Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Tag: mother

Only Trollops Shave Above the Knee!

Mom. Mother. Mama. Ma. MOM! Mommy.

Moms. Somehow we have become mothers like our mothers before us. I understand the mechanics of how and deeply appreciate the why. But there isn’t an instruction manual.

If you buy a crib at IKEA it comes home with instructions in several languages. And the instruction set you mostly likely use is simply illustrated. But this new little PERSON – there’s no set instructional manual to follow. There are no S.O.P. – no step by step instructions. Just a few books and pamphlets from the hospital or doctor’s office.

My mom was there when my son was born – let me tell you it was a long process. She found a ride back to the hospital at midnight when they finally (after 72 hours of induction gone nowhere) to be there for Eldest’s arrival into this world via c-section. She was there for each baby after that too. And for countless other things. She has taught me to be a better person not only with her words but in her actions.

My mom has been such an integral part of my life I wanted to share it with you.

Only Trollops Shave Above the Knee: The Crazy, Brilliant, and Unforgettable Lessons We’ve Learned from Our Mothers put together by the amazing Crystal Ponti and the Blue Lobster Book Co. is out there waiting for you.

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Crystal gathered together talented writers and we all shared lessons and stories from our moms. I am more than honored to be included. Lessons include but are not limited to “Don’t Eat Yellow Snow,” “Wear clean underwear,” and “This too shall pass.”

Mother’s Day is around the corner and what better gift to present to my mom than a book.  And guess what – your mom will love it too!  Click on the link below or check out my home page to order.  Order it today and you’ll have it for Mother’s Day this weekend!!!

Only Trollops Shave Above the Knee is available NOW. You can find the book on Amazon for Kindle or print and also B&N.com. Available soon on the Apple store. Spread the word about this perfect present for Mother’s Day…and every day.

And once again friends – thanks for sticking around. I’ve had several technical difficulties with my computer and this post was go out last week. My apologies to Crystal on the delay. Regular posting schedule to return!!!

EJ out – to work on fixing the rest of the issues with this lovely computer. (Maybe if I talk sweet to her she’ll work for me???)

Get it today!  Only Trollops Shave Above the Knee: The Crazy, Brilliant, and Unforgettable Lessons We’ve Learned from Our Mothers.

Desperately Seeking….(no…not Susan)….my Evil Zen

Evil Joy here with a post on life, love, and the pursuit of my personal Zen.

So…summer is here.  I love summer.  I’m even loving the hot temps – snow is never far from arriving here so there’s no not loving summer.  I’ll go Evil on ya if I hear any of that crapola.

Being Evil Mom to four wonderful Spawn, Evil Wife to Dr. Evil, and Evil Friend to those fortunate enough to know me (and kind enough to continue to know me after all my Evil Crapola the last few many months) – all of those roles take a lot of energy.  Energy I am happy to expend.  Energy I would at times rather expend running.  Or reading.  Not cleaning.  Never cleaning…..

Due to previous statement, I’ve been desperately seeking my Evil Zen.  And my non-Evil Zen.  Side ways Zen.  Inside outside upside down Zen.  (Need a break from Berenstain Bears anyone?  Bueller?)  Any and all Zen.

And low and behold…while doing Evil Cleaning (may not want to do it, but it must be done.  I have spoken), I saw this……

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Now…I must really be desperately seeking my Zen …..  the universe heard me……

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to see a ying-yang in a spot of ketchup and mustard needing to be cleaned off my kitchen table.

Sweet Spawn left me a mess, but showed me the location of my Zen….in them.

EJ out – to paint nails with the Female Spawn (plus BFF of Spawn #3 – she’s moving away tomorrow  …  that’s a whole ‘nother post ) and enjoy my Zen.

Evil Chair…Yeah…it’s the Chair…..

Evil Joy here with a post on chairs, feet, stuck feet, and painful release of said stuck foot.

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Need I say more?  
 
 
Well of course I need say more – it’s meeee!
 
As if driving to Iowa with Eldest Female Spawn for a weekend of fun taking a turn for not fun wasn’t enough…..Mom of Evil Joy ended up in the hospital with a sore neck.  And no, it’s not because I’m a pain in the neck.  Bite me.
 
See, I’m going to be a Great Aunt.  Not just a Great Aunt – I’m already that…just ask me…I’ll tell ya!  My Eldest Nephew and his wife are having a baby!!!!!  So I’m going to be a Awesome Great Aunt.  (didn’t want to confuse any of you with saying I’ll be a great Great Aunt….)
 
And due to becoming said Awesome Great Aunt, attending a baby shower in Iowa is Awesome Evil Fun!  (Shopping for said baby shower even more Awesome Evil Fun!!!!!!)
 
Evil Silliness led to me running a 5K, attending baseball tournament for Eldest Spawn in our hometown, and then driving 5 hours to Iowa with Eldest Female Spawn.  All in 12 hours.  Tired Evil Joy resulted.  
 
Then the Evil Sore Neck for Evil Joy’s Mom.  Resulting in Evil Hospital Stay.  Resulting in Evil Joy sitting in my usual not normal fashion – criss cross applesauce, one leg crossed….any which way but the normal way is how I roll.  Resulting in…….
 
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After I was able to have a minute or two with no one in the room but Sleeping Mom of Evil Joy and Evil Joy, I was able to free my Evil Stuck Foot from the Evil Chair Claiming My Foot.  I had to wait until it was just the two of us as Evil Words were bound to escape my mouth as my foot escaped said Evil Chair.
 
So….Evil Chair.  Bite me.  Wait – you sort of already did that…don’t bite me.  Or anyone else.
 
Evil Joy – stop getting limbs stuck in places they don’t belong.
 
Mom of Evil Joy – Get out of the hospital.  Come hang out with Evil Joy.
 
EJ out – to begin a day of Scattering Joy to those fortunate enough to know me.  Bawhahahahahaha!

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