Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Tag: doll house

Evil Toys are Taking Control….

A while back I wrote about our doll houses inspired by a  post from The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva.  (And she’s a part of that new book all the cool kids are getting “I Just Want to Pee Alone.”)

Here’s a small recap of that…..through pictures….

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Y’all remember Evil Scary Baby Girl/Boy right?  She gave several of you nightmares…..

Well…they’re BAAACCCCKKKKKKKK!

And now…the Evil Spawn of the Doll House are ruling the world….Muwahahahahah!

Breaking New in the Lair of Evil Joy….beep beep beep …. you know…the sound of breaking news…….

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As you can see the spawn have gathered.  With their nanny.  And with the newly brain washed toys joining their Evil Little Posse.  I believe Evil Scary American Girl Doll is in charge.  I’m sure as hell not about to question her authority.

The Fairy God Mothers are currently trapped on a partition of the roof.  Their magic powers are inactive from this part of the roof.  They are helpless to stop what is happening in the main house.

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All animals have been banished to the actual roof.  Although they’d support the Evil Spawn I’m sure.  Probably just making sure they don’t go all zombie and eat the … wait…..you’ll have to read about that….  I’m certain the Evil Spawn will offer them food and water later.  The Evil Spawn don’t seem the type to let them bake to death in the sun.  Hello Kitty and the Easter Bunny seem pretty agile so if they do get trapped, I’m sure all will be rescued.  Plus, Littlest Spawn is an animal lover.

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The following pictures may be disturbing to some of my readers.  Parental guidance is required.

The carnage may only be properly described with pictures….Daddy #1 fought the hardest….he was the first to go over….

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After Daddy #1 was out of the way, all of the parental figures were ‘dealt with’ in a similar manner…..

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Take note of Pinkilicious cheering – she’s an Evil Little Bag.  And the toddlers are full of happy “I tossed my parents over the railing” smiles.  I’m fairly certain Evil American Girl Doll’s hair grows more poofy with each kill.

So watch out parental figure dolls.  You’ve seen what can happen with the spawn rule the doll house.

Just in case you’re wondering…Littlest Spawn and I had a belly busting laughing time tossing those parents over the edge.  Then the Little People ambulance came to rescue them…and bury them in the doll box.  Never to be heard from again.  Until she wants to play with them.

EJ out – to borrow Eldest Spawn’s snowboard without his permission.  We have fresh powder….can’t miss this opportunity!  My board is unavailable at this time so…..lucky for me he’s about the same height as me!!!!  His stance is wider, but I’ll live…and have fun!  Bawahahaha!

Take a minute and help me out!  Evil Joy has slipped to #34 in the Humor Blogs category – #34!!?!?!?!?!?  I was in the top 10 for a long time.  I need to get back there.  I want to get back…Please help me get back there!!!  Click on the flashing banner below.  I’m going to put the juggling lady back because it seems more IN YOUR FACE PLEASE VOTE FOR ME than the flashing banner.  Look for her return.  But in the mean time, click THE BANNER!  PLEASE!!!

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Scary Family….

Evil Joy here with a post on playtime, Littlest Spawn, and my strange thoughts that come out of playtime with Littlest Spawn.

So…I read The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva with a crazy passion.  I. Love. Her.  I. Love. Her. Blog.

I’m slightly obsessed.  I found her shortly before Dr. Evil was created and she literally saved my sanity on a regular basis while he was in the hospital and not aware he was in the hospital (i.e. in a coma).  And now…I just love her.  Always have.  Just can’t stay away from her blog – even if there’s not a new post – I go there and check out to see if Anything has changed or been updated.  You should check her out too – and she was just on Dr. Oz – how freaking Evil Awesome is that?!

So…now and again she has these posts with pictures of things her spawn have done with their toys.  These pictures are the inspiration for my post today.

Littlest Spawn and I were playing with the doll houses in her room.  Yes, two doll houses.  One intended for children, borrowed from my sister-in-law years ago (yes, we still have it and will someday return it – I promise J!).  The other was a gift from a co-work of Dr. Evil’s.  His children had outgrown it and Evil Awesome Co-Worker Dude thought our spawn would like it.  Well – they love them both!!!  And all of the pieces, especially the ones from Evil Awesome Co-Worker Dude.  There are hundreds, literally HUNDREDS of pieces – from a full, magnetized chess set, pots and pans, food of all shapes and sizes, to dolls.

LS and I decided we needed to line up all the people and figure out what the family looked like.  The pets were banished to the roof during “family pictures.”

And because I can only play with toys for so long I started making up a story – in my head – I don’t need Littlest Spawn going to preschool talking about….

The Polygamist Family and their children who live with a nanny and possessed baby, newlywed Little People and their friend, and all American Girl doll…all watched over by their Fairy God Mother.  Now other than the Possessed Baby and the Fairy God Mother – all of the names remained in my Evil Head.  I don’t want to permanently scar Littlest Spawn.  Or get myself in trouble with what would surely come out of her mouth at inopportune times.

Then there’s the animal family – Littlest Spawn kept offing them by having their arms broken and eaten by the Daddy or the Snow Monster Bear.  The SM Bear thought the bunny was tasty and the sparkly kitty was icky because it was girly and ‘gritty.’  Daddy got sick of the puppies pooping on the floor and kept flinging them out the window.

Should I be worried? Ummmm……

We did spend a rather large amount of time talking about Possessed Baby.

Littlest Spawn said, “Mom – she looks like a she with hair and a boy with no hair.  We can pretend she’s both a boy and a girl.  ‘Kay?”

Why sure Littlest Spawn.  We need not worry about gender confusion or gender identity at the ripe age of four.  I ran with it.

But you have to admit – that is one messed up baby doll – one eyebrow, one eye of makeup, half a head of hair, legs that bend the wrong way….not a lot going for her/him.

Do you play with your spawn’s toys?  Do you stay on task and focused or does your mind wander like my Evil Wandering Mind?  Have to keep it interesting…..

EJ out – to find a new image to think about so I don’t have nightmares about Messed Up Possessed Evil Baby Doll chasing me down and giving me a matching haircut in my dreams.

Send me happy thoughts to dream about by clicking on the Top Mommy Blogs icon on the right.  One click = one vote for ME at the Top Mommy Blogs.  Come one – keep those scary dreams away!

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