Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Tag: fail

I Failed At Soup : A Tale Of Mush

You know when you try to a good thing? I tried.

I failed miserably.

Soup. I failed at soup. How does one fail at soup you ask? Let me tell you.

I should have known things would go south from the start. The chicken was simmering as I sautéed the vegetables. I prepared the spices and noodles – although my normal noodles were hiding so I grabbed the closest ones I could find. I got everything ready to assemble into the crock pot and quickly realized I had no stock, broth, or base. None.

Well crap. I guess a store run is in order.

I got the missing broth and finished making the soup – the same way I do every.single.time.  My family loves this dinner – we all eat it all – including the leftovers. It’s a standard fare in the winter – probably twice a month. Lucky for me (and the teachers) I decided to give it one last stir before packing it up for school. It smelled amazing but the color was a tad off.

As I stirred I realized I didn’t see the nice, firm noodles I was accustomed to finding. But I did find mushy, gross, floury like strings of stuff.

OMG – WHAT A CLUSTER!!

I now had an exceptionally large crockpot full of crap. Total and complete crap. It was terrible. I only had 20 minutes before I needed to leave and deliver the offending soup to school. What to do???

The fact that I have ton of children played in my favor. I tend to triple recipes….one for dinner, one for left overs, and one to freeze. There was still a pot of broth, veggies, and chicken left uncontaminated by noodles. I had just made a ton of brown rice for my lunches for the week. I grabbed that crockpot, threw in the rice, and packed it up for school. Good enough right? Let’s get this show on the road.

Dr. Evil was on travel and I was driving his beloved car. Let’s just say I thank God for those plastic, made to fit, awesome floor liners. The soup did NOT travel well. I finally got this soup concoction to school, cleaned his car up, and went to the gym.

I vow to never make soup for school again. Ever.

Sour cream in a container from the store?  Sign me up for that stuff.

 

 

 

Worst Western – A Cluster Story

“Down the last hall over there is the nearest bathroom.”

I looked at the woman behind the reception desk with utter disbelief. I asked for a trash bin because my daughter, suffering from heat exhaustion, was feeling nauseous as we were checked into our hotel for the night. I honestly hoped my girl would barf in her  lobby. Who can’t spare their trash bin for a sick 9 year old about to vomit?

I smiled and asked to expedite the check in process while biting my tongue. A teammate of ours checked in just before us so I was prepared and waited to complete the necessary paperwork. We trucked up to our room past the pool. Even if she’d been completely healthy there was no way we’d have been able to utilize or enjoy the pool facilities. It was a complete zoo, overcrowded and crazy.

We found the elevator and headed up to the queen bed that awaited us. Except a full bed stared back. Awesome.

After a long day in the sun I wanted to relax in a cold hotel room and watch kid shows with the backs of my eyelids. But nope, the hotel made other plans for us.

The sultry temperature of the room made me question my sanity. The television didn’t work. Deep breaths were required as I calmly explained to overtired, sweaty children they couldn’t swim, would be playing rock-scissor-paper to see who would have to sleep in a chair, and now they couldn’t even watch television. I settled my then extremely cranky children for the night. They were warm but unlike me, they were comfortable.

I called down to the front desk only to learn the woman answering the phone had no idea how to help me and was busy with other customers. She took my room number and told me she’d call me back. I replied, “This has not been a positive experience.”

Are you freaking kidding me? First the lack of service while checking in. Then the overly warm room. Then the television.

By now it’s 10:30 at night.

Several children had been running about the halls. When someone repeatedly rattled and bothered with the door I didn’t think about it. The rattling continued. I stomped to the door and yanked it open. I expected there to be some crazed teen messing around.

A mom and her kid stared back at me. With room keys to my room. At 10:45 at night. I was a lunatic by this time. I spewed the issues we’d had since checking at her and assured her and her son they didn’t want this room anyways as I furiously grabbed the phone. I know I looked crazy with my frizzed out halo of hair and my reindeer pj pants.

I reached my breaking point. Another family was assigned to the same room. With keys.

I LOST MY SHIT.

“Another family has been given room keys and assigned to this room. I am very displeased.”

“Would you mind sending them down to the front desk?”

“It would be my pleasure,” I replied with more snark than I knew I was capable of. As I sent them off I believe steam from my temper and the hot room actually poured forth from my ears.

We had to be out the door at 6:30 the next morning to report for warm ups.  I turned in the keys and said, “I have some feedback about our experience.”

She replied, “I was informed you were unhappy. I’m so sorry. These tournament weekends are crazy”

I simply replied, “If you’re this full you should be staffed for it. Your management needs to enable you to do your job.”

I explained the issues we experienced in a calm voice. She refunded me $50 plus tax for our inconvenience. I didn’t have the time to tell her I wanted and expected a full refund. The key situation was so wrong. The safety implications of that situation scared me. I didn’t sleep the rest of the night after the room had been dual assigned.

Best Western earned a new nickname this weekend – Worst Western. Our experience sucked. Save yourselves a lot of trouble and make sure and read ALL the reviews for your hotel site.

EJ out – to write some reviews about our weekend.

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