Evil Joy Speaks

Spawning the next generation of evil genius, one misadventure at a time

Time…PTSD…Perspective

It’s funny how a series of events – when considered as a whole – seem crazy.  Then one moment or comment puts it all in perspective.  Or maybe a couple of comments.

(If you’re new to my blog – I am currently fighting off PTSD from all the events surrounding the creation of Evil Joy and Dr. Evil.  You can read about how it all started here and here.)

In the last 10 months I’ve started to deal with the emotions and consequences of all that happened.  Before I thought I was.  Been seeing a therapist for over a year.  But until 10 months ago I didn’t really accept I wasn’t dealing.  I was going through the motions and making the appropriate responses.  Now…I’m dealing.  (Sort of – the “currently fighting off PTSD” versus experiencing it…..well…yeah…that speaks to my attitude at times….)

Dealing with the reason ambulances make me cry.  Dealing with the fact that I ROCK under pressure.  Then CrUmBlE after – and over and over.  Dealing with crying – learning and ACCEPTING it’s okay to cry.  We went through a lot.  And once I quit trying to make it stop and accept the emotions – it’s not so bad.

I mean…what happened….that is the stuff of nightmares and horror movies for any wife and mother.  And if you know me  – let’s just say “worry wart” doesn’t even touch the tip of the crazy that is me.  And that was ‘before.’  Now…”worry goiter” may be a little closer to the truth.  Like this weekend.  Dr. Evil was fine all day on Saturday and we did some work at his sister’s home – helped get it ready for market.  On the way home – he started sneezing and was super congested.  Now…normally I’d be like, “Suck it up – you’re fine.”  Except not with him.  He never complains.  Ever.  So asking if he feels okay is pointless.  All night long I kept waking myself up checking to see if he was breathing.

Stupid.  But it’s my reality right now.  I am that crazy insanely worried woman.

And.  It’s okay.

..

Also in the last 10 months I’ve been at several medical scenes.  A friend experienced extreme low blood sugar.  Another collapsed at the gym.  Another was in a car accident where Awesome Amy and I were some of the first passer-bys to stop and assist.  And Friday I witnessed someone either have a stroke or seizure and drive their car down a steep embankment into a ditch…right next the interstate entrance ramp.  I was one of the first people down to the ‘scene’ but was too damn short to open the car door (it was locked and the window was down but I couldn’t reach).  Each and every one of these effing events had several police cars, ambulances and on occasion a fire truck present.  Before Dr. Evil and his ambulance and illness experiences, I would have been upset but not to this level.  It triggers everything all over again.

While each of these events occurred I was fine. My friend – the parent of someone in the car accident said, “If anyone had to call me, I glad it was Joy.”  I do well in pressure situations.  I function and do what needs to be done.  After.. I turn into a shaking sobbing mess.  And still am when I think about it.   So I’ve learned to accept the emotion, experience it and let it roll off me.  (Very zen of me, right?  Imagine me in the lotus pose looking peaceful….)

Zen Evil Joy with Required Coffee Producing Zen.

Zen Evil Joy with Required Coffee Producing Zen.

..

Anyway – Sunday morning I was at the gym.  I am stuck on an elliptical machine until the marathon – stupid IT band.  I am following doctor’s order to a ‘T’ (bowing at you IT band – you rule me….for now….ggggrrrrrr).  He said I should be fine to run the marathon – just do what he says.  That meant four – 4 – FOUR hours on an EVIL Elliptical Machine on Sunday.  I was okay with it.  I was wishing I could be outside just running 15 miles instead.  (That makes me a real runner now, right?  I want my ‘I’m a real runner’ badge!)

I ran into someone from my old gym.  Super nice gentleman.  Always a kind word and smile.  ALWAYS.  Told him about the marathon and he asked why.  I sort of had to ask myself that.  It’s on my bucket list for 40.  But the real reason why….Dr. Evil asked me if I wanted to way back in September or something.  And I made some flippant comment (no…I never do that…) about since he didn’t die and all….  My friend didn’t know what had happened.  I shared our experience.  And a few tears.

And it was okay.  It was really okay.  The first time in a long time I’ve been able to tell someone about what happened, been a little sad, and then…was okay.  I did my time – I mean my workout – and I was fine.

It’s all good.  Life is good.  Perspective is a beautiful thing.

EJ out – to enjoy today.

I’m clinging to the Top 25 Humor Blogs on Top Mommy Blogs.  Help a girl out.  Click on that juggling lady up there on the right.  If you don’t see her, click on the title of this post and that’ll take you to my site.  If you’re on a mobile device, scroll down all the way and you should see this talented juggling lady.  One click.  You’ll be taken to the Top Mommy Blogs website.  You’re done.  You don’t have to do anything else.  Thanks!!!!

23 Comments

  1. You have nothing to worry about with this post, my friend! I completely understand that you are writing about very deep, emotional experiences, and that alone is hard, muchness putting them out into cyber world! But this is a great post, and you HAVE seen some serious s___!! You’re dealing with it now, which is healthy, and it’s moving you forward, and that is fabulous!!! You said it yourself, that it’s ok. And it is!! I’m proud of you for posting this, and thank you for sharing it with us!

  2. I think s great that you can share how you’re dealing with what happened emotionally. It’s a journey and each one is unique but a lot of folks can see a bit of themselves in the stories of other, so sharing helps us all, I think.

  3. This WILL get easier. I promise. You went through some serious sh** and to expect you to just ‘get over it and deal’ is a ridiculous notion. You have a great husband and a wonderful support system, so lean on them, talk it out with your therapist and know that it WILL eventually get easier.

    • Thanks Teri. You’re an amazing part of that support system. Thank you for that too! Things are better – his being sick isn’t the focus of my daily breath anymore…and that’s a good thing….

  4. great post today Joy! I can relate – to handle things as they happen and when its over and everyone’s okay, then I break down.

    Just keep swimming!

    • Right?!?! Strong like bull is what my friend always says and I think of that while deal with stuff…and then trampled like bull when done…..

      Just keep swimming is my new favorite motto!

  5. To go through what you did and be able to tell all about it without losing it is remarkable. YOU are remarkable lady! Keep writing-that’s cheaper than therapy AND will help you through the PTSD. And keep in mind that you’re only human-we are only meant to withstand so much. Nothing wrong with losing it a little now and then. And funny thing, what Amy said to you is exactly what I was going to say-just keep swimming. Who’d thought that Finding Nemo would be so full of wisdom?

    • Nemo and Dory rock my world. We just watched that last week and I can see them singing it throughout the ocean.

      I think one of the weirdest things is people are okay with me losing it now and again. I’m the one who hates and despises not being in total control…Type A anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

      I’m so glad I found your blog!!!

  6. If you didn’t lose it once in a while, I’d think you were strange. Hugs!

  7. I’m in the early stages of this PTSD stuff myself, just finally realizing that is what is happening. I can’t live with the triggers anymore, they are making me crazy. I’ll be fine one second, and back in the bottom of the hole the next over silly little things that shouldn’t have the ability to do this to me. I wish you peace on this journey. And tissues. The good ones, because you know we’re both going to need boxes. <3

    • Kelley! I just saw this comment – I’m not sure why it didn’t show up sooner. I am grabbing that box of tissues from you and we can share. I am so sorry you’re dealing with PTSD – it seriously sucks the big one. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I will be fine….just going about my day. And then something triggers me. Could be a smell, a sound, anything…..and I’m back worrying about life or death. Or so seized by panic I have to pull my car over and wait for it to pass.

      It is getting better. Slowly but surely. Having friends who understand is huge. Seeing a therapist is a solution that works for me.

      I wish you well on this journey – I hope you’re doing okay. Today is a new day……

  8. Joy, wonderful to run into you yesterday at the club. Thrilled too to learn that your Family is moving forward together! Your blog is magnificent. So are you. Best thoughts to each one of you. Hope to see you again soon.

    • Thanks Barney! And…I’m guessing you know you were that “gentleman” I ran into at the gym…..so thanks for listening and caring. You are awesome!! See you soon!

  9. Blogging is wonderful therapy and yes, coffee is Zen. I admire your strength and I think it’s good and healthy that you’re writing about and sharing your experiences. That’s one of the mighty and wonderful things about blogging is finding a community of other bloggers you can share meaningful things in life with.

    • And you all rock. I know I say that a lot. But it’s true. I am so blessed to be surrounded by so many amazing people – in real life and in my bloggy life. So happy to have found you. And thanks for always hosting the blog hop – seriously wonderful stuff you’re doing there….

  10. Wow Joy, I am so sorry for your terrible times…and yet you are still moving forward. Your kids and hubby are well taken care of, you are writing, exercising…that is all really awesome and you should give yourself a lot of credit for that. You may crumble for a bit every now and then (um, and who could blame you), but you get back up and keep moving. Our family has a had a year like that as well, just when we come up for air, something else smacks us down. It brings comfort to hear someone else is bouncing back, it means there’s hope for me too! Love your blog…I’m addicted now!

    • Thanks Kim – and back at ya – totally following your every word. Can’t wait to sit tonight and read back through your posts. And you had me at farmhouses in Iowa – I grew up in Iowa and my dream is to one day buy an old dilapidated farm house and restore it. When I have the time, money…and oh, the knowledge. So someday…in the future.

      You can totally pop back up. You can do it. Hope all is returning to ‘normal’ – although I write about a new ‘normal’ a lot. New normal is good too. Boring is good. You can do!!!!

  11. Hang in there… I cringe at all sirens…. Just a part of a past here too!!!

    • thanks….some days are better than others…then some days are the others….

      hope all is well – can’t wait to hang out in your neck of the woods again soon! afton is awaiting!

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