Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Tag: emotions (page 1 of 7)

Absence Makes the Heart…

Grow fonder?  Right – you’ve all missed me right?  Say yes, please – my fragile ego would love that.

Well, absence makes my heart beat like a wild and crazy thing afraid it’s going to stop.

Yes, it’s that time of year again folks.  The “anniversary” of Dr. Evil’s ‘birth.’ degree earning spawning.

And he’ll be in Germany on the three days that rock my world.  Making new and happy memories.  Wait – he doesn’t have many memories of those three days – just feeling like crap for a day or two and then that’s it until December 1st.  (And that post – the one for December 1st – is going to rock folks – I’m planning it already.)

I will be here.  With our spawn.  Trying to make fun new memories.

While not reliving the bad ones.  At least not over and over.  And over.

There’s the 19th – we had the birthday party for Eldest Female Spawn – he was miserable.  There’s the 20th – it was a Sunday and he felt like a mac truck ran him over.  Then there’s the 21st.  The day they put him in a coma.  For a LONG FREAKING 10 days.  And that was 2 years ago.  One day, hopefully soon, I won’t be ruled during these days by fear but will rejoice in the new memories made.  Be more thankful than fearful.  More “look what we’ve done in the time since ‘then.'”  More “oh yeah – that one time in November we went on this amazing trip – and oh yeah – it did coincide with the days he got sick – I didn’t realize those days lined up again….”

This year – I’m so thankful because I’m fearful if I’m not thankful enough….something bad will happen.

I know this isn’t true.  But that doesn’t stop the thought from rolling around in my head.  Especially after he pulled this one on me last winter.  With some of the same symptoms he experienced the previous year.

December 1st felt like Christmas two years ago.  Last year it was a huge sigh of relief.  He’d been ‘awake’ for a year.  A full year.

This year I think it’ll feel like Christmas and my birthday all combined into one.  And Dr. Evil – as the gift giving time of year is approaching – I’ve sent you a picture of what I want for Christmas/Anniversary/Birthday/Valentine’s Day.  It’s easy – it’s pretty inexpensive – in fact – it’s super inexpensive as it would take care of 4 gift giving opportunities.  This is just like an infomercial!!!   (And by the way – yes – all those wonderful days do occur between Christmas and Valentine’s Day.)

It’s the wedding band that matches the ones we wear.  Just like the one I wear.  And the extra one I wore for a month while he was sick and then recovering.  His.  And I never want to have to wear his again.  Ever.

Now…he’d better always plan on wearing his from that day forward or I’ll go Total Evil Joy on his arse.  Can you imagine the action figure?!

So this year, I’m making new happy memories.  We are going out to pizza.  They are going to bed.  I’m drinking wine.  That’s a start, right?

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EJ out – to try to keep my dog from eating my spawns’ lunch boxes.

 

I’ve fallen out of the Top 25 Humor Blogs yet again!?!  Can you help a girl out – click on the juggling lady there on the upper right.  You’ll be casting a vote for me at Top Mommy Blogs.  Thanks!  Let’s keep that Evil Joy Action Figure in the bag and not force her creation just yet….the teenage years are approaching in force here…got to have something in the bag.

Today…at kissing the frog

I’m a contributor over at kissing the frog today.

It was a hard one for me.

If you’re so inclined, check it out.

Thanks.

 

Joy

 

p.s.  A very heartfelt and special thank you goes out to Kathy at kissing the frog.

Marathon Weekend : The Evil Joy Edition

The Evil Onion

Grandma’s Marathon, Duluth, Minnesota

23 June 2013

by Evil Joy

The 37th Annual running of Grandma’s Marathon occurred yesterday in Duluth, Minnesota.  And it was even more special due to the presence of Evil Joy and her Dr. Evil.  They started together.  They ran together.  They finished together.  Evil Joy did not have to follow through with her very real Evil Threat of leaving Dr. Evil in Duluth if he left her on the marathon course.

“He stayed with me.  Through the whole thing.” said Evil Joy.

The weekend started with Evil Joy and Dr. Evil departing Hudson, Wisconsin.  First stop : Awesome A’s house – Eldest Spawn was staying there for the weekend.  Their second stop was Auntie W’s house – now known as “Spawn Drop Zone.”  The final stop before their Duluth Destination was Auntie J’s house – renamed “Fur Spawn Drop Zone” as the pups stayed there for the weekend.

Evil Joy shares her memories of the weekend.

“The traffic wasn’t too bad considering it was a weekend and we, like most of the area, were heading north.  That’s what people do here on the weekend – they “go up north.”  Temperatures were warm in the cities but continued to drop as we approached our destination.  As the temperatures dropped, the traffic picked up!”

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Evil Joy said the Expo was wonderful and she and Dr. Evil both made a few pre-race purchases.  Packet pickup was very smooth and nicely run.  All of the volunteers were amazing.  There is a spaghetti feed the night before the Marathon and Dr. Evil was very excited to partake.  Luckily for Evil Joy, they had a gluten-free option that was actually “pretty tasty.”

Evil Joy continues.

“We left the expo and made our way to the grocery store – our infamous ‘must haves’ for the morning of a long run.  I am addicted – mentally –  to my pre-run brown rice cakes with almond butter and 2 bananas.  We picked up a treat to have in the room as well – Greek yogurt with chocolate rice cakes to dip.  YUM!!!”

Evil Joy and Dr. Evil stayed at the University of Minnesota-Duluth dorms while in town.  They were very pleased with their accommodations.  While a hotel would have been amazing, it would have “broken the piggy bank.”

“It was time for bed.  I couldn’t sleep.  I was so very thankful for experienced friends sharing with us that no sleep is totally normal and not to worry about it.”

4:45am Saturday 22 June dawned….sort of.

“The fog was crazy!  Just when you thought you’d seen the worst of it – you’d lose more visibility.  Thankfully Dr. Evil and I were bused to the start of the race and didn’t have to drive in that mess.  We were up front – I get crazy car sick – and overheard the bus drivers desperately trying to get another lost bus driver – with a bus full of half marathon runners – to the start of the half.  The half started about an hour earlier than the full so those people were surely nervous!”

Evil Joy and Dr. Evil arrived at the drop site, found the sea of port-o-pots, and anxiously awaited the start.  “Well…I was anxious.  I don’t think Dr. Evil is ever nervous – he’s steady as all get out!” corrected Evil Joy.

The National Anthem was beautifully sung by a member of a local National Guard unit.  Then……it was time.

“There were people everywhere.  I am short and the group behind us – they must have all been over 6 feet tall!  They kept telling me when the line would move so I wouldn’t get run over!

We ran….and ran.  Started out with the 4:45 pace group.  At mile 4 I had to tell Dr. Evil I couldn’t maintain that pace for another 22 miles so we slowed slightly and ran with the 5 hour pace group.  Eventually they passed us too.  At that point – I just wanted to run and did NOT care about how long it took.  After 5 hours – who really cares if it’s 5 hours and 10 minutes or 5 hours and 30 minutes – that’s still a really long time to be moving!”

She continues, “The fog was so thick it literally looked like the sea of people were lemmings running off the edge of the world!”  The weather conditions deteriorated.  By Mile 3 the White Warning Flags were up.  From the race website, “WHITE FLAG (Risk of Hypothermia): The risk of hypothermia is very low, but still exists especially in slow runners or in wet and windy conditions.”  Evil Joy and Dr. Evil were quite comfortable with the temperatures while running.  “The wind was cold at times but we very much prefer that to being hot!” said Evil Joy.

“Finally…at mile 12 I gave in to the need I’d had since the start – and I mean the START of the race – I had to go to the bathroom.”

Evil Joy has a new name for Mother Nature – it’s one we can’t print here.  Let’s just say she was not thrilled with the timing of monthly events in her life at mile 12.

The race continued.  At Mile 20, sponsored by Verizon, Evil Joy and Dr. Evil saw two dear friends and seeing them gave the runners the energy to ‘just keep running…just keep running.’

“I thought Mile 25 was NEVER going to get here!” exclaimed Evil Joy.  Belly dancers were out in the now steady rain dancing under the overpass in Duluth’s historic downtown.

Finally…there.  The finish line.  Evil Joy said, “I was thinking…OH THANK GOD WE CAN STOP RUNNING SOON!  I just wanted my t-shirt and medal and to go on my blog page and put a line through one more thing on my Bucket List page!”

Evil Joy and Dr. Evil finished together at 5:36:45.  In the rain.  And oh so happy.  Dr. Evil is a man of few words but he posted this moving statement on Facebook :

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The Marathon is complete for another year.  When asked if she would do another one Evil Joy responded, “It’s like child birth – I need to forget a bit first before I think about doing it again.”

We had an amazing time together last weekend.  Thanks to everyone who helped us during training, running, traveling.  Dr. Evil’s statement on Facebook made me cry happy tears – during the race I kept thinking about how far we’d come.   I didn’t have any idea he was thinking the same thing.  He doesn’t talk much about all that happened.  I probably do that enough for both of us.  But his words healed a few places in me I didn’t realize needing healing.  So this was way more than a marathon.  Way more….

EJ out – to hobble to get some coffee.

Please click on the “VOTE for ME” icon on the upper right.  You’ll be casting a vote for my blog at the Top Mommy Blogs.  Thanks.

Time…PTSD…Perspective

It’s funny how a series of events – when considered as a whole – seem crazy.  Then one moment or comment puts it all in perspective.  Or maybe a couple of comments.

(If you’re new to my blog – I am currently fighting off PTSD from all the events surrounding the creation of Evil Joy and Dr. Evil.  You can read about how it all started here and here.)

In the last 10 months I’ve started to deal with the emotions and consequences of all that happened.  Before I thought I was.  Been seeing a therapist for over a year.  But until 10 months ago I didn’t really accept I wasn’t dealing.  I was going through the motions and making the appropriate responses.  Now…I’m dealing.  (Sort of – the “currently fighting off PTSD” versus experiencing it…..well…yeah…that speaks to my attitude at times….)

Dealing with the reason ambulances make me cry.  Dealing with the fact that I ROCK under pressure.  Then CrUmBlE after – and over and over.  Dealing with crying – learning and ACCEPTING it’s okay to cry.  We went through a lot.  And once I quit trying to make it stop and accept the emotions – it’s not so bad.

I mean…what happened….that is the stuff of nightmares and horror movies for any wife and mother.  And if you know me  – let’s just say “worry wart” doesn’t even touch the tip of the crazy that is me.  And that was ‘before.’  Now…”worry goiter” may be a little closer to the truth.  Like this weekend.  Dr. Evil was fine all day on Saturday and we did some work at his sister’s home – helped get it ready for market.  On the way home – he started sneezing and was super congested.  Now…normally I’d be like, “Suck it up – you’re fine.”  Except not with him.  He never complains.  Ever.  So asking if he feels okay is pointless.  All night long I kept waking myself up checking to see if he was breathing.

Stupid.  But it’s my reality right now.  I am that crazy insanely worried woman.

And.  It’s okay.

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Also in the last 10 months I’ve been at several medical scenes.  A friend experienced extreme low blood sugar.  Another collapsed at the gym.  Another was in a car accident where Awesome Amy and I were some of the first passer-bys to stop and assist.  And Friday I witnessed someone either have a stroke or seizure and drive their car down a steep embankment into a ditch…right next the interstate entrance ramp.  I was one of the first people down to the ‘scene’ but was too damn short to open the car door (it was locked and the window was down but I couldn’t reach).  Each and every one of these effing events had several police cars, ambulances and on occasion a fire truck present.  Before Dr. Evil and his ambulance and illness experiences, I would have been upset but not to this level.  It triggers everything all over again.

While each of these events occurred I was fine. My friend – the parent of someone in the car accident said, “If anyone had to call me, I glad it was Joy.”  I do well in pressure situations.  I function and do what needs to be done.  After.. I turn into a shaking sobbing mess.  And still am when I think about it.   So I’ve learned to accept the emotion, experience it and let it roll off me.  (Very zen of me, right?  Imagine me in the lotus pose looking peaceful….)

Zen Evil Joy with Required Coffee Producing Zen.

Zen Evil Joy with Required Coffee Producing Zen.

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Anyway – Sunday morning I was at the gym.  I am stuck on an elliptical machine until the marathon – stupid IT band.  I am following doctor’s order to a ‘T’ (bowing at you IT band – you rule me….for now….ggggrrrrrr).  He said I should be fine to run the marathon – just do what he says.  That meant four – 4 – FOUR hours on an EVIL Elliptical Machine on Sunday.  I was okay with it.  I was wishing I could be outside just running 15 miles instead.  (That makes me a real runner now, right?  I want my ‘I’m a real runner’ badge!)

I ran into someone from my old gym.  Super nice gentleman.  Always a kind word and smile.  ALWAYS.  Told him about the marathon and he asked why.  I sort of had to ask myself that.  It’s on my bucket list for 40.  But the real reason why….Dr. Evil asked me if I wanted to way back in September or something.  And I made some flippant comment (no…I never do that…) about since he didn’t die and all….  My friend didn’t know what had happened.  I shared our experience.  And a few tears.

And it was okay.  It was really okay.  The first time in a long time I’ve been able to tell someone about what happened, been a little sad, and then…was okay.  I did my time – I mean my workout – and I was fine.

It’s all good.  Life is good.  Perspective is a beautiful thing.

EJ out – to enjoy today.

I’m clinging to the Top 25 Humor Blogs on Top Mommy Blogs.  Help a girl out.  Click on that juggling lady up there on the right.  If you don’t see her, click on the title of this post and that’ll take you to my site.  If you’re on a mobile device, scroll down all the way and you should see this talented juggling lady.  One click.  You’ll be taken to the Top Mommy Blogs website.  You’re done.  You don’t have to do anything else.  Thanks!!!!

Reactions…and Judgements

How do you react to how you react?

Yes – that is what I meant to say.

I find myself judging my reactions all to often.  Why?  Why do I judge myself for having normal feelings?  Or abnormal ones – for that matter?

We’ve learned growing up to be thankful, kind, respectful, and compassionate.  To not covet what we don’t have but to be happy with what we do have.  Don’t wish away today.

All of those things and more.

 

Outwardly – I pretty much always react appropriately.  Inside – not always the case.

 

And when inside it’s not always the case – I beat myself up about it over and over.  And over and over.

Finally I’m learning to accept how I feel and – feel it.  NOT JUDGE IT.  Let it go and move on.  I don’t have to feel badly over being mad at a situation or person.  I don’t have to feel guilty about the FEELINGS I experienced.  I’m human.

Can I strive to be better?  Always.  Can I strive to teach my spawn to be compassionate loving humans?  Of course.

Am I going to be pissed off my spawn didn’t make (fill in the blank)?  Of course – they’re my spawn and I love them above all.  Do I have to feel badly I’m jealous a bit of those who made the (fill in the blank)?

No.  I just need to experience the emotion and let it go.

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Do you find yourself judging…yourself?  How do you deal with it?  Leave me a comment and tell me!!

 

EJ out – to get spawn to orchestra – because – of course – cellos can’t go on the bus.  That would be…..so much easier.

 

Think about how you feel and if you feel that you should, click on the juggling lady up there on the right to cast a vote for me at Top Mommy Blogs.  Actually – you know what – just click it anyways – whether you feel like it or not.  I have spoken.  Bawahahahahahahaha.

 

(graphic source :dailydivineblessings.blogspot.com)

Deep Thoughts…by a spawn

Today I was talking with Kool K.  She watched two of my spawn while Dr. Evil and I had our little get away to San Diego a few weekends ago.  She used to be a neighbor, will always be a friend, and is someone I trust implicitly.

Apparently Littlest Female Spawn and her daughter were discussing the pets in our families that have passed in the last year or so.  The Rainbow Bridge the pups had crossed over was also mentioned.

Rainbow Bridge

Littlest Spawn says, “Yeah – Doggie S died and they baked her with the other puppies in a big oven.”

While this is true, I had no idea she understood what happened to our cousin’s dog.

Her 4-year-old friend replies, “Yeah – that’s what the did they did to B too – baked him in an oven.”

This conversation was completely matter of fact…”like they just told each other they liked purple crayons.”

Now…in the last 18 months or so : 2 dogs of grandparents have passed, one dog of cousin passed, another dog of other cousin passed, and I ran over one of our dogs.  It has been a rough year for the canines in our family.

With the (fleeting) nice weather, last weekend I cleaned up Fizzy’s grave site in our yard and got the cross Eldest Female Spawn made for him firmly planted into the ground near him.  Evidently this was cause for notice by Littlest Spawn.  She told her friend we didn’t bake Fizzy.  He’s over the Rainbow Bridge getting lots of treats with all the other dogs that have crossed the Rainbow Bridge.

I love her.  She knows.  KNOWS Fizzy is getting lots of treats with the other doggies.  It is a fact.  Not a suggestion or an idea.  A FACT.

Wise Littlest Spawn.  You rock my world.   I want to be more like you.

EJ out – to get some sleep.  Rest well my Evil Friends, rest well.

But before you go to sleep – click on that juggling lady up there on the right.  Doing so casts a vote for me at the Top Mommy Blogs.  One click is all it takes.  Literally.  That’s it.  All you have to do.

Okay – now you can go to bed.

Advice…from a new mom

So I’m linking up at Theme Thursday.  I seem to mess this up every time I do this and forget to do what I’m suppose to.  (I’m sorry!!!)  Here’s the link to Theme Thursday.  Go check out what others are saying about this week’s theme : Advice  Thanks to Something Clever 2.0 for doing this!!!

I love when I go out with my Littlest Spawn.  She’s a doll face .. except when she’s not. Then she’s the devil incarnate.  She can scream and carry on with the best of them.  In the last year, this has subsided considerably but on occasion it still happens.

My favorite situation is when she is having a hard time with a new environment and I’m past dealing with it.  I’m more of the tough love kinda mama – not the cuddling type.  At all.  Ever.  (Sorry Spawn – suck it up – that’s the way it goes – not everyone wins – you’re fine – get over it)

In walks chic mom in her heels, skinny jeans, with her six month old baby dressed in the latest Gap line head to toe.  Who proceeds to give me advice.  For a child who is 4.5 years older than her first baby.  Advice she read in a book.  And her friend told her about.  And she saw on Oprah or Dr. Phil.

Yeah.  Bite me.

Depending on my mood, one of three things happens:

Mood 1 : Happy and Well Rested

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Thanks.  I’m sure it’ll get better.  Have a great day.

 

 

 

 

 

Mood 2 : Normal Evil Joy – Tired, Slightly Frazzled, Running 17 Different Directions

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Yeah, I know…my older THREE went through this stage too.  Later.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Mood 3 : Exhausted, Dr. Evil on Travel, Other Spawn Acting Up at Home, Last Thin Thread of Sanity Broken by This Woman

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Look.  I appreciate you trying to give advice for a child you have no idea about.  Obviously the books you’ve read have made you think you’re prepared.  You’re not.  Just wait.  Wait until she can talk and walk and run away from you and pull over a display in the store.  Wait until she doesn’t like you.  I have THREE OLDER CHILDREN.  I’ve done this shit before.  Yeah – I swore – your baby can’t talk yet and I could say shit over and over again and it will not affect her because she’ll never ever see me again.  And yes, close your open jaw, I swore in front of my five-year old who knows better than to repeat it at all.  I was just like you lady – thought I had it all in the bag.  I don’t.  At least I’m smart and experienced enough to KNOW I WILL ALWAYS HAVE A LOT TO LEARN.  Good Day.

Yeah – Mood 3 – not one of my finer moments.  Thankfully I was in a different town and will most likely never see this woman again.  God, I hope not.

So I try hard to not give advice unless asked.  Even then I tread cautiously.  Are they really asking for advice or do they want reassurance everyone is as confused and clueless as the next parent.  None of our spawn came with manuals.  None of our spawn are alike.  Some advice is great …. but sometimes …. for the love of Pete …. bite your tongue.

Except – okay – the one and only time I don’t hold back is if I notice your spawn’s eyes aren’t properly aligned.  Eldest Spawn has strabismus and amblyopia caught at age 2.  He’s been patched, had and still has bifocals, and wears glasses to correct his alignment and vision.  If not caught early enough the damage caused can be more severe.  So…that’s the one time I know I’ve crossed the line….but if it helps just one kid……

EJ out – to drive in the Mother Loving Snow to see a visiting friend!!!!!

Take a minute and help a Mama out – click on the juggling lady located on the upper right.  Doing so casts a vote for me at Top Mommy Blogs.  Thanks!!!

(graphic sources : pinterest.com, casaazuldelaribera.es)

Mind Reading….Jedi Evil Joy Style

Mind reading.  It’s a skill as a mom you master.  It’s the Jedi force that enters your body as the baby leaves.

You know when your spawn is going to puke.  You know you’re going to have to stop at the bathroom 712 times on a trip that should only be 4 hours long … now 5.5 hours into and still not there.  You know tomorrow is going to be a long day because you let your spawn stay up to cuddle with them.  You know when your spawn is lying.

Then there is the husband to consider.  I do wish Dr. Evil could read my mind.  Wellllll…not all the time…just sometimes.

I would be able to use my Jedi Mind Forces to send to him what I’m thinking.

Situation #1

Jedi Evil Joy : Thought : “I really want to watch ‘Skyfall’ tonight.”

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Dr. Evil  : Let’s watch “The Walking Dead.”

 

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Result : Fail.  Jedi Mind Powers were not strong enough.

In this instance I used the force known as my Evil Mouth and Voice instead of my Jedi Mind Force because I can’t watch that stuff before bed and hope to sleep.  And I mean come on – Daniel Craig – yummy – vs Freaky Dead Walking Things?  Need I say more?

Situation #2

Jedi Evil Joy : Thought : “Bring me flowers.  I clean the house because it’s important to you.  Flowers are important to me.  Brrrriiinnngggg me ffloooweers.”

Dr. Evil : “Hi.”

In this instance I used the Texting Power of the iPhone and Eldest Spawn to tell him I wanted flowers.

He sent me a graphic on text of flowers.  I replied, “real ones.”

He sent me a picture of live flowers.

Damn engineers – they are so literally.

Situation #3

Jedi Evil Joy : Thought : “Clean up the kitchen – you’re trashing it making us an awesome dinner.”

Dr. Evil : “I know I’m making a mess, I’ll clean it up!”

Holy Cow!?!?!  It worked?!?!?!

It had nothing to do with the Evil Stink Eye I was sporting when I walked into the mess.

 

Dr. Evil is going to be traveling a lot for work in the upcoming weeks and possibly months.  He used to travel all the time – for weeks at a time.   (Thanks for the frequent flyer miles!!  Only way this family of six is going anywhere on an airplane!)  In the last several years it has only been a week here or there or a few days a week once a month or so.

Well…he’s going to attempt to average out all that travel-less time in the next month.

I’m cool with it.  I’m just thankful he has a job.

And … he’s working on trying to get me out there with him for a weekend.  There being San Diego, CA.

Typically he doesn’t get to go to cool places like San Diego.  So when he suggested we use a few frequent flyer miles to get away together…..holy cow….I jumped!

Now for the Evil Joy Jedi Mind Powers to work on the frequent flyer mileage required to go to San Diego.  And on someone to watch the spawn.  And on someone to watch our four-legged spawn.

 

EJ out – to eat lunch.

 

Take a second and vote for me at Top Mommy Blogs.  Just click on that juggling lady up there on the right. [Jedi Mind Powers Activated!]  Gooooo vote.  You know you want to.

 

graphic source : ceasefiremagazine.co.ukstarcasm.net

 

Top 10…..

Thursday rolls around every week and I think, “How the hell did that happen?”

Friday is coming.  I should be excited and happy.  However…trying to think of things to do with the kids when the weather is mucky and yucky…..I can think of lots of things.  None of them will be met with the happy sounds of “Yipppeee!  Great idea Mama!”

Cleaning the garage.  Picking up doggy doo-doo from the last few months.  Taking down all the Christmas lights.  Clearing out the dead leaves on the plants that will be growing again.

And on Saturday (I hope)….12 miles.  12 miles of running.

I’ve run this far before…more than once.  More than twice.  But I’m nervous – last weekend’s run sucked.  I literally bawled about the hills.  Which is stupid.  But it didn’t matter at mile 4 with so many more miles to go and soooo many hills left yet to run UP!  The down part of the hill isn’t even happy when you see the next hill heading straight up at the bottom of the current one.

I’m hoping for Saturday instead of Sunday.  I just like getting it out of the way before Sunday.  No real reason…just like having one more day to recover and like getting it out of the way.

And since running is taking over my brain – here’s my top 10 suggestions for running in WI in the spring.

TOP 10 SUGGESTIONS for running in Wisconsin in Spring

1.  Wear leggings.  Except don’t.  Okay – do, but wear shorts underneath so you can strip if the weather changes 15 degrees in the 20 minutes since you started.

2.  Run in loops.  Lots of small loops.  Because if the weather went up 15 degrees in 20 minutes  – it will surely drop 25 degrees in the next 10 minutes.  You’ll need to put those leggings back on.  Until you need to take them off again.

3.  Plug your nose.  Cow poop stinks.  It smells.  Bad.  Really really bad.

4.  Plan on getting the splashed look.  It’s in.  It’s impossible to escape when you run along a highway in the spring in WI.  My favorite splashes are from cars who won’t give you an inch when there’s NO oncoming traffic and they’re shaking their fist or giving you the finger as they drive past.

5.  Dogs.  Lots of dogs.  Most have invisible fence.  Except Millie.  She’s the farm dog.  Who will herd you the entire way on a 6 mile run.  And an 8 mile run.  And a 10 mile run.  Good thing we start and stop at home and she lives across the street/highway.

6.  Keep one headphone in and one out.  This is to hear the watch beep of the 5-1 I run (run 5 minutes, walk 1 minute – the whole way).  This is also so you can yell at Dr. Evil for making you run hills.  And so he’ll notice if you drop dead at the top of the 245th hill we just ran up.

7. Be prepared for dead things on the shoulder of the road.  As the snow melts, the horror is revealed.  It’s like the Walking Dead of animals…except they’re really dead, not walking, and really freaking gross.

8.  Watch out for tractors.  Yes.  Really.  Especially the ones with tillers attached.  You may think you’re running fast.  Until a tiller catches up.  Then you run faster.  Until you get tilled.

9.  Sand.  Sand is wonderful on the beach.  Sand is wonderful in a sand box.  Sand on a road is slippery.  Yes.  Slippery.  Carry band aids.

And finally

10. Smile.  Dr. Evil will take random pictures.  And after last year, hopefully he learned he should take pictures of my front…not this……

IMG_1176

Here’s some random running pictures from the last year….just ’cause.

EJ out – to chase the kids to the bus stop.

Thanks for helping me make the Top 25 Humor Blogs at Top Mommy Blogs.  I’m shooting for the top 10!  Click on the flashing juggling lady up there on the left (on mobile – click view full site and she’s at the bottom).  That’s it.  You’ll be redirected to Top Mommy Blogs.  You can close that window and every other window.  You’re done!  I excuse you from the day!

Have a great one!

It’s cold…and some other stuff…

So today we went out for a run.  Last Sunday we did 6 miles in the wind and it was freaking cold.  And I thought hilly.  Well – it was hilly.  Hard to not be hilly where we live.  It was about 35 degrees and sunny – but the wind had a BITE.

Today…time to make the donuts – I mean run again.  8 miles on the plate.  Sounds good.  We started out going downhill with the wind at our backs rather than running back home UP highway N with church traffic.  Down highway N – to Gilbert Road.  I love the names of the roads around here….Wilcoxson, Kinney, Gilbert, Tower (because there’s a ginormous tower on Tower Road)….  Actually felt really great.  I was pleasantly surprised how good I felt.  And after snowboarding yesterday and cleaning someone’s home for 4 hours!!

Then the dreaded TOWER Road Hill.  The never-ending-continuous – you think you’re up the hill and then your round a corner and – BAM – more freaking hill.  I HATE that part of Tower Road.

We made it up the most EVIL part of Tower Road.  And BAM – wind!

Wow – it got cold fast.  I usually sweat constantly.  Even when I’m cold.  So … running and getting warm for about 6 miles and then hitting wind like that – holy crap – FROZEN arm pits.  And other pits….we’ll leave it at that.  My water even froze!!!!

I needed to drink this.....brrrrr and grrrrrr...

I needed to drink this…..brrrrr and grrrrrr…

I had to get over my Evil Self Defeating Talk coming up the Evil Freaking Hill From Hell.  I got over it.  The hill and the talk.  And get my arse moving faster again because it was so freaking windy.  We made it home.

Where I took a super long, super hot, super steamy shower.  I’ve got on 4 layers on top and I’m still shivering!  Maybe time to drink some hot water.  (And yes, I know that’s weird, but it works and I like it!)

But you know the coolest (haha) think about this run….

  •  The gorgeous trees.
  • The quiet parts of the old county highways where little traffic comes.
  • The opportunities to notice hills and homes you normally fly past at 60 mph.
  • The interesting cracks in the road and the way the frost covers the black top.
  • The way the water freezes in patterns and how the sand on the road affects the patterns.

It. Was. Breathtaking.

And even more…I got thinking about how things will change between now and the end of June when Dr. Evil and I run Grandma’s Marathon in Duluth.  The trees, flowers, and birds (there are several eagle nests around here) and the differences that will be apparent.

Last week on our run I took a picture.  I know at some point again we’ll be in this same spot.  I hope to capture the changing seasons.

March 17th, 2013

March 17th, 2013

 

Here’s to a wonderful week.  I’m going to keep busy.  Dr. Evil is traveling.  I still get very nervous when he travels…but the spawn, their activities, and our life in general will keep me busy.  Especially since Dr. Evil was fixing the noise the dryer made and broke it for several days.  Now…laundry threatens to bury us.  Send me clean and bubbly thoughts!

EJ out – to drink some unfrozen, hot water.

SO….help me get back in the Top 25 at Top Mommy Blogs.  Click on the juggling lady.  Please.  Once a day.  Every day.  You can do it!

 

Also – buy this book!  I Just Want to Pee Alone.  You can get it on Snarkfest’s page (and others too…)

 

 

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