Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Tag: funny (page 2 of 10)

The 12 Days of Christmas Evil Joy Style

On the first day of Christmas my spawnily gave to me
A pile of dog yak to clean up.

On the second day of Christmas my spawnily gave to me
Two lunch boxes with smeared pudding
And a pile of dog yak to clean up.

On the third day of Christmas my spawnily gave to me
Three beds to make
Two lunch boxes with smeared pudding
And a pile of dog yak to clean up.

On the fourth day of Christmas my spawnily gave to me
Four pairs of dirty socks
Three beds to make
Two lunch boxes with smeared pudding
And a pile of dog yak to clean up.

On the fifth day of Christmas my spawnily gave to me
Five golden glares
Four pairs of dirty socks
Three beds to make
Two lunch boxes with smeared pudding
And a pile of dog yak to clean up.

On the six day of Christmas my spawnily gave to me
Six unmatched earrings
Five golden glares
Four pairs of dirty socks
Three beds to make
Two lunch boxes with smeared pudding
And a pile of dog yak to clean up.

On the seventh day of Christmas my spawnily gave to me
Seven used tissues
Six unmatched earrings
Five golden glares
Four pairs of dirty socks
Three beds to make
Two lunch boxes with smeared pudding
And a pile of dog yak to clean up.

On the eighth day of Christmas my spawnily gave to me
Eight wet mittens
Seven used tissues
Six unmatched earrings
Five golden glares
Four pairs of dirty socks
Three beds to make
Two lunch boxes with smeared pudding
And a pile of dog yak to clean up.

On the ninth day of Christmas my spawnily gave to me
Nine different dinner orders
Eight wet mittens
Seven used tissues
Six unmatched earrings
Five golden glares
Four pairs of dirty socks
Three beds to make
Two lunch boxes with smeared pudding
And a pile of dog yak to clean up.

On the tenth day of Christmas my spawnily gave to me
Ten empty toilet paper rolls
Nine different dinner orders
Eight wet mittens
Seven used tissues
Six unmatched earrings
Five golden glares
Four pairs of dirty socks
Three beds to make
Two lunch boxes with smeared pudding
And a pile of dog yak to clean up.

On the eleventh day of Christmas my spawnily gave to me
Eleven loads of laundry
Ten empty toilet paper rolls
Nine different dinner orders
Eight wet mittens
Seven used tissues
Six unmatched earrings
Five golden glares
Four pairs of dirty socks
Three beds to make
Two lunch boxes with smeared pudding
And a pile of dog yak to clean up.

On the twelfth day of Christmas my spawnily gave to me
Twelve tangled electronics cords
Eleven loads of laundry
Ten empty toilet paper rolls
Nine different dinner orders
Eight wet mittens
Seven used tissues
Six unmatched earrings
Five golden glares
Four pairs of dirty socks
Three beds to make
Two lunch boxes with smeared pudding
And a pile of dog yak to clean up.

EJ out – to giggle quietly at my awesome list.

This has been part of the Secret Subject Swap hosted by Karen of Baking in a tornado.

My prompt was submitted by the amazing www.spinstersnacks.com.

“Tell us about a lie you tell on a regular basis.”

So the lie part of all of that….is three beds to make. There are five!!! And I make them do it!!!!

Check out the other awesome posts from today!!!

You can find them at www.bakinginatornado.com!!!!

TToT!!!!

It’s time. Time for #TToT. Aka Ten Things of Thankful by the awesome Lizzie!!!

So here goes!!!

1. Thankful for Lizzie. ‘Nuf said.

2. Super happy I got to go see my grandma. She’s 94 and amazing.

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3. Very thankful she understood she’ll be staying with my aunt and uncle from now on.

4. Thankful I can be grumpy with Dr. Evil about going on travel.

5. I’m extra thankful for the time spent with my mom and dad this weekend!

6. And this little guy!

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7. Thankful for safe travels to and from Iowa!

8. And for Dr. Evil’s willing participation in such silliness as….

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9. For tree trimming and farting Santas.

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10. Thankful I can write this….

Let me tell you a tale. Once upon a time there was a young woman named Evil Joy. She stood by her Dr. Evil day and night for 10 long days while he fought against a staph infection. One that caused him to experience kidney, liver, and heart failure. Staph pneumonia. Rhabdomyolysis. And because of all of that he was placed in a coma to let his body heal. That meant a ventilator. Continuous dialysis. Tubes and IV. Everywhere.

Until 2 years ago today. Two years ago today he woke up. This is where the story gets good.

You see, Dr. Evil is an engineer. A techno gadget geek. MY techno gadget geek. A very bright individual. So smart it’s actually a little scary and/or intimidating even after 20+ years together.

Now when one has been in a coma for 10 days one’s muscles forget how to work. Legs and arms don’t move as they should.

This didn’t stop Dr. Evil from seeing the info board from his hospital bed. From seeing the date. 01 December 2011.

The day he qualified for a new phone.

THE new 4S iPhone from Apple.

“Give me the iPad!” he exclaims.

“What do you need?!?” I questioned back alarmed. “Your arms are not .. ummm. Not working quite right yet.”

“Just give it to me!”

“Tell me what you want and I’ll take care of it!” I said getting annoyed and then feeling guilt as he’s been awake for about 2 seconds.

“I qualify for my new phone. I want to order it now!”

Oh!!! I can deal with that!!! And here we were worried about his brain.

It’s all good. My techno gadget geek is as geeky as ever!

Can you believe Apple didn’t pick this up for a commercial?!?!? In a coma one minute. Demanding to order newest Apple product the next?!?!?

Their loss man. Their loss.

But I’m open to selling it now…..hint hint #apple #iphone #storyforsale

EJ out – waiting to hear from Apple. Shameless pleading is awesome right?!?

The Battle Wages On….

Schmucky Schmuck here with a disturbing update on the events of the Battle of the Seasons.

Violence has broken out in the Lair of Evil Joy.  Injuries occurring on both sides.  Some of you may find the following pictures disturbing at best, appalling at worst.  View at your own risk.

The Thanksgiving Decor railed back again the premature placing of Santas.  Below are two of the casualties.  We have yet to find both arms to the Santa on the right.

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After such a vicious attack, the Santas and Snowmen retreated to the tops of the shelves.  Or did they?  Isn’t that where they live during the holidays?  The plot thickens.

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Things have gotten so bad Regions the Elf contacted his nemesis the Troll from the Pole (TM).  The Troll from the Pole (TM) came to visit overnight and brought epoxy as a temporary peace offering.  Although we all know epoxy is forever.  This could be the start of another epic battle.  Oh the drama!  Oh . the . drama!!

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At publish time we learned of a tragic event.  The Santas and Snowmen have gone too far.  They enlisted the malleable soul of Burton Puppy.  The dog who can’t resist chewing.  We fully believe this dog was manipulated.  However, he went too far.  Too far people, too far.  Again, the following image is disturbing.  View with extreme caution.

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Evil Joy was able to intervene and a temporary peace treaty was enacted.

Both members of the Thanksgiving Decor are repaired and in good health.  However, I can’t say good spirits. They are keeping their distance from Burton Puppy and are temporarily living on the fireplace mantel.

The Santas will be repaired by day’s end.

Let’s all hope for a peaceful outcome to the Battle of the Season in the Lair of Evil Joy.  No more ceramic-shed or glass-shed.  No more stuffing where it doesn’t belong.  Peace.  We must hope for peace.

This has been a news update from Schmucky Schmuck.  On location.  At the Lair of Evil Joy.

Troll from the Pole (TM) was used with permission from The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva.  Please visit her blog – she’s awesome!

They wrote this one for me…..

So yesterday….we did it.

We didn’t spend any money.  But we renewed contracts and all that crap.  And got new phones.  We ‘purchased’ Eldest Spawn his first phone.  I’m fairly certain he was the only 8th grader in our district without his own phone.  Or any phone.  Now, he is in the ‘in.’

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In the process of purchasing said new phones, in order for us to walk out of there owing $0.00 we had the ‘chance to add’ a home phone.  A phone that stays in the house.  A phone that doesn’t work away from its receiver, at least not far from its receiver.  And I bit.   With little spawn about and sometimes one spawn babysitting the others, I like the idea of a line dedicated to the house.

I took it a step further.  And decided to get a corded phone.

And the hilarity ensued.

First, Kool Krazi Kristi and I had to find such a phone.  We walked all over the store and finally found them.  Wal-Mart had two to choose from…..white for $5.96 or black for $9.96.  I’m cheap.

We arrived back at the lair and you’d think we bought the coolest, most desirable new toy.  The spawn were going crazy for this $6 phone.

These are the actual phrases the spawn used.

“So, is this what you had back in the old days?”

“What is that noise?!?!  It’s so loud!!”  (dial tone)

“Ummm, what am I suppose to do with it?”

“Okay I dialed the number, where’s the send or call button?”

“How do I end this call?”

“Okay – can I text from this phone?”

“Where is the screen?  Where are the games?”

“Does it get text messages?”

“What’s an answering machine?  What’s a message machine?  Oh – you mean voice mail?”

“Seriously, I don’t get this.”

“How cool am I?!” said as she sat on the counter because the cord wouldn’t let her wander about the house.

“Please Mama, I’m begging you, teach me how to use this phone!  It’s so cool!”

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Needless to say, I showed them how to use the cool, new house phone.  And they know it’s not for playing.  It’s amazing how they never thought about knowing anyone’s phone numbers?!  We have a list of “need to know” numbers and a list of “friends to play” with numbers.  I actually knew most of the numbers.  (Impressive, huh, huh?   I think so!)

Now I won’t be searching for my phone and find it under a bed when spawn used it to call a friend to play and then forgot to give it back to me.  I have the peace of mind knowing we have a phone in the house.

That is really freaking cool.

 

EJ out – to take Eldest Spawn his lunch on a walking tour of Hudson.  Luckily for him he got a phone on Saturday for the first time and it allowed him to go on said tour – teacher was given permission over the phone this morning (I signed that permission slip weeks ago….) and will allow me to find him along the tour and deliver his lunch.  With all the embarrassing love I can muster.  “Here buddy of mine.  Love you.  I packed your favorite treats!” followed by hugs and smoochies.  That’ll teach him.

 

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Collections….

There’s Christmas decor at Target, Home Depot, and even Walgreens.  (Can we at least celebrate Halloween and my beloved, Thanksgiving, first?)

But I have to admit it’s got me thinking.  About the 20+ totes of Christmas decorations stored under my stairs.  Yes, that is correct.  20+ totes.  20 gallon totes.  In red and green so I know they are Christmas decorations.  Not the gray that holds the Easter decor or the green that holds St. Patty’s Day stuff.  (Can you say OCD?)

I have a collection that I love.  I adore.  And every Thanksgiving weekend I am so excited when I find the totes holding my….

Nativities.

This isn’t my nativity but the one at the church where I grew up.  We attend Mass there Christmas morning.

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It may seem like a strange thing to collect but I love seeing them all out and having the spawn arrange the figurines.  I probably have 20 or more….and this one time….I decided to hold the tradition of not putting out Baby Jesus until Christmas Eve….it was great…until I lost all 20 Baby Jesus figurines….(and I just found the last three – lost them four years ago!!!!)  Christmas morning dawned with no Baby Jesus under the angel and my spawn were so confuzzled.

Now… the other thing I collect…..lotion bottles.  I do not do this on purpose but in the pursuit of the perfect lotion.  One that has NO smell, isn’t oily, soaks in, and most importantly works.

I have generic, name brand, fancy, plain, baby, geriatric, diabetic, sun screen (you never know….) and pretty much every other kind of lotion out there.  I have my favorites for certain times of the year.  In the summer I’m partial to Auqaphor for my feet – barefoot as much as possible.  And the same for winter with running.  I kinda love the plain oatmeal store brand stuff for general use all winter long – as long as it’s dry out – because other wise it feels too greasy.

Can you say “high maintenance?”

And let’s see – what else do I collect?

Dirty laundry.  Check

Snot that doesn’t belong to me.  Check

Books.  Check

Electronics cords.  Check

Markers, pencils, crayons, half chewed writing implements.  Check

Papers.  OMWORD school papers.  Check

Random rescue dogs.  Check

Spawn.  Check

Dirt, dust, and dander.  Check

Drama.  Check (dude – I have three female spawn ages 10 and under….wait for five years and I’ll be quadruple checking this one!)

Compost bags.  Check

To do lists.  Check

Yeah…I think I have a collection problem.  I collect….collections.

Now…hop over to Something Clever 2.0 and check out what others are collecting.  This post was brought to you inspired by Theme Thursday!

 

 

Cookie Fail

Once upon a time, there was an Evil Mom otherwise known as Evil Joy.  Evil Joy loved to make her spawn happy.

Cookies make spawn happy.

Evil Joy decided to make cookies.

Then Evil Joy saw she had no brown sugar.  She quickly googled ‘substitute for brown sugar’ and found you can use either granulated sugar or confectioner’s sugar in a 1 for 1 exchange.  Granulated sugar was already on the counter.  In it went.

Next Evil Joy realized she had no baking soda.  EJ remembered reading the substitute for baking soda was baking powder in a 2 to 1 ratio.  Or was it a 1 to 2?  She went with 2 to 1.

Finally it was time to add the flour.  Annnnnddd…there was not enough white flour to complete the recipe.  Out came the gluten-free all-purpose flour.  To which you add xanthan gum to help hold things together.  That is if you can find said xanthan gum.

Then…cookies baked.  And looked like this.

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And tasted sort of grainy.  But sweet.  Very, very sweet.   And the cookies were very, very fragile.

EJ out – to make a grocery list for tomorrow.  And a note for self to remember to check supplies prior to beginning to bake.

 

Help my half-baked self to move up in the standings at Top Mommy Blogs.  Click on that flashing sign up there on the right that says Top Mommy Blogs!  And….I’m waiting on pins and needles to hear if I made the Top 13 for Blogger Idol.  Feel free (READ : PRETTY PLEASE) go tell them you think I should be in that select group of awesomeness.  Just click here and leave them a comment on Facebook.

 

 

Mischievous Monday!

Today I’m fortunate to be a co-host of the Mischievous Mondays …. aaannnnnddddd……

It’s time for another AWESOME edition of

MISCHIEVOUS MONDAYS!!

Hosted by Southern Mess Moms!  For those of you that are new here, this is a time where we all share moments from the week that made us shake our heads, laugh, scream or maybe even want to cry. I may have been something devious that your little one did, or animals…or even your wonderful significant other!

 

 

On Thursday I made two whole chickens….all by my lonesome….on the Green Egg.

And I was successful!  More than that – I was EEEGGGcellent.  (See what I did there…)

For the very first time I made chicken that was fully cooked (always is), tender (sometimes), and juicy (never ever before have I made juicy meat anything)!

We ate a lovely dinner. Chicken, rice, grilled zucchini, carrots and green beans.

Followed by a true act of love of my part…I then started taking all the meat off the bones.

Now……for those of you know me you know I could happily be a vegetarian. The touching of raw meat or meat on bones grosses me out to the point of gagging. So this truly is a ‘back rub worthy’ act on my part.

We went to bed after a great evening.

Up the next day where I had a busy out of the house day. My lovely Female Spawn had some chicken for breakfast and lunch. And left the container on the counter.

This what I came home to…..

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The dogs ate all of the chicken. Wings and all. Some bones.  A lot of meat.

And man….let me tell you how badly Shadow Dog and Burton Puppy farts smell.

Bbbaaaaaaaa-aad!

Then … wait it gets better …

Saturday morning I got up early to go for a walk with Awesome Amy. Shadow Dog was very anxious to get outside. Normally she sits at the door and sort of looks at me like, “Hey – when you finally get over here – would you please open the door?”  Saturday morning it was more like, “PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LET ME OUT NOW LET ME OUT LET ME OUT!!!”  I let her out…and was amazed at how badly her farts her smelling and lingering. Then I walked to get my shoes in the mud room.

Squish.

“What the ?!?!?!?”

Shadow Dog Never makes messes in the house but holy Moses did she make the mother of all messes. On the mud room rug.

We were all gagging and coughing while I – me – myself and – I – cleaned up the mess. It was bad enough I carried the rug out to the weeds and hosed it off!

If one more person says “Poor puppy” I am personally going to have them wash my good running socks covered in the result of the poor dog’s fun!

But I admit….I felt sorry for the poor thing. She was miserable….

 

Now that you’ve had a giggle, add your own story, check out some other funnies, and have a great Monday!!!

 

EJ out – to have a non-stinky Monday!

Mischievous Mondays



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Summer Vacay


Summer is Approaching…Summer is Approaching.

Do you think of summer vacation as a trip … or a period of time where your spawn are not in school?

Last year, we didn’t go anywhere big….just camping.  In the camper Dr. Evil purchased as part of his ‘screw you I lived!’ campaign.  We didn’t get the camper until late July and still managed to get 4 trips in before school started.  It was pretty good – a lot of learning – a lot of fun – and a lot of plans made for repeat trips!

However, the other definition of summer vacation : spawn out of classes.

So…with the rose-colored glasses I’m currently wearing, we’ll be going to the beach (man-made Lake Elmo – we live in the midwest people).  We’ll go the library (once I pay off the fine I have for returning a book the spawn decided to leave in the rain).  We’ll have picnics and hike at the local Willow River State Park.

Baseball, softball, machine pitch 2 softball, and t-ball will be a treasured time where I will be able to make all the games and get everyone everywhere with the required equipment and clean uniforms.  The concession stocking and cleaning won’t be that bad and it’s sort of fun to deliver buns to 3 locations as far across town as you can get every. single. week.

We’ll work on maintaining the knowledge they gained at school in the current year by reviewing and reading daily.

–reality check—

Dr. Evil is still traveling a lot for work.  A lot.  Like 4 or 5 days a week, every week, from here to California.  When he is home, he’s juggling his work responsibilities, Booster board and webmaster responsibilities, our spawn activity load – especially Boy Scouts, and dealing with me.  Who is typically okay with the travel.  Except when I’m not.  When I’m done.  When I’m grumpy the last thing tended to on that list is me.  But I digress.

Baseball and softball (times 3) practices will inevitably conflict.  With only one of me and four spawn – none of which are old enough to drive – that makes for a lot of hurrying up and waiting – get to one practice – wait through it for the next one to begin. Thank God for good friends.  And clean uniforms – are you kidding me?!  They’re lucky if they have the right color of shirt on – we have so many from playing for multiple years on multiple teams I often forget which shirt is the current shirt and which is used for sleep clothing!  The beach is often met with resistance from Eldest Spawn who wants to sit home and play video games.  The library – every summer I have great intentions…which fall by the baseball-side every year.  And Willow River – we’ll go there – and fight the mosquitos.  But man – it is beautiful – hiking there is amazing.

Honestly, I like summer.  But I feel the pull of being super mom even more in the summer.  There’s a lot of kids who spend summers going on great trips or attending wonderful camps.  We spend the summer hanging out, swimming in our pool (which we set up in June), and jumping on the trampoline.  The slip and slide works great here because the yard is mostly flat (and poop free) so they can really fly…especially if you add just a touch of dish soap.  We will take the camper to places close by and hike and ride bikes and swim.  I let them watch television during the hot parts of the day and sometimes even more than that.  I try to plan trips to fun places in the cities…sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn’t.  I hope my spawn remember the times we spend together…the everyday fun we have.

I hope my spawn remember summer fondly.  I hope they enjoy the time we have together.  I know I do.

(most of the time)

EJ out – to run so I can play and get ready for visiting Dr. Evil in California!

This is part of Something Clever 2.0: Theme Thursday – a multi-blog collaboration. Click the button above to read posts from other bloggers, or to add your own.

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Mind Reading….Jedi Evil Joy Style

Mind reading.  It’s a skill as a mom you master.  It’s the Jedi force that enters your body as the baby leaves.

You know when your spawn is going to puke.  You know you’re going to have to stop at the bathroom 712 times on a trip that should only be 4 hours long … now 5.5 hours into and still not there.  You know tomorrow is going to be a long day because you let your spawn stay up to cuddle with them.  You know when your spawn is lying.

Then there is the husband to consider.  I do wish Dr. Evil could read my mind.  Wellllll…not all the time…just sometimes.

I would be able to use my Jedi Mind Forces to send to him what I’m thinking.

Situation #1

Jedi Evil Joy : Thought : “I really want to watch ‘Skyfall’ tonight.”

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Dr. Evil  : Let’s watch “The Walking Dead.”

 

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Result : Fail.  Jedi Mind Powers were not strong enough.

In this instance I used the force known as my Evil Mouth and Voice instead of my Jedi Mind Force because I can’t watch that stuff before bed and hope to sleep.  And I mean come on – Daniel Craig – yummy – vs Freaky Dead Walking Things?  Need I say more?

Situation #2

Jedi Evil Joy : Thought : “Bring me flowers.  I clean the house because it’s important to you.  Flowers are important to me.  Brrrriiinnngggg me ffloooweers.”

Dr. Evil : “Hi.”

In this instance I used the Texting Power of the iPhone and Eldest Spawn to tell him I wanted flowers.

He sent me a graphic on text of flowers.  I replied, “real ones.”

He sent me a picture of live flowers.

Damn engineers – they are so literally.

Situation #3

Jedi Evil Joy : Thought : “Clean up the kitchen – you’re trashing it making us an awesome dinner.”

Dr. Evil : “I know I’m making a mess, I’ll clean it up!”

Holy Cow!?!?!  It worked?!?!?!

It had nothing to do with the Evil Stink Eye I was sporting when I walked into the mess.

 

Dr. Evil is going to be traveling a lot for work in the upcoming weeks and possibly months.  He used to travel all the time – for weeks at a time.   (Thanks for the frequent flyer miles!!  Only way this family of six is going anywhere on an airplane!)  In the last several years it has only been a week here or there or a few days a week once a month or so.

Well…he’s going to attempt to average out all that travel-less time in the next month.

I’m cool with it.  I’m just thankful he has a job.

And … he’s working on trying to get me out there with him for a weekend.  There being San Diego, CA.

Typically he doesn’t get to go to cool places like San Diego.  So when he suggested we use a few frequent flyer miles to get away together…..holy cow….I jumped!

Now for the Evil Joy Jedi Mind Powers to work on the frequent flyer mileage required to go to San Diego.  And on someone to watch the spawn.  And on someone to watch our four-legged spawn.

 

EJ out – to eat lunch.

 

Take a second and vote for me at Top Mommy Blogs.  Just click on that juggling lady up there on the right. [Jedi Mind Powers Activated!]  Gooooo vote.  You know you want to.

 

graphic source : ceasefiremagazine.co.ukstarcasm.net

 

Top 10…..

Thursday rolls around every week and I think, “How the hell did that happen?”

Friday is coming.  I should be excited and happy.  However…trying to think of things to do with the kids when the weather is mucky and yucky…..I can think of lots of things.  None of them will be met with the happy sounds of “Yipppeee!  Great idea Mama!”

Cleaning the garage.  Picking up doggy doo-doo from the last few months.  Taking down all the Christmas lights.  Clearing out the dead leaves on the plants that will be growing again.

And on Saturday (I hope)….12 miles.  12 miles of running.

I’ve run this far before…more than once.  More than twice.  But I’m nervous – last weekend’s run sucked.  I literally bawled about the hills.  Which is stupid.  But it didn’t matter at mile 4 with so many more miles to go and soooo many hills left yet to run UP!  The down part of the hill isn’t even happy when you see the next hill heading straight up at the bottom of the current one.

I’m hoping for Saturday instead of Sunday.  I just like getting it out of the way before Sunday.  No real reason…just like having one more day to recover and like getting it out of the way.

And since running is taking over my brain – here’s my top 10 suggestions for running in WI in the spring.

TOP 10 SUGGESTIONS for running in Wisconsin in Spring

1.  Wear leggings.  Except don’t.  Okay – do, but wear shorts underneath so you can strip if the weather changes 15 degrees in the 20 minutes since you started.

2.  Run in loops.  Lots of small loops.  Because if the weather went up 15 degrees in 20 minutes  – it will surely drop 25 degrees in the next 10 minutes.  You’ll need to put those leggings back on.  Until you need to take them off again.

3.  Plug your nose.  Cow poop stinks.  It smells.  Bad.  Really really bad.

4.  Plan on getting the splashed look.  It’s in.  It’s impossible to escape when you run along a highway in the spring in WI.  My favorite splashes are from cars who won’t give you an inch when there’s NO oncoming traffic and they’re shaking their fist or giving you the finger as they drive past.

5.  Dogs.  Lots of dogs.  Most have invisible fence.  Except Millie.  She’s the farm dog.  Who will herd you the entire way on a 6 mile run.  And an 8 mile run.  And a 10 mile run.  Good thing we start and stop at home and she lives across the street/highway.

6.  Keep one headphone in and one out.  This is to hear the watch beep of the 5-1 I run (run 5 minutes, walk 1 minute – the whole way).  This is also so you can yell at Dr. Evil for making you run hills.  And so he’ll notice if you drop dead at the top of the 245th hill we just ran up.

7. Be prepared for dead things on the shoulder of the road.  As the snow melts, the horror is revealed.  It’s like the Walking Dead of animals…except they’re really dead, not walking, and really freaking gross.

8.  Watch out for tractors.  Yes.  Really.  Especially the ones with tillers attached.  You may think you’re running fast.  Until a tiller catches up.  Then you run faster.  Until you get tilled.

9.  Sand.  Sand is wonderful on the beach.  Sand is wonderful in a sand box.  Sand on a road is slippery.  Yes.  Slippery.  Carry band aids.

And finally

10. Smile.  Dr. Evil will take random pictures.  And after last year, hopefully he learned he should take pictures of my front…not this……

IMG_1176

Here’s some random running pictures from the last year….just ’cause.

EJ out – to chase the kids to the bus stop.

Thanks for helping me make the Top 25 Humor Blogs at Top Mommy Blogs.  I’m shooting for the top 10!  Click on the flashing juggling lady up there on the left (on mobile – click view full site and she’s at the bottom).  That’s it.  You’ll be redirected to Top Mommy Blogs.  You can close that window and every other window.  You’re done!  I excuse you from the day!

Have a great one!

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