Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Tag: lying

Little Lies…




Here’s a question for you.

Do you think it’s okay to lie to your children?  Ever?  Little white lies?  Big huge lies?

When my children ask me if Regions, our Elf on the Shelf, moves about by himself my answer always is, “What do you think?” Always the same question when it comes to Santa, The Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny.  I don’t say, “Yes” or “No” or “Maybe.”  I ask them and gauge their reaction.  I look to see if it’s time for a different discussion or if they’re happy where they are with their beliefs.

Tomorrow Eldest Female Spawn will be 12 years old.  She is receiving a cell phone as a present.  It was going to be a surprise.  I had it all worked up in my mind.


Setting : Living room.  Fire place blazing as snow falls softly outside picture window.  Family members sprawled about the living room on the couches and floor.  Dogs laying quietly by the birthday girl’s feet.  Mom holding camera and Dad reminding Mom to actually take pictures with the camera,   

Scene : Female Spawn has three presents from parents/siblings and a couple of cards from Grandparents.  She chooses the largest one on Mom’s urging.  And then….


The smallest box starts ringing.  Eldest Female Spawn screams in delight.  She is thrilled and happy and gives us copious hugs.

Scene Note : Eldest Spawn is silently brooding.  He had to wait until he was 13.5 for a phone.  We placate him by explaining at least he’ll be free to snowboard without her as they’ll both have phones.


Obviously the above scene is some figment of my imagination as everyone saw the phone in the kitchen.  It stood out as it’s not an Apple product.  But free people.  And nice.  (We have awesome friends.)  At first we said Dr. Evil was fixing it for our friend.  They knew better and saw through our lie.

Then I got this text the next day. “DID YOU GET HER A PHONE?!?!?  She said she found one in Dad’s night stand.” from Eldest Spawn.  I call home immediately and rip Eldest Female Spawn a new one.  ONE DOES NOT SNOOP IN PARENTS’ ROOM – or any room – for that matter and a discussion of boundaries takes place.  We talk about respect and limits.  Again I adhere to Dr. Evil fixing the phone for our friend.

But in the end, it came out.  She’s getting a phone.  And she knows it.

She upped the ante.  Dr. Evil last night went to put some apps on it and set it up for her.  She’d already done it.  We were both flabbergasted at her behavior.  We moved the phone and left a note, “DO NOT LOOK FOR IT!!! : )  EVERY DAY YOU MESS IWTH IT IS ONE DAY LATER YOU GET IT!”

Someone questioned me on what our penance would be for lying to her about it being a gift.  I answered, “We have to live with her while making her wait.”  And trust me.  It is penance.

But it got me to thinking.  It is okay to tell little lies?  Is it okay to allow the magic of childhood to continue?  Is answering a question with a question okay?

The answer in my world.  Absolutely.

The world isn’t black and white.

What about you?  Do you think it’s ever okay to be less than honest with your children?


EJ out – to get some kids out the door so they don’t miss the bus.  And I”m being truthful with them.  “MOVE YOUR BUTTS!  I AM NOT DRIVING YOU TO THE BUS STOP!”  Because if they miss the bus I’ll drive them to school, not the bus stop.  See, I can tell the truth.

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Don’t Mess with Mama Monday

Can you feel the steam exploding from my ears?  If not, trust me, global warming has taken a hit in the last 12 hours.

Photo on 3-25-13 at 5.07 PM #2

Eldest Spawn.  You are in a world of trouble.  I’ve been more angry in the past, but wow.  You took it to a new level today – a new deception attempt level.  Note the attempt.  Remember – it was attempted and squashed.  Let this be a lesson.

You blew it.  Big time.  By playing on my biggest fear and consideration for my spawn.


Telling me you threw up so you wouldn’t have to go to school.  And then putting shredded wheat on the toilet and telling me there was some “splash back” from when you threw up.  And spilling your cereal on the floor.

You should know my Mom Spidey Sense was atinglin’ – I can smell a lie like a fart in an elevator.  (I think that’s a movie quote….).  I sat there, on the couch adjacent to you, talking to you, listening to the answers, the Mom Spidey Sense tingle getting stronger and stronger.

Then I flat out said, “I don’t believe you.”

You threw yourself dramatically on the couch.  Then about 20 seconds later, fessed up.  You weren’t sick.  You were worried about a test you forgot about.

Oh wow.  Seriously.

Then you had the EVIL AUDACITY to attempt to put it back on me.  “You expect perfection.”


In no uncertain terms I simply said, “I expect your best effort.”


Followed by, “Get your butt on the bus.  You can study during lunch, on the bus, or in-between classes.”


Then I sent him out the door with the knowledge punishment would be coming, hard, swift, and….


So far he has lost XBox, iPod, iPad, and Beats privileges for one week.  Oh and computer access other than for school work.  (we’re not spoiled at all….) And next he has to write out 5 punishments and I get to choose 1-3 of them depending on what he comes up with.  And call Dr. Evil (on travel this week) and tell him what he did.  And … he specifically tried to throw out the “Don’t blog about this.”  So….of course I am!

He has just read this.  Tried unsuccessfully to edit or delete parts.  I felt the need to sit on him and show him who is boss.

As you see, this Evil Mama reigns supreme.


I am seriously angry.  This is not something acceptable in my lair.  In a while, we’ll laugh about it.  Right now…he’s doing chores and will be doing more chores in the upcoming days.  And will think twice about ever telling me he’s sick again because unless I see puke leaving his body or he has a raging temperature – he’s going to school.  Every freaking day.



EJ out – to get that list and have fun picking out punishments.

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And go visit Snarkfest and buy “I Just Want to Pee Alone.”

Evil Fibbing…..

Evil Joy here with a post on silliness, fun, and Evil Joy Speaking Loudly.

Yesterday was a good day.  We got to the Y while Eldest Spawn was at Raider Elite.  Got home.  Cleaned up the house.

The Spawn didn’t run fast enough or hide quickly enough to evade what they term Evil Whole House Pick Up.  I call it – Mom Is Sick Of Doing This All Herself and You Made The  Messes (or Atleast Some Of Them (as I’m sure to be argued with “I didn’t do that!”)) SO GET OUT HERE AND HELP ME!

At the completion of Evil Whole House Pick Up, Spawn went outside to play.  Mid afternoon I called them in for a break from the heat and to rest up for ball.

Eldest Spawn – he and the couch are friends.  He and his iPod are friends.  They were all friendly with each other, no problem.

Female Spawn….well…they were on Evil Silly Mode yesterday.  Now, I love Silly Mode.  It only becomes Evil Silly Mode when they destroy and then EVIL FIB about cleaning up said Evil Silly Mode Messes.  Then Evil Joy must speak, and Evil Joy will speak loudly if necessary.

But their giggles, uncontrollable from the sounds of it…..Love.That.

Here’s what they were up to :





And yes, the bulk of their Spawn ‘bodies’ is made up of some of the blankets we own.  Only some.  (Which means we will be donating several as the cold season approaches.)  Additional ‘body bulking’ items included, but were not limited to :

1. Eldest Female Spawn’s robe

2. Middle Female Spawn’s robe

3. Littlest Female Spawn’s robe

4.  Sweaters

5.  Sweatshirts

6.  You get the idea….

Now keep in mind the temps hit near 90 degrees and the humidity was high for us Wisconsin Weenies.  Yet my Female Spawn layer themselves in sweat producing layers and have the best time of their lives…….until……

We got home from ball in shifts.  Eldest Spawn had a game at one location (with me and two youngest Spawn) and Eldest Female Spawn had a game across town.  Now, before we left for ball, I specifically asked, “Did you put the things you were playing with away properly?”  “Yes Mom, of course,” is the answer I received.


Upstairs was trashed.  I was Evil Joy and I was Loud Evil Joy.  Female Spawn knew they were in trouble because there was no whining – just working.  After 20 minutes, order was restored.  Now I’m not a clean house nazi – just ask anyone who knows me – my house is usually messy – with 4 Spawn, a dog, and life – I’m real, we live in our house, messes are made.  But after spending 2 + hours tidying – not actual dirt digging out cleaning – just tidying – I was Evil Annoyed at the mess.

Evil Joy did back off and Mom reappeared.  Stories were read, songs sung, kisses and hugs shared.

Spawn – listen here.  I love that you play and have fun.  It makes my heart sing.

I don’t love when you lie.  It’s wrong.  Don’t. Lie. To. Me.  You will be caught, found out, busted, whatever – it’s best you learn this now when the consequences are small but strong because as you get older ….. I’ll be more Evil if lying occurs.  Just sayin’

EJ out – to do some laundry.  Evil Laundry found while tidying……..

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