Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Tag: BFF

Nakey Butt…..

Another blast from the past…..

2004

So we move to Hudson.  Dr. Evil goes on travel to China.  A lot.  I get pregnant AGAIN.  (Just got over the miscarriage – and this one shows up – swear to my death she’s my immaculate conception…)  Eldest Spawn is 4 and attending preschool.  Eldest Female Spawn is 2 and sooo a handful.  She does not like clothing.  On her body.

At.All.

Ever.

I make her wear unders because quite frankly, I don’t want nakey butt on my furniture, carpet, car, bike seat, swing…anywhere.  Gross.

Winter approaches.  We’ve been following the advice of the pediatrician who said, “As long as she’s not going to be injured, ie frost bite, let her figure it out.  She’ll get cold enough one day and wear clothing.”  Dr. Evil and I hadn’t even introduced the idea of winter coats…it’s Wisconsin for crying out loud – colder than snot too.

Day in and day out she wears this one princess nightgown given to her by my brother (you know it’s my sister-in-law who got it….).   I literally would take it off of her when she was asleep and wash it, dry it and lay it next to her in the morning.

 

Uncle Goofball teaching Eldest Female Spawn his special face moves….

And before you say it – you have to understand – this is the same spawn who could make herself puke when she didn’t want to be somewhere…and did so often.  Very often.  Probably twice in every restaurant in Hudson.  Maybe more in some.  To the point of needing to have 3 root canals, 5 crowns, and 2 huge fillings just after turning 4.

We tried being forceful.  We tried time outs, taking away toys and playdates, even tried spanking.

Nothing worked.  She was always taking her clothing off.

So….we drop Eldest Spawn off at preschool.  It’s cold.  Very cold.  Cold enough even I had on a winter coat, not my normal shorts and sweatshirt since I was on my way to the Y.  We walk in.  Eldest Female Spawn is in her beloved Evil Princess Nightgown, flip flops, and a pony tail.  That’s it.

A very kind lady took me aside.  She told about their clothing program and asked if I would like to choose a coat for my daughter since she didn’t have one.  And anything else we were in need of.

Oh.My.Word.

I had to explain we were good.  She continued and assured me there was no shame in taking some help – especially for my spawn.  (and there soooo isn’t – if you need help – get it – especially for your children)

I finally showed her some pictures on my phone.  My friend Evil Seattle Seeking Gina stepped in and helped me explain the Evil Stubbornness present in this child.  She said she’d pray for us.  Very kind lady left us to the normal drop off talk among mothers and dads, grandmas and grandpas.   I’m pretty sure Eldest Female Spawn took off the nightgown at least three times and went streaking down the hallway.

Yeah….the kind lady got it.  She saw Eldest Female Spawn streaking by.  Multiple times.  I’m pretty sure she prayed for us each time.

I eventually did get her in a coat……

No worries though – Eldest Female Spawn is all about wearing clothing now.  Multiple layers.  Multiple outfits a day.  Making multiple loads of laundry.

What was I so upset about with the nakey stuff?  Less laundry is good, right?

EJ out – to go fold … yup ..  you guessed it … laundry.

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Catch For A Cure…

This past weekend I was fortunate enough to return to a slow pitch tournament I played in last year – was a little worried because as I’ve mentioned before…I sort of suck at ball.  (But to toot my own horn – I did waaaayyyy better this year than last!!!)

Catch For A Cure in Baraboo, Wisconsin.

 

Dr. Evil, being the Wonderful Evil Genius he is, towed the RV, we packed in the Spawn and had an amazing time.  Lots of fun ball – fun batting – fun drinking – fun jello shots (thinking that doesn’t fall under drinking since you have to sort of eat them…at least slurp them up).  But it rocked because….

the money raised supports women in the fight for the lives from breast cancer.  Supports the survivors.  Supports the research for a cure.

And supports all other cancers as well – I can’t even list all the types of cancer shown there  – childhood – leukemia – the list was incredible.

Women shared their stories.  Their lives with us.

Now…most all of these women and men grew up in the area together.  Some have moved away, others stayed.  Being allowed to be part of this was the coolest thing.  I’m a stranger to these women yet they welcomed me back with open arms.  Amazing.  I have never felt so included in a group in my life.

And a bonus – it was Amy’s friends and we talked Deb into coming….  And I have a feeling we’ll all be back next Labor Day to once again Catch For a Cure.

And besides – where else can you wear shirts saying things like :

  • For Tits and Giggles
  • Big or Small, Save them ALL
  • Boo-Bees
  • Wanna Squeeze My Rack?
  • A Smoosh a Day Keeps the Doctor at Bay

….and not get smacked by everyone who sees you!  It was awesome!  Next year will we take part in all activities as I’m envisioning a spawn-free, adults only, hotel staying weekend.  (Just putting it out there Dr. Evil – something to consider……start racking up those hotel points…..)

EJ out – to write another post – it is the first day of school after all.

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Evil Ramblings on a Tuesday

I have absolutely no idea what day of the week it is.  Yes, I am capable of looking at the calendar and determining which day is currently in effect.  However my body has absolutely no freaking idea.  Seriously thought it was Friday morning today when I woke up.  Feels like it should be since the weekend was so Evil Crazy.  Good, but EVIL CRAZY!  Yes…I’m shouting with caps.

We spent Friday getting ready for ball.  We spent all of Saturday doing ball.  We spent Sunday running then doing more ball.  Monday led to cleaning up the ball concessions for 4 hours (which I volunteered for – there’s no blaming Dr. Evil for that one…).  Now there are 5 female spawn sleeping downstairs and 1 Eldest Spawn away at a sleep over.

Football starts tomorrow.  Ball has practice tomorrow.  Meet the teacher is tomorrow.  I ‘work’ tomorrow.

Crap – it’s so not Friday yet.

And Friday we are very lucky to have one last get away before school starts (yes…that tapping is me doing my happy jig – about getting away – AND SCHOOL STARTING!!!!).  I get to play ball in a tournament with Awesome Amy – supports women with breast cancer.  We talked Deb into coming!  I’m excited!!!   We are leaving Friday and taking the RV to Baraboo….playing ball, drinking, playing ball some more.  They auction off these really cool decorated bras for fundraising too…..Catch for a Cure – here we come!!

Oh – yeah – and I’m not being self depreciating – I suck at ball.  Seriously.Suck.Big.Time.  Last year I didn’t even get on base until I got so mad I chugged a couple of beers in a very short amount of time on an empty stomach.  Finally hit the ball once inebriated.  Nice huh?  At least this year I have an Evil Excuse – I broke my wrist in February and seeing as I’m Evil Old – it still hurts when I throw.  I have learned I bat better left handed.  I tried to throw left handed for a day because my wrist hurt – yeah – then I super.sucked.big.time.  (And I was so freaking sore the next day – not a motion I’ve made that many times in a … ever.)  So I just suck it up and throw right handed.

But the point is the support.  Last year I walked the 3-Day.  This year – I didn’t want to ask anyone for anything else – the fundraising part of the 3-Day can be intense…..  So many people supported us in so many ways when Dr. Evil was earning his PhD.  This team is sponsored so we aren’t required to fundraise.  I feel like I can do something without asking for even more support.

Anyway – this is an Evil Rambling post – sort of like my brain today.  As I’m proof reading this – I realize I’ve come to accept I’m a resident of Wisconsin – live in the midwest.  I can say things like Baraboo and drinking without thinking too much about it.  Dr. Evil uses a word I’m not sure is acceptable – ‘Sconie.  We didn’t know it was considered offensive to some until a friend said “Hey – Shut up!”   The next day we saw a baseball dad with a shirt – had “SCONIE” in big letters…..  Now we’re just confused.

Are you from Wisconsin?  Do you know someone from Wisconsin?  Do you have an opinion of someone from Wisconsin?  Is ‘Sconie’ a bad word?

Let me know what you think.

EJ out – to do yet another load of laundry and try to focus my rambled brain…

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Evil Tears…..

My heart cracked just a bit today.  It didn’t crack due to sadness but because it’s filled and continually filled with so much love.

Evil Seattle Seeking G said goodbye to the two little Spawn today.  I realized they won’t see her tomorrow like I will.  Once I pulled them out of the car and Evil Seattle Seeking G understood this was Goodbye, instant tears.  By both the adults.  The spawn…

Well, Second Eldest Female Spawn put it best, “Mom she does realize we’ll see her again, right?”

I replied, “This is the last time you’ll see them before they move.”

Her reply, “Yeah, but we’re going to Seattle to see them.  It’s all good.”

Love.That.Kid.

How in the world are we so very blessed to have so many people who we love and care for who love us back and treasure our spawn as much as we do?

Man – tomorrow – just be prepared – more tears.  It’s all good though, right?

 

Oh – and when packing in yet another room on another floor…I found more of this stashed in a cabinet…….

Image

And seeing as these were there just a few shelves above…..

Image

I’m guessing the booze isn’t for cooking.

Things that make you go Hmmmmmmm…..

 

EJ out – to pretend to be a fashionable woman while meeting up to have a spectacular send off for Evil Seattle Seeking G.

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Fifty Shades of Booze…..

So Evil Seattle Seeking G and I got to hang some more today.  Again, I pretended I was being the Evil Good Samaritan and helping her pack when truly I just wanted to spend some more time with one of my nearest and dearest.

And being the friends we are – the type you can talk about anything with – and then some – I make all sorts of “Fifty Shades” jokes.  Now, I’ve read all the books multiple times.  She’s just read book one – I told her she should read the other two on the plane and then loving jump into her hubby’s arms when the plane lands.  Bawahahahahaha!

We are working downstairs packing up the photography studio.  When I first moved here, Evil Seattle Seeking G was (and still is) a scrapbooking phenom and part owner of an on-line scrapbooking company.  And I find this…..mind you this thing is 6 inches long and two inches wide – there is nothing to set the size scale in the picture so you’ll have to take my word for it….

Is this a “Fifty Shades” item?

Or something popular during the altered item craze in scrapbooking?

I’ll leave that decision open for discussion….

Then we got distracted.  In that we went up to the kitchen to have a beverage…yummy….and I decided to start going through her cabinets to organize and prepare for the movers.  Her hubby is really into getting things pared down so we were very accommodating – getting rid of many things.  I’m sort of the packing/moving/organizing Nazi among my friends.  She wasn’t given the option of taking a break – she could stop but I’d just follow her around with stuff and ask if it was going or leaving – Goodwill or garbage.  And we’re good enough friends I Can just start going Through her stuff and she is totally cool with it…

Miss Evil Seattle Seeking G had bottles of various booze stashed throughout the kitchen.  In Several Places….ummmm….do I need to refer to a program?  Just when we’d finished giggling about the 3rd bottle of gin, bourbon, whiskey, or vodka – I don’t know my booze – it was one of those….we’d find another.  “You know I just use those for cooking, right?”  Good point as always Miss Evil Seattle Seeking G.  Good point.  Wondering what she’s cooking tomorrow????  Can I have a sip?  Or should I say nip?

No…this woman is the most awesome cook.  She introduced me to ox-tail soup, the most delicious ever homemade butternut squash soup, and my personal favorite we both share….slightly burnt microwave pop kettle corn.  I knew we were destined to be friends when I smelled that smell and saw her eating the popcorn.  No one else I know likes slightly burnt microwave pop kettle corn.  It was Fifty Shades of Love at first burnt popcorn….

What am I going to do next week when I drive past her house – and it’s not her house?  I’ll tell you what…….I’m already stalking the cheap airfare websites, planning my trip to see her…..

EJ out – to check out more flights….

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Evil Seattle…..

So Seattle is stealing 50% of my Spawn’s best friends.  To clarify…two of four of my spawn have best friends moving to Seattle.  WTHeck Seattle – what have I ever done to you?!?!!?!

Not to mention one of my nearest dearest friends is heeding the call of the Seattle siren.  Evil Seattle Seeking G (mom of Eldest Female Spawn’s BFF) is the first person I met in Hudson.  Little did I know 8 years, 2 kids, and a million laughs, tears, and hugs later I would be planning the first of several trips to Seattle to see Evil Seattle Seeking G and her awesome family.  I can’t even begin to tell you all the amazing things she’s done for my family over the years…..from letting us eat lunch there so many times I actually brought them some groceries, to keeping my pink eye infected kids when my mom was visiting and ended up in the hospital in the cities, to teaching me about photo editing….the list is endless.  Don’t even get me started on what they did for my family when Dr. Evil was earning his PhD.  And just being the most amazing friend every other day I’ve known her…….

So yesterday I ‘helped’ pack up a room in their home.  I say ‘helped’ because while it may have been help, there an Evil Selfish Motivation behind my offer.  I just wanted to spend time with her family.  Every last one of them.  I love them so much.  *Sniff*

With the help of some Mike’s Hard and a taste of 1965 Port (which btw, you sip, not gulp and then cough all over the kitchen…yeah…I’m not a wine drinker….), we packed up a room, went through winter stuff – oh – and I so scored for my Spawn!! – and packed up a few closets.  We loaded up my truck with Goodwill donations and I pulled out with the absolute promise I will see her at least twice next week before they leave.  Eldest Female Spawn is desperate for BFF pictures and for her BFF to see her new braces – which are being ‘installed’ on Monday (I’m sure a few posts will be generated – two of four Spawn are getting braces on Monday – God help them, me, and my pocketbook.)

So….Seattle Seeking Family #2 of the summer…… I love you.  I will miss you.  I will be invading.  You have been warned.

Evil Seattle Seeking G’s Eldest modeling the face mask no longer needed….it’s just not as cold as Wisconsin out in Seattle ya know…..

EJ out – to find some tissues to mop up these tears……

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Evil Differences…..

Evil Joy here with a post on emotional differences and temperaments between various Spawn I’ve hatched.

So…as posted yesterday Spawn #3’s BFF moved away.  Spawn #3 hugged me in the garage while sobbing and suddenly – she’s laughing hysterically?  Wise Spawn #3 said, “Mom – I just have to laugh – it’s too sad to cry.”

Wow.  I . Love . That . Spawn .  

She seemed okay.  Was putting all the female spawn to bed (they nest upstairs while Oldest Spawn nests down – downstairs).  Spawn #4 was flipping out because I would only read one book – not two.  I’m sure it had nothing to do with the fact it was nearly 11pm, she was sugared up, tired, overstimulated, and feeding off of Spawn #2’s emotional outpouring (I’ll explain that next…..).  I lean down to kiss Spawn #4’s sweet head and then reach up to plant a kiss on Spawn #3’s sweet head only to find….

She’s quietly sobbing in her pillow.  And she doesn’t want me to know.  She knows I’ll join her…. (Evil Heart broke into a million pieces for my sweet.)

Shattered Heart

Then…there’s Spawn #2 – otherwise known as Eldest Female Spawn – otherwise known as Helper Mothering Spawn – otherwise known as Drama Spawn.

See, All Female Spawn spent a lot of time with BFF’s family when Dr. Evil was sick.  A . Lot . Of . Time .   The Female Spawn bonded with the family and particularly the mom.  I know she was trying to protect them from everything when he was sick and gave a piece of her heart she knew would be hurt when she left.  In particular, Spawn #2 enjoyed hanging out with Mom of BFF.  

Spawn #2 was all tears this morning.  And last night.  Luckily she was tired and fell to sleep quickly.  I’m a little more Evil Joy and less Mom when she flips out as she’s more Drama Spawn than Spawn #2 (and I admit – A LOT like me!).  However, how can you not melt when your spawn cries.

Dr. Evil and I were discussing the differences among the Spawn.  I was thinking it but he said it out loud….basically how different the day will be when Spawn #2’s BFF moves to Seattle than yesterday when Spawn #3’s BFF left.  The Evil Drama Factor will exist at a much higher degree.

So…

Evil Differences – keep on keeping on.  You make life interesting and each of my sweet Spawn the unique and perfect Spawn they are.  I love them as they are and want only the best for each of them.  Differences and all.

Sweet Spawn – we’ll make today a great day.  And tomorrow…to infinity and beyond!

Evil Joy out – to clean up the 4th of July debris – wait – that’s why I have 4 Spawn, right?! 

Bawhahahahahahaha!

(graphic source : http://www.picturesdepot.com/images/10669/shattered+heart.html )

Evil Moving….

Evil Joy here with a post on the love of BFFs for my little Spawn.  And how we will be visiting Seattle several times in the next several years.

So…my two middle Spawn (seeing as I have four of them – there must exist two middle – pretty sure set theory covered this…but I digress) have the sweetest little BFFs.  In fact, Spawn #3 and her BFF – we parents call them each other’s drug.  They have an addiction to each other and spending time together…and for as much time as they spend together – they get along Evilly Well!!!

The story goes…Spawn #3 and her BFF have known for several years BFF would be moving away.  Part of the job of the parents require their relocation every few years.  We learned the location this winter.  The move was always off in the future and being 6 and 8 they play for today!  

Well…today is the day.  We get to have BFF play here while parents finish off a few things around town and prepare for their DRIVE to Seattle tomorrow.

Now keep in mind loyal readers…the parents of BFF have been there for us too.  They watched the Spawn MULTIPLE times, overnight even, when Dr. Evil was in ICU.  And going to appointments.  And going to therapy.  

And they saved me when I ran over Fizzy.  Dug his grave for me and watched children.  Cleaned up the mess in my garage.

And I feel they love my Spawn as much as I do.  I think I will be missing them and their amazing presence as much as Spawn #3.

So that’s Spawn #3.

Now…Spawn #2 – her BFF announced last week they are moving to Seattle too!  WTHeck?  (Completely unrelated by the way, just oddly coincidental).  Spawn #2 and her BFF were BFFs before they knew what that even meant.  Mom was the first person I met when we moved to Hudson – asked her where the DMV was located.  We became fast friends.  BFF and Spawn #2 became friends at the ripe old age of 20 months.  As the school years approached, they pleaded and begged for playdates every single day.  BFF and Spawn #2 have always gone to different schools yet they remain amazing friends.  At 9 years old they have it figured out.  They get along, they know how to disagree and fix it themselves…I think many adults could learn a lot from them.

And this BFFs parents are simply amazing.  I would be lost without their presence in my life.  They too saved us when Dr. Evil was sick…and saved me.  And many times before and since.  I will sorely miss them and am already planning a visit.  I’m crying Evil Tears as I type this.

Now how weird is this…….my BFF moved away when I was in grade 2…same as Spawn #3 and her BFF.  I have told them repeatedly how we are still in touch – we were even in each other’s weddings!  (And oddly enough – my BFF from grade 2 lives in Portland – not too far from Seattle!)  And now with email, Skype, Facebook, and Twitter……keeping in touch with those you want to is soooo easy.  

They will all be Forever Friends.

So….BFFs and families – have a great move to Seatlle.  Be prepared.  We will be invading.  Sooner than later I suspect.

Spawn #2 and Spawn #3 – I love you and feel your pain.  I will be Mom and not Evil Joy when your emotions get the best of you as you adjust to life without your BFFs a walk or short drive away.

Parents of BFFs moving to Seattle – I will miss you all.  Be safe and keep in touch or I’ll go Evil Joy on ya.

EJ out – to write a note to my friend in Portland…..

 

(graphic source : http://www.xcomment.com/display.php?category=Friends&name=i-love-my-bff&id=28580&page=1)

Desperately Seeking….(no…not Susan)….my Evil Zen

Evil Joy here with a post on life, love, and the pursuit of my personal Zen.

So…summer is here.  I love summer.  I’m even loving the hot temps – snow is never far from arriving here so there’s no not loving summer.  I’ll go Evil on ya if I hear any of that crapola.

Being Evil Mom to four wonderful Spawn, Evil Wife to Dr. Evil, and Evil Friend to those fortunate enough to know me (and kind enough to continue to know me after all my Evil Crapola the last few many months) – all of those roles take a lot of energy.  Energy I am happy to expend.  Energy I would at times rather expend running.  Or reading.  Not cleaning.  Never cleaning…..

Due to previous statement, I’ve been desperately seeking my Evil Zen.  And my non-Evil Zen.  Side ways Zen.  Inside outside upside down Zen.  (Need a break from Berenstain Bears anyone?  Bueller?)  Any and all Zen.

And low and behold…while doing Evil Cleaning (may not want to do it, but it must be done.  I have spoken), I saw this……

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Now…I must really be desperately seeking my Zen …..  the universe heard me……

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to see a ying-yang in a spot of ketchup and mustard needing to be cleaned off my kitchen table.

Sweet Spawn left me a mess, but showed me the location of my Zen….in them.

EJ out – to paint nails with the Female Spawn (plus BFF of Spawn #3 – she’s moving away tomorrow  …  that’s a whole ‘nother post ) and enjoy my Zen.

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