Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Tag: crafts

Loom Bands….What Are They Good For?

There is a problem plaguing the United States. It is a serious issue with long lasting consequences.

Yes, I’m talking about loom bands. Or to the non-parent – little, colorful rubber bands. Millions…no BILLIONS of them. Everywhere. All over the floor of the house, car, garage, front steps, and in children’s bedrooms. This band contamination knows no boundaries. Nothing seems to curb the spread. Birthday parties and holidays only aid in their proliferation. Children are the main subscriber to the loom craze, yet parental figures with the cash are the ones enabling the purchase of these evil little round pieces of rubber.

Loom bands. What ARE they good for?


Loom bands promote creativity. Children and adults alike are able to create works of art in the form of rubber band “jewelry” to give and share among all, and I mean ALL, of their loved ones. They are NOT intended for use in human hair, Barbie or other doll hair or for closing small bags. To use bands in such a manner creates a visceral response in those under 18 akin to a nuclear explosion.

As parents everywhere lament over wearing their child’s latest “bandwork” to the elegant affair they must attend, I am looking deeper. What happens to those band bracelets and necklaces? Where are they going? The bands rarely make an appearance in formal photographs and the jewelry cases I’ve personally observed contain only trivial items such as family heirlooms over 100 years old. Please note heirlooms are not to be confused with loom band works of art.

Is there a lost island of loom work residing somewhere hidden deep in the woods?

There’s absolutely no way any parent ever throws away or “un-looms” the brilliant pieces created by their beloved child. None of these bands will every show up in a land fill. I even checked my own garbage bin and can verify not a single rubber band is inside. (That’s because I put them in the recycle bin.)

I personally believe they are seeking their mothership. The Largest Ball of Rubber Bands. It currently resides in Florida and was created by Guinness Record holder Joel Waul♦. It weights just shy of 10,000 pounds. I believe all bands seek their leader and all freed bands are migrating towards Florida.

If you are holding any loom bands hostage, utilize them. Give them a purpose.  That way they will know they ARE good for something. If not….well…set them free. Allow them to seek their mothership in Florida. Maybe the new recruits can get that big ball of rubber over 10,000 pounds.

EJ out – to clean the brushes of my vacuum which are littered with loom band pieces…..

♦Source : http://www.guinnessworldrecords.com/world-records/largest-rubber-band-ball/

Evil Freaking Sleeping Positions….

Evil Joy here with a post on spawn and the weird positions in which they sleep.  When they actually sleep that is…..

So..Dr. Evil, Eldest Spawn and Eldest Female Spawn went to the theater for Spiderman.  I had my Evil Doubts about Eldest Female Spawn going.  Dr. Evil had her watch the trailers on the Mac to see if she thought she could handle it.  Of course she said yes.  Who wouldn’t?  Night out with Dr. Evil and only one other Spawn?  And to the Falls Theater – meaning treats will be bestowed along with a movie.  Heck Yeah!

I put two youngest spawn to bed (after making princess craft after princess craft….how did I get such Girly Spawn?!?!?!).  Sure enough.  In comes Eldest Female Spawn.  I’m in bed reading.

EFS : Can I cuddle with you?  I’m scared.  The movie was scary.

Me : No.  It’s bed time.  I told you the movie would have some parts maybe a bit much for you.

EFS : But the trailers, they didn’t show any of the truly scary stuff.  Totally not cool Mom.

Me : It’s bed time.  Good night.

Off to bed she goes.  And proceeds to wake me up so many times I finally Evilly Cave and tell her to make a bed on the floor in my room.

I wake up to find her in the following position:


It must be noted under herself, she is sitting criss-cross applesauce.  It must also be noted she sleeps like this regularly.  WTHeck?!?!  It must also also be noted she is freaky flexible – she can put both feet behind her head and play her bum!  Arms, hips, shoulders – this Spawn is bendable!

So Spawn – as long as you sleep – you can twist yourself into whatever pretzel shape you’d like.  Just STAY OUT OF MY ROOM BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 11pm and 5am!!!  Got it?!  Good.

EJ out – to try to sit like that just to see if I can.  If no posts are made in the next 36 hours – send in reinforcements to untwist my limbs.

While you’re here – if you’d take a minute to click on the Top Mommy Blogs icon on the left – I’d love it!  All you have to do is click on it – I’m currently #27 in the Humor Category – would be sort of cool to move up a bit!  Thanks!!!!

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