Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

They wrote this one for me…..

So yesterday….we did it.

We didn’t spend any money.  But we renewed contracts and all that crap.  And got new phones.  We ‘purchased’ Eldest Spawn his first phone.  I’m fairly certain he was the only 8th grader in our district without his own phone.  Or any phone.  Now, he is in the ‘in.’


In the process of purchasing said new phones, in order for us to walk out of there owing $0.00 we had the ‘chance to add’ a home phone.  A phone that stays in the house.  A phone that doesn’t work away from its receiver, at least not far from its receiver.  And I bit.   With little spawn about and sometimes one spawn babysitting the others, I like the idea of a line dedicated to the house.

I took it a step further.  And decided to get a corded phone.

And the hilarity ensued.

First, Kool Krazi Kristi and I had to find such a phone.  We walked all over the store and finally found them.  Wal-Mart had two to choose from…..white for $5.96 or black for $9.96.  I’m cheap.

We arrived back at the lair and you’d think we bought the coolest, most desirable new toy.  The spawn were going crazy for this $6 phone.

These are the actual phrases the spawn used.

“So, is this what you had back in the old days?”

“What is that noise?!?!  It’s so loud!!”  (dial tone)

“Ummm, what am I suppose to do with it?”

“Okay I dialed the number, where’s the send or call button?”

“How do I end this call?”

“Okay – can I text from this phone?”

“Where is the screen?  Where are the games?”

“Does it get text messages?”

“What’s an answering machine?  What’s a message machine?  Oh – you mean voice mail?”

“Seriously, I don’t get this.”

“How cool am I?!” said as she sat on the counter because the cord wouldn’t let her wander about the house.

“Please Mama, I’m begging you, teach me how to use this phone!  It’s so cool!”



Needless to say, I showed them how to use the cool, new house phone.  And they know it’s not for playing.  It’s amazing how they never thought about knowing anyone’s phone numbers?!  We have a list of “need to know” numbers and a list of “friends to play” with numbers.  I actually knew most of the numbers.  (Impressive, huh, huh?   I think so!)

Now I won’t be searching for my phone and find it under a bed when spawn used it to call a friend to play and then forgot to give it back to me.  I have the peace of mind knowing we have a phone in the house.

That is really freaking cool.


EJ out – to take Eldest Spawn his lunch on a walking tour of Hudson.  Luckily for him he got a phone on Saturday for the first time and it allowed him to go on said tour – teacher was given permission over the phone this morning (I signed that permission slip weeks ago….) and will allow me to find him along the tour and deliver his lunch.  With all the embarrassing love I can muster.  “Here buddy of mine.  Love you.  I packed your favorite treats!” followed by hugs and smoochies.  That’ll teach him.


Please click on the Top Mommy Blogs icon there on the right.  You’ll cast a vote for me at Top Mommy Blogs!  Thanks!!!

AND !!!!!!!!!!!  Come and meet myself and the amazing Michelle from You’re My Favorite Today. on 16 October!  Event details here!  Can’t wait to meet you!!!!


  1. OMG that is so funny!! I can’t believe you found a corded phone!

  2. Bonus for corded phones… in 2004 Hurricane Charley came through and we lost power for 6 days. Our corded phone worked the whole time…

    • Right?!!??! Tornado season… and the area we live in … we lose power frequently in the winter. Not for very long, but if the spawn were home alone…they’d be calling!!!

      Wow – 6 days?!?! That’s incredible – hope you have fully recovered!

  3. Haha! Never thought about kids not knowing the dial tone sound! And I AM impressed that you knew the numbers. I’m afraid I don’t know my mom or best friend’s numbers by heart. Shameful! 🙂

    • I only know certain ones – my mom and dad’s are the same ones we grew up with….the others…they are the spawn’s emergency contact people so I write their numbers 4 times each times 2 when school starts – burns into my brain. Plus…I’m a math person….love numbers…can’t tell you a person’s name but if they told me their address, I’ve got that down!!!

  4. I remember using those phones……when I walked to school, in 6 feet of snow, uphill both ways, barefoot.

  5. This is hilarious!! It makes me feel kinda old too haha

  6. Hahah. We’ve got a corded phone but only because it was required for the broadband. The actual phone is not in use because there is some problem with the cord and when connected it makes the worst high-pitched noise ever. Like hearing a screechy dial tone.
    It’s cool that your kids liked it and want to use it.

  7. OMG! That’s hilarious that they LOVED the ancient corded phone! I had no idea they still even made those. Thanks for being my Hooker at the Hump Day Hook Up

  8. I love that they thought the phone was so cool. Too bad you couldn’t find one with a dial instead of push buttons. I still remember dialing the phone–you’d get started, make a mistake, curse a lot, and have to start the whole long process over again. Made it difficult to win radio call-in contests…

  9. The boys got their phones after 8th grade. GirlyK is counting down the days until she gets one.

    The corded phone… I remember stretching the cord so much it had no spiral to it anymore. We have a land line and GirlyK refuses to use it to call her friends. She says it is “awkward.”

  10. Here from Hump day hook up….I read this before and it had me in stitches! I want to get a corded phone now… maybe even one with a dial…. omg that would be so cool.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

© 2019 Evil Joy Speaks

Theme by Anders NorenUp ↑