Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Tag: tears


Thank God it’s not Monday.  That’s a positive thing right?  If this morning had occurred and it had been a Monday…..Lordy J…..

Second Eldest Female Spawn.  You are my mini me in many ways.  We have the same temper and overreaction tendencies.

For example this morning you decided as it’s a balmy 15 degrees Fahrenheit you would wear a short-sleeved polo shirt with capri legging and no socks.

We're the Statues of LIberties

It’s not this warm yet Sweetie Pie!

Ummm. No.  Go put pants on.  And socks.  And bring a sweat shirt along.

You come down in slightly longer leggings (I think they’re your older sister’s so they are still capri leggings but on you they’re nearly floor length), no socks and no sweatshirt.

You had 15 minute warning of time to leave for the bus stop.

You had a 5 minute warning of time to leave for the bus stop.

No.  I’m not driving you to school.

No.  I’m not driving you to the bus stop.  It’s a balmy 15 degrees out.  You may walk the one-third of a mile to the bus stop with the four others leaving our house.

You got called out for skipping socks as you were putting your boots on.  “BUT MOOOOM!  It’ll make me be later than everyone else getting ready if I have to go ALL the Way UPSTAIRS to get socks and a sweatshirt!  I didn’t wear a sweatshirt yesterday!  She wore leggings yesterday that were short.  WHY MOMMMM?” you cried and howled at me.

You typically are the last one ready to leave even if you start first.  Staying on task while getting out the door is hard.  That is why I make you (all of you) lay out your gear first thing in the morning and why your homework goes into your backpack the night before once completed.  I’m trying to help you.

So when you sit in your room yelling and crying about having to wear socks, don’t expect a lot of sympathy from me.  Just don’t.  I will quickly and quietly assist you in putting on the sock you’ve been struggling with through your ridiculous tears, I will grab a sweatshirt, put it on you and zip it up.  After we get downstairs I will get your boots on your feet, your coat on your body, zip it up, put your hair back to put your hat on, slip on your gloves, and wipe your nose.

And your tears.

And hug you goodbye.  And give you a kiss.

And an extra cuddle since you seem to need it this morning.

And why am I so mean?  Because I love you.


EJ out – to send warm lovey thoughts towards that spawn – and all of them – today.


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Shots…or shoot me now….

Evil Joy here with a post on flu prevention.  Flu prevention and my Female Spawn.  Flu prevention, my Female Spawn, and the knowledge I’m going to need a stiff drink tonight.

So today is check up day for Eldest Female Spawn and Second Eldest Female Spawn.  And at yearly checkups, flu shots will be dispensed.


Last year Second Eldest Female Spawn managed to bite my finger (and no, I don’t know how my finger got near her mouth – it was all a blur).  Then she giggled and said – that wasn’t so bad.  Littlest Spawn kicked the nurse when she got her shot – not on purpose – just a reflex (ummmm….at least I hope that’s what it was) and didn’t shed a tear.  She just looked at the lady like, “You Suck.”  Then asked for her sticker.

Then…..there’s Eldest Female Spawn.  She turned 10 on Wednesday.  10 people.  10 years old.  Last year, she got her checkup, bawled through it because she knew there was a shot coming.  My at the time 6 year and 3 year old told her to “suck it up.”

The time had come.  For The Shot.  The Evil Shot.  In the arm.  Not the eyeball as her screams would lead you to believe.

Followed by another Evil Scream, the Evil Tears, the Evil Snot.  And the Evil Sobs.  Evil Sobs that continued for …. wait for it …. 2 HOURS!  2 HOURS – seriously – 2 HOURS.  She asked if she could be carried or wheeled in a wheel chair to the car.  And requested being excused from gym that day as well.  Yeah..no.

Shoot. Me. Now.

At least this time she isn’t crying yet.  She knows it’s coming.  I don’t surprise them or lie.  It’s all out there.  The little two are already telling her to “suck it up.”  (I think I need to find a slightly less offensive phrase to use with my spawn….)

So…if you don’t hear from me again it’s due to the flu shot.  The Evil Flu Shot and Eldest Female Spawn’s reaction.  And my incarceration.  For dealing with said spawn’s emotional ridiculous outburst.

I hope I get to report back that she was fine and the tears were held to a minimum.  But I’m not holding my breath.  She’s getting nervous already.  (And yes, I’m a compassionate mom and told her it’ll be alright….about 10 times then I turn into Evil Evil Evil Extra Evil Joy.)


Do your spawn react in a crazy manner to the doctor?  What do you do about it?


EJ out – to mediate so I’m calm when she’s stoking the Evil Sobs.


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(graphic source: blog.thepandaseffect.com)

Approaching….the Day is Approaching….

Evil Joy here with a post on …. well … the creation of … ummm … me.  And the intense weirdness that is me.

See…I thought I’d be calmer as the ‘D’ Days approached.  You know what…I’m calling them “E” Days…for Evil Joy in case you didn’t follow.

This morning it started.  Eldest Female Spawn’s birthday is on Wednesday.  The first night, or E1 as I’ll refer to it, happened the night of her birthday party.  She asked for cupcakes for school – like the dog ones my Evil Awesome Amy made.  Dr. Evil and I both said, simultaneously, “No.”  Quickly followed by, “You can have cookies or something else – not dog themed.  Okay?”  I immediately flashed to day E3 – his words to me….and mine to him.

And the Evil Freaking Tears immediately gathered in my eyes.  Seriously, eyes…enough with the Evil Tears.  Enough already…enough.

Mom and Dad of Evil Joy are here visiting.  (Yes, I was spawned too….)  Mom of Evil Joy and I went out for breakfast.  The discussion turned to the events of last year.  The emotional interactions, the fractured relationships, the intense feelings of helplessness on both of our parts.  Evil Tears threatened both of us.  But neither of us gave it – take that Evil Tears.

And now tonight.  Dr. Evil got home from work.  I had dinner made (amazingly – I don’t do that often).  I went upstairs where he had changed out of work clothes into his flannel Vikings pants.

Evil Vikings Pants.  He lived in those for a while.  He has two pairs.  I washed them everyday and took them back to the hospital.  Every single night I came home, gathered the kids, made sure they had their homework done (and they always did – I have amazing friends – homework done, dinner consumed, best behavior on for me), and got them ready for bed.  We laid out the next day’s clothing, packed bags, and gathered the outfits they’d worn that day.

And I did one Evil Load of Laundry.  Every Evil Night he was in the hospital.

Well…after the first two weeks he was in the hospital.  I didn’t leave those first days.  The suggested I didn’t leave at first because they just didn’t know.

Damn Evil Tears.  Go away.

So…I guess I’m warning you all.  The next three weeks may be hard for me.  You may see it here.

You may not.

I. Don’t. Know.

Damn Evil Tears.  Please give me a break.

I’m thankful he’s here.  I so very beyond belief happy overjoyed thrilled thankful happy ecstatic joyful Dr. Evil is with me.  With us.

And I’m scared.  Life is very precious.  And it changes in a heartbeat.  Or from a virus, infection, multi organ system failure.  From things out of my control.

Evil Tears.  Oh well….Evil Tears maybe aren’t so Evil.

They just …. are.

EJ out – to shed the tears that obviously need to escape.

Evil Differences…..

Evil Joy here with a post on emotional differences and temperaments between various Spawn I’ve hatched.

So…as posted yesterday Spawn #3’s BFF moved away.  Spawn #3 hugged me in the garage while sobbing and suddenly – she’s laughing hysterically?  Wise Spawn #3 said, “Mom – I just have to laugh – it’s too sad to cry.”

Wow.  I . Love . That . Spawn .  

She seemed okay.  Was putting all the female spawn to bed (they nest upstairs while Oldest Spawn nests down – downstairs).  Spawn #4 was flipping out because I would only read one book – not two.  I’m sure it had nothing to do with the fact it was nearly 11pm, she was sugared up, tired, overstimulated, and feeding off of Spawn #2’s emotional outpouring (I’ll explain that next…..).  I lean down to kiss Spawn #4’s sweet head and then reach up to plant a kiss on Spawn #3’s sweet head only to find….

She’s quietly sobbing in her pillow.  And she doesn’t want me to know.  She knows I’ll join her…. (Evil Heart broke into a million pieces for my sweet.)

Shattered Heart

Then…there’s Spawn #2 – otherwise known as Eldest Female Spawn – otherwise known as Helper Mothering Spawn – otherwise known as Drama Spawn.

See, All Female Spawn spent a lot of time with BFF’s family when Dr. Evil was sick.  A . Lot . Of . Time .   The Female Spawn bonded with the family and particularly the mom.  I know she was trying to protect them from everything when he was sick and gave a piece of her heart she knew would be hurt when she left.  In particular, Spawn #2 enjoyed hanging out with Mom of BFF.  

Spawn #2 was all tears this morning.  And last night.  Luckily she was tired and fell to sleep quickly.  I’m a little more Evil Joy and less Mom when she flips out as she’s more Drama Spawn than Spawn #2 (and I admit – A LOT like me!).  However, how can you not melt when your spawn cries.

Dr. Evil and I were discussing the differences among the Spawn.  I was thinking it but he said it out loud….basically how different the day will be when Spawn #2’s BFF moves to Seattle than yesterday when Spawn #3’s BFF left.  The Evil Drama Factor will exist at a much higher degree.


Evil Differences – keep on keeping on.  You make life interesting and each of my sweet Spawn the unique and perfect Spawn they are.  I love them as they are and want only the best for each of them.  Differences and all.

Sweet Spawn – we’ll make today a great day.  And tomorrow…to infinity and beyond!

Evil Joy out – to clean up the 4th of July debris – wait – that’s why I have 4 Spawn, right?! 


(graphic source : http://www.picturesdepot.com/images/10669/shattered+heart.html )

Evil Emotions…A New Take….

Evil Joy here with yet another post on emotions.  Evil Emotions….ahhh….the Evil Emotions…..

I’m learning and working very hard on living in the moment – Good Moment, Boring Moment, Fun Moment, Evil Moment, Sad Moment…whatever Moment may hit me.   And — in working on this – leads to realizing how many emotions are present in each day – heck – each hour……

And me, being Evil Joy me, many many many emotions are coupled with tears.  Good Tears, Boring Tears, Fun Tears, Evil Tears, Sad Tears…..  It doesn’t matter if I’m happy or Evil Mad….tears find their way out of my eyeballs at an Evil Frequency.  Even more since the Spawning of Evil Joy in November 2011.   Really – do Evil Tears not have enough attention in my life – with 4 spawn – and 3 Female Spawn – I seriously have my fill of Evil Tears…..especially when you add my own.

It’s also eye opening to realize how much people deal with day in and day out.  Working out at the Y – next to some women – they were talking about how one of their husbands passed away in November ….at Regions.  I had to leave that treadmill.  Too much for me to take.

A dear friend was ill and thought it may be staph…EVIL FREAKING STAPH….too much again – I approached Evil Panic way too fast.

Women tonight talking about little babies and NICU – how one had flat lined shortly after birth.  Again…the thought of loss just takes my breathe away in a different way than ‘before.’

Wow.  Evil Scary.  Evil Awareness.

Evilly Thankful for the outcome we live each day.  Bring on the Evil Emotions, Evil Tears, and Evil Whatevers.  Bring on the Evil Annoyances, Evil Toothpaste, Evil Travel.


EJ out – to go snatch anything and everything BROUGHT.

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