Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Tag: love (page 1 of 8)

Crying Over A Broken Glass

I cried over a broken glass last night. A simple,  slightly larger than pint sized glass. The graphic on the glass said, “No! You Can’t Have A Sip.”

I bawled as I swept up the shards of glasses from the floor. Each piece made me catch my breathe in the back of my throat. The pin prick cuts I got on my hands from picking up each and every single bit of glass were completely ignored. I cleaned up the floor, tidied the broom and dust pan. Then I went back to washing pots and pans, attempting (and failing) to hide my tears from my family.

A simple broken glass. A silly glass. One of many pint glasses we have. I’ve broken many things over the years but this glass breaking….it felt like a punch in the gut.

My parents recently moved. My family didn’t share much about it as we didn’t want anyone to know the house was unoccupied until it was ready for market. Many trips later, I returned with thousands of photos, some furniture, keepsakes, and these silly glasses. I wanted the glasses more than anything else in the house. When I was a kid I was always asking for a sip of my mom’s drink – water, soda, coffee – whatever. Constantly. I would take a sip and promptly drain the entire cup and leave her with nothing but ice. My mom bought the set of four glasses as a joke when I was grown and married. I always used them at my parents’ house.

And I shattered one of the three surviving glasses. Into a million pieces.

I cried about my parents moving. They are happy and healthy and doing well. The move is a positive thing that they willing embraced and are loving. It’s just change and change is hard. Life looks different when I visit “home” now. I won’t run out of my folk’s driveway, step over the creaky spot in the wood floor, or wrap Christmas presents downstairs while watching movies and chasing my kids away from peeking. Growing up I changed bedrooms once. The furthest I moved until I left for college was across the hall.  It’s weird to mourn a house.

But then again…I’m not mourning a house. I mourning the end of a stage.

And embracing the beginning of a new stage. One where I get to visit my parents and see them having coffee with friends. I get to hear about the outings they go on. And I have the peace of mind knowing they’re in a place that is perfect for them at this stage in their lives.

That glass shattered and I cried a few tears. It’s time to dry them and look forward to the new memories we are creating in their new home.

I can’t wait to visit them again. And tell my mom how I broke her glass. We’ll laugh about it and I’m guessing I’ll ask for a drink of her coffee.

And drink it all.

When You’re Not ‘That’ Mom

When you’re not ‘that’ mom. The thoughtful, caring, happy-go-lucky, laid back mom. I’m not that mom. I’m the – I expect more, expect you to expect more, do your chores, suck it up and figure it out mom.  I don’t love sitting and chatting constantly but I do love hearing what you have to say. However if you start whining with zero intent of finding a solution – – this mama ain’t got time for that.

Often I observe other moms super excited to be at every single practice, every school event, every playdate. Even planning events or activities for said play dates on a  regular basis. I am not that mom. I’m too blunt. I enjoy my children’s activities but have a hard time hiding when I’m done – over it – or annoyed. I feel that by being authentic, I’m showing my children that it’s okay to be human. Demonstrating that that while I’m in love with being their mom, at times my brain is seeking something other than what we’re doing at the moment.

Even shopping. God. I HATE to shop. Recently I took one of my girls bra and underwear shopping. Most moms would bond over this. We did the first time – I think. I know she wanted to  – and I tried but —- but —- PICK A COLOR ALREADY. I don’t want to spend 45 minutes in a store stinking of perfume while you decide between blush and baby blue. Because child – that bra will be under a shirt and if anyone can see any part of the baby blue or pink, you’re not wearing the shirt properly….or out of my house!

I get jealous of moms that take/get such immense joy from each and EVERY LITTLE FREAKING thing their children do. I exist. I get through. I survive. I endure.

I don’t always enjoy.

However I do find pleasure in a lot of things. Seeing my children succeed, smile, laugh, and yell with glee. These things make my heart SING.

But honestly, there are times I cannot take sitting through one more..practice…concert…play…whatever.

I wonder – what am I missing? What am I missing out on by not being ‘that’ mom? I worry I’m lacking something – that my children will grown up wishing they’d had someone else as their mama. Am I enough as I am?

Then I remember. I’m the best me I can be. I’m working on being the most I can be. I’m the mom I am and I love my kids deeply and with an unwavering intensity. I love them in my authentic way.


my way

A Pretty Picture

When you see a photograph of yourself what’s the first thing you notice? How nice your hair looks? The twinkle in your smile?

Or the wrinkles on your face that weren’t there last year? The muffin top that crept over the top of your jeans?

I’m my own worst critic. I’m not alone. As women finding flaws with ourselves is a past time we engage in all too frequently. Self deprecation is something we are well versed in and use often. How often do you see a beautiful picture of a friend and hear her say, “Look at my [insert self insult here]! Oh delete that!”

I’ll be in pictures when I lose 10 pounds. I’ll be in photos when my gray hairs are colored. I’ll be in pictures when I …


Last week Dr. Evil took this. I had no idea he was taking my picture.

For the first time in a long time….I smiled at a photo of myself.


Change is good.

Make the change. Find a picture and see yourself. Notice the happy. You are beautiful and you are cherished.

What do you think? Let me know.

A Text Post : Brought to you by PMS

Last week I sent a request to Dr. Evil.

“PMS wants ice cream.  I have stated this so that you know it is PMS requesting ice cream and not me.  For future reference you may never EVER ask me if PMS wants anything.  I – meaning PMSing me – will let you know.  Would you please add it to the grocery list?”

I decided I was pretty freaking funny.  I was telling my friend from life and now closer friend because we work at the ski hill Gina about the above witty, brilliant message.  She asked me if I remember Kojak?  I don’t recall watching but remember the stories of a killer dog and being wary of dogs if I walked alone at night when I was a kid.

We started a text conversation as only two women can.  We were rolling with our respective laughter to the annoyance of those in our RL (real life) company.  It went something like this:

G : I grew up on one hour crime shows.  Maybe that explains why I want to kill everyone?

Me : Matlock, Trapper John MD, Mash

Me : Three’s Company, Oh..my favorite Hunter and Hunter

Me : All the Steven Segal movies

(I swear she was participating and I wasn’t simply badgering…there were some other things we were texting about…like my farting dog..that I’m leaving out.)

Me : Hogan’s Heroes.  Lawrence Welk.  I’ve seen all of those episodes.  God.  Help.  Me.

G : LMAO!  Quincy, Hart to Hart, Rockford Files.  #$#(& I can’t keep up because I’m laughing so hard.

Me : I was permanently scarred by watching the Sharon Stone movie with the ice pick with (removed for my protection).  Oh!  And ‘this is my brother Daryl and my other brother Daryl.”

G : I <3 Lawrence Welk

Me : Dynasty, Falcon Crest, Dallas.  We could make a board game out of this!

Me : Punky Brewster.  Saved by the Bell. More Mash Oh!!!  Flo.  The Kiss My Grits one!

G : Stop I’m going to pee my pants!

Me : I’m sure Trapper John MD can fix the bladder issues!

G : Hubs said we should start a stand up routine!

Me : Remember the Friday night movie.  Murder by the Camp Fire.  Sorority Sisters Gone Wrong.  Nowadays those sound like porn!!

G : I was a fan of the ABC after school specials.

Me : The more you know. Sparkle Sparkle Sparkle.

G : Maybe the ski hill would hire us!

Me : I’m so writing a blog post about this….

G : ….I’m laughing and ignoring my family.  Until Next time EJ!  Me love you long time.

Me : Hey G! Yes Joy?  Remember that one when Willis captured water outside for Kimberly to wash her hair and her hair turned green from the copper bowl?  Yes?  We just have green on the hills here at our ski hill!


Yeah….she’s a keeper.  Life is funny.  Just have to find the funny.  Some days it’s harder than others…but this day…the funny found me and is making me smile again today!

Any funny texts in your world?  I’d love to hear about them!

EJ out – to tackle something since I locked my keys in my truck.  While it was parked in my driveway.  Trapped at home.  With all the laundry!

Fear No More

As I sit surrounded by the sounds of laughter and heart warming chatter of a quaint coffee shop I can write about a fear. A fear I don’t have to face anymore.


I used to be afraid of thinking about what my life would be if something happened to my husband or children.

I’ve faced that fear. Not by choice. And you know what? I came out the other side.

Almost three years ago Dr. Evil got sick. Really sick. Life support sick. Almost died sick.

It sucked. I don’t have words to describe the experience although I’ve tried. Many times.

Life threw us a curve ball most fear and no one expects.

But we came out the other side. Wiser. Thankful. More aware of mortality. Less focused on the silly things. Point is ….. we came out the other side.

I’ve made some absolutely amazing friends. I’ve folded many people into my “family.” Family is thicker than simply blood. And I’ve grown as a person. I strive to be better.

I no longer worry incessantly about the wellbeing of my children. Instead I work at being a better parent. A better partner. A better person. To be more. While learning to just ….. be. Those statements may seem in direct conflict with each other. But one thing overcoming my fear taught me was I must focus some on myself in order to be more. To be a better wife and parent.

As fall approaches I am nervous. I think I may always be but only time will tell. November and December are tough months for me.

But they are also months filled with miracles. Dr. Evil got sick BUT HE ALSO GOT BETTER during these months too. (And many of the following months too!)

It’s taken me a few years to deal with my fear. I do still worry. What parent or spouse doesn’t? But fear no longer dictates my every thought, every breath.

I just try to live for today and make the most of it.

EJ out – to love this Friday with snow forecasted!!! SNOWBOARDING SOON!!! 🏂🏂🏂🏂🏂🏂🏂🏂🏂🏂

Thanks to Small Talk Mama for this awesome subject. I only did one fear but it was a doozie so I hope that’s okay!!!!

Welcome to a Secret Subject Swap. This week, 14 brave bloggers picked a secret subject for someone else and were assigned a secret subject to interpret in their own style. Today we are all simultaneously divulging our topics and submitting our posts.

My subject is “What are some fears from your past that no longer frighten you?”. It was submitted by http://www.smalltalkmama.com Small Talk Mama .

Here are links to all the sites now featuring Secret Subject Swap posts. Sit back, grab a cup, and check them all out. See you there:

http://www.BakingInATornado.com Baking In A Tornado
http://themomisodes.com The Momisodes
http://spatulasonparade.blogspot.com/ Spatulas on Parade
http://stacysewsandschools.blogspot.com/ Stacy Sews and Schools
http://berghamchronicles.blogspot.com The Bergham’s Life Chronicles
http://www.eviljoyspeaks.wordpress.com Evil Joy Speaks
http://dinoheromommy.com/ Dinosaur Superhero Mommy
http://www.silenceofthemom.blogspot.com Silence of the Mom
http://climaxedtheblog.blogspot.com Climaxed
http://sparklyjenn.blogspot.com/ Sparkly Poetic Weirdo
http://www.someoneelsesgenius.com Someone Else’s Genius
http://www.crumpetsandbollocks.com Crumpets and Bollocks
http://thethreegerbers.blogspot.ch/ Confessions of a part-time working mom
http://www.smalltalkmama.com Small Talk Mama

Fall Time, Fall Time, I'm Hitting the Wall Time….

Okay.  I recognize and accept full responsibility for having four spawn.  I get it.  I wanted them.  I got them.  I get to raise them.

But can I get a damn day off once in a while?  Is that too much to ask?

I recently went on a laundry strike.  More so because my dryer was awful and no one helped me with the task.  So I stopped doing certain people’s laundry unless it snuck in with another load mistakenly.  Passive aggressive much?  Me?  No, never……

I’m also on a cleaning the bathrooms strike.

See the thing is – I CLEAN OTHER PEOPLE’S HOUSES FOR A LIVING.  So that I may be home, stay home, go to events with these precious spawn I spawned.  I hold a Bachelors of Science in Applied Mathematics.  I used to train soldiers, sailors, and pilots how to use computer systems, about upgrades on their large weapons systems, and I ran the Train the Trainer sessions.  I had a job where I got dressed up, went to work, acted professional, worked late and drove home.  And traveled.   But in order to spend time home and not on the road we decided long ago I would stay home.  I LONGED to stay home with my babies.  I wanted to stay home.  I loved being with my kids.  I still do.  I adore the fact that I make my own schedule and at the drop of a hat…. I can have lunch with the Littles or help in a class room.  I am here for friends who need before school care.  I love having all the kids hang here – I LOVE IT.

But honestly, fall kicks my evil arse.  I.  Am.  Tired.

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Football five nights a week.  Running for one spawn every night of the week – although from home – cross country wasn’t a good fit so she’s taking on herself and running here at the house.  Every night.  Girl Scouts, Fall Ball, Boy Scouts, Boosters, Benchwarmers.  School starting, homework, early bed times, weekend tournaments.

Life with four.  And I signed up for it.

And I LOVE IT.  Please don’t send me hate mail about how lucky I am to have my children.  I know and appreciate it.  We lost one early on so I really get how lucky I am.

That doesn’t mean I can’t be overwhelmed at times.

So I am decreeing Friday night – whole house CLEANING night.  We do whole house pickup every time I loose my shit – I mean – on a regular basis.  Picking up is easy.  Cleaning isn’t bad either.  Unless you’ve already cleaned three houses in one day and come home to toilets that are more disgusting than the public pots at the bus station.

Watch out spawn.  You are going to clean.  And you’re going to clean properly.

Because Saturday I want a day off.  Except for the softball tournament an hour away.  I’m a coach by force.  Dr. Evil is coach and by proxy so am I.  But then…THEN…we will come home to a tidy house.  A clean house.  Except for the messes the dogs will make because they’re left home yet again.

And next week, it’s a new week of chaos.  My lovely chaos.  And it makes me happy.   Tired at times….but Happy.

EJ out – to clean up before Dad of Evil Joy makes a somewhat surprise visit to watch Eldest play football!!  Go Raiders!!!

I could use a little love over at Top Mommy Blogs.  If you could take one click – just click on that juggling lady there up on the right (scroll down on mobile devices), you’ll cast a vote for me at Top Mommy Blogs.  You don’t have to do anything else at all!!!  Thanks friends!!!

Ages and Stages

Looking back at old pictures yesterday I came to a startling realization.

These days are short.  The days of kids and noise and mess.  The days of cribs and bottles.  The days of high school football games and middle school dances.


The days my kids are MY KIDS and live with ME.


Everyone always said it, “Enjoy these days.  They’ll be gone before you know it.”  I clearly remember thinking those saying that particular phrase to me were a.) suffering from memory loss b.)remember only parts of having a screaming toddler running away with your shopping cart in Target containing his newborn sister c.) didn’t realize the cost of gas and the loss of my time in running cleats to a kid who forgot them … at an away game  or d.) were just trying to make me feel better and were actually lying through their teeth.


When my spawn were babes I felt like I was always waiting for the next stage.  “Won’t it be so wonderful when they can move a bit to get their own toy if dropped?”  “Won’t it be wonderful when they’re in a twin bed and not a crib?”  “I can’t wait until they can tie their own shoes.”  I did enjoy the cuddles but longed for sleep.  I felt like an addict in withdrawal – I NEEDED SLEEP.  But their little heads….oh did they smell good.

Then the toddler years arrived.  “Crap!  Now they can get into the dishwasher!!”  “Tall enough to reach into the toilet and then…get stuck.  Time for another bath!”   “Man I miss them not caring which shoes I put on their feet!”  “When did they start caring about which shorts I put on them.”  “Won’t it be wonderful when they can use the bathroom themselves?”  I prayed for patience …. and for cloning to be approved and available to the public.

Preschool years hit with a storm.  “I can’t wait for those few hours of peace with only 2 or 3 other children.”  “Wow, I have a preschooler – won’t full day school be easier with less running?”  “I can’t let him go in the men’s restroom alone – when did he start caring about being in a women’s bathroom with me?”   I met other moms and realized we were all going through the same thing and had the same thoughts about people lying to us about it being all awesome!

School arrived.  “Oh wow, they’re riding the bus.  Oh wow, the big yellow bus just ate my kid!”

They gained independence.  And opinions.  All the things I longed for them to have when they were in the needy stage and I felt needed-out.

And……I realized I missed that.  I missed hanging out at the park AGAIN.  I missed getting them popcorn at Target so I could make it through my shopping list.  I missed getting paged at the YMCA mid run because someone needed a diaper change.  I missed being needed.

I’m lucky.  I still have some time.  I have one starting high school. *GASP*  I have one starting middle school.  *GASP*  And the Littles will be in grades 4 and 1.  I have time to remember to enjoy them.   While I’m so happy they’re growing into strong, independent individuals, I’m trying to hold onto those last little straws of them needing me.  And trying to be there for them.  Because one day all too soon, they won’t need me like they do now.

And I’ll miss it.

But I’ll know I did what I could while I had their ear.

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EJ out – to make some breakfast on this first day of summer.


If you have a minute, would you please click on the juggling lady.  Doing so casts a vote for me at Top Mommy Blogs.  I’ve reached the Top 10 in the Humor Blogs section!  Thank you to all who have voted.  You can vote once a day, every day.  The only  thing you need to do is click one time on my blog on the icon with the juggling lady.  You’ll be redirected to the Top Mommy Blogs website.  But you’re allll done.  Thanks again!  Have a fabulous day!

You Know You Have A Lot of Kids When….

You know you have a lot of kids when….


1.  Someone yells and you don’t move until there are at least 2 kids yelling and 1 kid crying.

2.  Matching socks is an Olympic sport.IMG_1101


3.  You own 84 fitted single sheets and no longer care if the top sheet matches.


4.  You are not only an expert at catching puke but have the magically sixth sense of knowing when it will be projected.

5.  On any given night you drive more than 75 miles and don’t actually go anywhere.  Ballpark, home, different ballpark home, dance, orchestra, home.  Ballpark home.


6.  You can make 4 lunches out of a pickle, some hot dog buns, almond butter and a bag of ramen.

7.  You’ve mastered the naming of your children but not calling them by the correct name.  And you’ve trained them to answer to the tone, not the name.

8.  You can distinguish size 7 unders from size 8 unders….and are able to tell when a kid is wearing the wrong size.

8.  You repeat a number because your brain is fried.

9.  You know if there’s not at least 2 loads of laundry per day someone in your family is naked somewhere.  And you don’t care.  It’s less laundry.


10.  You have two vehicles at a ballpark with four children and two adults.  You arrive in shifts.  As you leave ballpark, you leave with 2 adults and 3 children.  And don’t realize you’re short a kid until the coach calls and says he has one.  Who is soooo the fourth kid – not even phased – probably because she wasn’t aware – we left her alone….in a ballpark…at a township hall…in the middle of nowhere.









The moral of the story…if you’re going to have a lot of kids….expect these things (AND MORE!) to happen.  And keep a case of wine around.  You’ll need. it.

EJ out – to create lunches – that do in fact contain ramen noodles today.  And cantaloupe.  And cucumbers.  And pita chips.  And carrots.  And a granola bar (for snack).


Help a crazed mama out and click on the juggle lady there in the upper right.  On mobile devices, scroll all the way down to see her.  One click is all that is required.  By clicking on her, you’ll cast a vote for me at Top Mommy Blogs.  THANKS!!!!

Completing the Circle…..

You know those things your parents did or said to you as a child that have stuck with you into adulthood?  The words or statements, looks or actions that when witnessed as an adult take you right back to your 8-year-old self?

Ever take it full circle and wonder what things you do or say that will stick with your child into adulthood?  I wonder more often than not if it’ll be the silly things that make them laugh or the looks that make them cringe.

My memories include my sister and brother teaching me to spell Laurie – M-O-N-K-E-Y.  To this day I blame that trick as the reason I can’t spell my own name correctly!  I seriously carried a dictionary with me until the internet/smart phone age.

Or my sister drawing on my forehead and then cutting my bangs to match?  Every time I get a hair cut I recall this and just giggle.

Or walking down, no falling down the stairs, head over heels while not spilling a drop of my sister’s soda.  She was in bed after knee surgery and I kept tickling her foot.  Anytime I see her scars from her knee surgery I remember annoying the living hell out of her by tickling her immobilized leg.  (I was only 4 so be nice – I was little.)

Playing checkers with my mom.  Anytime I see a checker board I remember playing checkers.  She was so patient because I would want to play again and again and again.  I’m sure she was ready to throw that checker board out the window but she never did.

Polishing my dad’s shoes when he was getting ready to umpire.  That was my job.  I knew I had to do it right or he’d have me do it again.  Always showing me the right way patiently.

Every time I check dates on foods I remember the time I threw all the cereals aways – by dumping the contents into the garbage – because I thought they’d expired.  Not realizing that the June on the expiration date was the June to come, not the June past.  My mom just shook her head.  “Let’s get this cleaned up.”

My dad hollering in German.  That meant to HURRY IT UP NOW.  RUN.  it was time to go and we had somewhere to be.

When I hear my kids practicing their instruments I remember how my grandpa would suggest I practice my flute outside so the horses could hear.  Or so that he could continue to let me live and not have to tell me to get the hell outside before he lost his damn mind.


All of my memories are happy ones.


I so hope I am leaving my children happy memories from life.  I know I’m a banshee.  I speak too sharply too often.

I’m working on it.  

My patience isn’t great either.  Again, I’m trying to remember my kids are just that…kids.  Who are quickly growing into young adults who sooner than later will be leaving. Moving to college and onto adulthood where …..one day…..they will be forced to ponder the questions of what they are doing to MY GRANDCHILDEN!!


“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.” – Frederick Douglas


EJ out – to snuggle a spawn…who grew 3 – THREE – inches since November.  No wonder none of her pants were long enough.

Message to my Girls

As you dear daughters grow I am more and more aware of the messages society is throwing our way. And whether I catch the message, dodge it, or it smacks me up side the head.

These messages don’t seem all that different from when I was young;

Images and pictures about what size and shape you should be. Messages about which clothes will make you ‘cool.’ Situational messages from shows – even commercials – about relationships. About how you’re suppose to feel and act around boys.

I do my best to filter the information to which you are exposed. I also do my best frame messages in a healthy way.

I also believe you should be aware of the ‘real’ world and know about the challenges you may face. The awesome things you will see and experience. And the monsters that lurk in the shadows.

What I hope you avoid :

I pray you leave the crippling effects of self-doubt and lack of confidence undiscovered. I hope you choose friends because you share similar likes and interests, beliefs and dreams. I hope you avoid the glamour of worrying about the popular crowd and rejoice in being YOU.

What I want for my girls :

I want you to believe in yourselves. I wish for you to possess confidence and the ability to stand up for what you believe in. I want you to speak your mind and understand that YOU matter in this world. I hope you have the ability to recognize when humility is required. I want you to be humble and brave, loud and joyful.

Most of all dear daughters I want you to love life. Grasp it by the ears and live it to the fullest. You can do anything you put your mind to! Dream big! Reach for the stars. Be awesome.

Know you will have road bumps. Know you will face hard times and disappointment. Also know going through the hard stuff makes you strong and teaches you to cherish the good times.

Just remember even though friends come and go, life is easy or hard….I will always be here for you.

Know I will always love you.



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