Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Tag: baseball (page 1 of 2)

Fall Time, Fall Time, I'm Hitting the Wall Time….

Okay.  I recognize and accept full responsibility for having four spawn.  I get it.  I wanted them.  I got them.  I get to raise them.

But can I get a damn day off once in a while?  Is that too much to ask?

I recently went on a laundry strike.  More so because my dryer was awful and no one helped me with the task.  So I stopped doing certain people’s laundry unless it snuck in with another load mistakenly.  Passive aggressive much?  Me?  No, never……

I’m also on a cleaning the bathrooms strike.

See the thing is – I CLEAN OTHER PEOPLE’S HOUSES FOR A LIVING.  So that I may be home, stay home, go to events with these precious spawn I spawned.  I hold a Bachelors of Science in Applied Mathematics.  I used to train soldiers, sailors, and pilots how to use computer systems, about upgrades on their large weapons systems, and I ran the Train the Trainer sessions.  I had a job where I got dressed up, went to work, acted professional, worked late and drove home.  And traveled.   But in order to spend time home and not on the road we decided long ago I would stay home.  I LONGED to stay home with my babies.  I wanted to stay home.  I loved being with my kids.  I still do.  I adore the fact that I make my own schedule and at the drop of a hat…. I can have lunch with the Littles or help in a class room.  I am here for friends who need before school care.  I love having all the kids hang here – I LOVE IT.

But honestly, fall kicks my evil arse.  I.  Am.  Tired.

Photo on 9-18-14 at 8.15 AM #2

Football five nights a week.  Running for one spawn every night of the week – although from home – cross country wasn’t a good fit so she’s taking on herself and running here at the house.  Every night.  Girl Scouts, Fall Ball, Boy Scouts, Boosters, Benchwarmers.  School starting, homework, early bed times, weekend tournaments.

Life with four.  And I signed up for it.

And I LOVE IT.  Please don’t send me hate mail about how lucky I am to have my children.  I know and appreciate it.  We lost one early on so I really get how lucky I am.

That doesn’t mean I can’t be overwhelmed at times.

So I am decreeing Friday night – whole house CLEANING night.  We do whole house pickup every time I loose my shit – I mean – on a regular basis.  Picking up is easy.  Cleaning isn’t bad either.  Unless you’ve already cleaned three houses in one day and come home to toilets that are more disgusting than the public pots at the bus station.

Watch out spawn.  You are going to clean.  And you’re going to clean properly.

Because Saturday I want a day off.  Except for the softball tournament an hour away.  I’m a coach by force.  Dr. Evil is coach and by proxy so am I.  But then…THEN…we will come home to a tidy house.  A clean house.  Except for the messes the dogs will make because they’re left home yet again.

And next week, it’s a new week of chaos.  My lovely chaos.  And it makes me happy.   Tired at times….but Happy.

EJ out – to clean up before Dad of Evil Joy makes a somewhat surprise visit to watch Eldest play football!!  Go Raiders!!!

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Containment Methods for Tweens and Teens

Top 10 Ways to Contain Your Non-Toddler Children.

1. Trampolines. These are essentially giant playpens. Tweens and teens willing enter. They must be reminded to not flip or do somersaults. After a while they will ask to leave but can be convinced to remain inside of the netting by offering a balloon or ball.

2. Hockey Rinks. While not personally aquatinted with this method I have observed the following; because of cost, once in parents can make the children stay in; gear takes so long to put on it’s like winter clothing – I got you dressed to play outside you’re going to play outside; there are a limited number of places where one may exit the rink.

3. Baseball Diamonds. Containing your child on a baseball field has unique challenges however given the practice and game schedule they have time for little other than practice, showering, washing their uniform, sleeping and doing it all over again.


4. Softball diamonds. See #3 and apply to all things softball.


5. Swimming pools. Tweens and teens can be tricked into playing at or in a pool using the bait and switch technique. You bait them with the promise of lazying around the pool then switch it up to include actual swimming.


6. Summer school. Suckers. Need I say more? Just remember this will require your time too if you live where you children cannot ride bikes or walk to class.

7. Library time. Like small children, tweens and teens are allowed into the library. I often pretend I need to find another book and while doing so suggest going “to find yourself something.” In your section. Away from me. Within the library. Quietly. Or else the librarian will holler at you. For real. She may actually holler at you to be quiet.

8. Golf. I know nothing about golf. But one of my kids is taking golf lessons this summer. It takes hours. And it’s cheap. (I realize that golf and cheap do not normally go together but it’s only $65 for the summer!! 3 hour lesson once a week for 7 or 8 weeks.).

9. Playgrounds. With younger siblings. Even the coolest of 14 year olds will play on the swings….


10. Holding the snacks and money hostage at any of the previous 9 locations. If you are in charge of the cooler or the wallet, they will come.


If you’re having a hard time containing your Tweens and Teens try implementing an idea or two. Let me know how it goes.

EJ out – taking girls to watch older girls in state softball playoffs.

If You Take Evil Joy To A….

If you take an Evil Joy to a baseball game, she will pack her truck.

While packing her car, Dr. Evil will call, interrupt packing and say, “Hey, pick me up at work, we’ll leave a car here and then we can all go together.”

So Evil Joy gets all the spawn loaded up and hops in the truck and off they go.

While driving to get Dr. Evil, Evil Joy will realize she forgot to eat lunch.

So Evil Joy picks up Dr. Evil and off they drop Eldest for warm-ups.  Then they hit the convenience store.

While in the convenience store, Dr. Evil realizes he’s hungry.  So the Evil Spawnily goes to Wal-Mart where Dr. Evil finds a Subway.

Finally the Evil Spawnily arrives back to the ball field.  Where Dr. Evil eats his Subway in the truck.

So Evil Joy unloads the truck.   And realizes she only packed one chair.  For all six spawnily members.

So they all walk over and sit in the bleachers.

While sitting in the bleachers watching Eldest play, Evil Joy updates her Facebook and Instagram accounts with fabulous pictures of Eldest Spawn playing ball and witty comments from the corners of her brain.








Instead of watching the game.

And when Evil Joy doesn’t watch the game, she gets a line drive foul ball to the forehead.

And when Evil Joy gets a line drive foul ball to the forehead she gets a trip to the ER and and CT scan.

When Evil Joy goes to the ER, she gets a little scared.  When she gets a little scared, Evil Joy talks the ear off of the wonderful woman who took her.

When Evil Joy talks the ear off of the wonderful woman who took her, Evil Joy makes a new friend.

And when Evil Joy makes a new friend, Evil Joy is happy.

Sooooooo…..Evil Joy goes to baseball and is happy.


Therefore baseball equals happiness.


End of story.


So, yeah….I was at a game last week and got smacked in the noggin.  Thanks for all the texts, emails and comments on Facebook – you guys are the best.  I’m good.  No fracture just a concussion hence Blog Silence for so long.  Dr. Evil did make me feel better by letting me know if I had been watching that particular play I most likely wouldn’t have had time to react and it would have hit my nose….so this one time technology saved my face.

And for the record, I do pay attention to the game.

Most of the time.

Except that one time….


Here’s the progression…..bawahahahahah!  Now I really REALLY look EVIL!  #dailymugshot



EJ out – to take Eldest to the last day of his first high school class.  Summer gym.  So he can take honors history or something like that.


You can find all my Evil Schnanagins here :


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Instagram @eviljoyspeaks

Twitter @eviljoyspeaks

Pinterest @EvilJoy


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It's time for the VLOG!!!!!

By popular vote – here is the VLOG version of The Weekend..



No more caffeine for Evil Joy!!!


EJ out – to have a fabulous weekend!

Take a minute and vote for me at Top Mommy Blogs by clicking on the juggling lady up there on the right.  Thanks!!!

The Weekend..

Oh Thank my Lucky Stars…it’s the weekend.

Oh wait – that’s right.  I’m a parent.  To four spawn.  Who are busy.

In one long breath….here goes….(think MicroMachine Man)

Friday – first day of kindie for Littlest.  Get her off bus – and the other two as well.  Shove lasagna down their throats.  Off to ball for Eldest Female Spawn.  Dr. Evil will pick her up…okay sounds good – but he’s still at work – what if there’s traffic – she doesn’t know that many people on the team …. so I wait.  And chat with another mom.  Crap – I have no idea what her name is 3 minutes after she’s told me for the fifth time.

Ball’s over.  Run home.  Shoot – did I remember to get a ride for Eldest Spawn after football practice?  Yeah, yeah I did.  I think.

There’s a varsity football game.  Bye Dr. Evil.  Oh did I forget to mention my parents are here?  So…Bye Dr. Evil and Grandpa.  The spawn are all too tired to go.  Time for bed.

Saturday morning dawns. Dr. Evil takes one look at me offers coffee, then says he’ll take all the kids to the batting cages so I can take a nap at 8am.  Who can take a nap at 8 am?  Not I said the fly.  Off to the batting cages.  House cleaning and laundry. I even clean my room.

Nap time for Evil Joy.  Time for Blue Grass Festival.  Time to leave Blue Grass Festival.  Time to make dinner.  And celebrate June birthday with Grannie’s cake.  Time for bed.

Binge watch a show Dr. Evil doesn’t like once he’s loudly snoring away the night.  Can’t sleep.  Watch one more episode.  Then another.

Wake up.  Eldest Spawn out the door on a Sunday morning at 7 AM to leave for a baseball game.  Followed by a clinic.  Followed by another baseball game.  Home for a snack.  Out the door for fall softball for Eldest Female Spawn….the game is about 50 minutes away.

Home.  Showers.  Final backpack check.  Get football clothes for Monday.  Get school clothes ready for Monday.  Get lunch bags ready to be packed.

Spawn to bed.

Wine.  Lots and lots of wine.


And that my friends, is why Fridays are NOT my favorite day of the week.  I am a Monday girl.  Bring it!  While our evenings may be crazy during the week, the spawn have to attend school and I work a bit and can focus on less than 10 things at once…..Until the next Friday arrives and I love every minute of it…and breathe yet another sigh on Sunday night, ever Thankful for the Monday to come.

This should totally be a vlog.  Those of you that know me IRL know how quickly I can … and often do… speak.  Whadda ya think?  Should I record this?  Let me know!!!

[polldaddy poll=7379992]


And after you take the poll, click on the Top Mommy Blogs icon there on the upper right.  I need to move up in the ranks at Top Mommy Blogs…come on… help a girl out!!!!  Even an Evil Girl.

oh….and I may be making some swag to giveaway.  Found someone who does that…and she makes window clings…just sayin’……

Finally….a post…about….


Time : (from the Merriam Webster Dictionary) : a : the measured or measurable period during which an action, process, or condition exists or continues : duration.

Summer is supposed to be this lackadaisical time of relaxing, reading, sleeping, and more relaxing.  Of blowing bubbles, using sidewalk chalk, running through the sprinklers and watching the sun set while skipping around in bathing suits.

Yeah…not for the Evil family.  Nope.

We do do those fun things.  But we also go to and/or participate in :

  • ball – five varieties of ball – baseball, umpiring baseball, kid pitch softball, machine pitch softball, and t-ball
  • ABC football camp (I don’t know why it’s ABC but I’m sure there’s a good reason)
  • Raider Elite (voluntary (for a fee) gym training class three times a week)
  • tutoring for the spawn that needs it….and it’s helping!!!  (Happy Dance)

The thing is – we severely limit the amount of activities we let our spawn participate in.  We don’t have many summer camps – if any (other than math camp for tutored spawn…we are hitting this math challenge hard people – she has an engineer for a dad and a mathematician for a mom – no messing around here…).  Only one sport.  Orchestra camp for school.  And one Boy Scout camp.

There are many reasons we choose to impose these limitations….. money, schedules, and …


I want time with my kids.  I want to do more of what we did today – we hung out.  We watched a show together.  We did crafts together.  Two of them came with me for a haircut and gave their opinions.  We swam in the pool.  We had a quick, weird dinner of left-overs and cereal.  We split and went to ball since we had two kids playing on two sides of town.  But most of all….


My baby is starting kindergarten.  I want more time with her.  My oldest is starting grade 8.  He’s nearing high school.  I want more time with him.  My oldest daughter is starting grade 5.  She’s maturing into a young woman – I want more time with her.  And my middle daughter – grade 3 awaits.  She’s making that leap from little girl to big girl and going fast.  I want to more time with her.

I do want my kids to grow up and leave the nest.  I’m trying so hard to prepare them and give them the life skills they need to succeed…and fail.  And learn from those failures.  I want them to try new things.  I want them to grow and learn.  I want them….


So here’s to a bit more free TIME.

EJ out – to go to bed so I can enjoy my time with my spawn tomorrow.  Enjoy your day too.  Carpe Diem.


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Sportsmanship is NOT Chivalry – it’s not DEAD!

Really dude?  Are you seriously yelling and slamming your hand down loudly on the metal storage bin holding the ball equipment?

At my KID?!?!  


Oh yeah- you did.  I heard you from across the field where I was talking to other moms and pretending to not be watching each and EVERY move and call my son makes as umpire.  

And now…I’m sitting right here on the bleacher, behind the plate…between your sorry arse and my son’s ears….listening to every word you say and if you even think of being unsportsmanlike towards my 13 year old KID who is umpiring 8 year old boys baseball…………I will be quietly reminding you where we are and how we, as adults, should behave and model attitudes we want to foster in our children.

In my head…..I will be ripping your arse a new one.  Who the hell do you think you are?!?!  Leave the kid alone?!  They.are.kids.  

There is a reason the first year umpires are placed with this league – the kids are still learning to play ball and my kid knows ball but is learning to umpire.  

I continue to read about bad behavior…by parents at their children’s sporting events.  What is WRONG with people?!?!  I get into the game and have been known to quietly disagree with a call but never would I yell or SWEAR?!?! at an umpire.  N.E.V.E.R.  Or at another player.  Trash talking is NOT cool.  We tell the other team’s players nice hit if they rip one out of the park…or good job pitching…or nice scoop there catch!

I grew up in an umpiring and referring family.  My dad refereed and umped high school sports mainly…and some college here and there.  (Only once…ONE time did he referee my game…that’s a story for another post…let’s just say I didn’t say a word to him for three days!) Never did I see players think about mouthing off to my dad.  The coaches may try…and get kicked out.  The players may try..and their coaches would squash that crap immediately.  Parents knew their place.  

Now….we as parents are regularly reminded to have good behavior.  Even have to sign contracts for some sports.  I think it’s a sad thing that we have to agree IN WRITING to behave…like adults.

I think everyone should be held accountable for their actions.  But the act of being a complete and total idiot?!?  You should get your arse kicked out and that’s that.  “Ain’t nobody got time for that.”

Excitement is one thing.  Stupidity and meanness is another.

Come on parents.  Let’s do this right.  Let’s show our kids how to behave and teach them the proper way to play sports.  And the proper way to dispute.  Disputing is all good.  When done properly and in an UNTHREATENING manner.  In doing his job, by showing a bunch of 8 year olds that yelling at a big kid gets no results (he held his ground – GO my KID) my son showed more integrity than this individual has in the tip of his tiny finger.


EJ out – to catch puke from Littlest Spawn.  Happy First Night of Summer…gah.

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Summer Vacay

Summer is Approaching…Summer is Approaching.

Do you think of summer vacation as a trip … or a period of time where your spawn are not in school?

Last year, we didn’t go anywhere big….just camping.  In the camper Dr. Evil purchased as part of his ‘screw you I lived!’ campaign.  We didn’t get the camper until late July and still managed to get 4 trips in before school started.  It was pretty good – a lot of learning – a lot of fun – and a lot of plans made for repeat trips!

However, the other definition of summer vacation : spawn out of classes.

So…with the rose-colored glasses I’m currently wearing, we’ll be going to the beach (man-made Lake Elmo – we live in the midwest people).  We’ll go the library (once I pay off the fine I have for returning a book the spawn decided to leave in the rain).  We’ll have picnics and hike at the local Willow River State Park.

Baseball, softball, machine pitch 2 softball, and t-ball will be a treasured time where I will be able to make all the games and get everyone everywhere with the required equipment and clean uniforms.  The concession stocking and cleaning won’t be that bad and it’s sort of fun to deliver buns to 3 locations as far across town as you can get every. single. week.

We’ll work on maintaining the knowledge they gained at school in the current year by reviewing and reading daily.

–reality check—

Dr. Evil is still traveling a lot for work.  A lot.  Like 4 or 5 days a week, every week, from here to California.  When he is home, he’s juggling his work responsibilities, Booster board and webmaster responsibilities, our spawn activity load – especially Boy Scouts, and dealing with me.  Who is typically okay with the travel.  Except when I’m not.  When I’m done.  When I’m grumpy the last thing tended to on that list is me.  But I digress.

Baseball and softball (times 3) practices will inevitably conflict.  With only one of me and four spawn – none of which are old enough to drive – that makes for a lot of hurrying up and waiting – get to one practice – wait through it for the next one to begin. Thank God for good friends.  And clean uniforms – are you kidding me?!  They’re lucky if they have the right color of shirt on – we have so many from playing for multiple years on multiple teams I often forget which shirt is the current shirt and which is used for sleep clothing!  The beach is often met with resistance from Eldest Spawn who wants to sit home and play video games.  The library – every summer I have great intentions…which fall by the baseball-side every year.  And Willow River – we’ll go there – and fight the mosquitos.  But man – it is beautiful – hiking there is amazing.

Honestly, I like summer.  But I feel the pull of being super mom even more in the summer.  There’s a lot of kids who spend summers going on great trips or attending wonderful camps.  We spend the summer hanging out, swimming in our pool (which we set up in June), and jumping on the trampoline.  The slip and slide works great here because the yard is mostly flat (and poop free) so they can really fly…especially if you add just a touch of dish soap.  We will take the camper to places close by and hike and ride bikes and swim.  I let them watch television during the hot parts of the day and sometimes even more than that.  I try to plan trips to fun places in the cities…sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn’t.  I hope my spawn remember the times we spend together…the everyday fun we have.

I hope my spawn remember summer fondly.  I hope they enjoy the time we have together.  I know I do.

(most of the time)

EJ out – to run so I can play and get ready for visiting Dr. Evil in California!

This is part of Something Clever 2.0: Theme Thursday – a multi-blog collaboration. Click the button above to read posts from other bloggers, or to add your own.

You have got to check out Something Clever 2.0.  Aaaaaa.mmmazzz.balzzzz.

And if you’re feeling the love, click on the juggling flashing lady up there.  One click.  You’ll be redirected to the Top Mommy Blogs website.  You’re done then.  You can close the window … or you can browse around and find some more awesome blogs to follow!  Thanks!

Who Are YOU?

who-are-youWould you like to know more about me?  Well…..

Stef over at Mom-spriational has tagged me in a get-to-know-each-other blog deal.  Who the Hell Are YOU?  I simply answer the questions and tag some of my favorite bloggers to answer some.  Hopefully you’ll get to know me a bit better and also find some new blogs to LOVE!  There are so many amazing ones out there……

And because Stef warned me my washing machine would stop working if I didn’t do it – here goes!   Y’all know how I love my laundry…..

1.  Where were you born.  In Cedar Rapids, Iowa at Mercy Hospital wayyyyy back in 1976.

2.  Were you named after someone?  I was named after the fact that I was a complete and utter surprise to my parents – nearest sister is 8 years older.  Dad stormed out and said “we’re not gonna call it Joy!” and then called later and … that’s how I got my name.

3. How many children do you have?  Four.  And the baby factory is closed.  Finished.  Kaput.

4. How many pets do you have?  2 dogs

5. Your worst injury.  Well…I don’t know if this is an injury but I had meningitis about 10 years ago and it kicked my arse for like 6 months.

6.  Do you have a special talent?  I think I’m good at helping others.  Taking care of people and their needs.

7.  Favorite thing to bake.  Cheesecake.  But I hate to cook.  So I guess the better question would be what is my favorite thing for Dr. Evil to bake?

8. Favorite Fast Food.  Jimmy Johns!!!

9.   Would you bungee jump? No – back issues – but I am looking forward to jumping out of a plane with my oldest on his 18th birthday – in 5.5 years.

10.  What is the first thing you notice about people?  If they have a smile or kind eyes.

11.  When was the last time you cried?  Yesterday when I heard news about an extended family member that reminded me of Dr. Evil’s illness.

12.  Any current worries. Yup!  My 2nd grader is having a more difficult time focusing at school than any of us would like.  We all think it’s just that she’s young – August birthday – and are praying it’s nothing more than that.  But if it is – we’ll meet it head on!

13.  Name 3 drinks you drink regularly.  Diet Dew, Vitamin Water, water

14.  What’s your favorite book?  A Stranger in a Strange Land by Robert Heinlein

15.  Would you like to be a pirate.  Thinking no.  I paid a lot of money for the dental implant I have smack in the front of my mouth – if I were a pirate I would have gone through 3 months of toothless-wonder for nothing seeing as pirates have nasty teeth – right?

16.  Favorite Smells.  Baby’s heads, bleach (I know…weird), and that smell that comes from kids when they’ve been playing outside and warm – before the BO stage hits them.

17.  Why do you blog?  I say things in my blog I wish I had the guts to say out loud.  I also hopefully make people laugh.  I would love to scatter laughter.  And it’s my outlet for being angry…sad….happy…excited…all things.

18. What song do you want played at your funeral?  Party Like a Rock Star?  I don’t know….I would rather everyone have a party than a funeral for me!

19.  What is your least favorite thing about yourself.  My complete and utter lack of self-confidence.

20.  Favorite hobby.  Snowboarding, blogging, reading, running…..they all sort of go together…in my strange mind at least.

21.  Name Something you’ve done, you never thought you would do?  Teach people how to upgrade and maintain large military weapon systems.

22.  What do you look for in a friend.  (I’m copying this directly from Stef because I couldn’t say it better!) “Honesty.  Sense of humor.  Non-judgmental.  If I have to act different to be around you – I would rather be alone.” by Stef at Mom-spirational.

23.  Favorite Fun things to do?  Anything listed in #20.  And swim with my spawn.  And watch them play ball.

24.  Pet peeves.  When I’m late.  I hate being late.  I don’t care if you’re late to our meeting, but I hate when I’m late.  Mean people.  Leaving crap in the sink drain.

25.  Whats the last thing that made you laughMy spawn doing their thing to the Taylor Swift song – I watched it again this morning!!!

So now you know a little more about me.  Here’s the fun party – tagging some of my favorite blogs so you can get to know them better along with me!!!  Some have already been tagged but I have to list a couple of them anyways!!!!


This Mama Shops

Running Towards the Light Without Spilling My Drink

Comfy Town Chronicles

Frugalista Blog


Skinny Jeans & Yoga Pants

Kodiak My Little Grizzly
Now go tag some other blogs and lets find out who the hell we are!  And make sure to let them know you tagged them, and link back to this post in yours!

And if you’re feeling it – click on the link below to cast a vote for me at Top Mommy Blogs.  Thanks!


Evil Phrases I Actually Used…..

So…things that make you go MMMM…or WTHeck?  Did I really just say that?!?!

Baseball lends itself to the use of many phrases I never dreamed or nightmared of using.  Taking three Female Spawn to ball parks all summer long – twice a week and all weekend – created situations in which new ‘everyday’ phrases were employed.

Here is a list of the ones I can think off the top of my head….

1. We do not touch dog butts of dogs we don’t know.

2. Do not lick the baseball.

3. Do not pee in the grass – you are a girl.

4. Yes, you can have more candy – just leave me to watch the game.

5. We don’t put sunscreen there….

6. Here – play with my iPhone so I can watch the game – never mind it’s raining and there’s cement for it to fall on.

7. YES!!!  Only 5 more hours in the heat!

8. No, you can’t marry your new best friend.

9. No!  Do not kiss your new boyfriend (said to 6 and 4 year old).

10. Let your sister be the dog for once when you play kennel.

11. Stop trying to eat the sunflower shells out of the grass – there are no seeds in there.  (Never mind they’d been in someone else’s mouth!)

12. No – we don’t lick the door handle to the bathroom.  Gross dude!

13. Put your clothing back on!  (Shouted at 6 year old who happened to be sitting next to high school couple who immediately turned 50 shades of purple.)

14. Stop cheering for your brother like that – he doesn’t want you to sing his name and then try to kiss him!!!  And if you’re going to do it – spell his name right!

And my favorite –

15.  Of course we’ll do this tomorrow – it’s great!  It’s only suppose to be 95 degrees – it’ll be way cooler!


Any phrases you’ve said you never imagined utterly until you had Spawn?  Let me a comment – I’d love to hear them – maybe we can compare notes!


EJ out – to put Spawn to bed and read a book.  And do laundry.  And fold laundry.  And put away laundry.  I live and breathe laundry.  Bawahahahahaha.

Please take a minute to vote for me at the Top Mommy Blogs by clicking on the icon on the right.  I appreciate it!

Also, check out “Ronan” on iTunes by Taylor Swift.  Amazing.  Simply.Perfect.

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