Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Tag: dishwasher

My Super Power

My super power is a big deal. I am DISHWASHER LOADING WOMAN. Hear me roar at my kids to “PUT YOUR DISHES IN THE DISHWASHER!” on a daily basis – feel the pppooowwwer. I had no idea as a child that there was such a power and that I would be gifted this responsibility as such a young age. (Shut up. I’m youngish.)

For a normal human – or person under the age of 17 living in my house – the distance from the counter to the sink must be expansive. And from the sink to the dishwasher – INSURMOUNTABLE. I simply cannot fathom any other reason for the repeated leaving of dishes next to the sink. Not even in the sink where they would be hidden from the mom-eye…but on the counter. In plain view. Cluttering up my kitchen (which equates with making me crazy!).

I alone possess the amazing ability to expertly cover not only the distance from the counter to the sink but – wait for it – the counter ALL THE WAY to the dishwasher.  I know, I know. Back the truck up. It is in fact possible for dishes to make their way from the table into a dishwasher while touching the hands of only one individual. Such skill must be a gift. A blessing from the dishwasher detergent people. Truly – a miracle – only only handed out to very few. This amazing talent has been granted to my husband as well – and goes well with his super power – Supper Power (this mama doesn’t cook).

But…I have found the answer – the key to transferring this power to my children. Using 12 short words, said in a staccato speech patter, I can make magic happen. I am able to control their movements with the words leaving my mouth. If you want to borrow these words, feel free. I don’t have them trademarked or licensed….and you’re welcome to send your children to my house when you use them.

“Put your dishes into the dishwasher or go pick up dog poop!”

Evil Cold Oven….

Evil Joy here with yet another post on Evil Appliances loosing their functionality.  And for my brother who LOVES to read my blog so much he called me on speaker phone to provide dinnertime entertainment for his guests just by talking at me.  I will be sending my bill…..

So…I already posted about my Evil Sucky Loud Dryer (Evil Sucky Loud Dryer….) emitting the Evil Annoying As All Get Out Noise.

Now….I have the Evil Cold … well … Evil Warm Oven – never reaching it’s preheat temperature setting!?!  WTHeck!?  Seriously – we’ve only lived in this house for 8 years.  Not even 8 years…until August.   And it was a spec home so all the appliances were purchased by us – evidently the reliability reports we went with when choosing said appliances were oh – so – wrong.  

We’ve replaced the Evil Washing Machine Good At Flooding My Laundry Room.  We’ve replaced the Evil Dishwasher Good At Flooding Through the Ceiling Of Lower Floor Into Spawn’s Bedroom.


And you know we need to replace the Evil Sucky Dryer.  And now…the Evil Cold Oven.  

Really?!  Come on now….

I guess at least the Evil Warm Oven has chosen to die a slow pitiful dinner ruining death in the summer when we grill more than bake.  (I knew that cake couldn’t have taken 74 minutes to cook – nor should a cheap frozen pizza take 45 minutes to barely be done!)  

Dryer – keep on hanging on – we’ve had too much rain to use the (against the rules of the neighborhood) clothesline.

Oven – well – I don’t know what to say about you.  Beware – if the cost of the element is too much – we’re replacing your sorry arse with a gas stove.  Bawahahahahahaha!!!

EJ out – to eat a yogurt (since I can’t bake my egg bake) and to research the cost of a heating element.

(graphic source : inkscapegallery.net)

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