Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Round the Dinner Table…..Round and Round We Go

Milk is a commodity in my household.  A serious commodity.   On Saturday we had run out of the cow version and the spawn were going through withdrawal by Sunday morning.  Dr. Evil took pity and went to buy milk, eggs and butter.  Because we are so not vegan in my lair.

Sunday night we gathered around the dinner table to enjoy a pleasant meal.  That meal time soon turned hilarious and involved Eldest Spawn blushing to a shade not before seen in nature.

Eldest Female Spawn (EFS) lifts up the milk carton and says, “Wow.  Look at this.  In less than 1 hour we’ve consumed almost a whole gallon of milk.”  I quickly piped in, “Not dad or me!!  It’s all on you guys!  We don’t drink milk.”

To which Dr. Evil says, “I wonder if there’s any correlation to breast feeding and liking milk.”  Again, I quickly spoke up.  “Humans are the only animals that drink milk past infancy and we don’t even drink our own milk.”  BOOM!  I dropped some KNOWLEDGE down on that there table.  Eldest Spawn (ES) said, “Really Mom?  Really?”

And I dug myself in deeper when replying to Dr. Evil’s next comment about boys and breasts and obsessions.  “Ummmm….girls are breast feed and we aren’t obsessed with our breasts or those of our friends.”

If you can’t tell, we speak pretty openly here at the lair.

ES was really starting to laugh.  Then all the Female Spawn started to giggle.  ES stated, “You don’t even know what you’re laughing at.”  To which Second Eldest Female Spawn (SEFS) bust a gut and pointed at her non-existent breasts and said, “You mean these things!?”

I spit my water out across the table.

I said, “You were all breast fed.”  And then to the only boy at the table breast fed by me, “And you….you were the one I had to cut off.  The girls were all done about the same time around a year.  You….15 months.”

And then that shade of embarrassment never before seen in public … was very present.  And he quickly got over being embarrassed.

And all of this was in good natured humor.  No one was singled out.  Or rather no one was left out.  We all giggled and laughed and had fun.

So there.  BOOM!  I gave you some knowledge today.

And here’s a reference I went to find to support the random facts I carry around in my brain.  Since I’m the Cliff Clavin of bloggers.


Screen Shot 2014-04-03 at 8.14.07 AM EJ out – to prepare for the coming snowstorm by waxing my board so we can hit Afton Alps one last time!!!!


Help a knowledgeable mama move up the ranks at Top Mommy Blogs.  Click on the juggling lady there on the upper right…or if you’re on a mobile device, scroll down and you’ll see her at the bottom!



  1. Do you get my vote by my just clicking on the mom or do I have to do something when it takes me to the list? Hopefully you got a vote simply from the click.

    • Yup! You’re doing it exactly right. Just that one click. Once you get to the top mommy blogs page you don’t have to do a thing. You’re all done!! Appreciate the support!! N

  2. That’s awesome!!! We had a very similar convo about erect penises a few weeks ago that had us all cracking up.

  3. LOL! I’d love to be at your house at dinner time! When I was little and we lived in the city and didn’t have a car, if we ran out of milk and couldn’t get to the store, my mom would give us powdered milk. We thought it tasted weird. So she told us it came from a cow that she kept in the pantry! I was always irritated that she wouldn’t let us see the cow… but we drank the weird milk. And for many years after that I believed that “cow milk” was completely different from “regular milk!”

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