Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Road Trip

Mom, when are we leaving?

Mom, did you pack for us yet?

Mom, when are we leaving?

Mom, when will be home?

Mom, how long is the drive?

Mom, how many songs will it take to get there?

Mom, can I sit in the front seat?

Mom, she’s touching me!

Mom, when are leaving?

Mom, did you wash my skirt?

Mom, is this the wedding?

Mom, who is going to take care of the dogs?

Mom, when will we see Dad?

Mom, when will Dad be home?

Mom, is Dad going to take care of the dogs?

Seriously.  This is what the first three minutes of my day were like today.  THREE MINUTES PEOPLE.  3.  Just three.

Can’t wait for the 5 HOURS in the car with these three spawn.

Today we are embarking on a road trip to Iowa.  We’re co-hosting a bridal shower for Miss (soon to be Mrs.) Niece O Mine.  We being..the Female Spawn and I.  All three of them and me.  All three of them.  Dr. Evil and Eldest Spawn are having a boy bonding weekend and taking the RV 5 miles down the road and visiting Willow River State Park.  And hopefully cutting down the dead tree in the yard.  (hint hint Dr. Evil….we’ll see if you actually read this….like you say you do…but don’t…BUSTED!)  I have no idea what they’re doing with the dogs.  I take care of everything most of the time for 5 people so they can deal with the dogs for two days when they’re in the same state as the dogs whilst I’m away.

The trip goes like this.  We leave.  About 10 minutes down the road someone has to pee.  And is hungry.  And thirsty.

I pretend to not hear them.  Mind you, we’re taking Dr. Evil’s compact hatchback so he can take the RV 5 miles down the road using the roomy truck.  So not hearing them is a blatant lie even the littlest of spawn see through.

We make it to Rochester.  It’s about 2 hours.  We’ll stop somewhere for lunch – I can hear the cries for McDonald’s already!  I’m hoping I can talk them into Five Guys.  Or something we can eat while driving.  Then a couple more minutes…the other side of Rochester.  We’ll have to stop again for the bathroom.

Some will sleep.  Some will cry.  Some will read.  Some will try.

I will drive.  I will drive with all my might.

Hopefully we make it to Springville.  Or Chester.  Because Chester is in Iowa.  On the border.

“YES!  We’re in Iowa!!!  How much further?!?!”

2 hours.


I bribe them to hold it so we don’t have to stop AGAIN!  Then we stop.  There is an 87 mile stretch of nothing.  After that only 45 more minutes.  Then…we get on I-380.  Love I-380.  Could drive this stretch asleep.  But I guess I shouldn’t.

Who’d have thought that exit 24 could be such a welcoming site?!  I love driving through parts of Cedar Rapids.  I pass my old haunting grounds Rockwell.  That means I’m about 5 minutes from my parents’ house.  Down the hill.  Do.Not.Speed.  They mean 20 miles per hour here.

Turn.  Turn.  There’s the park.

Oh God, we’re almost there.

One more turn.  Driveway.

From a while ago...Playing with Grannie's Red Hat Society stuff.

From a while ago…Playing with Grannie’s Red Hat Society stuff.

I will make it.  I will love it.  I get to spend the day with my girls.  Without interruption.  Just us together.

I am truly blessed.

Theme Thursday is hosted by the awesome Something Clever 2.0, The Next Step, The Insomniac’s Dream, and Mom With Her Running Shoes On.  These amazing bloggers host each Thursday.  You should pop over there and read some of the link ups.  You’ll find wonderful writing and new people to follow.

EJ out – to clean someone’s house before I clean my own so we can leave!

Please help an Evil Traveler out…I’m slipping out of the top 25 Humor Blogs at Top Mommy Blogs.  Please click on the juggling lady up there on the right.  That’s all you have to do.  You can and SHOULD do it daily.  I have spoken.  Thanks!


  1. Love this! On a road trip with my boys currently so can totally relate to ignoring them. Really enjoyed this post 🙂

  2. I remember the hill and Rockwell and don’t speed! Thanks for bringing me back. And lots o love to that niece O yours!

  3. Be safe and have FUN!!!!! Have some Five Guys for me!

  4. Aw, do you guys have time to stop through Roland? HA HA-I bet it’s probably a bit out of your way!

  5. JennSomethingClever

    June 28, 2013 at 2:04 pm

    Weird, my longest road trip was to a wedding in Rochester, N.Y. Took about 5 hours. Only one kid, but he was still in diapers, teething, and he threw my cell phone in the (full) hotel bath tub, so there that.

    • There’s that new phone out that you can swim with. Where was that sucker back then, right? I love driving….just hope they are good because if they aren’t….it’s going to be a l.o.n.g. trip.

  6. Oh no… this means you have to drive back too!

    • that’s the worst part! I don’t sleep well when I’m not in my own bed with Dr. Evil NOT on travel (I just don’t sleep well period) but driving home tired is the worst! More than once on this route I’ve stopped the car and run around it 5 times. I look bizarre but it gets me another 20 minutes before I have to do it again!

  7. I am laughing as I read this because I am at this very moment in the car with my family on a freaking 7 hour drive up to Tallahassee….just shoot me now….

  8. “Mom, is this the wedding?” Now, that’s a very good question. (Just came back from a long road trip with my three-year-old, so this funny post just hit the spot!)

    • I’m so glad you stopped by!!! Yeah – the wedding is 20 July for my niece and all four spawn are in it! They are so excited and the girls purchased their ‘wedding heels’ (Gasp – I’m not NOT ready for my babies to be wearing heels – especially the 10 yr old who is wearing the same shoes as the official bridesmaids – she’s a jr. bridesmaid). I hope you survived your long road trip and are already planning the next one!!!!!

  9. Oh boy. We’re going to have this drama soon ourselves. We even rented an enormous vehicle to try to make it more bearable. Oh fun family time! LOL

  10. You’re making me rethink the whole road trip thing….

  11. funnyisfamily

    July 8, 2013 at 1:17 am

    “Mom is this the wedding” cracked me up! We log car time by number of songs, too! Hope you had a great weekend.

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