Not.The.Same.

Now I know “a rather large sale” to me and a rather large sale to them are two different things.  I get that.  But seriously for being a business that advertises it customer service and usually does such an amazing job of it….I’m Evil Angry.  What the heck people?!?  Get your Evil Crap together and be efficient and business like and do your freaking job!!!!  Normally not a big deal – I can be pretty easy-going.  Especially if you don’t try to place the ‘blame’ on me – I called DumbArse – multiple times.  COME ON!!!!

Photo on 5-30-13 at 7.00 AM

Come on!?! Oh – check out (in the background) the curtains and rod I hung all by my Evil self! I’m pretty handy!

And being stubborn (me – never – oh no – I’m not in the least bit stubborn), I will either 1.) refuse to do business there and find another place 2.) go there in person and demand a discount and also speak to a manager and fill out comment cards there and on-line 3.) order the damn thing and suck it up.

I will report back with my decision….which will heavily rely on other locations that sell The Big Green Egg.


While in Virginia meeting my blogging idol Snarkfest we ran the Marine Corps Historic Half Marathon.  And like every other large race, there was an expo – a bunch of businesses peddling their wares at packet pickup.  I found these awesome shirts.  “I don’t sweat, I sparkle.”  “Mother Runner.”  Just plain fun.  And seeing as I forgot a shirt to run in, I was needing to make a purchase.  And seriously – these shirts were so fun – I would likely have purchased 3 or more…a couple for me and a couple for gifts.  Then……

This young man (early 20’s I’d guess – maybe younger – yes – definitely younger because that means I’m still pretty young right?) says to me, while straightening up what I was looking at, “You know – those are ALL smalls.  Bigger shirts are here.”  It wasn’t just what he said, but how he said it.

“I know.  I’m aware these are smalls.  But thanks for pointing out smalls won’t fit me.”

Arsehat.  You sort of had to be there to get the full effect.  I was channeling my inner Snark and was a little – shall we say – Snarotty.  Snarky and Snotty.  And honestly – I think he was annoyed I was going through his neatly organized rack.  Then shocked at my comment.  I derived a little fun from that…..come one – I’m Evil Joy after all.

What made this all better was the awesome reaction of Snarkfest and her running pal Lisa The Nazi Crack Ho.  (I have no idea how that became her running name – other than the woman can run like no other – will run with other people struggling to finish a race after she’s completed it – I mean jump back on the course and get them to the end – and she’s just plain awesome.)  “Did you really just say that?”  I thought Lisa was going to laugh out a kidney.  And Snarkfest was indignantly laughing right along with me.

Screen Shot 2013-05-30 at 7.06.24 AM

I’ve decided I need to be turtle like.  Go inside my shell and let the stuff roll off me.  I’ve had my rants – and my coffee – I’m ready for the day.  Bring it Thursday.


Oh God help me.  I’m going on a field trip with 2nd graders.  Remember the last field trip I went on – this is another play.  Actually two plays separated by a fair outside – I hope I don’t nap during BOTH plays.  I have a problem people, a problem.  I fall asleep during plays with school kids.  Can’t.Keep.My.Eyes.Open.

EJ out – to figure out how to take caffeine via IV so I will be alert the entire day.

Send me some awake thoughts – help an Evil Ranting Joy out – click on the juggling lady and get me back in the Top 10 Humor Blogs at Top Mommy Blogs.  I’m out of the Top 20 Humor Blogs at this point and you know you don’t want another rant…so come on, do your part…..please…pretty please…with sugar on top?


And one last thing – go check out the others linked up at Something Clever 2.0The Next StepThe Insomniac’s Dream, and Mom With Her Running Shoes On.  Those four are amazing bloggers and us tag alongs are soooo thankful for them!!!


  1. That dude needed an ass kicking.

  2. When things like that happen (#2) I’m rarely funny, I wish I was. Instead I might cry or retreat into my shell. What an asshat! love the tee though

    • I wanted to cry!!! I know I’m a bigger girl – I don’t need it pointed out anymore than it already it AT A RUNNING EXPO! Butthead…..

  3. JennSomethingClever

    May 30, 2013 at 12:53 pm

    If you feel yourself dozing off, try to remember the lyrics to a theme song from an old show, or the name of your second grade teacher (can you tell I’m practically narcoleptic, too?).

    • I made it through the first one because it was Cirque Ziva!!! The second one – I made it a solid 38/56 minutes before I fell asleep.

  4. I’m struggling to stay awake myself today!

  5. You’re nicer than I am. I would have made a comment to the young man such as, “I’m sure you’re very adept at finding size small, aren’t you?” with a suggestive leer and a glance at his crotch.

  6. Bravo for snapping back. I would have just silently imagined stabbing him in the eye with my keys and walked away incase of tears.

  7. Two plays separated by a fair…with 2nd graders?!? You truly must be evil to deserve that particular brand of hellish torture. And I though my chaperoning a band trip was bad! 2nd graders…egad.

    Visiting from Theme Thursday! I do hope you survived the field trip today. 🙂

    • It was a looonnnngggg field trip. It was fine until the 2nd play. Then … God help me – it was so weird – I liked it but it was like watching something created under a drug induced flip out. Mermaids and muppets that look sort of like ALF.

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