Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Tag: having a blast (page 1 of 2)

Summer Vacay

Summer is Approaching…Summer is Approaching.

Do you think of summer vacation as a trip … or a period of time where your spawn are not in school?

Last year, we didn’t go anywhere big….just camping.  In the camper Dr. Evil purchased as part of his ‘screw you I lived!’ campaign.  We didn’t get the camper until late July and still managed to get 4 trips in before school started.  It was pretty good – a lot of learning – a lot of fun – and a lot of plans made for repeat trips!

However, the other definition of summer vacation : spawn out of classes.

So…with the rose-colored glasses I’m currently wearing, we’ll be going to the beach (man-made Lake Elmo – we live in the midwest people).  We’ll go the library (once I pay off the fine I have for returning a book the spawn decided to leave in the rain).  We’ll have picnics and hike at the local Willow River State Park.

Baseball, softball, machine pitch 2 softball, and t-ball will be a treasured time where I will be able to make all the games and get everyone everywhere with the required equipment and clean uniforms.  The concession stocking and cleaning won’t be that bad and it’s sort of fun to deliver buns to 3 locations as far across town as you can get every. single. week.

We’ll work on maintaining the knowledge they gained at school in the current year by reviewing and reading daily.

–reality check—

Dr. Evil is still traveling a lot for work.  A lot.  Like 4 or 5 days a week, every week, from here to California.  When he is home, he’s juggling his work responsibilities, Booster board and webmaster responsibilities, our spawn activity load – especially Boy Scouts, and dealing with me.  Who is typically okay with the travel.  Except when I’m not.  When I’m done.  When I’m grumpy the last thing tended to on that list is me.  But I digress.

Baseball and softball (times 3) practices will inevitably conflict.  With only one of me and four spawn – none of which are old enough to drive – that makes for a lot of hurrying up and waiting – get to one practice – wait through it for the next one to begin. Thank God for good friends.  And clean uniforms – are you kidding me?!  They’re lucky if they have the right color of shirt on – we have so many from playing for multiple years on multiple teams I often forget which shirt is the current shirt and which is used for sleep clothing!  The beach is often met with resistance from Eldest Spawn who wants to sit home and play video games.  The library – every summer I have great intentions…which fall by the baseball-side every year.  And Willow River – we’ll go there – and fight the mosquitos.  But man – it is beautiful – hiking there is amazing.

Honestly, I like summer.  But I feel the pull of being super mom even more in the summer.  There’s a lot of kids who spend summers going on great trips or attending wonderful camps.  We spend the summer hanging out, swimming in our pool (which we set up in June), and jumping on the trampoline.  The slip and slide works great here because the yard is mostly flat (and poop free) so they can really fly…especially if you add just a touch of dish soap.  We will take the camper to places close by and hike and ride bikes and swim.  I let them watch television during the hot parts of the day and sometimes even more than that.  I try to plan trips to fun places in the cities…sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn’t.  I hope my spawn remember the times we spend together…the everyday fun we have.

I hope my spawn remember summer fondly.  I hope they enjoy the time we have together.  I know I do.

(most of the time)

EJ out – to run so I can play and get ready for visiting Dr. Evil in California!

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Evil Toys are Taking Control….

A while back I wrote about our doll houses inspired by a  post from The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva.  (And she’s a part of that new book all the cool kids are getting “I Just Want to Pee Alone.”)

Here’s a small recap of that…..through pictures….




Y’all remember Evil Scary Baby Girl/Boy right?  She gave several of you nightmares…..


And now…the Evil Spawn of the Doll House are ruling the world….Muwahahahahah!

Breaking New in the Lair of Evil Joy….beep beep beep …. you know…the sound of breaking news…….


As you can see the spawn have gathered.  With their nanny.  And with the newly brain washed toys joining their Evil Little Posse.  I believe Evil Scary American Girl Doll is in charge.  I’m sure as hell not about to question her authority.

The Fairy God Mothers are currently trapped on a partition of the roof.  Their magic powers are inactive from this part of the roof.  They are helpless to stop what is happening in the main house.


All animals have been banished to the actual roof.  Although they’d support the Evil Spawn I’m sure.  Probably just making sure they don’t go all zombie and eat the … wait…..you’ll have to read about that….  I’m certain the Evil Spawn will offer them food and water later.  The Evil Spawn don’t seem the type to let them bake to death in the sun.  Hello Kitty and the Easter Bunny seem pretty agile so if they do get trapped, I’m sure all will be rescued.  Plus, Littlest Spawn is an animal lover.


The following pictures may be disturbing to some of my readers.  Parental guidance is required.

The carnage may only be properly described with pictures….Daddy #1 fought the hardest….he was the first to go over….


After Daddy #1 was out of the way, all of the parental figures were ‘dealt with’ in a similar manner…..


Take note of Pinkilicious cheering – she’s an Evil Little Bag.  And the toddlers are full of happy “I tossed my parents over the railing” smiles.  I’m fairly certain Evil American Girl Doll’s hair grows more poofy with each kill.

So watch out parental figure dolls.  You’ve seen what can happen with the spawn rule the doll house.

Just in case you’re wondering…Littlest Spawn and I had a belly busting laughing time tossing those parents over the edge.  Then the Little People ambulance came to rescue them…and bury them in the doll box.  Never to be heard from again.  Until she wants to play with them.

EJ out – to borrow Eldest Spawn’s snowboard without his permission.  We have fresh powder….can’t miss this opportunity!  My board is unavailable at this time so…..lucky for me he’s about the same height as me!!!!  His stance is wider, but I’ll live…and have fun!  Bawahahaha!

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We Love Taylor Swift…

Evil Joy here with a post on fun times…together…in a car…after snowboarding ALL day…singing together…sort of.

If you recall, I’ve done a couple of posts on how my spawnily has bonded over music while in the car…..if you don’t recall, here you go – one….and two…..

And the Female Spawn have a deep affection for Taylor Swift.  So deep that each and every Taylor Swift song has been played so many times in our lair, we ALL know ALL the words to EVERY song.

To make it interesting for the male species in our family, sometimes we have fun with songs the female spawn love to they may listen to them without the constant complaining from Eldest Spawn.  This is one of those times….


Dr. Evil and I decided it was similar to the yelling goats we keep hearing about….


Knowing nothing about the spoofing going on with Taylor Swift and goats…..




EJ out – I have nothing to add here – I am having too much fun watching my spawn yell like goats.

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Really Santa…Really?

Evil Joy here with a post on Santa requests and the meeting of said requests.

So the Littles of the Spawn asked for makeup.  Being the awesome Evil Joy I am I got them some.  Or rather Santa did.  And I Santa didn’t just get them some….I Santa got them this…..


The Largest Kit they had…..

So tonight Hair Chox from the birthday party made it out and joined the Evil Make Over Party.

WTHeck was I Santa thinking?!?!?  Really dude?  Really?

So make up – and hair chalk – watch yourselves…I have soap and a washcloth…and more soap and more wash clothes…and Goof Off and Goo Gone.  My Female Spawn will not leave this lair looking like Evil Hootchie Mamas.


Imagine if this woke you up in the middle of the night?!


Other than looking way way way older than 10…not too bad….but still not leaving the lair….


Eye Shadow everywhere….

EJ out – to prepare myself for the Evil Epic Makeup Removal Before Bed Battle.


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It Wasn’t So Evil After All….

So in my infinite wisdom, I told my Eldest Female and Second Eldest Female Spawn they could have their sleepover birthday parties at the same time, on the same day, in the same location – our lair.  I then felt slight ill as I realized what I’d opened myself up to….

16 little girls.  girly girls.  nail polish.  Eeek!  The anticipation was killing us all – spawn excited, me…terrified.  I’m the least girly girl you’ll meet……

Then Dr. Evil went on travel.  And he had a cold.  And we had a party.


It’s the trifecta from last year – only last year he cancelled his trip because he didn’t feel well …..and that would become the understatement of the century.

Talk about PANIC.ATTACK.


Then reality set in and I realized I was having this Evil Wonderful Party (no sarcasm, none at all) while  he was on TRAVEL.  Really?  WTHeck?  Luckily he was to return around 10pm so I would have reinforcements if anyone needed to go home.

Planning away the spawn were happy.  And I found I was too – Eldest Spawn has mentioned more than once she shouldn’t have had a party last year because then Daddy wouldn’t have gotten sick.  We quickly put that to rest…until it resurfaces.  I was so thrilled she was happily planning away and not melancholy as she’s been about her birthday….

Dr. Evil hopped an earlier flight.  I did a happy dance.  Then…..

They all arrived, chaos ensued.

I think I’ve finally grown up a little and released the Evil Control I always thought I should have when multiple spawn are around (when they’re not mine – mine are still screwed because I’m still oh-so-incharge).



Fire Hazard…..


The Birds were Angry


It’s a migraine in a rainbow!



Flowers going through their ‘change’

















Dr. Evil is currently cooking a truck load of waffles, eggs, and bacon for the crazies here.  I should go help….ummmm…yeah..I should…..

EJ out – to enjoy the giggles of little girls.


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It’s Official – I’m Crazy Joy

Evil Joy here with a temporary reassignment of name…EJ will now be CJ until 08 December 2012.

Why you ask?  Let me tell you……

In my Crazy Wisdom, I decided to have a double birthday party for two of my female spawn.  Not just a double party…

A Double Sleep Over Party.

WTHeck was I thinking?  Let me tell you……

  • Get it all done at once
  • Do it on a Friday night so we have Saturday and Sunday to recover
  • Don’t want to disappoint either spawn – one has been waiting two years for a party – the other had her party the day Dr. Evil got sick last year.  Need new memories
  • Because I’m FREAKING CRAZY!
  • And I love them both to pieces and then some.

Now I know some of the spawns’ friends don’t do sleep overs so they can be picked up around 9 or 10 pm.  That’s all good with me.  And…I am making parents get out of bed and get their spawn from my house at 9 am on Saturday.  (Unless you’re like my Crazy self and Dr. Evil who miscommunicate and leave our spawn at a sleep over party until 2pm the next day!!!  Sorry friend….)

So send me some good energy, karma, prayers …. anything.  I’m excited about this party – not dreading it as I thought I would…nervous about having parties because of last year – but like I said time for new CRAZY memories in this house.  We deserve them!!!!









EJ out – to party plan and make sure there’s enough nail polish and remover to go around at the party.  (parents – I apologize now.)

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Catch For A Cure…

This past weekend I was fortunate enough to return to a slow pitch tournament I played in last year – was a little worried because as I’ve mentioned before…I sort of suck at ball.  (But to toot my own horn – I did waaaayyyy better this year than last!!!)

Catch For A Cure in Baraboo, Wisconsin.


Dr. Evil, being the Wonderful Evil Genius he is, towed the RV, we packed in the Spawn and had an amazing time.  Lots of fun ball – fun batting – fun drinking – fun jello shots (thinking that doesn’t fall under drinking since you have to sort of eat them…at least slurp them up).  But it rocked because….

the money raised supports women in the fight for the lives from breast cancer.  Supports the survivors.  Supports the research for a cure.

And supports all other cancers as well – I can’t even list all the types of cancer shown there  – childhood – leukemia – the list was incredible.

Women shared their stories.  Their lives with us.

Now…most all of these women and men grew up in the area together.  Some have moved away, others stayed.  Being allowed to be part of this was the coolest thing.  I’m a stranger to these women yet they welcomed me back with open arms.  Amazing.  I have never felt so included in a group in my life.

And a bonus – it was Amy’s friends and we talked Deb into coming….  And I have a feeling we’ll all be back next Labor Day to once again Catch For a Cure.


And besides – where else can you wear shirts saying things like :

  • For Tits and Giggles
  • Big or Small, Save them ALL
  • Boo-Bees
  • Wanna Squeeze My Rack?
  • A Smoosh a Day Keeps the Doctor at Bay

….and not get smacked by everyone who sees you!  It was awesome!  Next year will we take part in all activities as I’m envisioning a spawn-free, adults only, hotel staying weekend.  (Just putting it out there Dr. Evil – something to consider……start racking up those hotel points…..)

EJ out – to write another post – it is the first day of school after all.

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Evil Perfect Plethora of Pictures…..

Evil Joy here with a post of pictures.  We had so much fun in Iowa.  I miss it….

However, we’re back, I’m back, so watch out world….Evil Joy Speaks Once Again!!!! Bawhahahahaha…..


Wind Mills….My Spawn were enthralled with the numerous wind mills on the way down…and back….


Second Oldest Female Spawn got ahold of my phone on the trip – she recorded a poem of her desire to get to Iowa….and took about 200 pictures….of her face…..


Heaven….Loving up Mandi….


Grannie and Eldest Female Spawn


Playing with Ben! The Scallywag!


Redi-whip – Uncle – Eldest Spawn…’nuff said…..


Great Grannie and the Spawn…..they LOVE her!!! Rocking it at 92!


Per Grannie’s request (read : ORDER) I got in one picture…..


Eldest Female Spawn and Great Grannie….


Are you ready? I’m ready….Are you set? I’m set. Let’s skate!


Before….Spawn and J and J…..they are awesome! Skated for 4 hours with the Spawn…and taught the two Littles how to skate.


Death Grip and a Smile…..


J caught her before she fell every time……


Speed Demon – I mean Eldest Spawn…..wearing hat by Great Aunt Judy….


J is definitely related to the Uncle……smooosh……




Love…they helped one another so well…..


J was so patient…..Littlest Spawn fell in Love…..with her and skating…..


Who says hand cleanliness can’t be fun?


Littlest Spawn…aka Feathers For Hair….had to join in!

Other Evil Awesome Iowa Activities :

Swimming at Aunt Laurie’s….

Two Eldest Spawn attended a Kernels game with Grandpa…..

Two Littlest Spawn attended dinner out and shopping with yours truly and Grannie……

Yummy Breakfast by Grannie…….

And then….da da daaahhhhhhhhh.  The Evil Drive Home.

Self fulfilling prophesy maybe?  Man…the Spawn were truly Spawn.  I actually pulled off on the side of the interstate (not an exit) and let them know how I love the silliness, but the craziness was causing unsafe driving conditions….actually it went more like …

“KNOCK IT OFF – Do NOT throw things while I’m driving!  Do you want to crash!?!?!?  Do NOT throw things AT ME!!!  Yes, I’M MAD – Now…do you understand me?!  Do YOU?!?!”

They were good after that.

We arrived home…safe and sound….and I went ‘off duty’ to work in my weed patch…..I mean garden.

EJ out – to start the day of appointments – Eldest Spawn is ordering new glasses today!

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Evil Stress…Baseball Style….

Evil Joy here with a post on baseball, gray hair, nail biting, and a quick aside.

Quick aside……I hate ticks.  I just pulled one off my ankle.  Seriously.  It’s 4am, I’m wide awake, and a tick feels the need to snack on me?!  WTHeck!?!?  Well…tick – see ya – I flushed your sorry arse down the toilet and will be making sure the Shadow Dog has her flea and tick treatment today – it’s a few days overdue …but only a few….Geeeessh…..

Okay…onto the Evil Gray Hair, Evil Nail Biting, and Awesome Baseball.

Baseball season … at the beginning of the season there is such excitement.  All the anticipation of what’s to come.  In the middle, cheering and lots of concession stocking.  Towards the end, there is…..

Tournament Week.

Eldest Spawn and Eldest Female Spawn (and Second Eldest Female Spawn….heck….all but Littlest Spawn) play Booster Rec League Ball.  The last week of the season the teams play each other within the league.

Second Eldest Female Spawn’s season ended last week as machine pitch doesn’t have

Tournament Week.

So…Monday – Eldest Female Spawn (kid pitch 1) has her first playoff game.  They won!!  Pulled out a victory in the bottom of the last inning.  Woot!  Woot!  So….their next game is Wednesday.

Tuesday….Eldest Spawn plays his first game.  As he’s older and more experienced in the ways of baseball, the game is a tad faster paced.  They throw so hard….oh my word.  Eldest Spawn pitches pretty well and plays a mean third base.  (Of course, I’m not at all biased…not at all….ummmm…yeah, right!)   And….they won too!!!  Woot Woot!!  So…their next game is…you guessed it…Wednesday.


Wednesday dawns…hot and muggy.  Eldest Spawn had football camp all morning, followed by a swim test for BoyScouts, followed by an afternoon ‘relaxing’ (while I moved an upright grand piano around my house…seriously).

Co-hort Amy takes Eldest Spawn.  We come a little later so Female Spawn won’t eat us out of house and lair via the concession stand while waiting for the game to start.

Just after Co-hort Amy picks up Eldest Spawn……Downpour of epic portions.

No lightning though.  Rain subsides and fields are prepped.  We take two cars because the spawn play at separate fields starting an hour apart.

Watching Eldest Spawn….wow…tight first few innings with no score from either team.  Evil Nail Biting commences.  Evil Gray Hairs starting to sprout.  Then … Evil Gray Hairs getting longer.  Nails are gone.  It’s now time for Female Spawn and Dr. Evil to head across town to her game.  Wait.  Email ding on phone…..

Eldest Female Spawn’s game is postponed!!  The fields aren’t draining fast enough…did I mention the downpour was Evil Crazy Fast and had Evil Crazy Big Rain Drops?

Sweet!  We all get to stay and watch Eldest Spawn play AND I get to see Eldest Female Spawn play tomorrow.  Divide and conquer has been divided and conquered.

And…the Redz (self-named team because they have red shirts)….. WON!!!!  Sweet!!!  And on to Saturday when bracket play continues.

Tournament Week

isn’t over yet!!!!!!!

So…ticks – bite me.  Wait – no – don’t do that – just don’t bite me.

Redz – keep on playing like the awesome team you are.

Burgundy Brigade – good luck tonight!!!!  I can’t wait to see you play!

Rain – rain rain, stay away, come back on Sunday.

EJ out – to find more sweet nectar of life Diet Mt. Dew as it’s 5am and I fear sleep has left the lair until tonight for this mama.

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Evil Awesome Summer!

Evil Joy here with a post on summer, Spawn, and awareness of time.

So…I love summer.  I’ve stated the fact over and over on these posts…(sooooo…did you know I love summer?  Did ya?  Huh? Huh?)  In the past few days summer has felt like what I remember as a spawn myself.  Triple digit temps – humidity too high to want to move – the only way to feel cool was to jump in the pool while eating a freezee pop.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m a wimp and I love love love love my air conditioner.  In fact I like it way more than Dr. Evil (he has stopped turning it off when he leaves for work….I’m home all day…ummmmm…..).  It’s nice to come in from the heat and get that chill one can only get from instant cold air on hot skin.

My Spawn are finally loving summer.  I, in my Evil Wisdom, signed them up for ‘summer school’ – fun classes meeting for two weeks – beginning one week after ‘official school’ ended.

At 8 am.  8 am……8 ?! am?!  I do this every year.  And every year I say I’m not going to put them in the 8 am class, yet again and again I do.  Eldest Spawn has Raider Elite every M, W, T at 8 am as well…in a different location.  (Raider Elite – sort of like gym class/conditioning for spawn grades 5-12.)  And this occurs all summer long – until 16 August….or there abouts…..  With summer school finally finished up – summer has truly arrived!

And now….4th of July has come and …is going to come to our house again Saturday.  But after that…..the realization the date is already approaching mid July….well 09 July…..really hit me yesterday.

That means there’s only 6 weeks or so left of summer.  Only.  Yikes.  I need to get a lot of time in with my Spawn.  I will miss them when school starts.  (now – in 5.5 weeks – I may be oooohhh soooo ready for school to begin again….but for now…..)  I am loving hopping in the pool with them.  I am loving telling them to get off the screens.  I am loving having them around to hear their giggles and laughs…and even their arguing.  I love cheering them on ball – celebrating when they win and working with them when they lose.  I am loving seeing my friends who teach during the year and have summers off.


Summer – keep it happening!  Loving it!  Good job!

Spawn – enjoy your time at home!  Keep it happening!  Love you!  Good Job!

Time – slow down and let me savor these moments.  My Spawn are growing up waaaay to fast.


EJ out – to enjoy some cuddles with Spawn #4 who really needs to learn to sleep past 5:15 am.

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