Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Those nuts are okay…..

Evil Joy here with a post on the strangeness that is our world.

So Eldest Female Spawn used to get hives all the time.  We tried to figure out what it was.  Nothing yielded results.  But when I told our doctor about where she got the hives – on her face, outside her throat and down the tops of her shoulders, she suggested having her tested for nut allergies.

Fortunately that test came back inconclusive.  We know peanuts are not the enemy.  Neither are pistachios.

However….when she’s eaten walnuts or pecans – she gets hives.  And on her face and neck.  The concern is if they are on the outside – are they on the inside too?  And if each exposure results in a stronger reaction from her will it cause to throat to swell?


Some tree nuts but not others?  Is this possible?  WTHeck?!?!

Okay…that’s super easy to manage.  No pecans or walnuts just to be safe.  And if she gets some – I have benedryl – in the car, in the truck, in my purse, in my gym bag, at the school office.

However Eldest Female Spawn likes to constantly question us whether or not she is allowed to have peanuts.  She’s 10.  She knows to ask before she eats banana bread or cookies with nuts.  Dude.  You eat PBJ all the time.  You can have peanut butter.  She asks at the store, she asks at restaurants.  She asks and acts very concern with that look.

The Evil Look that says, “I’m asking you a question I know the answer to.  I know it’s a silly question because I know the answer.  I know it’s a silly question because you as my mama aren’t going to intentionally feed me anything I shouldn’t have.  But I’m asking it to get your attention.  I’m asking it loudly.  In public.  Often.”

So I sound like the Evil Horrible Mom exclaiming, “You know which tree nuts you can’t have.  You know you can have peanut butter and Nutella.  You know how to read ingredients if you’re at a friend’s house and not sure.  Stop with the DRAMA!”

To which the pissy lady at Target says, “You should be happy she’s looking into these things and taking it so seriously.  With all the allergies these days, you can’t be too safe.”

Stuff It pissy lady at Target.  Seriously.  Stuff It.

Eldest Female Spawn gives me that triumphant look – you know the look.  The one that says, “Haha mama, see …. I’m right …. and an adult neither of us knows or will ever see again just validated everything I’m thinking.  And you know the next time I’m going ask again.  In Target.  Loudly.”

So…listen here Eldest Female Spawn, walnuts and pecans.

You.Shall.Not.Meet.  Those nuts Shall.Not.Pass.Your.Lips.

And if you do meet….I have benedryl to combat your arse.


EJ out – to check the expiration date on the benedryl.

Keep the hives away.  Vote for me at TMB by clicking on the juggling lady.  You can vote once a day.  Thanks!

(graphic source : agfoodsafety.org)


  1. I’m familiar with those looks. I hate those looks.

  2. Oh my, how I do “like” too the pissy no-matter-what-gender(s)…
    Preying around everywhere, ready to victoriously boot in everything, all the things, 👿😡💀😖, always forgetting that The #1 rule of successful parenting in and out of home is (to paraphrase your LOTR:-), “Thou shall not interfere in front of THEM children, even if your intervention MIGHT be justified”!
    These people seem to have a totally wrong understanding of the “abuse” concept, and feel entitled to see it everywhere and intervene everywhere. This reminds me of the classic reason(s) behind this sort of behaviour, very well depicted in the teacher/family/wife/eat your meat/get your pudding scenes from Pink Floyd’s The Wall; extrapolating one’s secret frustrations onto people who out of various reasons cannot afford to subdue them as they are in their own surroundings…
    I feel like driven nuts😜
    Christmas tree out, in from of kitchen window, Mrs. happy to have her own private pine forest outside!!!

    • Glad you have your window back!! I have a hard time with people interfering with my parenting when I am not doing anything ‘unacceptable.’ There are times I have changed what I would like to do due to being in public and fear of being reported – ie – stop fighting or you’ll be out of the car and walk the rest of the way home. Wish I could parent (and I’m a darn good one!) without fear of reporting or interference by others.

      • Oh, my! What a 😜! I wanted to write “… tree out, in FRONT of the…” and it came out “in from”, b***y iPad… So now I truly have my window back, and Mrs. has her one-pine-tree-forest outside!
        Good thought, unfortunately though, I myself come from where I wish no child would ever be, with scars and haunting memories… Because of these, our politically correctness driven societies have literally spawned all sorts of unwanted and unrequested, self-made vigilantes, a breed copied straight away from Pink Floyd’s The Wall, you remember the teacher scenes with the bullied at home (no meat no pudding) teacher, who tortured children in class just because they were weaker than the bullying wife at home😱
        Take care😇

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