See…I need sleep. I crave sleep. I desire sleep. I yearn for sleep. I am deeply in love with sleep.
I don’t get much sleep.
There are these things called spawn in my lair. They see to it that I get interrupted every SINGLE EVIL LIVING night of my EVIL LIFE. They tag team me. They share the duty. Rarely is more than one up at once. Multiple spawn may awaken in one night – but in succession. Never all at the same time. Just one after the other, after the other.
On the off chance they all actually sleep through the night without getting up, opening their door, closing their door, closing the bathroom door, opening the bathroom door, opening their door, and finally closing their door….there are the furry spawn in our lair.
There are several deer, fox, other dogs, random cats, birds, and butterflies that MUST be BARKED at during the night. Usually around 1:30 am. Or 3:30 am. Or 1:13 am. Or any other time I am fortunate enough to be in a deep sleep.
I’m not even going to start on Dr. Evil’s snoring. Just know Breathe RIght strips are on my shopping list. (I’m pretty sure shin guards are on his shopping list as well.)
And insomnia – yeah – insomnia. There are no nice words for not being able to sleep when afforded the opportunity.
As a public service announcement I am issuing a warning. Actually several warnings.
Warnings from Evil Joy
- Do not ask me if I got enough sleep. I will a.)tell you why I didn’t or b.)throttle you.
- Do not tell me you get a full night’s rest every night and can’t imagine what not sleeping is like. I will just throttle you.
- Do not wake me up mid-nap. I will a.)yell at you and not remember it or b.)throttle you.
- Do not give my spawn any sort of caffeine containing product. Ever. Never ever. Never, never ever. I will send them to your house at 3am and let them wake you up, keep you up, and annoy you.
- Do not cross Evil Joy today. I am tired. And grumpy. And catching Littlest’s cold.
You have been warned.
Please advise my spawn, should you see them, to let me sleep. I tell them all the time. They tell me how wonderfully they’ve slept and I just smile, grind my ever sharpening teeth together, and give them a hug so they can’t see the look on my face.
EJ out – to await the opening of the clinic so I can take a sick Littlest in to see the doctor. (And if they wake up me and they’re sick – I’m not EVIL!!! I’m just mom. Albeit a tired mom, but a loving, cuddly mom who takes care of those she calls spawn.)
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