Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Tag: baby

Confession Time

For years I’ve kept a secret. It eats me up inside and I’ve decided it’s time to come clean. In the past three months two new temptations have led me to this confession.

I love to huff newborn baby heads.

That smell. That amazing, sweet, glorious scent only found on babies’ heads. I could breathe deeply and slowly all day long. There would most likely be a bald spot from the constant inhaling I would do given the opportunity to hold a little one for as long as possible. The immense pleasure I find in the huffing of baby heads is indescribable. I think one of the reasons I had so many children was to get my fix.

My baby is eight and no longer has that huffable new baby smell. She’s more likely to wear “I’ve played in the yard for five hours straight while wearing sunscreen and sweating profusely” eau de parfum. And the teenagers…wow. Just wow. I can’t handle perfume in general – it triggers migraines for me – but sometimes I’d rather have a headache than deal with the odor of multiple kids playing multiple sports in all kinds of weather. I’ve driven home with my head literally out the window of my tuck.

But I digress.

I love to smell those new babies, hold them, and have them hold a finger of mine. And then when they want mama or daddy, I hand them over, and walk away! I get to enjoy those little creatures but don’t have to do any of the work! This is the life!

I had dreams of being retired and white haired, rocking new born babies in the hospital while their mamas rested. My friend who’s an OB nurse informed me that practice stopped years ago. Evidently they don’t let just any white haired lady waltz in and rock fussy babies. I. Was. DEVASTATED? What am I going to do in retirement? How will I get my huffable baby head fix?!

I’ll deal with retirement…in retirement. For now…I have new family members to meet and huff cuddle.

I look forward to huffing holding my newest great-nephew and great-niece sooner than later. I need my fix. NOW!  So if I ask to smell your baby I swear I’m not a weirdo. I just have an appreciation for the finer things in life. And I will return your child shortly. Or when they cry or need a new diaper.

I swear I can smell his sweet head through this picture. (here’s one of the newest babies for your viewing! Posted with his parents’ permission of course!)



Ages and Stages

Looking back at old pictures yesterday I came to a startling realization.

These days are short.  The days of kids and noise and mess.  The days of cribs and bottles.  The days of high school football games and middle school dances.


The days my kids are MY KIDS and live with ME.


Everyone always said it, “Enjoy these days.  They’ll be gone before you know it.”  I clearly remember thinking those saying that particular phrase to me were a.) suffering from memory loss b.)remember only parts of having a screaming toddler running away with your shopping cart in Target containing his newborn sister c.) didn’t realize the cost of gas and the loss of my time in running cleats to a kid who forgot them … at an away game  or d.) were just trying to make me feel better and were actually lying through their teeth.


When my spawn were babes I felt like I was always waiting for the next stage.  “Won’t it be so wonderful when they can move a bit to get their own toy if dropped?”  “Won’t it be wonderful when they’re in a twin bed and not a crib?”  “I can’t wait until they can tie their own shoes.”  I did enjoy the cuddles but longed for sleep.  I felt like an addict in withdrawal – I NEEDED SLEEP.  But their little heads….oh did they smell good.

Then the toddler years arrived.  “Crap!  Now they can get into the dishwasher!!”  “Tall enough to reach into the toilet and then…get stuck.  Time for another bath!”   “Man I miss them not caring which shoes I put on their feet!”  “When did they start caring about which shorts I put on them.”  “Won’t it be wonderful when they can use the bathroom themselves?”  I prayed for patience …. and for cloning to be approved and available to the public.

Preschool years hit with a storm.  “I can’t wait for those few hours of peace with only 2 or 3 other children.”  “Wow, I have a preschooler – won’t full day school be easier with less running?”  “I can’t let him go in the men’s restroom alone – when did he start caring about being in a women’s bathroom with me?”   I met other moms and realized we were all going through the same thing and had the same thoughts about people lying to us about it being all awesome!

School arrived.  “Oh wow, they’re riding the bus.  Oh wow, the big yellow bus just ate my kid!”

They gained independence.  And opinions.  All the things I longed for them to have when they were in the needy stage and I felt needed-out.

And……I realized I missed that.  I missed hanging out at the park AGAIN.  I missed getting them popcorn at Target so I could make it through my shopping list.  I missed getting paged at the YMCA mid run because someone needed a diaper change.  I missed being needed.

I’m lucky.  I still have some time.  I have one starting high school. *GASP*  I have one starting middle school.  *GASP*  And the Littles will be in grades 4 and 1.  I have time to remember to enjoy them.   While I’m so happy they’re growing into strong, independent individuals, I’m trying to hold onto those last little straws of them needing me.  And trying to be there for them.  Because one day all too soon, they won’t need me like they do now.

And I’ll miss it.

But I’ll know I did what I could while I had their ear.

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EJ out – to make some breakfast on this first day of summer.


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Evil Awesome Iowa!

Evil Joy here with a post on where I’ve been the last few days….along with the four Spawn….

So…once a summer, more if I had my way, I try to get to Iowa for a weekend/week trip to see my Iowa family.  As the Spawn have increased in their Spawness, it’s been more difficult to get down here.  We’re just busy.  Baseball.  Softball.  Summer School.  Camp.  More Camp.

Well…we found the only open week (short week because…we were Evil Busy again…) to get down here and here we’ve been.  I haven’t loaded pics yet because here in Iowa, it takes more work than at home where I just plug in my phone.

In the short time we’ve been here we’ve done some Evil Awesome Stuff…..

1.  Evil Awesome Drive down – the Spawn were so well behaved I’m actually slightly frightened to drive home.  I’m scared they’ll make up for their Evil Awesome Behavior – try to balance it out…pray for me….

2.  Evil Awesome Run…and then Evil Awesome Second Run Of The Morning with Eldest Spawn and Eldest Female Spawn.  And once again, the songs I listened to in high-school came up on my iPod at the same intersection I think of every time I hear that song…(Jonas and Ezekiel by the Indigo Girls).

3.  Evil Surprise Visit by Mandi and Ben – whom my Spawn adore beyond belief.

4.  Evil Sweetness….I got to hold my Great Nephew Baby C!  What a doll face!

5.  Evil Brother – he’s just Evil.  ‘Nuff said.  However his family rocks!  We had a great dinner out there…..

6.  Extremely Evil Awesome Visit with Great Grannie of Iowa!  My Spawn love her – and at 92 – she’s still rocking it!

7.  Evil Awesome Ice Skating with Jeni and Jon – and I am so grateful for  them!  I didn’t have to ice skate today!  (I would have liked to but there’s these races I’ve paid for I will run in October and given my grace and agility, ice skating would not be a wise choice……I’m learning……)  Four – 4 – Four hours of ice time!

8.  Evil Free Backpack and Lunch Box for littlest Spawn.  Mom of Evil Joy had an advertisement for Hy-Vee – local grocery chain in this part of the country – buy xyz = free backpack and lunch box.  Since Littlest Spawn is starting (pre) school this year, she was pumped when I showed them to her!

9.  And now….Evil Early Bedtime for all!  I’m so excited for this!  They literally went to bed to rest after dinner.  Never mind there’s a TV in the room they sleep in here in Iowa – but they’re all ready for bed, covered up and nearly out!  And it’s not even 8pm!!!!!  RoCk On!!!!

So….we are going to continue to RoCkIt in Iowa tomorrow.  Morning will hold a run for me, visit to Aunt Laurie’s to swim, and an Iowa Kernels Baseball Game for the Eldest Three Spawn and Grandpa.  Littlest Spawn, Grannie and will go out and do something fun while they’re there.  Grandpa rocks it, but all 4 kids at a large gathering…..nope.

Thursday…we drive home.  Like I said – send some prayers and good karma my way – and happy awake thoughts too – it’s not that long of drive..only about 5 hours…but if it’s sunny…..sleepy….Evil Joy will need caffeine to make the trek.

Man – we really pack in the fun!  I know how to get these Spawn out in the world and we will conquer whatever is in our path…..

Evil Joy out – to watch the Olympics.

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